Very delicate, regarding potential eating disorder

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HaffiesRock

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My OH is 6 foot tall and last year weighed about 15 stone. He decided to go on a diet and took up running to lose a few pounds. In his younger day he was a taekwondo champion and he wanted to get back to fighting fitness.

He's lost weight slowly and got to around 12 stone 4lb and stayed there, but the last few weeks he's taken it to the extreme. All he will eat is fruit. He counts every single calorie he eats and works out how many he is losing. He aims for negative calories each day. He is in a vile mood and anything I say or do is wrong. When we go in the supermarket he reads every single packet to see how many calories are in it.

He makes excuses not to eat anything and now wont drink anything with more than a couple of calories in. Tonight I made his tea (had to be under 300 calories) and he hasnt touched it. Its sat on the table, cold and hour later. Nor has he drank the juice I gave him. I honestly dont know what to do with him. We are going on holiday on Thursday and my first thought was he will be fine once we get there, but I think hes going to be a nightmare when we get back as he will have to lose any of the weight hes put back on.

What worries more than anything is the fact his mum is anorexic, and has been for years. She lives on coffee and nicotine and is exceptionally thin.

Maybe I am over exaggerating, but living with him at the minute is a complete nightmare as his mood is vile and every time he opens his mouth to speak its about calories, or weight loss etc. Hes down to almost 11 stone 7lb, which for a 6 foot man isnt much. He weighs himself daily, twice sometimes and I am very worried about him.
 
Maybe you should ask for this to go in soapbox - remember that NL can be seen by everyone - forum members or not.
Sounds like you are right to be worried. I have no experience so can't really help but just thought I'd bring the soapbox thing to your attention since its a private matter.
Hope it all works out ok xxx
 
I can't offer any real help here, I think it might be best to speak to a doc or maybe see if there are eating disorder charities online that could suggest something. What you describe does sound like taking things too far. Perhaps you could gently suggest that your OH might not be strong enough to exercise effectively? Men cannot even be dragged to the doctor in my experience, although that would probably be best. I hope your holiday helps to improve things. If he eats anything sizeable while you're away, that's a good time to speak to him. My OH is a lamb when he's full.
 
It sounds like you are really worried about your OH. I can't offer too much advice except that I think you should talk to him (carefully). You might find these websites useful (there are helpline numbers as well, so you could call up and ask someone about positive ways of starting the conversation).

www.b-eat.co.uk and www.b-eat-carers.co.uk

Sorry to hear you're going through this, but at least your OH has someone who cares about him.

Good luck.
 
Eating Disorders can often be linked to self esteem issues. Is he stressed out by anything, work, life, money etc. If there is an area in his life that he feels that he does not have control over then he may be overcompensating by controlling his diet.
 
MrsJ said:
Eating Disorders can often be linked to self esteem issues. Is he stressed out by anything, work, life, money etc. If there is an area in his life that he feels that he does not have control over then he may be overcompensating by controlling his diet.
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I second this and have some experiance of watching a man doing similar stuff it not just about the food try to ignore as much as you can and don't help is if he wants a 300 calorie meal let him get it himself.
Try to think what's behind this there will be something.
 
He is always stressed about something and has no self esteem at all. He thinks he looks fat when he really doesnt. He comments on what I eat too which is very annoying!

I went to to Burghley at the weekend and bought him back a cupcake. His response was disgust and something along the lines of "you know I cant eat that!"

Oh, he has an exercise bike too that he sits pedaling while watching the TV.
 
I used to suffer with eating disorder. I felt the need to control food as i was good at this- whereas in other areas i wasnt succeeding.

All you can do is express your concern (gently) but until he is ready to accept he has an issue (to you or someone else) there isnt much you can do. Took me years to accept people were right, i just thought everyone was jealous of how thin and great (so i thought) i looked. Try telling him how amazing he is just the way he is and that you dont think he should lose any more to try and boost his confidence.

Its a very horrible thing to have to deal with. My brother also had bulimia so i know you cant do much until they are ready to realize for them self. I have phoned the doctors regarding my brother but they cant do much unless you can get them there or they are so ill and painfully thin that medical intervention is needed> its a very secretive disorder to have; most people are ashamed to admit they have it aswell due to the stigma attached

Wish you all the best
 
SpottyFalula said:
He is always stressed about something and has no self esteem at all. He thinks he looks fat when he really doesnt. He comments on what I eat too which is very annoying!

I went to to Burghley at the weekend and bought him back a cupcake. His response was disgust and something along the lines of "you know I cant eat that!"

Oh, he has an exercise bike too that he sits pedaling while watching the TV.
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Hell I hate it when my OH comments on what I eat .
Not sure how to help but how about asking at the GP's and seeing if there's anywhere you can go for proper advice , other than saying I feel for you so much I think this might be beyond the forum .
You need to know the right things to say and do.
Good luck .
 
Google a thing called Transactional Analysis and the pillars of childhood, it will give you a broad understanding of how our minds work.

Its all about giving him as much positive reinforcement as possible. It's incredibly difficult watching someone you love be so destructive but no amount of nagging (not saying you nag) will encourage him to change his ways, if anything if will make it worse as he will feel more down about himself.

Although you can't talk to a doctor on his behalf, your doctor will be able to give you advice on how to cope and support him.

Good luck. xxx
 
Sounds familiar, not my OH though. Nothing you can do about it and getting yourself upset is counter productive.

I have been living with this sort of thing for about 4 years now. I've given up bothering.

Fill the cupboards and fridge with carboard food, Special K, fruit and low fat yoghurt works in my house. Dont cook meals let him help himself. Have a different cupboard for your food and dont be intimidated when you are bullied over what you eat.

I order takeaways for one now and dont offer to get two.

They need to work it out on their own.

You might find that you have to share your takeaway or your cupboard is raided which I take as a good sign.
 
I have struggled with eating disorders most of my life.

Seeking help for yourself from organisations is really good advice. BUT please tread very, very carefully. At my worst I was fiercely secretive and would have not only denied everything but got defensive and angry if anyone else had tried to point out what I was doing.

My advice is, get yourself informed on the issues, but don't broach it with him until you really feel the time's right. He has to decide for himself when he's going to face this.

Moving this to soapbox is a good idea. He could be shattered if he read it.

Try to be calm and strong and hopefully he'll turn to you when he's ready.

(((hugs)))) for you. xxx
 
Sympathies 2 u & the situation u r in but be aware the more u push him 2 talk bout it/complain bout it/ try 2 make see reason the deeper in2 it he may get as he needs the control.
Is there another person u cud get 2 talk 2 him some1 unrelated mayb as u may b 2 close/emotional 2 the situation but remember until he acknowledges he has a problem/wants help there really is not a lot u can do except be supportive.
Ps I hope I haven't offended u with anything here I just see it from a professional perspective thro my job.
 
I have no practical advice but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you. A very close friend suffers from anorexia, thankfully she is on the mend but you constantly feel like you're treading on eggshells and can't mention anything to do with food or the lack of it. Sadly I don't think there is anything you can do until he realises what he is doing to himself.
 
sounds like you need a good talk.
then he needs to talk to an expert.

tell him being healthy and eating healthy and keeping fit is of course a good thing.
But letting it take over your like affecting his temperament so there is a bad atmosphere is not good.

Good luck. hope you can help him.
 
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