Very down today, feel that I'm failing with Mollie.

Mahoganybay said:
Shame your not abit closer to me (2 hour round trip i'm afraid) or i would have come over to give you some moral support and a helping hand. Sounds like you may need some one on the ground giving you the confidence you need. I feel that you would really benefit from this a couple of times a week.

Anybody else nearer to Lancaster?
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Yes - I have PM'd her.
 
BonneMaman said:
Why can't you have lessons at the yard - you don't need a menage. A field would do and after all it is around the field that you are having problems.
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We're not allowed onto the fields at all. Tbh, they are so muddy they probably aren't fit to ride on anyway. There's just one little area which is designated for riding, it's refered to as a school but it's also pretty muddy. It's grass, the farmer says there's a sand track but I can't see it! It's already slippy and heavy going, soon it will be unuseable.
 
Thanks for the support and hugs folks.

Today's been a low point. I find myself thinking round in circles: I don't want to move her, but progress is painfully slow. I can't afford to bankrupt myself and all my ideas seem to involve more outlay. So I come back to thinking carry on as we are. But today it just felt I was getting nowhere.

I realised Mollie is not what I really wanted fairly early on, but wanted to give her the best chance I could and of course in no time I'd fallen for her. Thinking I might have to sell her made me so sad, and somehow the fact that someone actually thought I'd been trying to grab free advertising with this appeal for help, was the final straw.
 
I have no idea why the thread was pulled, you were asking for reasons to not sell rather than advertising:confused:
I remember your first post and felt then that Mollie was probably not the right pony for you but that you really wanted to make it work.
You are in the situation that many first time owners find themselves in, through no fault, that you have no real support within the yard, you feel alone making choices for yourself and the horse and constantly worry about getting it all wrong:eek:.
Costs have to be taken into consideration, there is always more than you expect when first looking into owning a horse, but I would look around there may be somewhere else, a small private yard rather than a livery yard, many owners would like an extra income and be able to do a swap of some type to cover some rent. An advert in a few local feed stores or tackshops may be worth doing, you may find a sharer through that route also or someone that would be interested in loan possible view to buy.
You just need to gain some confidence, take up the offers of help that I am sure you are getting by pm, I am too far away so will not be offering, but would if you were nearer, you would be welcome to livery with me.
 
Hi Fiona i also suffer with nerves after a bit of a fall last summer.
I was very lucky that a friends daughter came out hacking with me.
She was brilliant and very happy to go at the speed i dictated, it did wonders for me, and the better my nerves got the better the pony behaved.
Maybe you could find a hacking buddy as someone else said, or someone who could ride yours while you rode theirs, so you could see how your mare went while out on the roads.
One thing i have found is a lot of horses are more settled out on a road/lane more than in a field, a lot asociate field with fast work, and get wound up, so you may find she is better behaved out.
I do agree with those that have said you would be better off if you could find somewhere with 24/7 turnout, as she is onley going to get more hyper kept in.
Good luck and i hope you find a solution.
 
Hi Fiona, I'm so sad to hear that you are having a bad time with Mollie. I do not frequently comment on this forum, but often read your comments and think they are some of the fairest and most balanced replies given. You are obviously a kind, caring person and have the best interests of Mollie at heart. Good luck with finding some help. I got back into horses in my 40's and it is harder as we are not as brave as these young ones! I had a lovely instructor who offered to cycle with me to build up my confidence as I rode, and then was lucky to move to a yard where another mature lady rider took me under her wing and escorted me on rides. We did so much chatting that I forgot to be nervous! I wish I was closer (I'm in Somerset) as I think we would be a good team. Good luck x
 
Fii said:
One thing i have found is a lot of horses are more settled out on a road/lane more than in a field, a lot asociate field with fast work, and get wound up, so you may find she is better behaved out.QUOTE]

I have found this the case with both my boys, if I ride in the field they get more wound up, which makes me more nervous, which makes them worse etc etc, but riding out on the road is much better, it gives us both a 'purpose' as we have a particular route we are riding. To start I 'walked' him out on the road, then I rode while my OH walked next to me on the road, and now we hack out on the roads fine.

If you can get someone to walk out with you while you ride, you might find that works. I had my OH carry a lead rope in his pocket just in case everything got too much and he could take over (I'm not proud!), but in the end he never needed to.

All the best, keep your chin up. I have to say my first horse was most definatley not the right decision, I even put him up for sale for a while about 6months in, but now Im a couple of years down the line I'm so very glad we've still got him, the bond with him now is very special. Perhaps the lower the lows and the harder the 'childhood', almost the better the highs and the relationship with him is.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best, it's so terrible being stressed about this kind of thing. I remember feeling guilty as I'd dreamed of owning a horse for so many years, and then rather than it being perfect it was upsetting and very stressful, as it sounds like you understand! xxx
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I sympathise with your situation – I also had horses when I was younger, but have had a large horseless gap since. *always feel I shouldn’t really be commenting on HHO as I don’t currently own a horse...* I intend to buy a horse next year but have similar worries about having lost contact with horsey friends etc. I think if I was in your situation I’d want to make 100% sure there isn’t someone at your current yard who would love a hacking buddy but has presumed no one is interested. That’d be awful if there were two of you in the same situation but unaware of it! :) As has already been suggested, could you get an instructor/professional to get her riding out and/or accompany you on some hacks to get you going? It might be worth sticking an advert in local tack shop etc to see if you can’t find someone outside your yard to hack out with? I guess now isn’t really a great time to be thinking about selling; wrong time of year and possibly will be difficult to allow prospective buyers to try her in wet fields. So, I’d make a concerted effort to get hacking out now and if this is really not working, either consider moving her to a yard with better facilities/support, or even perhaps turning her away for the winter? - I appreciate this may involve moving somewhere anyway (with lots of grazing). Hope you feel better about things soon.
 
TickyTavey said:
I guess now isn’t really a great time to be thinking about selling; wrong time of year and possibly will be difficult to allow prospective buyers to try her in wet fields.
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No, even though I feel a bit beaten at present, I'm not thinking of selling right now. I just began to feel, it really might come to that.
 
EllenJay said:
Don't beat yourself up at all. You are hacking her within your comfort zone - all you need to do is expand that zone. They way to do that is is baby steps. Difficult at this time of year, but select a day where you feel confident and the weather is good. Go on a new route and plan in your mind that you will ride for 5 minutes, and once you have walked out for 5 mins get off and lead her home. The next day, add 2 minutes to your hack, and before you know it you will be happily hacking out for as long as you want to.

Before I got my current boy (11 years agoO) I had a manic horse who totally destroyed my confidence, and when I got my current lad although I trusted him he was a scarey spooky boy. I used the above method and will now trust him anywhere.

Good luck - you can do it. xx
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Nice reply, I agree - where are you, I would meet you for a hack my boy would love your little lady!
 
If you got a paying sharer in, say 3 days a week, would that enable you financially to move to a bit more of a focused yard with facilities to ride through the winter?

I was really nervous when I came back to riding after a 15 year break.
I gave myself little tiny goals each week - like "this week I will get on and walk around manage" It really helped because I could see that I was moving forward, albeit with tiny steps!

Have you thought about joining your local riding club? ask at local tack shop they probably know who to get in touch with to join. Our local club has loads of people of all different abilities in it and it's really good for building a network of horsey friends. I've met people from just down the road who I didn't know existed before!

Ask around on your yard - it maybe that a lot of the people who don't ride don't because they are nervous too or haven't got anyone to ride with.

I won my first ever rosette two years ago ( none since! ) at the age of 35!! I couldn't have done it without the support from my horsey friends.

I know you feel down now, but try looking back to this time last year to see how far you have come.

Good luck and big hugs :)
 
Hi Fiona, sorry you are feeling low. I think you really need to find a yard with better support and facilities, and daily turnout.

If you are worried about cost consider a sharer or working livery. We have a few people on our yard who get very cheap livery in return for allowing their horse to be used for lessons. It keeps their horses occupied and their costs down and they get lots of support.

Alternatively look for a sharer to help with the costs and jobs.

But I think you need to move. You need the turnout, the support and some lessons.

Good luck, and don't give up. You will get there.
 
oh that may be a little far to travel for a Saturday morning hack, I'm in Warwickshire lol :) don't be hard on yourself I had a horse OLWVTB, that absolutely shattered my confidence when I got my new horse I jumped if he even sneezed took me a while to get some confidence back and I'm still absolutely petrified about jumping. You'll get there whether its by finding a nice hacking partner or a new yard etc just remember all the nice stuff you have done together even if its really stupid mine today was he neighed when he saw me when I went to get him in from the field.
 
moosea said:
I know you feel down now, but try looking back to this time last year to see how far you have come.
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A year ago, if someone had told me I was going to buy a horse, I'd have told them that was ridiculous!

Five years ago, if anyone had said that, I'd have answered that the biggest sadness of my life is that I'm so allergic to horses I can never go near them again, and hadn't been able to since about 1976. In that year, contact with my horse nearly killed me, and after a spell in an Intensive Care Unit, I rehomed my old boy and parted with horses, I thought, for ever.

Funny how things work out, isn't it?
 
FionaM12 said:
No, even though I feel a bit beaten at present, I'm not thinking of selling right now. I just began to feel, it really might come to that.
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Sorry, I got wrong end of stick. Like you say show in your last post, you've come a very long way in a short space of time. Don't be too hard on yourself! Loads of good will, advice and suggestions on here; hang in there and best of luck.
 
Sorry if this is cross posted but have you tried just walking her out in hand ? Or long reining this will build your confidence into her out and about and exercise , good luck xxx
 
I really feel for you OP.
My mum is 65yrs now and came back to horses in her late 40s - she had a Horse on loan and then bought a wonderful ex racehorse through a friend.
She was bitten by the dressage bug, and biuhhjt a just back 4yr old who she still has... He's 16 now and lives at home with my Shetland.
2 1/2 years ago she bought an advanced school master, and they day she collected him he did a huge leap off all fours which sowed a niggling seed of doubt. He came home, and very quickly unravelled, to the point that the minute he threatened her (would tighten over his back and threaten to go up) she would get nervous compounding the problem. He also periodically through in his leap which would always come from no-where.
She ended up a tearful nervous wreck, and completely lost her confidence (she's a very competent rider, but she just lost it understanderbly)
She decided to stick with him, and give herself some time and space to decide if it was what she wanted - she would give up the dressage completely if this didnt work out. So she put him into full livery at a friends yard. For 6 months she would often be found in tears in the corner of the indoor school not even getting out of walk. But what made the difference was having a lot of help from the yard owners (who also rode him, and gave her lots of lessons).
She also got to know her horse and was able to spend quality time every day with him on he ground, and make friends with him (carrot bribery works wonders).
It took a good 12 months for her to really get some progress with him. In hindsite, knowing the Horse as we do, we know he is clever, a real trier, but also very sensitive (change and little things can upset him) and my mums lack of confidence was making him act up too.
A combination of lots of help, time and baby steps have got her to where she is today. She still thinks he's the horse she should have had 5 years ago, and has days where she thinks she's too old. But the best thing she did was take the pressure off herself. She felt guilty that she had a talented horse, who should be doing more. Shes now more chilled and knows if he's that way out, if he's not ridden it doesn't matter, she'll groom or lunge instead.
She absolutely adores him now, and he adores her (carrot love), but more importantly he trusts her.
In a long winded way I'm trying to say you can sort this out. You're situation is not uncommon, and you just need support. There is no rush, but I do believe as others have said you should try and move where you've got facilities and help.
My mum has had blips along the way, and a distaster moment when he threw her off unexspectedly, (thought he was going after that) but she has worked through them with the yard owner, and had a milestone moment when she took him to a Dresage lesson away from home on her own - I honestly never thought I'd see the day, and it's great because it also helped build on her confidence because the last time she went on the lorry was when he chucked her off.
I hope you can find a way forward, and that there might be someone in the forum who can help. Having watched how my competent, experiend mum became a nervous wreck, who couldn't get on without crying, I can totally empathise with your situation.
The key thing is, you are not a failure, you just need help...you are not alone in what's happening to you and the key is to be kind to yourself, and look at the good progress you have made on he ground etc.
Sending you a huge hug :)
 
Thanks for all the feedback, support and ideas. I'm feeling a bit more positive today. Yesterday was rubbish.

The sun's shining, I'm going up to the farm now and I think I'll take Molls out in hand today. I'll let her have a good close look at all the things which were out to eat her yesterday, walk her over the poles which were going to swallow her up and reward her by letting her have an in-hand graze in the sunshine for a while.

Back later. Thanks again.
 
Good luck today :) I'm sure you wont need it. Theres nothing wrong with taking her out in hand for however long it takes for you to want to get back on.

Do you have a yard notice board? if so could you put a note asking if any one would hack with you?
 
dafthoss said:
Do you have a yard notice board? if so could you put a note asking if any one would hack with you?
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It's a big rambling farm, and each little row or group of stables has its own tack room. So there's nowhere for a communal notice board to go. I don't even know the names of most of the other owners, we don't have much to do with each other. The tack room I use is shared between 4 stables one of which is Mollie's. Of the remaining 3, only one is ever ridden and his owner doesn't seem keen on company.

I'm off to work now until tomorrow. Thanks everyone. xx
 
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