Very nasty livery?

WandaMare

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Another alternative to keeping your cool with her, politely say ' are you OK? ' to her next time she says something unpleasant. That will divert the conversation away from her quibble and put the attention on to her and her behaviour. She can then either explain why she's coming over as a complete a*se or will hopefully send her on her way. She can't complain about you asking after her welfare. I find it often takes people like that by surprise and the last thing they want to do is to be accountable for their nastiness.
 

LaurenBay

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Have another word with your YO, if she has been on your side before and realises this person is difficult hopefully she will listen to you. Tell her that the situation is getting worse and you are no longer able to just ignore it and it is starting to effect you and make you unhappy, ask her to step in and take over these 3 Horses or politely say "owner seems to get on with xyz better, perhaps it would be best if they take on the 3 Horses and I will take another 3 on. Owner will probably be happier with that arrangment"

If bully then asks you anything, just take a deep breath, smile and say "I am just doing what YO has asked, if you have any questions or requests then please let her know" and walk away.
 

ElectricChampagne

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Have another word with your YO, if she has been on your side before and realises this person is difficult hopefully she will listen to you. Tell her that the situation is getting worse and you are no longer able to just ignore it and it is starting to effect you and make you unhappy, ask her to step in and take over these 3 Horses or politely say "owner seems to get on with xyz better, perhaps it would be best if they take on the 3 Horses and I will take another 3 on. Owner will probably be happier with that arrangment"

If bully then asks you anything, just take a deep breath, smile and say "I am just doing what YO has asked, if you have any questions or requests then please let her know" and walk away.


+1 on this, but maybe frame it from another angle, say to the YO that you feel it is escalating and you understand that there is a level of care that needs to be given in the yard, but that you are struggling with the demands from this livery and would it be ok if the livery approached the YO to run the requests needed through them first and the YO can manage the expectations with you? Also note that this is impacting the care that you are able to give to the other paying liveries and you are concerned it might be an issue, but you still want to do the best job you can do. Be polite and just say that you really want to make this work and need to find a way that mutually benefits all parties. Try to stay as positive as you can and make it about the situation, not the person.
 

thommackintosh

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Similar to HEM and Red-1. Kill her with kindness - though I'd advise letting your YO know the approach you're going to take. The last thing you want is this uppity so-and-so using that as ammunition.

Even tackle it head on with an upfront convo, when she's not making a complaint. Along the lines of "It's important to me, that you know you're getting exactly the service you're looking for/promised. I'd love to work-out a way to give you that reassurance. I was thinking along the lines of a..." Then bring up notebook idea.

Good luck - keep us posted :)
 

Jill's Gym Karma

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If you have any kind of job that involves dealing with the general public, you are going to come across "difficult characters" (other terms are available). Before I started my first job my Grandad advised me to treat working with the public as "life's free cabaret".

If your line manager is satisfied with your work, then the problem is the livery and not you. Turn the problem into a joke and inwardly laugh at her actions that show the world what a moron she is, while outwardly smiling vaguely. Bullies thrive off emotional reactions.

I know technically your manager should tell her to respect yard staff or leave, but in the real world most managers are rubbish and money talks. Coping with difficult people is a great skill that will do you service later in life; would be great to think her bad behaviour benefits you in the long run.
 

tristar

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Of course she needs to deal with it. But ranting and raving isn’t the way to do it - and actually empowers the bully. Far better to be calm, cool and collected in any response- that is what a bully takes note of, because it’s not expected and absolutely puts them on the back foot.
who said anythng about ranting and raving
 

tristar

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I definitely interpreted 'suddenly turn on her and give her the full blast back ' as such. If not could you explain what you mean instead?
return the compliment?

the reason most bullies exist is because most people are too scared to stand up to them
 

The Fuzzy Furry

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i`d wait till she says something unfair pretend to look like i`m going to cry, then suddenly turn on her and give her the full blast back, i bet she nearly falls over with shock, and if the yard man says anything i`d say they should have dealt with it and i`m not paid to do do your job! pussy footing around is all well and good but you have rights and the fact you are on here worried shows how it is getting you down, people are often surprised when they are caught out in mid bully, you are not a slave or victim, and the truth is the best thing when hits them between the eyes, and stops them dead in their tracks, think of it this way if she was hitting you physically everyday what would you do? she is hurting you in another cowardly way

you are fully entitled to flick back some shxt, you owe it to your self esteem and life is too short to take that kind of crap but it would be good idea to record an incident or two beforehand
no one suggesting being rude
You said.....
 

joosie

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I've been in this position myself and just chose the smile & nod approach. My boss did ask more than once if I wanted her to have a word with the lady in question, but I refused. I just didn't see the point. I simply don't have time for rude people and most of them will never change so IMO there's no point letting them get to you. Being a groom on a busy yard is tough enough without having to go home upset about an unpleasant client. It needs to be water off a duck's back. You know you are doing your job properly and that's what matters.
I would certainly echo what others have said about writing everything down so that she can't accuse you of doing something wrong / not doing something you were supposed to do. But since your boss is (a) aware of the situation and knows the woman is "difficult" and (b) doesn't seem to give a shit, I suspect you're unlikely to get in trouble even if the woman did officially accuse you of making a mistake.
 

AmyMay

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the reason most bullies exist is because most people are too scared to stand up to them

You’re spot on. But standing up to them doesn’t have to be giving someone a ‘full blast back’. It just fuels the fire. Calm and considered is the only approach to take in the circumstances the op describes 😉
 

WandaMare

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If you have any kind of job that involves dealing with the general public, you are going to come across "difficult characters" (other terms are available). Before I started my first job my Grandad advised me to treat working with the public as "life's free cabaret".

'Life's free cabaret', I like that. I'm going to think of that in the morning when I'm running round my customers and pulling my hair out lol
 

Hack4fun

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This is going to bring you no comfort - there are people out there who are like that. It is simply how they are. There is no appeasing them. Rationality does not work. Brush them off. Be strong as they feed off other people and crave superiority, in their own minds, over others. Deny them that. Be nice to yourself as it is not you but them - I repeat that is it not you but them. Their behaviour is not rational and not like everyone else. Remain professional. If the behaviour is too much then ask YO to remove them from the yard.
 

Keith_Beef

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Why is she texting you? Surely all texts should go to the yard manager and then being fed down to you. All communications should be written up in a daily diary (as a record of the communication) and then any changes in management need to be put on a whiteboard/wherever suitable, which can then be signed off.


Right.

Who pays your wages? The yard. So who should give you instructions? The yard manager.

The livery is a customer of the yard. Any requirements she has are part of the contract between her and the yard. Therefore, any time she wants to change the arrangements (new medications or supplements, different feed, more or less turn-out, or at different times of day) are changes to the contract between her and the yard.

I've not worked on a yard, but there was a period when my direct manager wanted me to do certain jobs, and her manager was coming straight to me asking me to work on other projects... I was young, new in the company, and it was hard for me to do it, but in the end I had to tell the higher up that I would not do anything he asked, that any changes in my projects or priorities had to go through my direct manager. He huffed and puffed for a bit, but had to accept it.
 

Red-1

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I did reply earlier where I said to just e sickly nice, and yes, this would be my go-to response.

However, I did also have this at a yard where someone was being deliberately nasty to me. I did the sickly sweet response, she saw it as a weakness I think and was worse.

I waited until she was in full nastiness flow, and I stopped, looked her in the eye and asked "Have I offended you somehow?" and told her how I felt when she was doing X,Y and Z. I did not say "you made me feel..." as that would be incorrect, no one has the power to "make you feel" anything. I did say "when you did X, I felt ....."

I also said how i was feeling unhappy, as I felt that I did not know how to help her feel satisfied.

It was a revelation. There were tears and they weren't mine! We got on a lot better after that. She still did the things that had previously caused me upset, but I could either know it was about her and not about me, or if it got ridiculous I would remind her of "that conversation we had" and she would see her behaviour as others did.

It was about her lack of confidence, not about anything I had done.
 

tristar

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I did reply earlier where I said to just e sickly nice, and yes, this would be my go-to response.

However, I did also have this at a yard where someone was being deliberately nasty to me. I did the sickly sweet response, she saw it as a weakness I think and was worse.

I waited until she was in full nastiness flow, and I stopped, looked her in the eye and asked "Have I offended you somehow?" and told her how I felt when she was doing X,Y and Z. I did not say "you made me feel..." as that would be incorrect, no one has the power to "make you feel" anything. I did say "when you did X, I felt ....."

I also said how i was feeling unhappy, as I felt that I did not know how to help her feel satisfied.

It was a revelation. There were tears and they weren't mine! We got on a lot better after that. She still did the things that had previously caused me upset, but I could either know it was about her and not about me, or if it got ridiculous I would remind her of "that conversation we had" and she would see her behaviour as others did.

It was about her lack of confidence, not about anything I had done.


thats pretty amazing, when a person sees how they are hurting others and changes, however i`ve seen situations also where the bully gets worse and it has ended in physical violence to the victim, in one case where someone was hit on the head with a large hammer, some people do it because they are not sane and the problem for normal people is they are not trained to deal with nutters

in fact it often seems that the people who should be taking action like yard manager don`t, so the victim is left in a very bad place.

logging incidents is only a record, useful but unless you have a witness or camcorder proof how do you prove it

very often people turn on the victim of such behaviour and imply in some way it is the victims behaviour , or they are in some way fault or partly to blame for what is happening, but this is only a red flag of their inability to deal with what is happening themselves
 

WandaMare

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I worked for a very good manager once who told me that using anger in certain situations was the right thing to do and as long as I used it at the right time in a controlled and measured way, then he would always be willing to support my decision. He knew that I dealt with some very difficult bullies in my job and just saying I had his support and that he trusted me to handle the situation authoritatively made so much difference. I felt stronger and interestingly I found I then I had less incidents of bullying than before it had been said. I must have come over much more confidently from then on, which the bullies sensed and weren't so ready to mess me around. It might be worth having a conversation about this with your manager OP to agree exactly how assertive you can be with this person without jeaopardising your job.
 
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