Very difficult situation - sorry for the essay

[xMoodyMarex]

I have been undecided about whether to post this on here for quite a while, with it being a public forum.

To cut a very long story short, I had a horse on full loan (to me) with a long agreement in place. Due to a change in circumstances I could no longer continue with the loan. I was aware that it was my responsibility to try and find her a new loan home, before going straight back to owner. To put it briefly, a loan home was found, this didn't work out, then a new loan home was found, didn't work out again (for a different reason). She then came back to me, I tried to find a way to make things work out, she lived out 24/7 which she loved but she ended up only being ridden very occasionally, and this didn't suit her at all (I did try to find someone to share her with). All of the above happened over the duration of roughly a year and a half. I had been in contacted with her owner, but they firmly stated that they definitely could not take her back (not even with a months notice)

This mare means the absolute world to me, and I really wanted the best for her, her owner had told me that we would need to come to a decision ( ie implying that pts should be considered) or I would need to sell her. I had been trying to ride her as much as possible, but I had completely lost my confidence, I was having to force myself to ride and was a complete nervous wreck, and on one occasion I just ended up breaking down into tears as I was just so scared. To be very honest, I was quite scared of her, and I didn't think I'd be able to find her a good home to sell her to. In a regular routine with riding on a daily basis, she was an absolute gem and very docile, a very fun happy hacker. I had even hacked her over a motorway bridge on her own, with no issues. (Due to a fall in the past (before she came to me) she was suitable as a happy hacker, with occasional schooling on a loose contact and a bit of jumping. not suitable for any form of competition though) She was getting more bored and difficult to handle as the weeks went on, and I had become nervous about handling her outside of the field. I had a vet out to her for a work up, as I wanted to check that she was comfortable and still okay to be a happy hacker, and she also had her teeth checked. saddle had also been checked recently in her last loan home. Everything was a bit of a blur at this point, but I think I mentioned to the vet about her owner implying pts, but they said that she was still fine to be a happy hacker. A few others had implied pts should be a consideration, and I respected their views, but she is still a relatively young mare, with so much enthusiasm for life and so incredibly eager to please. She was my best friend, I really did care for her, when back in a routine she would have made an excellent ridden horse with someone that had plenty of time, she had so many years of fun hacking still ahead of her.

I did have her advertised on a re homing site, but things become more urgent as the field become very insecure (leads out onto a very busy road) and there was nowhere that I could move her to temporarily that I could get to on a daily basis. I was really desperate, and had been in contact with various rescues to no avail. A very reputable family run dealer was in the area dropping off a horse, and I had got in contact to ask whether they would bring her back into work, and find a suitable home for her. The fencing was getting worse by the day at this point. They said they would, and then came to collect her that evening. Once back in work, she would be an excellent happy hacker, and I thought she would stand a very good chance of finding a good home. I kept in contact with them, and after a bit of time they said she'd found a home with a friend of their's over in Ireland, and they assured me that she was in a lovely home.

I had made it clear from the beginning that I adored her, and that I hoped to have some form of contact with the new owners. However, they have said that their friend doesn't wish to have any contact with me (I have tried giving them my details to pass on to their friend) but with no luck. The fact that they have said she's gone to a friend of theirs, would suggest to me that they could explain the situation to them and see whether they could even just send me one photo. I have noticed her micro chip is also still registered in my name. I'm young and I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing, it has now been a few months and I just can't stop thinking about her and worrying about her, I'm just so desperate to know where she is. I fully appreciate that some people don't want to be in contact with previous owner, but literally just a one off phone call is all I would need to put my mind at rest. She went to them on the understanding that she'd be sold to a good 'family type' home, and there is no evidence of this being fulfilled.

I have tried everything, I know that she is out there somewhere as they said I may be able to buy her back (they came up with different reasons why I couldn't be in contact with new owner, and in the end said they'd see if I could buy her back) I would obviously do anything that I possibly could, but the asking price was far too much and there's no way that I could afford the asking price.

This mare was my first full loan horse that I have taken on, she was cared for to the highest of standards when with me. I took all the necessary precautions when taking her on loan (with the loan agreement) but I am fairly young and have obviously been far too naive. I feel that I have done everything completely wrong, and I'm at my wits end. I had intended to put this post on to see whether anyone had any suggestions on how I could go about finding out where she is, but it seems to have turned into a very long easy and I apologise for that

 

[webble]

Was the owner you had her on loan from involved in the sale?

 

[LaurenBay]

I really feel for you. What a horrid situation.

Firstly I'm sorry that the owners of this Horse let you down so badly. The Horse is theirs and they should have taken it back once you had given notice.

I would say to spread the word on social sites like Facebook and try to find the Horse that way. Unfortunately once a Horse is sold we have no say no in where the Horse ends up.

I really hope this Horse is ok. But I'm afraid there's not much you can do as new owners don't have a legal obligation to contact you.

I'm astounded the owners of this Horse when you loaned would not take the Horse back.

 

[xMoodyMarex]

Was the owner you had her on loan from involved in the sale?

no they didn't get involved, they left the situation with me to sort. the mare was out of work and needed a bit of time, I gave (wasn't a sale) her to them on the understanding that she found a good home (it is complicated, although they were technically her owner they hadn't paid for her in the first place, as she came from a rescue situation - mare's dam was the rescue, mare was born shortly after, so fortunately she never experienced the life that her mother had) I felt at the time giving her to the person to be bought back into work was the right thing to do, but i'm now having serious doubts.

 

[FfionWinnie]

It sounds like you had no choice and I think you need to concentrate on forgetting her and moving on to be completely honest.

Really she wasn't your problem to sort out and you did the best you could at the time.

 

[xMoodyMarex]

I really feel for you. What a horrid situation.

Firstly I'm sorry that the owners of this Horse let you down so badly. The Horse is theirs and they should have taken it back once you had given notice.

I would say to spread the word on social sites like Facebook and try to find the Horse that way. Unfortunately once a Horse is sold we have no say no in where the Horse ends up.

I really hope this Horse is ok. But I'm afraid there's not much you can do as new owners don't have a legal obligation to contact you.

I'm astounded the owners of this Horse when you loaned would not take the Horse back.

Thank you LaurenBay, I had sent up a facebook page to try and trace her but was concerned that the dealer she went to may start getting annoyed (I obviously wouldn't reference anyone, but I have no doubt that they would see the posts and get in contact with me)

 

[chrissy2014]

What happened with the passport? Did her owner send it to the dealer? Or did you have it? Its hard and i do feel for you and I do think the dealer is out of order seeing as the horse was given to him for free! But most dealers dont see horses as pets like us. So thinking you want contact is silly. Keep the facebook page going and if you want.... pretty wrong me saying this but phone the microchip company and report it as stolen. That way you may get some luck in the future. As I said it's wrong me saying this but I dont like dealers very much due to past experiences. Anyway the healthiesy root is to just forget all about her and think of her in a happy home. Xx

 

[xMoodyMarex]

What happened with the passport? Did her owner send it to the dealer? Or did you have it? Its hard and i do feel for you and I do think the dealer is out of order seeing as the horse was given to him for free! But most dealers dont see horses as pets like us. So thinking you want contact is silly. Keep the facebook page going and if you want.... pretty wrong me saying this but phone the microchip company and report it as stolen. That way you may get some luck in the future. As I said it's wrong me saying this but I dont like dealers very much due to past experiences. Anyway the healthiesy root is to just forget all about her and think of her in a happy home. Xx

She didn't have a UK passport (all her details were in spanish) when she came to me on loan, so I was the one who got her micro chipped and passported, so I gave her passport to them. Thank you very much for your advice xx

 

[WelshD]

The old owners were very unfair to put so much pressure on you to sort out a new home, horses are loaned for various reasons but usually one of the top reasons is that if you find for any reason its not working out you can give the horse back!

Its nice to have fond memories of a horse and to wish they were back with us but remember you spent over a year and a half trying (in the nicest possible way) to offload this horse and sentimental thoughts of having the horse back arent necessarily useful if the reality would be more stress. You'd need to find the money to bring the horse back from Ireland for a start

I gave away a very nervous pony last year and have just seen him being sold again. the pull on my heartstrings was incredible but I know deep down that it wouldnt be right to buy him back purely on the fear of where he may go next. As luck would have it he has landed in another good home, Sometimes its tempting to think that we are the best home for an equine but its better to put your emotions and pride behind you and trust that the horse will be ok and that there are others out there perfectly capable of meeting a horse's needs

There is no reason to believe that the horse will end up in a bad home, just that the new owners don't want contact (and some don't)

 

[xMoodyMarex]

Thanks for your post WelshD, to begin with I did trust that she was in a good home, and then someone who knows the horse told me that she has probably been sold on to another dealer and will just be passed from pillar to post. I think hearing this is what has made me worry so much about her. Just going to have to hope that this isn't the case, and that she is in a good home

 

[eggs]

Firstly the original owners were in the wrong. The whole point of loaning as opposed to buying is that the horse is ultimately the responsibility of the owners and you are quite within your rights to hand the horse back - it should not have been down to you do find someone new for her.

I think I understand that the horse has now been sold - I assume the owner received the money - so you really have no rights hard as it sounds. However if she has been loaned to the people who are supposed to be in Ireland then at the very least the owner should be able to make contact with them. I'm afraid it does sound a slightly strange story that they have given you so I can understand your concern but sadly when we make the decisions to sell a horse for whatever reason this is the risk we take.

It does sound though from your post that although you loved her she wasn't the right horse for you and you made the right decision to give her a chance elsewhere.

 

[Firefly9410]

This is a very woolly situation. I am not totally sure whether you were the owner or loaner of the horse. I know you say she was on loan to you but in that case the owner would have organised, paid for and registered the passport in their name. The owner would have been in charge of the final decision as to whether to PTS or not and would have been responsible for the sale or rehoming of the horse if you needed to end the loan. You say you were responsible for the rehoming or sale but you were not, not if you were only the loaner. I am thinking the horse was really given to you, not loaned, but you were not told of this.

You did not want the horse PTS which would have been the quickest and easiest solution for you and cheaper than paying livery for a year. Had you insisted on returning horse to owner it sounds as though she would have PTS. I do not see what else you could have done other than to pass her on permanently. You had tried loaning her out and that did not work. You gave to a dealer so of course they were going to sell her on and whilst a good dealer has their reputation to consider, they still will not be sentimental about who they sell to and their idea of a suitable home may be different from yours. You were not coping with the situation you were in and so I think passing to a dealer was the right thing to do, that way there is no come back on you from people claiming the horse was miss sold or anything like that which could have occurred with a private sale, if new owners got the horse home and found out they could not cope with her either. The only thing I would have done differently is I would have sold to the dealer not given away, as I believe you had been given the horse and it was yours to sell.

I echo others advice to let go now. Buying the horse back will not help you or the horse, unless the horse was in a bad situation and you wished to buy back so you could PTS. There is no indication this is the case though, the horse could be hunting in Ireland but not necessarily jumping. Or could have found the perfect hacking home. Talk of buying the horse back for a price you cannot afford at least means the horse has value and is not standing skin and bone neglected in a field. Have faith that there is a happy ending for this horse.

Keeping in contact with old owners is a difficult thing. I have a horse where I promised to stay in touch with the old owner who I liked and lives local. I had thought it would be on a friendship/aquaintences basis but all offers have been ignored and she only wants updates about the horse. I feel a bit used tbh and pressurized. I only really want visits to see the horses from people I consider friends because horses are my relaxation, I do not want old owners turning up with their friends to visit so have decided there will be no contact. Maybe your horses new owners are wary of starting contact not knowing where it will lead? Especially when you seem to regret the sale and cannot let go. The horse may have changed hands a few times, cheap or free horses are often bought as projects to sell on and perhaps people do not want to deal with your potential upset over that. I would not take it personally I think they are just protecting themselves and trying to get on with their life and enjoy their new horse.

 

[Palindrome]

I think that the dealers don't want you to get in touch with new owner as they don't want to divulge that they got her for free and that she was born from a rescue horse, they probably sold her as a fantastic dressage schoolmistress

 

[QueenDee_]

Sorry for the situation you are in, it is a horrible one to find yourself in. I agree with what others have said, it ought to have been the loaner's responsibility to take the horse back when you could no longer care for her- the point of loaning a horse is that the owner retains responsibility for the horse.

However unfortunately when a horse is sold you have to accept that it is no longer yours. I try to keep in touch with those who I've bought horses off, sending them the occasional update when we do something of note, however a lot of people do not do this and unfortunately you cannot dictate whether they do. I too had to sell one of mine which I would have liked to have kept (I bred him), he has consequently been sold on and I have lost touch with him. Though I think about him often, I haven't pushed for his new owner's details, my details are in his passport thus they could get in touch with me if they ever wanted.

Just because you lose touch with a horse doesn't mean they're in a bad home, some people find that when old owners contact them about the horse it can be a bit invasive. Don't torture yourself by worrying or regretting the decision you made, you clearly care for the horse and did the best you could in the situation you had.