Unsolicited advice...how to deal with it

Andiamo

Andiamo

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any advice on how to deal with unsolicited advice - other than to find a rich sugar daddy to buy me my own equestrian property so that I don't have to be on a livery yard anymore? By the way, I'm still working on this one ;))

After a great ride on my horse the other night, the armchair experts (might I add that these experts are completely unknown) who had been gawking in my direction decided to tell me exactly how I should be doing things, and suggested I should be riding my horse in a Rollkur style, and not "up" as I had been doing.

Now, Rollkur, and riding "up" are not the focus of this discussion...the focus is that the advice giver is a complete unknown, they don't know me or my horse, have never sat on my horse, they were not asked for their advice, and they don't ride especially well themselves. To be honest it really ticked me off. I went along with it, and said "yeah, yeah, maybe I'll try it sometime..." - when really I was really peed off and trying desperately not to tell them to p*** off and mind their own business. I think I am way too polite.

How does everyone else deal with all the self-proclaimed "experts" out there?

If you are riding at Grand Prix, feel free to offer unsolicited advice. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. Likewise for Osteos, Equine vets, Chiropractors.
Anyone else - keep it to yourself unless asked!!!
 
In my experience true professionals do not offer unsolicited advice, partly because they usually get paid for their advice and partly because they respect other people's right to get on with things however they want!

Perhaps you could say something like this next time and they will get the hint!!!! Other than that ignore them and enjoy your horse!
 
I agree. I think unwanted advice is particularly common on livery yards as the "cant keep opinions to oneself" condition seems particularly prevalent in horse riders! When I was a young teenager on a livery yard I occasionally experienced similar with far less experienced adults trying to tell me I was riding wrong and how to ride "right" :confused:. Sometimes they even tried to convince me to let them ride my horse :eek: after seeing them ride theirs my expression must have been one of horror. I think the funniest one was some hippy lady insisting I need to do parelli with my TB as our auras were mismatched and the bond not there and that with some work I would be able to stand bareback on him!! :eek: having seen her thrown off her cob the wk before whilst attempting this "harmonious" display of trust I was in hysterics :p. I dont mind if I am clearly struggling and someone with far more experience asks me if I would like some pointers or suggestions as it can be really beneficial to look at it from a different light, however just butting in is so rude! I probably wouldnt be as polite as you and wouldnt say that it felt good to me and thanks but I would let them know if I needed any help, if they continued I would put in a hint of rudeness. However that being said I dont think there is any excuse for telling them to F off or similar! much as you sometimes want too! :p.

I think finding a sugar daddy is the way forward :p:D
 
All you can do is smile in those situations and then ignore!

I do prefer the sarcastic reply but I do not livery with anyone so do not have to deal with people on a daily basis.

My response would be thank you so much for your help I had forgotten that rolkur will make a huge difference to my horse. It clearly has to your walk and trot scores.
 
Rollkur is unnatural and inhibits the horse's correct use of it's spine. But you don't need me to tell you that I'm sure! I feel so lucky having my horse in a yard full of grown-ups....
 
@becca1305 - great story about the hippy lady and your mismatched auras ! it made me laugh :)

@LEC - the cutting remark perfected - 10/10 on that one!! Ouch, I would hate to be at the receiving end of a comment from you ;)) Can I ring you for a nasty comment next time I need one? ;)

Maybe I need some sort of reverse hearing aide that actually blocks out sound?

Any sugar daddies on this site wanting to buy a nice girl her own equestrian property? - please apply by PM :) or maybe I should start a separate thread for this?
Please note, am also happy to move into an established equestrian property :))
 
kirstyhen said:
I have perfected the nod and smile whilst planning what to have for dinner. :D
Click to expand...

This^

At previous yard, YO herself felt perfectly comfortable leaning on the fence while folks were riding in the school and offering unsolicited advice . . . drove me nuts, although she meant well.

P
 
hi
It sad but most yards suffer from meddling know it alls!

if I don't respect the person giving advice then my reaction is to just say "Really?" and "interesting!" but I NEVER actually stop the horse or if on foot I don't stand still so as not to give them an opportunity to talk further. If you keep moving then they will be left speaking to themselves and then they look silly. Means you don't have to think up a smart reply for each comment.


Alternatively you say you'd rather stick with what your instructor is recommending work wise at the moment and it doesn't include that right now.

But I do find that keeping moving and wandering off is the easiest one to show your not interested and the meddlers can't point the finger at you for saying something rude to them. It will also send a message long term that you want to be left to your own devises.
 
Andiamo said:
If you are riding at Grand Prix, feel free to offer unsolicited advice. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. Likewise for Osteos, Equine vets, Chiropractors.
Anyone else - keep it to yourself unless asked!!!
Click to expand...

Personally, I don't feel this makes any difference...if you aren't asking for advice, nobody should be imposing it on you whatever their relative experience to you. If people didn't offer unsolicited advice quite so often and freely, particularly on livery yards etc, then I think more people would feel comfortable in actually asking for it when they need it!
 
Bluejazz said:
Alternatively you say you'd rather stick with what your instructor is recommending work wise at the moment and it doesn't include that right now.
Click to expand...

I like this comment ^^^^ - would like to say their faces when you say that ;) :D

On every yard there is a yard know-it-all, and unfortunately sometimes theres more than one especially on larger yards.
 
I just smile blandly and ignore. It's not worth getting wound up about IMO, I don't really care what those people think so to me their little comments go in one ear and out the other. I have to be in a really bad temper to answer back and it's used the perfect excuse to vent my days frustrations out on them (I'm mild mannered but when really pushed I have an explosive fuse) :p. That response
usually shocks them into silence :D.
 
on my old yard there were a few people like this and i have to say i used to let it really wind me up...but i've now realised that their opinion doesn't matter in the slightest- and i just smile and ignore...or if i'm really bored ask them why they think that- get them to really explain the theory behind the bullshit and i soon find that they stop talking :p
 
I'm really glad to hear it happens to everyone :)) it makes me feel better.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and advice :))
Feeling much better now, and feeling more equipped to deal with the next self-proclaimed-expert that offers unsolicited advice.
 
kirstyhen said:
I have perfected the nod and smile whilst planning what to have for dinner. :D
Click to expand...

I love that!

I listen to my instructor, the vets, the chiro, the physio, the trimmer, the farrier and the saddle fitter...

**some** people have previously just been told that when they pay all my horse related bills, then they will be entitled to tell me what to do. Til then, they can butt out.
 
It really does happen to everyone! Imagine what it must be like even for top riders to do their thing and then find out what everyone on the internet has to say about it. ;)

I'm with kirstyhen, firewell etc in the smile and nod school. :) I do often let people tell me their thoughts if I have time though as a) they might have something useful to say and b) I find if they feel they're done their best and I'm still not learning then they're more likely to think I'm an idiot and leave me alone. :D To be fair though, I'm so far off the wall people tend to come to that conclusion pretty quickly. :)

I get it more when I'm teaching - people do sometimes want to share their thoughts on a student's riding. I'm probably a bit surlier in those situations because it's not just about me. In that case I'm likely to enter into a full on discussion of my methods and reasoning until they're so bored they never even want to talk to me again.
 
Oh you could have some FUN with this one! I get very annoyed with it because it wastes my time. I once had to stand through such a long lecture (from someone I hadn't asked) that I only rode for ten minutes! That was worth a pre-6 am start, so as to be able to ride before work....

I think that you should produce a cracking non-sequiteur, along these lines:

Busybody: You ought to ride in rollkur."

You: "It's quite odd that moonbeams often float like marshmallows. I presume that it's because they are made of fish, but sometimes I wear them instead of pyjamas."

BB: "Er, rollkur is really beneficial for your training....."

You: "Could you please pass the soya beans?"

BB: "You know, rollkur really will help."

You: "YES! YES YES." He sent me a sawdust frog by sattelite, which means that my ears will make better gooseberry jam."
 
@ HotToTrot - aha!! great strategy! act like I'm completely bonkers, and no one will bother with me...I like it! ;) Will try it :)
 
I love HotToTrot's answer, wish I had the nerve! If I ever get pushed really really far I'll resort to "wibble wibble wibble" (Blackadder fans will get it) or "ah right, i'll try that" while thinking "lalalalala i can't hear youuuu" as i ride away...
Generally speaking though I am perfectly well able to justify what I'm trying to do and why, so anyone questioning me might get a bit more of an explanation than they bargained for... ;) ;)
must admit, it's one of the best things about having your own yard, not having any nasty whispering bitches watching and wittering on about what you're doing! the most opinionated tend to be the ones who stand around chatting for 3 hours, take 2 hours to muck out a stable, and then say "Oh, I don't seem to have time to ride today"... ;) ;) ;) that sort absolutely crack me up - they wear their breeches like a badge of honour and yet you NEVER see them get on a horse!
 
I should add to my original post that I don't actually have anyone on my yard that does this (does make me wonder if that means it's me!! :eek:) however we are all instructors, so probably work along the lines of 'I'm not offering advice unless someone's paying' ;) :D
 
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