Very nasty livery?

[rpcdp]

Hi, new here, just needed some ranting/advice!
So I work on a well run and established livery/competition yard, there are 50 horses and 30 or more are full competition liveries, so as you can imagine, I can only treat every horse as equal but care for them to the best of my ability. My boss is very accommodating to liveries as well - she does different packages so things like riding/lungeing/special feeding etc are included. So a lot of the liveries tend to get a bit fussy/annoying sometimes because of the different care packages etc but no one is too in your face and generally speaking they're all ok to deal with. Except one I've worked here for a year and there are three full time staff on including me. This woman has done nothing but go out of her way to be rude/patronising/insulting but I don't actually recall doing anything to her or her horses to start this?! She is kind of like that with everybody HOWEVER she seems to specifically target me, especially as of late. I have informed my boss of her behaviour multiple times now and she has told me to just ignore it but I'm now at my wits end..
She has been rude to me in some way shape or form everyday since I came, no exaggeration. I always got the impression it was because I was younger than the other girl who works here but she is now in the last few weeks going out of her way to talk to me and has now twice implied very clearly that she thinks I'm stupid.
Firstly she accused me of not feeding her horses a supplement. I tried to calmly explain that I of course have been giving it but that the one she mentioned was given to me several weeks AFTER the first supplement and was a smaller dosage (her instructions!!) so there was more in the bottle than the other. She then asked me to add two different supplements to her feed and I was told 'it might be a bit complicated' for me.
She then today 'double checked' that they were getting said supplements (after accusing me of not giving them and checking up on me) and when I replied yes I was asked in a sarcastic tone 'Are you sure?'. She has also attacked me before for 'not putting her horse out' and went ballistic one morning because one of them wasn't out in the field...because she told me not to put the horse out as she was going to a show. She had given me the name of the wrong horse to leave in (she has THREE here on livery) and attacked me because I 'got it wrong'. She routinely patronises me/insults me/implies that I'm not good at my job/talks down to me and her new thing is now acting like I'm an idiot. She also goes to my colleague to bitch about me/something I've apparently done and slanders me but will not say it to my face. I must stress that these are only a few minor examples (as i would have trouble fitting all the other stuff in!) - I mean it when i say I am not exaggerating when I say she feels the need to say something EVERY DAY. I always try to be professional but now that's starting to waver as she is getting more and more grating. I always tell my boss about it as she normally deals directly with clients or any issues and she just tells me to ignore it because she expects that behaviour from her. I think she thinks that this livery is just being 'fussy' but she doesn't treat anyone else like this. The livery would never say it to boss as she is seemingly terrified of her.
So yeah...I dunno. Am at my wits end and feeling now that i need to say something. I could *kind of* put up with her before as she was just being annoying or fussy but recently she is just taking things too far. She was away on holiday for a few weeks and wasn't present...now that she's back I just feel tense because I just KNOW somethings going to be said to me as she can never seem to just let me get on with my jOb! She tries to take over everything and if you gave her the chance she'd be running the yard and ordering everyone around.
I don't mind liveries being fussy as it's expected and some can be awkward sometimes but she just seems to target me and takes it too Far.
Sorry if I rambled, i really needed a rant :O

 

[Moon River]

You tell her that you are following your manager's instructions and any queries about the horses' care need to be taken to her, you tell your manager that this is a situation that needs to be dealt with between the pair of them and that you need clear instructions from her (NOT from the horse's owner) as to what is to be done with each horse. If the manager can't manage, and there are a shedload working in the equine industry that never acquired any people or management skills, then its up to you whether you can continue working there.

 

[Orangehorse]

She does seem to be picking on you. Next time she wants to keep a horse in ask her to write down which one. Otherwise I agree with Moon River.

 

[Lintel]

You seem to have dealt patiently with her so far. I would make it directly clear to your boss that this is not happening anymore
I would then make the livery aware that you are not willing to be spoken to in that manner any more and if she chooses to speak to you it will be recorded. Get yourself a body cam, bullying cannot be tolerated.
I have a short fuse for people going out of their way to be ar**holes.

I'm sure others will have better advice but this would be my way.

 

[ihatework]

How the hell can 3 staff adequately manage 30 full competition horses?!

That aside, I would politely but firmly tell the livery you don’t appreciate being spoken to like that and in future could they discuss any concerns directly with manager

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You tell her that you are following your manager's instructions and any queries about the horses' care need to be taken to her, you tell your manager that this is a situation that needs to be dealt with between the pair of them and that you need clear instructions from her (NOT from the horse's owner) as to what is to be done with each horse. If the manager can't manage, and there are a shedload working in the equine industry that never acquired any people or management skills, then its up to you whether you can continue working there.

Ask her if she has given the YO her instructions, if for some reason she hasn't ask her to write it down, so that 'there is no mistake'/so that you can pass it on to YO. Play her at her own game, it can be very satisfying!

 

[PapaverFollis]

You need to try really really hard not to bite. She's poking you to see what will make you crack. Your boss should be protecting you from this rather than just saying ignore it.

Ask your boss to move you off the care of her horses if possible. Can the boss deal with her horses themselves?

In the mean while... *smile* "I'm sure you're right" every time. Just let every thing she says bounce off you. Make sure her feed requirements are written down clearly on a whiteboard and tick each item as it goes in. So if she queried it again you can show her the ticks?

She sounds really difficult but she's probably unhappy and stressed and not having a nice life. That's no excuse for her making it your problem! But if you can think that when she starts it make it easier to just let it bounce off.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Yes definitely write all instructions down as she gives them and ask her to look at what you've written to check it's right. So she has no room for weedling.

 

[ester]

I'm another that was going to say request full written instructions for any changes.

 

[Goldenstar]

I agree with the others ask her for written instructions,I can’t decide if you should tell the Yoer in advance you are doing this .

 

[AmyMay]

I would politely but firmly tell the livery you don’t appreciate being spoken to like that and in future could they discuss any concerns directly with manager

This is absolutely the right thing to do.

It’s incredibly empowering to tell someone (in a very calm tone) not to speak to you in an offensive manner.

Ie, ‘Please don’t speak to me like that. I’d appreciate it if you directed any concerns and instructions to my boss, so that we’re all clear on your wishes’. Say, thank you, smile and walk away. Job done 😃

All instructions should be coming from your boss, and that’s where you direct her when she asks/tells you to do something.

 

[dogatemysalad]

Have another word with your manager. She seems to acknowledge that the livery is difficult, therefore she should be a manager and manage the situation. Can't she assign fussy lady's horses to another groom and have a white board for each days instructions ?

 

[rpcdp]

Thanks for the responses! I usually immediately pass any texts/whiteboard notes/verbal instructions directly to my boss as she also aks to be aware of any changes/notices of course. I have before said to my boss that if this livery's behaviour continues i would be asking her to come in and do the feed/turnout etc herself as there's no need for me to be treated like that... boss is usually on our side with liveries being annoying so I'll say it to her again and will tell her if livery continues I will have to speak up, as have tried to defend myself and she just argues back (that's another thing she does: if she asks my coleague or boss a question she accepts their answer...however she could ask me the same thing and will just argue back with the answer I give her, even if the others gave her the same one! I swear if i told her the grass was green she'd have a counter argument for me!!)
Ya...this livery is just afraid to say it to boss and seems to think she can get away with it/get extra stuff without saying it to boss.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Don't argue back, remain professional at all times, just say 'I'm afraid that you will have to take that up with the YO'

 

[Gloi]

When you are going to speak to her set a hidden recorder going to tape what is being said. Then when you've got a few examples of her bullying take them to the YO so she can see what you are having to put up with when she is not around.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I would say that this is a classic example of bad management; the YO as your manager has been made aware of the situation and has done basically sweet FA to protect you as one of her staff.

Firstly I think you need to protect yourself. Go to your YO (or "Line Manager" as she would be in any other setting) and say that the situation seems to be escalating. Put it in writing, as you would in any other workplace, and say you would like a formal staff meeting with her concerning it. Take some notes with you (i.e. be efficient) of what this woman has said to you so you have some examples, and say that you are feeling bullied, stressed, and undermined and that the situation has become untenable; and you are therefore asking her as your Boss and YO to do something about it.

I really feel that you shouldn't be having to take this sort of treatment from anyone. You are trying to do a good job and yet you are being continually undermined.

Perhaps you could say to your YO that - because of this situation - you feel you have no other option but to use your iphone and video this woman's instructions, to ensure there is no misunderstanding. And if your YO refuses to act, then do so! It might make this bullying horrid woman sit up and take notice if you do this! It would certainly give you some evidence if it ever came to a situation like an Industrial Tribunal (protect yourself, think ahead!!). Plus of course another good idea is for you to get her instructions in writing as others have suggested.

And/Or you could say words to the effect of ..... "as you are obviously not happy with my standard of care for your horses, then let us both go to the YO together to discuss the matter further".

Are you a BHS Gold member? If so, then it might be worth a call to their legal helpline.

Horrid woman! I betcha she's got form from other yards; reckon if you were to put out some feelers on the local horsey grapevine you might find out a thing or two.......

 

[irishdraft]

Bullying because she can you need to make it clear to yard manager how rude this woman is & hopefully another groom can deal with her horses.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

This is absolutely the right thing to do.

It’s incredibly empowering to tell someone (in a very calm tone) not to speak to you in an offensive manner.

Ie, ‘Please don’t speak to me like that. I’d appreciate it if you directed any concerns and instructions to my boss, so that we’re all clear on your wishes’. Say, thank you, smile and walk away. Job done 😃

All instructions should be coming from your boss, and that’s where you direct her when she asks/tells you to do something.

OP, absolutely what Amymay has posted above.
Just be firm, smile, pass her on to the boss.

No need to make it more complicated to her or your boss. Be professional at all times, she might just back off when she doesnt get the response she might expect.

 

[blitznbobs]

Tbh I’d be really careful if I were you - it’s harsh but she has 3 horses on full livery and you have worked there for less than 2 years if the owner has to choose between the 2 of you it makes business sense to choose her in the short term - I’d feel my way very carefully indeed.

 

[tristar]

i`d wait till she says something unfair pretend to look like i`m going to cry, then suddenly turn on her and give her the full blast back, i bet she nearly falls over with shock, and if the yard man says anything i`d say they should have dealt with it and i`m not paid to do do your job! pussy footing around is all well and good but you have rights and the fact you are on here worried shows how it is getting you down, people are often surprised when they are caught out in mid bully, you are not a slave or victim, and the truth is the best thing when hits them between the eyes, and stops them dead in their tracks, think of it this way if she was hitting you physically everyday what would you do? she is hurting you in another cowardly way

you are fully entitled to flick back some shxt, you owe it to your self esteem and life is too short to take that kind of crap but it would be good idea to record an incident or two beforehand

 

[AmyMay]

And that’s how you loose your job.....

 

[Lammy]

Yeahhhh don’t do what Tristar has suggested. Running a yard with liveries has a lot to do with customer services. When I have a horrid person to deal with at work I am overly nice, sickeningly nice in fact. It is a tactic that works a treat as they very quickly back off, they’re not getting the reaction they want as bullies and get frustrated enough to stop. Also ask her to pass any complaints on to the manager so that they can be dealt with, I’m betting she won’t!

 

[Red-1]

I do the sickeningly nice thing too. I would be verrrry concerned about her problem, discuss it at length and in detail, then go and get a notebook and take detailed notes. I would be so sickeningly nice, at length, that she would never want to bother me again!

 

[tristar]

Yeahhhh don’t do what Tristar has suggested. Running a yard with liveries has a lot to do with customer services. When I have a horrid person to deal with at work I am overly nice, sickeningly nice in fact. It is a tactic that works a treat as they very quickly back off, they’re not getting the reaction they want as bullies and get frustrated enough to stop. Also ask her to pass any complaints on to the manager so that they can be dealt with, I’m betting she won’t!

well yes on some level i agree, however having known people commit suicide, very nice people sadly, who did it because of the nasties of this life i would support 100 per cent whatever action op takes, but feel she needs to learn to deal with situations as the are happening, and going home at night and being so upset they go on a forum, is very worrying to me, because we cannot actually be there for that person.

 

[Goldenstar]

Don’t do as Tristan suggested you will be the loser.
I do think being so nice that people think your not quite getting the fact they are being rude is a good way of approaching this while being clear you want written intructions .
I am debating if you should get a little note book and pen and keep it with you and whip out write the date and time at the top and hand it to her saying happy to do whatever you wish just write it here with a big smile .

 

[DD]

well yes on some level i agree, however having known people commit suicide, very nice people sadly, who did it because of the nasties of this life i would support 100 per cent whatever action op takes, but feel she needs to learn to deal with situations as the are happening, and going home at night and being so upset they go on a forum, is very worrying to me, because we cannot actually be there for that person.

agree

 

[DD]

look for another job and when you get it tell the YO exactly why you are leaving . its bad management on the part of the YO and the nasty livery should be kicked off the place.

 

[AmyMay]

well yes on some level i agree, however having known people commit suicide, very nice people sadly, who did it because of the nasties of this life i would support 100 per cent whatever action op takes, but feel she needs to learn to deal with situations as the are happening, and going home at night and being so upset they go on a forum, is very worrying to me, because we cannot actually be there for that person.

Of course she needs to deal with it. But ranting and raving isn’t the way to do it - and actually empowers the bully. Far better to be calm, cool and collected in any response- that is what a bully takes note of, because it’s not expected and absolutely puts them on the back foot.

 

[HEM]

I am another one for being sickenly nice and taking notes and then confirming everything! If she is being pedantic she obviously wants someone pedantic, or at least to seem as pedantic!

 

[HEM]

Of course she needs to deal with it. But ranting and raving isn’t the way to do it - and actually empowers the bully. Far better to be calm, cool and collected in any response- that is what a bully takes note of, because it’s not expected and absolutely puts them on the back foot.

Also it is very difficult to scream and shout at someone who is being calm and collected