well and truly pissed off - i hate relying on people

woah! i dont think shes too demanding at all. Mum and dad are both horsey so should understand the importance of routine..

And honestly, with the winter were apparently getting, i wouldnt bike if i were you. Think of your own saftey.

Sit them down and talk. Tell them you need to figure out regular times, or IF they are not happy giving you lifts, tell them to fix your bike for the summer but its unfair to bike in the dead of winter. If they are allowing you to keep a horse, its THEIR responibility as the ADULT to make sure the animals are looked after. When your 18 and driving, well then your responable.
 
Maybe it just came across badly in your original post, but from that you sound like a bit of a madam and as a step-mum, and someone who is self-employed, god help you if you ever tried to treat me like that.

You are asking him for a favour, so be polite, and ask nicely. Dont 'TELL' him when to get up,, and don't suddenly phone him up at a random time in the afternoon expecting a lift there and then.

Just because he is self employed doesn't mean he can drop everything to ferry you around. You are showing him no respect by not taking his business commitments seriously. Show someone no respect, and they will not be in the mood to help you out.

If you want him to give you lifts to the yard, you are going to have to work around his schedule, not demand that he works around yours.

Really, I suggest getting on to freegle or ebay and sorting a free bike. Or try fixing it yourself. Or buy your stepdad a 4 pack of beer and say 'thanks for all the lifts, I know it's a pain sometimes but I do appreciate it a lot' and see what happens.

I'm sure you are a nice person really :-) but you have to start thinking about being an adult now and acting that way, not a stroppy kid.
 
Can I suggest you buy yourself a moped and use that until you learn to drive. I do feel for your step dad a bit - he has a life too and driving you around like a taxi driver is probably not at the top of his "best loved" list ..... ;-)
 
just to clarify - i was angry when i wrote this i may sound that i demand but i am actually arranging in our convocations

eg i said "is half 7 in the morning ok to do the horses before you go to work?"the reply i got was "yeah thats fine"

when i rung him up like i always do i said " are you able to give me a lift to the yard please?" he turned around and said "no i bloody cant im busy you are going to have to wait until 6 because i have to finish here" i said "cant you just drop me down and leave me there?" and he said "no your going to have to ******ing wait until im ready" so i said "ok see you later"
 
StormyMoments said:
me and my mum pay for the horses, i am 17 and i have my own car and i am learning to drive but i have only just started and im not very good and i need someone in the car with me who has been driving for 3 + years and he is the only one. i broke all on the gears on my bike and twisted part of it (god knows how) so i cant fix it alone. the yard is 6 1/2 miles away from my house and i dont mind cycling there just i dont have a bike and i have reminded him but he is too busy as always
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OP, this may seem harsh but please don't take it that way, its not meant to be harsh but from reading your posts it is obvious your Stepfather is behaving like a bit of a tit, it is also obvious that you are missing out on your horses, it is clear that you will soon be able to drive up there, it is also clear that the simple solution to this is for you to get your own bike fixed, if you can't rely on him to take you to the yard, why rely on him to fix your bike. Google the problem and fix it yourself or failing that flutter your eyes at some tinkering grease monkey and get them to do it for you. You are 17 and it is well within your capabilities to get your own bike fixed. Thats not to say it wouldn't have been nice of him to help, but hes not going to, you need to be constructive about this because its you and your horses who are suffering from this. Show him that you can do without him. Fix the bike and have a 'screw you, I don't need your help' attitude. It will give you a lot of smug satisfaction to look him in the eyes as you cycle off on the bike you fixed without his help. At 17 its also a good lesson to learn, if you want something doing, do it yourself, especially when your other option is getting a man to do it. x
 
MrsD123 said:
as to bikes, this is fine in summer but NOT in winter, it is unsafe.
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:eek: bugger I spend an awful lot more time on my bike in winter than summer (cos its easier to ride in the dark than my horse!)

someone else said about the snow forecast.. we aren't quite there yet, obviously if we do get any then yes, biking isn't the easiest but it doesn't rule out a bicycle for the rest of the winter.

OP I do feel for you, its much more complicated when someone says one thing and then changes their mind last minute. As a planner I would find this really difficult, my mum also has a planner has had to get used to the fact that she can't ask me on Saturday what my riding plans are for the rest of the week.

I hope that you do manage to get it sorted out.
 
As a parent it scares me to death that you are thinking of cycling that far in the dark! If you do go down that route, please please please invest in some good lights, including one of the flashing ones for the back and wear lots of high viz and a cycling helmet.

TBH I think you should sit down with both your mum and step dad together and have a chat about the current situation and whether they have any suggestions about the best way to move forward so that you can look after your horses appropriately.

It may be worth seeing whether any of your neighbours go that way to work, as they could perhaps drop you off close by the yard?
 
To be honest OP, I think you sound like a typical stroppy teenager, demanding what you want with little consideration to the convenience of anyone else.

Yes that is blunt, but that's how you're coming across IMO.

How much of the horses do you pay for yourself? He might not directly contribute but if he is paying the mortgage then that's a fair chunk of money your mum doesn't have to pay and can spend on your horses - so in many ways he is contributing.

At 17 you're old enough to be responsible for your own transport, without demanding your stepdad gives you lifts at all times of the day. If your bike is broken, buy or borrow one - I'm sure you can easily get something for a few quid that will do as a runaround. Make sure you've got proper lights and reflective gear of course too.

I can understand that it is annoying if he says he can do something and then doesn't follow through - but if he is working from home he is working, not just able to drop everything to give you a lift on a whim. If you're relying on other people then you need to fit around their time frames, and if that isn't good enough, then sort out your own solution!
 
Also - you say it would be 10 minutes out of his day to take you to the yard. If its 6 1/2 miles then that is more like 15 minutes there, plus another 15 back, plus probably 5 minutes on either end getting the car keys, shoes on, making sure you're ready at that exact minute etc. So that's 40 minutes out of his day, and if he has to come and pick you up again later its probably another 40 minutes - which is an hour and twenty minutes just acting as unpaid taxi driver. So no small amount of time to take out of his day for you.
 
I have to say, I too think you are coming across as a bit of a madam.

The horses won't bother at all if you come at 6pm not 4pm - it will quickly become a routine for them - a routine that most people that work have to have. You can do the poo picking at weekends and ride then - a lot of people can only ride at weekends..

You say that you and your mum pay for the horses and he "only pays for the mortgage and the electric" etc - the horses cost "160/month - I'd choose that over a mortgage and bills anytime! You sound like a very lucky 17yr old with two horses, your own car, and someone to run you around! Also you said that one of the horses was his - did he give it to you? That sounds pretty nice to me.

I'm another one who thinks that you can get the bike that you broke fixed by yourself - you just say you asked him and he didn't do it, so its still broken. It sounds like a typical resentful stepdaughter to me.

The idea about sitting down and drawing up a proper routine sounds like the best way forward. At the moment it sounds as though you are all wound up with one another. Can't be very nice for any of you. Your poor mum must feel stuck in the middle!
 
Take your bike to a bicycle repair shop and get it fixed

Or buy a moped

Or move horses nearer to home (ask at local farms) or sell one and put the other on full livery or 5 day full livery

Stay at the yard all day, meaning you only need dropped off and collected

Appreciate that your step father has to prioritise his work over your hobby and his employers may not appreciate his getting personal calls at his work

Become more independent/do more for yourself/be more proactive and stop thinking just because you muck out your own horses you are any of the above - are you planning to go to university? If so, surely you won't be taking two horses with you so start planning now what you will do with them.

Not riding all week in winter and mucking out in the dark is the norm for many people who work full time.
 
Come on, your are 17 so should be taking some charge of your life by now. There are lots of ways of buying cheap bikes. You don't need anything fancy if you are only going a few miles. It is easy to forget being self-employed doesn't mean your stepfather can just drop everything to suit you. I agree he does sound a bit of a git, but perhaps that's what he thinks about teenagers too and you are both getting each others backs up. Try and sort out your own problems a bit and he will probably change his attitude too.
 
I feel your pain, on Monday I was called by my friend who usually feeds my horses in the afternoon for me, as I cant get there until gone 8pm, and told that she wasnt able to do the horses today (it was already 3pm!!) great, absolutely stunning that leaves my horses without hay/water until about 8.30 at night! and too late to ask anyone else! thankfully a freelance groom did them for me.. but the point is that my friend was in work as usual for 5.30! and could have told me well before 3pm. I am now employing a part time groom, to make sure that they get done wihtout fail. I just dont understand why people have to let others down, I wouldnt have minded if I had some notice or even if there was a good reason for her not being able to do them! and the number of girls that say oh yes I'd like to ride etc etc.. and the first sign of wind and rain and where are they!!!???? oooohhh!
 
Littlepowderkeg, perhaps the person had to go straight home for an emergency? You are lucky, I have no-one to help me. I used to do someone else's in the mornings on the swap but she thought it was fine for me to get up 7 days a week to do hers (despite living 10 miles closer than me), then find excuses to leave mine out on her own in the evenings, then one night dragged a ten tenths horse into its stable and left without telling me anything was wrong. So actually, I'm glad I do my own horse myself!
 
I got a moped when I was 16, used to drive myself everywhere. My dad was amazing though before I could drive and would pick me up whenever
 
My yard was 3 miles away and I used to cycle up there in the morning and up again after school.. I did this for 5 years before I could drive!!! at times my mum felt sorry for me and gave me a lift in the morning (ie if it was chucking it down or I was sick) but that was it

Start learning that you sometimes have to do things for yourself, discuss your concerns with your stepdad and sort your bike out!!!
 
Bikes are free on freecycle and it does exist in your area. I'm afraid I agree with those who say you come across as demanding. Two horses at 17? Wow! That's one heck of a privilege! Don't worry about the horses and routine. Mine don't have a particular routine - work puts paid to that! If you have to ride in the dark, is there an area at the yard where you can don a headlight and school/hack around the fields? That's what I have to do in the winter if I ride mid-week. It isn't glamorous, but that's the reality for lots of working people (and students too!).
 
At 17 I had a full time job, cycled 5 miles morning and night, summer or winter to see to my horse (I bought and paid for my own horse and its keep) Both of my parents worked very hard, they did not have vehicles and even if they had I would NOT have expected them to shuffle their tiring and busy days to suit my pastimes!:mad:

Ok - if you are still in education, either sell your horses or put them out on loan until you are mature enough and financially secure enough to wipe your own bum?:rolleyes: Sorry if this sounds harsh - but time to grow up and take responsibility for your own hobbies and not expect to be run around like a ten year old.:(
 
I too, as a parent, would not be happy with you having to cycle in the dark fullstop. If an arrangement is made, then it should be kept and your step-father should keep to his word. If he fails to do that, then you have my sympathy. My daughters welfare and safety comes first no matter what and if her father or indeed a step-father let her down and her safety was compromised, words would be said. How many times on this forum are there posts about inconsiderate drivers? There is no way on Gods Given Planet, my daughter would have to cycle in the dark, anywhere - and we live in the middle of nowhere.
 
blazingsaddles said:
I too, as a parent, would not be happy with you having to cycle in the dark fullstop. If an arrangement is made, then it should be kept and your step-father should keep to his word. If he fails to do that, then you have my sympathy. My daughters welfare and safety comes first no matter what and if her father or indeed a step-father let her down and her safety was compromised, words would be said. How many times on this forum are there posts about inconsiderate drivers? There is no way on Gods Given Planet, my daughter would have to cycle in the dark, anywhere - and we live in the middle of nowhere.
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I, like many others, cycled both to my horse and to a job, including in the dark at 17. Prepared me well for university the next year where I had to live away from home and could get to places by cycling to them without feeling like a scared child. I also ended up doing triathlons and things, for which you have to be reasonably independent too. I'm sure its done my health far more good in the long term than bad as I've kept it up ever since and still don't expect other people to run around after me.
 
Me too OP! My situation is slightly different to yours but after being at home over the summer from uni, working, having a car (shared with my mum and brother) to coming here (USA). I wanted riding lessons whilst I was here with the Western Team. Everyone has been so fantastic at managing to get me to my lessons. I looked into ways I could get to my lessons - no buses go anywhere near there, no taxi companies will go there, I can't hire a car because of my age and according to google maps it would take me 4 1/2 hours to walk there! So I totally get where you're coming from with regards to relying on people.
 
Your step dad does have a life though. You're complaining about having to rely on your sdad but he's having to change his life to accommodate your lifts too. I'm afraid at 17 I was well and truly independent and paid for EVERYTHING myself - It may be a blessing in disguise. Learn to think about a solution which will make you a more mature person. (by the way, this is a forum and you are welcome to a whinge). I hope things improve for you.
 
Littlepowderkeg said:
I feel your pain, on Monday I was called by my friend who usually feeds my horses in the afternoon for me, as I cant get there until gone 8pm, and told that she wasnt able to do the horses today (it was already 3pm!!) great, absolutely stunning that leaves my horses without hay/water until about 8.30 at night! and too late to ask anyone else! thankfully a freelance groom did them for me.. but the point is that my friend was in work as usual for 5.30! and could have told me well before 3pm. I am now employing a part time groom, to make sure that they get done wihtout fail. I just dont understand why people have to let others down, I wouldnt have minded if I had some notice or even if there was a good reason for her not being able to do them! and the number of girls that say oh yes I'd like to ride etc etc.. and the first sign of wind and rain and where are they!!!???? oooohhh!
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Littlepowderkeg - have you actually read your posting - this friend of your's, did she get some kind of "payback" for this work she did for you? Sorry if I have completely mis-read this but it reads like you need to eat a little more humble pie ....
 
LaurenBay said:
What's going to happen when you get into full time work and then can't ride on the weekdays because it's to dark? It's life.

Get a bike/bus or walk instead.
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Agree!

You do sound very demanding from the way you have written your post!

Not to sound horrible, but if you can afford the livery surely you can afford another form of transport. If I was you I would be taking lessons for my driving test and then you wouldn't have to rely on others for lifts. Another option would be to share yard duties with someone else at the yard.

As the winter draws in, everyone finds it more difficult to ride. Especially if you work full time in a job that isn't romotely horsey!
 
can you change your routine at the yard a bit so that you can ride when your transport allows?

for example, i work full time and still want to ride during the week. I leave the poo picking until the weekend to allow more time for riding in the week. I also switched my mare on to shavings, so i could deep litter her. This means it only takes me 15 minutes to skip out, tidy bed, do haynet and feeds.

these little changes have allowed me to find time to ride more when i need to by shifting time consuming jobs until the weekend....

I know that transport is tough for you, but this might help when you are trying to get things done?
 
StormyMoments said:
there is only 1 other person on the yard and she just chucks their feeds in for them she wont handle taz
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Hmmm!! Thats not true really is it? and you know you only have to message me and depending which site I am working at, I can pick you up no problem as I drive right by your house (and if you are already there, I always give you a lift home, every time) . Try not to get yourself stressed, your guys are both very well looked after by you, and during the winter everybody has the blues at some point, about wishing we had more time, or more daylight etc.
 
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I'd say sell the car seeing as you can't get much use out of it til you pass your test and it must be costing a fortune to have it insured and just sat there as realistically if you've only just started taking lessons it will be a little while yet until you are ready to take your test and even if you are a good driver this is no guarantee you will pass on the first go. (Keep up with the lessons though so you can still be working towards taking you test, most instructors offer lessons in their own vehicle so not having a car will not be an issue) With the money you have just got from selling said car and the money you are saving from not having to insure it get yourself a scooter / moped (you will have to take some form of instruction before being able to drive one as a learner, unsure of exactly how much but not a huge amount from what I understand). They are a lot cheaper to tax, insure and run than a car and you can drive on your own as a learner from what I understand. This will then mean you have a way to get to and from the yard that is quicker than cycling and that you will only really have to ask for the odd lift if the weather is really bad (making your stepdad more likely to oblige when you do need a lift if you're not asking every day). Alternatively you could buy yourself a new bike if you don't mind cycling (prob cheaper and less hassle than fixing your current one). Even if your stepdad is self-employed he does still have work to do and playing taxi service to you will still eat into his day, esp if he has to hang around waiting for you.
 
Tbh OP you need to find a way of being more independent. When I was 16 I used to get up at 4 to walk upto the yard, got there at 5, fed my horses and chucked them out, was home for half 6, had shower etc and had school at 8.

As everyone else has said, try and get a moped or a normal bike...good luck :D
 
Get a job and pay someone to fix your bike or buy a new one. You have choices here and it is not necessary to rely on your step dad. You seem to expect quite a lot from someone who you say you don't get on with.
 
I agree with OP needing to be more independent. OP you need to get a new bike. It sounds to me that your step-dad is just fed up with everything,maybe he doesnt like horses? not everyone does. Can you get a Saturday job or something to get some money so you can buy a new bike?
 
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