Want to give it all up!

Cornish on the Cob

Cornish on the Cob

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31 May 2011
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Hayle,Cornwall
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Ive had enough of losing my confidence! Was going on fine with my hacking out etc and suddenly Bridie is riding head up and really pacing on and my confidence has hit rock bottom. I have been trying to justify that something is wrong with her to make her suddenly go like that but unfortunately there doesn't seem to be! She is 4 years old and was a right old plod, in fact her nickname up the yard is The Geriatric! Perhaps she has just suddenly got fitter? Ive had her 6 months now but I'm ready to just put her on loan so that she can be ridden by someone who deserves her! She has the sweetest temperament and is 100% in everything and I know I won't find anything better but I just don't even want to get on her at the moment :(
 
Awwwwww :) I know how you feel xx I have a 4 yr old TB and she is a dobbin one day and a rodeo horse the next. Youngsters are unpredictable, and at this time of year, it's a bit colder, maybe a bit windier, and they get a bit full of themselves.
Have you changed anything recently? Feed? Turnout? Is there someone with a nice steady horse that could hack out with you for a bit?
 
DemiBridie said:
Ive had enough of losing my confidence! Was going on fine with my hacking out etc and suddenly Bridie is riding head up and really pacing on and my confidence has hit rock bottom. I have been trying to justify that something is wrong with her to make her suddenly go like that but unfortunately there doesn't seem to be! She is 4 years old and was a right old plod, in fact her nickname up the yard is The Geriatric! Perhaps she has just suddenly got fitter? Ive had her 6 months now but I'm ready to just put her on loan so that she can be ridden by someone who deserves her! She has the sweetest temperament and is 100% in everything and I know I won't find anything better but I just don't even want to get on her at the moment :(
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Losing confidence is never good-I've been through it a few times after having falls and injuries, or just from riding something that I couldn't get to perform or that unnerved me. So I can sympathise with you here.

Have you tried to do stuff with your horse where you are confident? Even if it is just grooming, grazing in hand or schooling, instead of focusing where you have lost your confidence? A lot of people find this helps, and then can progress in baby steps to the thing that makes them feel nervous and worried. Your horse is still very young and I'm assuming from her age very green in some respects-so everything is a learning curve for you both. Right now you don't want to knock her confidence too, but by getting to know her more and building your trust in each other in a situation where you are both happy you will grow so much together. A horse will only trust you as much as you trust them!

Alternatively some people do find it helps to get a sharer or a loaner for their horse and have a break for a while or take more of a back seat role. If it's only hacking out where you're unconfident, is there an experienced friend who can get on your horse and build up her confidence doing this, and then work towards helping you over come your worries here too?

It doesn't work for everyone (infact, for the majority of people I know) but every time I have lost my confidence I have just had to force myself to do it on a horse I know can. Sometimes I've sat shaking and crying after, but in a way it did make me feel proud that I did it. I stopped riding a few years ago for a few months and then realised it's what I wanted to do. After having a serious injury this year (broken back) where I was told I possibly wouldn't ride again, I realised just how much this means to me and that it is actually my life. Made me think of all the times I'd lost confidence or couldn't be bothered to ride, and how that was nothing in the grand scheme of things. Not saying go out and break your back, or that losing your confidence is nothing, but sometimes we don't realise just what it means to us until we're faced with not having it any more.

I would say to either give it a time frame (maybe 2 months) to see if things get better if you change tactics and build up to the hacking, and take a break if it doesn't work out. Or if you really feel like taking a break and assessing what the best way to move forward is, have a friend who is horse-less look after her for a while until you have found your feet again. Never an easy choice to make but I would honestly say don't give up! *hugs* :)
 
Awww thank you both! I really needed a bit of sympathy! I have a very good friend up the yard who built up my confidence in the first place and she is willing to do it again bless her. I am going to go for a short hack on Saturday with my friend walking with me and see how I go. I know how you feel Young Farmer about not realising what you've got till you lose it as I put an advert for loan the other day when I was really bad and someone replied and I was like :eek: no no no!!!! Feeling a bit better now I know I'm not the only one but I feel stupid as nothing bad has happened i.e falling off etc but I just can't get used to this spring chicken thing! I don't feel in control when she rides with her head up as she always used to lollop along! *hugs back*
 
DemiBridie said:
Awww thank you both! I really needed a bit of sympathy! I have a very good friend up the yard who built up my confidence in the first place and she is willing to do it again bless her. I am going to go for a short hack on Saturday with my friend walking with me and see how I go. I know how you feel Young Farmer about not realising what you've got till you lose it as I put an advert for loan the other day when I was really bad and someone replied and I was like :eek: no no no!!!! Feeling a bit better now I know I'm not the only one but I feel stupid as nothing bad has happened i.e falling off etc but I just can't get used to this spring chicken thing! I don't feel in control when she rides with her head up as she always used to lollop along! *hugs back*
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Don't ever feel stupid for losing your confidence-everyone does, even the top riders at some point. I struggled for months to get my confidence back show jumping after a fall. Even though I was on horses who would jump (and not all push button types, some would drag even a body builder round a school like a rag doll) I still would be crying and shaking before and after going over a jump. I felt so stupid for a long time, and even passing my BHS 2 and 3 still felt I couldn't jump and might as well give up.

It really does happen to everyone and never think it's stupid. To someone else who has never had that sort of experience, yes it may be. But 99% of riders have been through it at some point. Have you had a bad experience in the past with this horse/a horse who has done the same thing? Is there anything you can think of that could of triggered these negative feelings?

I would honestly recommend going back to anything you feel comfortable with, and build up from there. If not-bite the bullet and go for it (it's not always a crazy idea!). It's good to know that you have a friend who is willing to help you, and it shows the confidence she has in you and your horse that you can both come through this smiling and happy. Don't rush into any choice about your horse though that might not be the best one. Think through all of your options first and discuss with people who know you both :) You will get through it
 
Thank you! Haven't had a bad experience with her she is a lovely natured horse. A couple of people have ridden her and said there is nothing wrong so it makes me think its just her getting fitter and thats why she is going faster/head up etc. Ive only just got back in the saddle after 14 years and had 2 kids so not the most confident person. She just feels like she's going to bolt or explode but friends reassure me she is ok but I'm just not used to her riding like that. Oh well I will go back to basics as I do love her and riding. Will let you know how I get on. :)
 
As others have said, alot of us have been there. I lost all confidence with my late girl, she became a coiled spring for months and I felt like she was just going to bolt all the time. It is so hard regaining your confidence but you can do it. Your girl does sound very sweet, she is very young still. What you do have to do is try and pretend at least you are confident, imagine that you will have a nice little hack and take deep breaths constantly telling yourself you can handle it.
Hopefully this will pass for you, but don't give up just yet x
 
My lad is very similar though he's 8 years old! He's been an angel all summer and now its getting colder he's turning into a bit of a loon! He's been an angel in the school with me and been a bit naughty on hacks attempting to take off he did indeed gallop off the other week! Monster! I've taken him hacking twice since then and he's been fine if a bit keen for home. Then my trainer came up Monday to ride him and he was SO naughty he was bronching around the school and trying to take off! I thought my trainer was going to come off at one stage!

It was rather embarrasing as i'd said before he got on him that he's been an angel in the school lately been going really nicely! (I had his back, saddle, teeth all checked 2 weeks ago and all fine). So just wanted to let you know you most definately aren't on your own! Stick at it and you will get through it and build your confidence back up. I think the change of season, and for mine his routine has changed also he's on haylage now where as before he was just out 24/7 on grass. Plus when it starts to get colder he wants to get moving to warm up as he's fully clipped out so I can't blame him for that. Yet about a month ago my boy was feeling rather lazy and I was even contemplating feeding him up to get some energy! Needless to say that wasn't required! lol They all have their moments just stick at it don't give up :) Good luck and I hope she starts behaving!
 
I lost my nerve jumping and have since got a little of it back. It is not easy for anyone to tell you how to get over it but I found the more you do something the less you are afraid.

Only advice I can give is try riding more often or for longer than usual get in some saddle hours it may help. Don't give up just yet keep on trying.
 
I am in a similar situation - the only way I can deal with it is to break down the hacking into segments and work on the bits I don't like separately and dealing with my fears bit by bit. So for me .....

- Desensitising him to large vehicles and flappy things.
- Riding in large open spaces
- Controlling any spooks

So I have decided to cut down on the hacking out and work on these.

- We are going to do lots of pole work and little jumps and flatwork (to improve my reactions, confidence and position).
- Schooling wise I am going to work on lateral work to get him moving off my leg
- I have made an outdoor school to use when weather permits
- I am going to take the tractor or quad bike into his field with his hay every day
- I am going to desensitise him to all flappy things
- I am going to go for a very small schooling ride out every day with lots of transitions and backing up, etc.

Hope this gives some food for thought. Don't give up, its just another challenge to think your way through. Just remember though the point is to enjoy it, not to do things because you 'have' to!! Alternatively, put him in a field until Spring!!
 
Thank you for all your replies! I'm feeling better already. It's annoying that I got through my nerves and was doing fine and overnight its gone! I will keep at it and hope to be back in the saddle soon! *hugs all*
 
beehorses said:
I lost my nerve jumping and have since got a little of it back. It is not easy for anyone to tell you how to get over it but I found the more you do something the less you are afraid.

Only advice I can give is try riding more often or for longer than usual get in some saddle hours it may help. Don't give up just yet keep on trying.
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Thanks for your advice! I see you are in SW Cornwall. Me too! Between Hayle and Camborne! x
 
Sorry but if you have lost your confidence and you are assuming mare is going to bolt, she will, as she will be picking up your nerves. Best thing you can do is sell her on before you ruin her, and go back to riding lessons.
 
You should see my thread from Monday. I wanted to give it up on Monday as too anxious. 2 people have told me if my loan horse misbehaves to stand up to him and now feel like I don't want to be beaten by a horse now I understand why he reacted why he did. I took him on hoping for a ploddy horse and he ran off with me which really took me by surprise (and the owner!) I have booked some lessons and riding out on the horse with his stablemate/owner and will see how that goes but the owner just encouraged me to ride out with her or someone on the yard to get back confidence. I think about just going to lessons but what I would like is some time with horses to learn from them and time in the saddle. Lessons are over in half an hour, in a controlled enclosed environment on "safe" horses with someone constantly watching you, then you have to give the horse straight back and I can't bring myself to break the agreement. I don't want to be beaten just by nerves. If we can get past this it's really cool having a good long canter (under my terms ;)) and actually he would teach me more by not just plodding.

Maybe focus on progress you have made, positives and be less hard on yourself. I have actually just taken up riding again so doing really well and made big steps forward on the stable management side.
 
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