Very sad... can you help advise me on selling my mare?

lynseylou1

lynseylou1

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I have been up most of the night and am writing this and crying at same time.. so this is not an easy decsion please be gentle with me.
This is a long story so i will condense it down! Basically I have ridden all my life im 32 years old vet nurse. I previously had a horse for 14 years and bit quirky but generally ok. My lovely nan left me a little windfall when she passed to help me buy another horse after the last passed away.
I searched hard and eventually settle on horse of my dreams 15.2h connie x ID 7 yo dun mare. Done a bit of everything hunted fine and can do a very good dressage test , which is what I would like to have a go at.
I have owner this mare for 6-7 months and she is proving to be sharper and not quite as easy going as first thought. Previous owner says she was always a bit on the nervy but she just kicked her on when she stopped to look at something.Her main issue is hacking alone, she does seem nervy and if she feels worried, she will jam brakes on spin and head for home. If i manage to keep hold of her head to stop her turns , she plants her feet and wont move. I have tried hacking with company and also with a helper on foot to help build her confidence, both of which she will happily do. She will ride away from the yard no probs and also away from horses so not a true nappyness as I would expect. recently things have got worse , it started with not wanting to walk in the stable. She doesnt seem scared and just plants her feet. its almost like she has mistaken my kindness and patience for weakness and is taking the piss. i dont feel im experienced for the arguement which seems to be coming so have elisted the help of an instructor.
Her verdict was lovely mare, bit lazy but when you get after her she can move very well indeed. She also feels this kind of horse will always be a bit testing of the boundries and needs consistancy and experiance.
Due to my work shifts I will struggle with the consistancy in winter and I wanted a happy hacker who could go to the odd show maybe RC event.
i have been awake all night feeling gutted about this but feel its maybe better I find her a more suitable home? I also dont have an endless pot of money to have an instructor every week to help me and little help where I keep her.
I every other way this mare is lovely sociable with other horses/people dogs etc, practically loads herself, has bred a foal and is stunning to look at
I intend to continue having the instructor in for as long as I can afford to.
Any thoughts... am I doing the right thing? Tho I think I know the answer to this deep down :-(
Also what do you think would be a reasonable amount to put this mare up for sale if I do? I live in Cornwall and I know the market is tough. I want to find her a nice home if I cant keep her.
 
I should add to that I have had the dentist do her teeth, back lady her back and saddler fitter come and refit for a new saddle which i bought. Have tried to do everything right!
 
I think you are doing the right thing personally. I had a Highland gelding which basically took the p**s out of me and completely demoralised me and I have practically no confidence at all now. I have a lovely piebald cob now who I've had for 6 years and he is fantastic. There are some fab horses out there and you deserve to find one xx
 
sounds like you have thought long and hard over this and imho you are making the right decision. The mare has got worse and will continue to do so. some horses as you say are just like this, they find a slight weakness or kindness and use it against you by keep testing.
When this happens it is hard work and not enjoyable. Someone else more experienced would love the challenge and probably get her right in no time.

It is hard to say what she is worth as we know nothing else about her, ie age, breed, size, what she has done before etc.

You may find it best to send her away for a couple of weeks to someone who can at least begin to sort her problems out. right now she would be a project horse and even if she was worth a lot before, right now at best worth £1500 (sorry to be blunt)

Dont give up on finding the right horse though. In the past I have found the right one first time, but this time it was the 3rd horse I got that turned out to be the one for me, I am so glad now I did not give up
 
I think many people will empathise with your situation.

I think you have three options,

You have to consider whether this horse will ever be the horse you want in terms of what you'd like to do on her , not what you feel she needs in terms of work. If you don't think you'll gel after perseverance and support then maybe its the best thing to do ie sell her.

Seven is still relatively young and she may calm down when she gains confidence in you. Other options are to find a sharer who wants something a bit challenging so that between you the mare gets brought on and the sharer may also have lessons.

Persevere between you and your instructor on a weekly basis or maybe consider a short term of intensive schooling to get her over specific issues.

Good luck
 
If you really like her and hacking is the only issue, then i would buy an aussie stock saddle - you basically cannot fall off and can sit the worst spin or leap (or bronc, or anythingthing else they throw at you)

This might be that when she realises she cannot do it that the behaviour goes away (however would have been better done a bit younger to nip this in the bud so to speak).

Otherwise - horses are supposes to be fun and cost a lot of money, so if you are not having fun, replace with one that can do this for you!
 
I think for the horses sake you might be best selling her to let someone get her in order so she can show her full potential, she sounds like such a fun horse, will be a good project for someone, im sure there would be lots of people willing to buy her, i know what you mean it's hard to teach/work with a horse when your so busy with work ect. you've just got to think about what will be best for her in the long run :)
 
Your horse looks lovely. Why don't you consider having an experienced sharer? This may be the answer if you could find someone who is experienced and will help and deal with the mare's behaviour. It is spring time and this may be one reason why your mare seems to be getting worse. Have you tried a calmer? 'Relax Me' is really good and it may well be worth trying for a month to see if you get an improvement.

I am trying to play 'devil's advocate' because as you say the market is poor and you may still have your mare in a couple of month's time, even if you start advertising her immediately, so alternative things are good to consider. Will she improve turned out in the summer? It has been a long hard winter.
If you really think she is not the 'one' for you then you are making the right decision to sell her, but it sounds like you have some doubts. Good luck!
 
They are far too expensive to keep when its something you are not getting full enjoyment out of! I personally think you are doing the right thing by selling her just be open and honest with your advert and you will someone genuine and wonderful for her.
 
I think you are right to want to sell.

People seem to forget we have horses to ENJOY them, we spend a lot of money and if you and the horse aren't happy it's not working.

She sounds like a lovely mare who would perhaps suit a busier and more exciting life to get her wanting to go forwards.

I would send her away to be ridden on and sold and look for something quieter for yourself so you can relax and enjoy yourself.
 
Hi,
I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. I bought a horse last year that was very talented but completely unpredictable especially out hacking alone. One day he span around so fast on the road that he fell on his right side with me underneath him :-( . I still persevered and spent a lot of money having him schooled and having loads of lessons but at the end of the day, as one of the other posters said, I didn't enjoy riding him and riding, at least for me, is supposed to be about having fun. All my friends kept telling to keep going because i would "get there" but it just didn't feel right. Like yours he was totally gorgeous on the ground and quickly became a yard favourite. But eventually, one day I thought about riding that evening and felt dread creep into my tummy. That was the day I made the very difficult decision to send him to my instructor (a pro event rider) for the event season and we are both so much happier. Having had my horse for a month, my instructor now concedes that the horse is what he calls a true "competition horse" and he is not suitable for an amateur. I feel much happier and also quite vindicated that my judgement was correct. I am looking for another horse now (see my other posts) that is much more straightforward :-) but am much more wary than i was last time.
So sorry gabbled on a bit there but message is simple, trust your instincts. Riding, at least at amateur level, is about fun and as another BE accredited coach said to me "congratulations for being honest, i see too many people struggle on for years with horses that they are simply not suited to and both the horse and the rider are unhappy".
There will be people, i am sure, that think you should persevere because that is what they would do, and that's fine for them. But if you feel deep down that she is not right for you then make sure you are honest about her issues and find her a home that might enjoy her "quirks". Good luck and stay brave!
 
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I think you are spot on with your reasons for selling. The mare is doing you no good (and in the nicest way possible) it sounds like you aren't doing her much good either. Sell her to someone who can work through her issues with her and get yourself something you can work with and enjoy. :)

I have asked not to ride horses again at college because we were no good to eachother, in some cases a less experienced rider who is confident in that particular issue has got on them and they have gone fine with them, but I know that there are other issues that I can deal with that the other person couldn't. For example I am petrified of rearers but will pretty much sit any buck or pony trick, while a friend of mine will work through rearing and bolting no problem but hates bucking and comes off every time.
 
I truly thank every single one of you for taking the time to reply and give me your thoughts. I have informed her previous owner of my intention... purely because she also loved the mare and I feel its good manners to let her know. I would like that if other way round.
I am having a meeting with my trainer at th weekend and we will go from there.
thank you all .... youve no idea how reassuring it is to have people that understand the score xx
 
I have a 6 yo tb mare that is difficult to hack alone as she is spooky / sharp / prone to napping. I did find a magnesium based calmer did work on her very well, really took the edge off her. Maybe worth a try.

However because I mainly hack ( no school ) and have little off road riding she's on loan to a competition home based at a large riding school, where there's plenty of facilities and the loaner can hack in company where there's lots of quiet lanes. The mare loves learning new things, schooling, jumping, competitions etc.

Probably a situation where a lot of us have been, lovely horse but just not suitable for us / the job we want it to do.

Good luck!
 
I'm not sure where you are based in cornwall but your mare sounds ideal for the riding club enthusiast , you know those who want to compete at weekends etc , I expect your mare is taking the piss as she probably needs more work.

I've sort of solved this problem myself as i have a lovely girl who comes and takes Paddy to colraine / lessons , qwhich i'm just not capable of so a sharer could be tha answer.

You'd get some really good , no-nonsense advice from someone like Mary Gwennap , she's got lots of contacts and a wonderful reputation , it would be worth seeing if she knows anyone who's looking for your type of horse

Don't worry , i'm only a stones throw away from doing the same thing as you , there will always be someone out there for whom your horse WILL be the perfect partner ..
 
I think you're making the right decision. There is no shame at all in realising a horse is not right for you and selling on to a more suitable home, so you yourself can get a horse that is more suited to your needs.

If she is talented, then I'd probably send her for competition/sales livery, to someone who can get some good results on her and sell her for the maximum of what she is worth, as she may have gone down in value if you've not done much with her since you purchased her.
 
My advice is sell straight away and find yourself a horse with the right temprement. There will be plenty of peope out there that would love the challenge of your horse.
 
While I do understand, I do like to see all sides to a situation. So you sell her? Remembering that the market value of all horses has dropped dramatically, so can you afford to buy a 'perfect' horse with what you will get for your mare? Again knowing the market do you think the next horse you get will tick all the boxes, we all know how hard it is to find a been there done it and got the t-shirt horse..esp on a limited budget!!

Hacking out alone has become an issue, then stop hacking out alone for now. Do things with your horse that increase your confidence THEN go back to face the challanges with new enthusasium (sp) and more braves! I do know exactly how you feel, my lad terrified me hacking out alone, I would pretend to ride him out and as soon as I was away from the yard I'd get off and lead him..honestly I was that scared!! So I just stopped doing it, hacked out with friends (and then I was usually the brave one because my lad is fantastic in company), I started jumping lessons, did small XC comps, dressage etc and just generally improved the time we spent together so he learnt seeing me equalled fun and not a stressy crying weak woman!!!

I would hate for you to sell what is potentially a good fun horse only to find the next one has another issue you feel you cannot deal with. It's certainly always your choice but I will always advocate giving it a try because I did with my lad and 7 years on we're having the time of our lives and I cannot imagine life without him.
 
I do feel for you, as I have previously had a very "busy" horse, who despite three hours of schooling and hacking every day, would still have tantrums... I part exchanged him for a horse more suited to my lifestyle at that time.

However, I do sometimes wonder what I would do, were I to have him now. Back then, we had an outdoor school and no support network. Now we have a horsewalker, an indoor school and an excellent instructor on site. I also have a lot more experience from having had him and his successor...

If you are going to find her a new home, it might still be worth cracking some of these handling issues, as these would be very off putting to a prospective buyer. I have had really great results using a dually halter and a long line for handling. You do have to be firm and consistent, but firm is not harsh.

I hope that you do sort this out so that you can enjoy riding again. As others have said, it costs far to much to be unhappy with your horse...
 
If your instincts say sell, then sell. No one can fault you for finding her a new five star home with a suitable rider.

Devil's advocate--my mare used to have similar problems, but I persevered and now hack her out alone all the time and she's a really good girl 99% of the time. It's all up to you and how much time and training you want to put in.

There might be a much more suitable horse for you out there, but the "perfect" horse does not exist, anymore than the perfect rider exists. Generally there will always be some little issue the horse throws at us, although some are much more challenging than others.

Good luck to you whatever you decide!
 
It takes guts to sell a lovely horse when you don't suit each other. Give the horse a chance to have a home that is right for her and then you can look for a horse that is right for you and start to have fun again. It doesn't mean you are not a competent rider, it simply means you and her didn't click.

It happened to me and after much heartache, I sold her to a perfect home and last time I saw her she looked wonderful. On every ridden photo I see, her owner is smiling and my horse has her ears forward, looks relaxed and very healthy. Funnily enough, the horse I bought after her, was much more challenging but so much fun, and because we are well matched, she makes me laugh.

Good luck with your decision. Its hard but life's too short to put tomorrow on hold. Tomorrow,the day when you could be doing the things you enjoy.
 
Ok so a quick update!
I chatted things over with my instructor who's advise was maybe give me, the horse and her 6 weeks with a plan of action.
No hacking alone, she will school her once a week, I can school her tiwce a week and hacking out at the weekends to stop us getting bored but only in company. Gradually the instrcutor will ride a bit less and I will start to have a lesson riding the horse.
We need to forget hacking alone for the moment, far more to work on before we tackle that, also work on her groundwork.
SO yesterday I dried my tears!... funny enough they stopped when I realised we could have one more chance at sorting it... I really dont want to part with her and my instructor has known me for years and knows of the sad times in my life I have had . Like she says ' you deserve this horse and she is just taking the piss, work thru it if you can else you will always be wondering what if?' She even says dont worry about the money for now (i think she secretly doesnt want this horse to beat me!)
Ok first groundwork lesson last night horse jams brakes on .. no thanks think ill stay in field today, cue a short sharp reminder from the schooling whip I took with me, forwards march! Same happened at stable.. brakes on, whip suggested otherwise. (i Should add Im not beating her! But I do have a differant attitude with her I can offer her a lovely life long home but she needs to meet me halfway!)
In and out of the stable and field with no further problems. She even went well for me in the school.
So for now we will persevere. i have put a limit on it of 6 weeks, of course I dont expect it all to be sorted by any stretch by then BUT I have to be feeling positive about her. If not then i will find her a more suitable home safe in the knowledge I tried very hard and asked for help.
Thank you all so much for you kind words, thoughts and experiances... you have no idea how much of a supportive 'hug' it was to know there were many others that knew exactly how I was feeling and what had worked for them.
Ill keep you posted xxxx
 
It sounds like you found the perfect way to go forward with this. What a blessing to have such a wonderful, committed trainer who cares so much about you and your horse!

Good luck! :)
 
:D I'm so pleased for you. At least this way if the worst happens and it doesn't work you can't say I TRIED!! I suspect this is the start of a long happy partnership and I'm thrilled for you. Please do let us know how its going.
 
Sounds to me like this horse is taking the p155 out of you big time!! It can take around 6 months for a horse to settle into a new home/routine. Mine did!! I am like you, far too soft and always want my horse to like me etc but unfortunatly the softly softly approach just doesnt work with some horses. Since Iv had my mare i have really had to learn to put my foot down. When you hack do you carry a whip? If not I would and give her a smack accross the back side to keep her moving forward. After a ride, when you go back to the stable I would also carry the whip. I wouldnt smack her with it but just touch her back side with it and speak sternly to her. Tell her 'walk on' in a voice that means business. Is your horse quite high up the pecking order in the field? if she is then she is using this dominant behaviour to boss you. Dont worry about your horse not liking you- this is what used to bother me! I thought if i was too bossy with her she wouldnt want to be around me. Then i watched the way they behave in the heard. If she steps out of line in the field she will know about it but yet she will always go back to the head mare as she likes her and respects her. Thats the sort of rel;etionship i think you need to develop. Remember it really is early days for you. Make sure you have a good RI who can help you with the practicalities of ownership-nt just the riding aspect. good luck and dont give up x
 
lynseylou1 said:
Ok so a quick update!
I chatted things over with my instructor who's advise was maybe give me, the horse and her 6 weeks with a plan of action.
No hacking alone, she will school her once a week, I can school her tiwce a week and hacking out at the weekends to stop us getting bored but only in company. Gradually the instrcutor will ride a bit less and I will start to have a lesson riding the horse.
We need to forget hacking alone for the moment, far more to work on before we tackle that, also work on her groundwork.
SO yesterday I dried my tears!... funny enough they stopped when I realised we could have one more chance at sorting it... I really dont want to part with her and my instructor has known me for years and knows of the sad times in my life I have had . Like she says ' you deserve this horse and she is just taking the piss, work thru it if you can else you will always be wondering what if?' She even says dont worry about the money for now (i think she secretly doesnt want this horse to beat me!)
Ok first groundwork lesson last night horse jams brakes on .. no thanks think ill stay in field today, cue a short sharp reminder from the schooling whip I took with me, forwards march! Same happened at stable.. brakes on, whip suggested otherwise. (i Should add Im not beating her! But I do have a differant attitude with her I can offer her a lovely life long home but she needs to meet me halfway!)
In and out of the stable and field with no further problems. She even went well for me in the school.
So for now we will persevere. i have put a limit on it of 6 weeks, of course I dont expect it all to be sorted by any stretch by then BUT I have to be feeling positive about her. If not then i will find her a more suitable home safe in the knowledge I tried very hard and asked for help.
Thank you all so much for you kind words, thoughts and experiances... you have no idea how much of a supportive 'hug' it was to know there were many others that knew exactly how I was feeling and what had worked for them.
Ill keep you posted xxxx
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oh, just read your update. Sounds like your RI has the same way of thinking as me! Im glad she suggested carrying a whip into the stable. Remember you need to make your horse think...'i better do what im told or im in trouble' ground work is good also. Make your horse 'back up' and wait before you give her a feed. Remember everything is on your terms not your horses, if its not your not in control and thats where safe riding ends! good luck x
 
My friend is currently going through this with her 6yo gelding. He's not a nasty horse but can be dominant unless put in his place but she only has problems when riding. (She has previously ridden/competed at advanced dressage level).
My daughter (16 years) took over riding him as my friend has lost all her confidence due his pedantic behaviour. 1st time was a rodeo show but my daughter rode him through it and after that he has been an absolute gentleman for her and the pair of them look super together. However, when my friend gets on, he starts his antics again. I think he knows that he can get away with it with my friend but not my daughter.
We are taking him to a professional training stable this evening for 2/3 months at the request of my friend who thinks this may help. I am undecided as to whether this will work or not having seen them both ride him and the difference. I think the underlying problem is my friend's lack of confidence now. To be quite honest while I think the training will benefit him, she will still have the same problem when he comes back and she will have to sell him.

I hope you can get these problems sorted and know what you are going through because of seeing my friend going through all these emotions as well.
 
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jsr said:
. It's certainly always your choice but I will always advocate giving it a try because I did with my lad and 7 years on we're having the time of our lives and I cannot imagine life without him.
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Was thinking about these words all round the field poo picking last evening .. thank you ;-)
 
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