Views or recommendations please

[Waxwing]

The lovely riding instructor based on the yard where our horse is on livery is leaving in a month or so and consequently the yard will no longer have the capacity to support with exercising or schooling her. We have had four months of very settled behaviour, my daughter had had a couple of trips out to pony club, I was hacking a couple of times a week and we were both having weekly lessons with her which were going well. As I put on another post we made it out to dressage and she behaved really in the two intro tests I did. In short I felt we were moving in the right direction.

She has been more unsettled recently, not every time she is ridden, and not with me, however she has had DD off twice and also put in large buck when one of my friends rode her in a lesson. This friend is very experienced, has ridden her a lot since we have had her, did stay an and said she was still happy to ride her again. However knowing this friend very well I can tell they would be more hesitant about doing this.

She is a horse that requires riding five to six times a week, when the riding instructor, DD and I were doing this it was easily achieved. I generally hacked her twice a week and rode in the school twice, DD had a lesson and sometimes hacked and the instructor rode her once or twice. However DD is not riding her at present and in a month or so the riding instructor won't be available either. Its worked really well at present as as sometimes my work commitments mean I can't ride a short notice but the instructor has enough flexibility to give her twenty minutes in the school, lunge her etc if this happens. The yard have suggested I get someone to ride/ school her twice a week over the winter, this is financially doable but won't provide the same flexibility. If the instructor feels she needs a bit more work one week than another she has been able to do this.

All my horsey friends, and my husband, feel I should keep her as we generally get along well together and have progressed. We had a very good lesson at the weekend and hacked out without any issues with another friend. However I am now feeling constantly stressed that something might happen if I ride her and stressed about making sure I can ride often enough to keep her sane, without the back up of the very lovely instructor. My jobs is one where sometimes I can be flexible and fit a ride in but at other times there is now way this can happen. For example she messaged earlier and said the horse was bit fresh so she had lunged her today and will ride her tomorrow. She gets on very well with the horse and brings out the best in her. This would be very difficult to replicate with someone coming up a couple of times a week.

I do love the horse and feel a connection with her that I did not feel with the previous one we owned, but with DD not wanting to ride and the changes in the staffing at the yard it doesn't feel sustainable. I have got my confidence back after loosing it with the previous horse but I am aware that it is a fragile thing.

I think the horse might benefit from more of a job to do; when DD did a bit of jumping at pony club the friend who took her commented that the horse was loving it and wanted to go, as in do more. I want to go for an hours hack two to three times a week, have a lesson once a week and potentially ride by myself in the school once a week. I wouldn't mind going out and doing a bit more basic dressage.

My inclination is to send her somewhere on school livery for a couple of months, somewhere she can be kept in regular and varied work and I can be confident she is going well before selling her. I want her somewhere long enough that if there are any underlying physical niggles these are picked up and investigated , the current physio and riding instructor don't think there are and she is developed strength and is moving better than when we bought her. (She was unfit and somewhat overweight at the time.). If there are no niggles/ underlying physical issues I want to be able to sell her on to the right type of home. If there are any issues identified I will think again and plan accordingly

I want to do right by the horse but also right by me and although my husband and friends are all saying keep her this doesn't feel right.

 

[eahotson]

Well obviously you have to do what you think is right.I am usually the sort of person that thinks that if it is not working sell.I am not so sure in your case.A mare is not a gelding.As a relevantly new owner of a mare,always had geldings in the past,I am just learning this .Needed a new instructor. Found what sounded ideal.BHSII,middle aged,experienced. My mare,who is normally a very quiet safe ride and like a large labrador in personality,just did not like her.She napped very badly with her,something she has never done before or since.I think you and your mare get on.Your daughter and your mare do not get on.Perhaps if it was just you and maybe one other person that she does get on with ride her she might be fine and not need huge amounts of exercise.

 

[Miss_Millie]

How much turnout does she get? Just wondering why she requires riding five to six times a week?

 

[Waxwing]

Hi she lives out and spends few hours in on the days she is ridden. She doesn't necessarily need hard work but is more settled in when she is ridden consistently. She is a very good doer and was reactive to spring grass so she is kept on poorer grazing with a bit of hay when she is in and does very well on this. No hard feed other than a small handful when she comes in just so she associates coming in as a positive thing. She ives out with a small herd of other mares , very settled and happy

 

[Xmasha]

if we pull out some information from your post, and then say what would you recommend to someone with a horse like this :

DD has come off a couple times and no longer wants to ride
Experienced friend has come off
The riding instructor who you rate has said horse is fresh so wont ride and lunges instead, will ride next day when horse not as fresh
To keep horse rideable for owner the horse needs an experienced rider to school/ride etc at least twice a week
Owner by own admission is novice and confidence is up and down
Owner loves the horse and feels a bond
Owner hasnt fallen off, but is limited to hacking /walk trot tests etc

 

[eahotson]

if we pull out some information from your post, and then say what would you recommend to someone with a horse like this :

DD has come off a couple times and no longer wants to ride
Experienced friend has come off
The riding instructor who you rate has said horse is fresh so wont ride and lunges instead, will ride next day when horse not as fresh
To keep horse rideable for owner the horse needs an experienced rider to school/ride etc at least twice a week
Owner by own admission is novice and confidence is up and down
Owner loves the horse and feels a bond
Owner hasnt fallen off, but is limited to hacking /walk trot tests etc

 

[eahotson]

Put like that I suppose no.

 

[emilylou]

I think you need to take a more long term view. What are your longterm goals and aspirations as a rider? Does this horse allign with these plans or not?
What kind of work suits the horse best? Would she be easy to sell if you did decide to?

And, provided your answers to the above give enough reason to justify keeping her I would seek out a good, experienced freelance rider who would be able to guide you and has the flexibility to work the horse in the ways she needs, and possibly teach you too.

But honestly, the tone of your posts make me think that the horse would benefit from a more challenging job, mentally and physically and you need an easy-going mount that will fit in with your life.

 

[Equi]

Sell.

 

[Alibear]

You know your horse and the situation best and seem to have come up with a good plan with schooling, livery, etc, so I'd say trust your instincts and go with that.

 

[eahotson]

Put like that I suppose no.

if we pull out some information from your post, and then say what would you recommend to someone with a horse like this :

DD has come off a couple times and no longer wants to ride
Experienced friend has come off
The riding instructor who you rate has said horse is fresh so wont ride and lunges instead, will ride next day when horse not as fresh
To keep horse rideable for owner the horse needs an experienced rider to school/ride etc at least twice a week
Owner by own admission is novice and confidence is up and down
Owner loves the horse and feels a bond
Owner hasnt fallen off, but is limited to hacking /walk trot tests etc

Wanted to add that I had missed the bit about trainer unwilling to ride.The positives to all of this is that she can hack out gently and feel safe and she has taken her to a competition where she enjoyed herself and pressumably felt safe.She is not suitable for her daughter and I wonder if watching some of her daughters falls have frightened her?I have a mare that is as quiet as a lamb and like a big friendly labrador in personality.She took against one trainer though and her behaviour changed dramatically.I have no idea why but there you go.I just wonder if she kept her for strictly 6 months more.Had a new trainer that suited her and her mare (OH I am learning!) if it just might work.Don't know.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you for your replies, to be honest my inclination is to sell, with some time on schooling livery first to make sure she is going well and whoever is selling on my behalf knows her and can sell her honestly to the right home. Despite our ups and downs I owe this horse a lot and I want the best future outcome for her.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Thank you for your replies, to be honest my inclination is to sell, with some time on schooling livery first to make sure she is going well and whoever is selling on my behalf knows her and can sell her honestly to the right home. Despite our ups and downs I owe this horse a lot and I want the best future outcome for her.

I think you are right. My riding days pretty well ended after my sister sold her older gelding and kept his younger brother. I had the older sister who I adored but had always had quirks. What we didn't realise till he was gone was that my mare took her confidence from her older brother and when required to step up and nanny her younger brother couldn't cope and we eventually stopped trying to ride out. They were all homebred and there was never any question of selling her so she lived as a pasture pet until I lost her at 23 with colic in 2010. I missed riding but even after getting a loan pony never got back into it as it turned out my nerve had totally gone.
So sell her and get something that will suit you and your daughter and that you can just enjoy.

 

[Xmasha]

Thank you for your replies, to be honest my inclination is to sell, with some time on schooling livery first to make sure she is going well and whoever is selling on my behalf knows her and can sell her honestly to the right home. Despite our ups and downs I owe this horse a lot and I want the best future outcome for her.

Shes a lovely mare, and with a gusty teen type rider will have endless fun at PC . I cant see you having any issues finding the right home

 

[Waxwing]

Shes a lovely mare, and with a gusty teen type rider will have endless fun at PC . I cant see you having any issues finding the right home


Thank you Asha that means a lot; she is a lovely mare.

 

[Miss_Millie]

I apologise if I've got the wrong poster in mind but your profile name and mention of daughter rings a bell - have you bought and sold on a few times in the past few years?

I only ask because I think it's helpful to see patterns in ourselves to try and understand the real root of the issue. I don't think that the 'perfect' horse exists, in the same way that us humans aren't perfect. Like with human friendships, I think it can take many many years to build trust and a strong bond - there will always be some bumps in the road and I think what gets you through those bumps is unconditional love and seeing the animal as an individual beyond just what they can offer us in terms of riding. From my own perspective as someone prone to worrying, it can be easy to catastrophize when a few things go wrong in a row.

That being said, horses are expensive animals to keep, it's important that you're both enjoying life together and there's no shame in selling a horse if you really don't think you are a good match.

But I think an above poster is right in asking what your long-term goals and hopes are for the relationship. Otherwise you might find yourself in a pattern of never feeling like it's 'good enough' and always becoming disappointed or anxious at some point, regardless of the horse. I always try to remind myself that as long as my horses are healthy and enjoying their lives outside of ridden work, anything they do with me ridden or on the ground is just a positive extra. This has helped me to relax about making 'progress' or when my personal goals hit a roadblock.

I hope you figure out what's best for you, keep us updated

 

[eahotson]

I apologise if I've got the wrong poster in mind but your profile name and mention of daughter rings a bell - have you bought and sold on a few times in the past few years?

I only ask because I think it's helpful to see patterns in ourselves to try and understand the real root of the issue. I don't think that the 'perfect' horse exists, in the same way that us humans aren't perfect. Like with human friendships, I think it can take many many years to build trust and a strong bond - there will always be some bumps in the road and I think what gets you through those bumps is unconditional love and seeing the animal as an individual beyond just what they can offer us in terms of riding. From my own perspective as someone prone to worrying, it can be easy to catastrophize when a few things go wrong in a row.

That being said, horses are expensive animals to keep, it's important that you're both enjoying life together and there's no shame in selling a horse if you really don't think you are a good match.

But I think an above poster is right in asking what your long-term goals and hopes are for the relationship. Otherwise you might find yourself in a pattern of never feeling like it's 'good enough' and always becoming disappointed or anxious at some point, regardless of the horse. I always try to remind myself that as long as my horses are healthy and enjoying their lives outside of ridden work, anything they do with me ridden or on the ground is just a positive extra. This has helped me to relax about making 'progress' or when my personal goals hit a roadblock.

I hope you figure out what's best for you, keep us updated

I do think pe

I apologise if I've got the wrong poster in mind but your profile name and mention of daughter rings a bell - have you bought and sold on a few times in the past few years?

I only ask because I think it's helpful to see patterns in ourselves to try and understand the real root of the issue. I don't think that the 'perfect' horse exists, in the same way that us humans aren't perfect. Like with human friendships, I think it can take many many years to build trust and a strong bond - there will always be some bumps in the road and I think what gets you through those bumps is unconditional love and seeing the animal as an individual beyond just what they can offer us in terms of riding. From my own perspective as someone prone to worrying, it can be easy to catastrophize when a few things go wrong in a row.

That being said, horses are expensive animals to keep, it's important that you're both enjoying life together and there's no shame in selling a horse if you really don't think you are a good match.

But I think an above poster is right in asking what your long-term goals and hopes are for the relationship. Otherwise you might find yourself in a pattern of never feeling like it's 'good enough' and always becoming disappointed or anxious at some point, regardless of the horse. I always try to remind myself that as long as my horses are healthy and enjoying their lives outside of ridden work, anything they do with me ridden or on the ground is just a positive extra. This has helped me to relax about making 'progress' or when my personal goals hit a roadblock.

I hope you figure out what's best for you, keep us updated

I do think it is important to look at patterns of behaviour and one can be that you underestimate yourself and over extimate others.I have sometimes been guilty of that.Also, while it is good to listen to genuinely good advice from really experienced people, avoid the faux friends and the "Yard Expert".Other people can sometimes knowingly, sometimes not, knock your confidence.You know, you should be jumping at least this height,competing at this level etc.On my current little cob we were doing alright.I had a novice rider and she was a very young horse, but with the help of my very good instructor we were going to shows, where she behaved very well and we won a few nice rossettes and qualified for a very grass roots competition.I was also riding her without any problems.Along comes the "Yard Expert".You should be cantering by now!! Why when no one was ready.This lead to stuff being done behind my back which led to her becoming very nappy in the school,spinning and spooking.Along comes my excellent physiotherapist who found that she was very stiff and sore.After that was sorted she went back to becoming her quiet and pleasant self but I moved her from that yard.

 

[Nonjumper]

Honestly, going back through your various threads about your horse, to my mind she is simply not the right horse for you or your family, and deep down I think you know it.

I agree mares are not geldings but my mares, and I've had a few, never scared me nor did they need to be in constant work to be safe to get back in the saddle. Now that your safety net is leaving, I really think you need to have a serious and honest think about this, because sooner or later someone is going to come a cropper in this situation.

 

[Red-1]

I think you are the poster I gave an opinion on this mare to a long time back. Yes, you seem able to 'manage' the situation but it seems fraught with stress.

I have 'managed' horses before if their primary goal has been a competitive one as opposed to for pleasure. I've 'managed' horses I've not particularly enjoyed riding, when paid to do so.

I believe I said that I didn't think this mare was a match for you and your daughter a long way back. You have been managing, but when you have the right horse it can be so much nicer than this. I wish for this relaxed and fun type of horse ownership for you.

I used to have proper competition types. I now have 2 horses that would not previously have interested me at all. But I love them both for who they are, and love riding them. Both could have a month off and be ridden next day with no issue. At one time that would not have interested me but now I really value that.

I would still say sell and get something both you and your daughter love to ride, even after a week off. It may need to be a more hairy type - mine both are but sometimes a non hairy one can be like that (but is generally more expensive because of that).

I had a few false starts buying but am glad I cast off the mis-fits.

Of course, mine are still living, breathing animals and accidents can happen but I am having fun on a daily basis and not stressing it. That is the difference.

 

[eahotson]

Honestly, going back through your various threads about your horse, to my mind she is simply not the right horse for you or your family, and deep down I think you know it.

I agree mares are not geldings but my mares, and I've had a few, never scared me nor did they need to be in constant work to be safe to get back in the saddle. Now that your safety net is leaving, I really think you need to have a serious and honest think about this, because sooner or later someone is going to come a cropper in this situation.

I have probably missed a lot of posts but has she ever done anything with waxwing herself.

 

[eahotson]

I think you are the poster I gave an opinion on this mare to a long time back. Yes, you seem able to 'manage' the situation but it seems fraught with stress.

I have 'managed' horses before if their primary goal has been a competitive one as opposed to for pleasure. I've 'managed' horses I've not particularly enjoyed riding, when paid to do so.

I believe I said that I didn't think this mare was a match for you and your daughter a long way back. You have been managing, but when you have the right horse it can be so much nicer than this. I wish for this relaxed and fun type of horse ownership.

I used to have proper competition types. I now have 2 horses that would not previously have interested me at all. But I love them both for who they are, and love riding them. Both could have a month off and be ridden next day with no issue. At one time that would not have interested me but now I really value that.

I would still say sell and get something both you and your daughter love to ride, even after a week off. It may need to be a more hairy type - mine both are but sometimes a non hairy one can be like that (but is generally more expensive because of that).

I had a few false starts buying but am glad I cast off the mis-fits.

Of course, mine are still living, breathing animals and accidents can happen but I am having fun on a daily basis and not stressing it. That is the difference.

Yes perhaps that is what she has been doing,managing.Normally I am the first person to say sell as I struggled for too long once with one that was unsuitable. Anyway at the end of the day it is up to her,her money her choices.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you all, the horse will be going will be going on schooling/ sales livery as soon as I work out the appropriate arrangements. We had agreed earlier this year that the horse would stay until my daughter completed Year 11. She was having a horrendous time at school and with her mental health, and even not ridden the horse was a positive in her life. She actually quite enjoyed her from January to June so I am glad we kept her as it was one of the few positives in her life at that point.

If the instructor wasn't leaving and DD was still wanting to ride her would probably have carried on as the arrangement worked and I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing. We were doing anything less than the other liveries on the yard who ride for fun, so it was more than just managing at that point. The horse was more settled at that time.

However the instructor is leaving, DD has finished school and is no longer wants to ride and for whatever reason the horse has been more on her toes for the past month or so.

I have been fairly clear in my own mind but have had very different views from my OH, local horsy friends and instructors.

 

[Waxwing]

I am also have no issue with having a more hairy type!

 

[eahotson]

Well good luck for the future.I have a hairy.She is from the Acresdale stud.

 

[Bobthecob15]

You’ve had a rough ride of it with this horse and I admire you for trying to persevere with her, so don’t feel bad you really did try to make it work. She’s just not the right horse for your family at the moment so it is the right thing to do.

Who knows something else might come along your daughter loves and feels confident on and reignites her want to ride, wishing you the best of luck!

 

[horsimous]

It all sounds rather high maintenance and thats taking the enjoyment out of it.