Very down today, feel that I'm failing with Mollie.

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FionaM12

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I’m feeling like I’m getting nowhere with Mollie, much as I love her. I’ve had her since June and I told myself I’d give us both a year to settle together, but halfway through that time and I still daren’t ride her on the roads. Very soon, the ground will be too wet to ride on the farm. With no winter turnout, she will need the exercise. I’m worried.

The problem is still our combined nervousness. I’ve ridden her every day this week round the farm and in a small uneven grass paddock we use as a school. Yet today, because there was a slight wind, she was shying, napping and skittering around and by the end of an hour I was completely depressed. How can I take her on the roads like that?

I think she could be a different horse with another rider. I was riding out happily for 2 hour hacks on a borrowed horse before I bought Mollie, but I haven’t any confidence on her. Although I find her lovely to handle in her stable, we’re not a good combination when I’m riding her.

Due to me being “out of horses” for so many years, I don’t have any horsey friends round here to help me out. I've no way of getting her to another yard for lessons and there’s nowhere to have lessons on the farm. I keep thinking of changing yards but where she is is near my house and cheap, I’m not sure I could afford to move.

I don't want to sell her but today I feared it might come to that. I realise that it may not even be possible to sell a 17 year old in the current market. Generally, I get animals and keep them for life, but if I can’t resolve this, I may have to part with Mollie.

Please don’t give me a hard time, I feel bad enough about this. I know no-one likes an older horse to be sold, but if I’ve bought the wrong horse, I may have no choice.
 
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She is a lovely looking horse, if she is priced right I am sure she would sell.

Horses aren't selling well whatever age they are, but if you price her realistically I expect someone will want her.

Just try to make sure she gets a good home, horses end up in terrible circumstances whatever there age but as long as you are honest about her issues with any potential purchaser she has as good a chance of landing on her feet as a horse half her age.
 
Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that- I can see from your previous posts that you really love her.

Are there other people at your yard that you could hack out with? Or might you advertise for a rider to hack her out for you? If you find someone who is confident (maybe a teen / uni student) to take her out, then you may find her confidence will increase too. Is walking her out in hand an option?

I really hope this is just a blip; and I really hope you feel better soon. Are you able to transport her anywhere for a lesson every few weeks at all?

Just a few ideas there for you. I'm sure you'll get tons of good advice. You aren't failing, you are just going through a rough patch.
 
If you want to give her and yourself a good chance, then I suggest you do move her to a more professional yard, just for the winter. Find somewhere with good hacking and professional trainers on-site. Tell them about your fears and problems. You are nervous, so the pony is nervous and you are just going around in circles, you need a good trainer to work you both through these problems and you will crack it. A winter tucked under the wing of a good yard and you will be able to take her back to the yard that is more convenient next summer.
 
sheep said:
Are there other people at your yard that you could hack out with? Or might you advertise for a rider to hack her out for you? If you find someone who is confident (maybe a teen / uni student) to take her out, then you may find her confidence will increase too. Is walking her out in hand an option?

Are you able to transport her anywhere for a lesson every few weeks at all?
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I really thought there would be people to hack out with, it's a big farm with loads of DIY liveries. However, I haven't found anyone. Either they don't ride their horses (quite a few like that!) or aren't very friendly and don't seem to want company.

The farmer has some horses and takes people out on hacks, but he goes out after school time in the dark. I could tag along, but I don't want to ride in the dark.

As for transport, I don't have any but I could ask around.
 
I don't think you're failing, just struggling with your nerves;) And this time of year is always a crap time, dark evenings which make everything seem such a rush and hard work. Don't rush into anything you may regret, see if you can find a riding partner, if not then try some in hand walks out on the roads to give you both confidence:)
 
You have come a long way with Mollie from when you first posted, now you are heading into winter which is never the easiest time let alone when you are still a new partnership, so dont feel too down.
The lack of turnout will potentially be a problem, she will need exercise and may get more fresh even with daily riding. Does the yard have no turnout or arena to use and if not what do other people do.
Can you find anywhere that does grass livery, it would be easier and cheaper than keeping her in 24/7 and possibly someone to ride with or better riding generally.
Is a sharer an option you could consider so that if she was a bit further away they could do her a few days a week and that would ease the pressure.
She looks like a lovely girl and so much better than when you first had her, I am sure she could be found a new home if that is the best thing for you both.
 
BigRed said:
If you want to give her and yourself a good chance, then I suggest you do move her to a more professional yard, just for the winter. Find somewhere with good hacking and professional trainers on-site. Tell them about your fears and problems. You are nervous, so the pony is nervous and you are just going around in circles, you need a good trainer to work you both through these problems and you will crack it. A winter tucked under the wing of a good yard and you will be able to take her back to the yard that is more convenient next summer.
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^^^ this. I've had a really long break from horses and have just bought my first pony (in my forties, making up for lost time lol). I've bitten the bullet and am on part livery at a yard with excellent facilities and a fabulous yard owner. It really helps my confidence that there are other people aroudn to answer my stupid questions, and give me a hand when I start hacking out (this weekend will be first time). I will go DIY eventually but starting this way has meant I don't have to worry about what I do right or wrong, and I'm learning lots.

I think if I had gone DIY without all this help and advice on tap, I would feel far less confident.

I hope you find a solution. She looks like a lovely pony.
 
I think your confidence would come up if you could find a yard with more facilities and liveries to ride with at least some of the time. I wouldn't give up on your mare just yet, I would suggest looking for somewhere else to go, either permanently or to put your mare into schooling livery for a short period to get the pair of you hacking confidently, if you can't find somewhere suitable I would find a freelance instructor who can come daily/a few times a week for some intense input and get you hacking out more confidently. The chances are that there is a more suitable yard somewhere nearby that you don't know about yet, so ask everyone you can find - instructors/farriers/tack shop assistants/riding clubs and put wanted ads up as well, in your local horse places and online.
 
BigRed said:
If you want to give her and yourself a good chance, then I suggest you do move her to a more professional yard, just for the winter. Find somewhere with good hacking and professional trainers on-site. Tell them about your fears and problems. You are nervous, so the pony is nervous and you are just going around in circles, you need a good trainer to work you both through these problems and you will crack it. A winter tucked under the wing of a good yard and you will be able to take her back to the yard that is more convenient next summer.
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This is an option I'm going to look into. The cost is an issue though, such yards are enormously more expensive.

There's no guarantee I'd be able to move her back to the farm afterwards, the farmer will fill my place, of course. Also, it took her ages to settle, so I was hoping not to move her.
 
I have helped a number of local people around here and also when I was in London that have had issues with riding on the road by themselves by regularly going out with them on my steady cob.

What I would suggest you do is put up some notices in the local tack shops/feed merchants asking if someone would hack out with you. Also ask the farrier if he knows anyone (that is how one of the people I helped found me and we went on riding for years).

In some cases I used to box my horse over to them and then we would go out for a gentle plod. I used to enjoy it as I would ride in different places.

Best of luck.
 
Don't feel that you are failing Mollie. This time of year is a nightmare if you don't have access to a school, turnout or both. Like others have said, you might feel less pressured if you could find somewhere with more support, and that simply means the right kind of amenities as much as helpful people.

You need to give yourself a break. I have had massive confidence issues getting on my youngster, but finally today, I hacked him out with company and we were fine. I have used everything from Rescue Remedy, Pax, animal communication, all physical checks and professional training for him and lessons, for myself. It's paying off now, but it has been a long road.

If you can find somewhere with more amenities, you will give yourself more of a chance to succeed.
 
be positive said:
Does the yard have no turnout or arena to use and if not what do other people do.
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We can put our horses out in a small rough paddock, just while we muck out. Many of the horses are unbroken babies or retired so aren't ridden. Some are perfectly rideable, but their owners don't ride them, which I don't really understand!

OldNag said:
I've had a really long break from horses and have just bought my first pony (in my forties, making up for lost time lol). I've bitten the bullet and am on part livery at a yard with excellent facilities and a fabulous yard owner.
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Again, the cost of that might be a problem to me. I wasn't nervous about owning even though I'm 55 and had been out of horses for 35 years (:eek:) as I'd owned a horse before, in the 1970s.

I really hadn't expected to find riding her so daunting, of course.

Bethie said:
if you can't find somewhere suitable I would find a freelance instructor who can come daily/a few times a week for some intense input and get you hacking out more confidently.
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My problem here would be the lack of an area on the farm for a free-lance to teach me on. See my original post.
 
FionaM12 said:
My problem here would be the lack of an area on the farm for a free-lance to teach me on. See my original post.
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Didn't mean "a lesson" I meant to get you hacking ;), I freelance and I'd have no problem going and walking out with someone in your situation, or riding out either on the client's horse or another to accompany you.
 
I've had my gelding since April and he is my first horse although I am in my 40s. He is not the easiest of horses though he has not vices - just green and spooky. We have got on great but I am very weirdly confident about hacking out on my own and things. But what has made a large difference to me is having nice support.

My yard is small but the lady who owns it is so reassuring and will answer any question without laughing at me. If I wanted she would ride out with me but I actually like riding alone. I have an instructor who is lovely and advises me on all issues.

If you want to keep your horse, I would advise looking around for a yard that will give you more company and support.

Good luck
 
If you weren't the other end of the country I'd happily bring one of mine to help you get out / come and try and help :(

I don't think you're failing - everyone has doubts, especially at this time of year. Well I think everyone does - I certainly do :eek:

I really recommend trying to find grass livery at a yard with better facilities - it will be a lot cheaper than keeping her in all winter - no matter how cheap the livery :D I'm sure she'd be fine out - my 18 y/old lives out, many people winter older horses than her out on here too :) If she's out there's less pressure on you to ride her and she'll be less worked up when you do. You can pick somewhere with a school of some sort to help, off road hacking and ask other liveries when you go and look round if they like hacking / want buddies - maybe someone on here could even recommend somewhere and take you out?

Failing that, try to find an instructor who will take you out on a hack with another horse / on foot / ride her for you or a teenager to give her some work.

Good luck!
 
Perhaps find a good rider and/or sharer who could get Mollie out hacking/riding in the fields. This should give you confidence knowing she has been out hacking and is happy and settled.

They may also help with costs if you are happy to share 2/3 times a week.
 
you said that you only have a rough area to turnout whilst you muck out- sounds like maybe shes got too much energy and is fresh which defo not help with hacking quietly to give you confidence! is there any way you could just cut down to her having no hardfeed just haylage/hay for a couple of weeks and lunge her twice a day before you even think of riding again?:)
 
Ibblebibble said:
I don't think you're failing, just struggling with your nerves;) And this time of year is always a crap time, dark evenings which make everything seem such a rush and hard work. Don't rush into anything you may regret, see if you can find a riding partner, if not then try some in hand walks out on the roads to give you both confidence:)
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I agree with this. Walking out on the road (with all the relevant safety gear such as her bridle, your hat and plenty of hi-vis) is a great way to build a bond and help you to trust each other while you are out. If it helps your nerves, you might even be able to get a non-horsey relative or friend to walk with you a few times and then eventually progress to riding her while they walk with you. She looks a lovely type and I'm sure your partnership will "come good". It is a crap time of year and everything will look better in the spring.
 
Don't beat yourself up at all. You are hacking her within your comfort zone - all you need to do is expand that zone. They way to do that is is baby steps. Difficult at this time of year, but select a day where you feel confident and the weather is good. Go on a new route and plan in your mind that you will ride for 5 minutes, and once you have walked out for 5 mins get off and lead her home. The next day, add 2 minutes to your hack, and before you know it you will be happily hacking out for as long as you want to.

Before I got my current boy (11 years agoO) I had a manic horse who totally destroyed my confidence, and when I got my current lad although I trusted him he was a scarey spooky boy. I used the above method and will now trust him anywhere.

Good luck - you can do it. xx
 
archiepoo said:
is there any way you could just cut down to her having no hardfeed just haylage/hay for a couple of weeks and lunge her twice a day before you even think of riding again?:)
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She only has a scoop of feed (high fibre, low sugar) to give her magnesium in. Other than that, just hay.

Lungeing is proving a problem! I tried lungeing her (in a headcollar) but she acted like she didn't even know what was wanted of her and we didn't get very far. Also, the same applies as with the off road riding: to lunge you need a space to do it in! Just about possible in the "school" :rolleyes: at the mo, but after more rain, it'll be too boggy/slippy.
 
I have not read all the other posts but by the sounds of it she is not malicious in anyway just nervous generally, so if you really would like to keep her why not do more ground work and decensitising this would help immensley with the leadership and confidence issues for you both. I have done a lot with my guys and it is such a rewarding experience. Check out some of the natural horsemanship stuff and take a little from each one, I find Kelly Marks stuff really good, but for a systematic no nonsense approach I do like Clinton Andersons respect on the ground series and add a pinch of female sensitivity because he can be a little harsh but as far as an easy to follow learning programme is concerned for us novices its a great tool to have. Good luck
 
Forgot to add..She is rather lovely and if your were to see I am sure you would not have a problem. Is that dually halter you have on?
 
Daisy2 said:
Forgot to add..She is rather lovely and if your were to see I am sure you would not have a problem. Is that dually halter you have on?
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Yes, when I first bought her she was scared of coming in from the field and took off when I was leading her so I bought a Dually on ebay. It did the trick!
 
Why can't you have lessons at the yard - you don't need a menage. A field would do and after all it is around the field that you are having problems.
 
FionaM12 said:
Lancaster.
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Shame your not abit closer to me (2 hour round trip i'm afraid) or i would have come over to give you some moral support and a helping hand. Sounds like you may need some one on the ground giving you the confidence you need. I feel that you would really benefit from this a couple of times a week.

Anybody else nearer to Lancaster?
 
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