well today went well.. its just not working out

weesophz

weesophz

Well-Known Member
Joined
21 September 2011
Messages
2,536
Location
West o' Scotland.
www.facebook.com
quite long.. i posted this morning about going up to help one of my sharers after he had problems with fox this morning. i asked both my sharers to come up so we could all help eachother kind of thing.

so, i rode fox for a bit, popped a couple of jumps and he was an absolute star, honestly was chuffed to bits with him. was fine for first sharer (L) too then second sharer (P) was going to take him a walk to cool down. me and L walked alongside P. it was all going fine til fox started trying to turn to go home. i kept telling P to kick but all he was doing was yanking foxs mouth and pulling him in cirlces. no matter what i said he did the total opposite. it was actually quite distressing for me and L to watch and i eventually just said to P to get off and ill get fox going. i know a few will say that wasnt the right thing to do but fox was visibly stressed. i got on kicked fox on a grand total of 3 times and off he went fine, got off and let P back on and he was fine the rest of the way. he then proceeded to trot ahead of me and L eventhough it was a cool down walk since me and L had been riding and jumping for an hour prior. he also started panicking and shouting my name when a cyclist came towards him, fox has seen a million bikes and doesnt bother with them, he didnt even bat an eyelid at the cyclist.. spoke to him when we were back and he said he had let himself down and he was sorry and all this. thats all well and good, fine.

then speaking to the girl (N) he was on a hack with yesterday, she tells me that P was taking fox onto the grass (i told both sharers not to do this unless they intend to go for a gallop..) then screaming and panicking when fox was getting excited. he apparently also took fox down a slope that was slippy due to the weather, and as N didnt take her horse that way fox was even more distressed, and he apparently asked N not to tell me about it. Although P did phone me saying he got a fright etc, he didnt tell me any of this, im pretty disappointed that hes trying to hide what happened.

i dont know what to do tbh. i just feel its not working out with P at all. L said to me today aswell she feels hes undone a lot of our work which i agree with as fox hadnt been nappy for such a long time and was coming on great. P is a lovely guy, but i feel like he lied to me about his abilities at the beginning, and fox has picked up a lot of bad habits since he started. how do i even begin to tell him that i just feel he isnt right for fox? i dont want to hurt the guys feelings as he is genuinely nice, just too much of a novice.
 
Tell him he's too much of a novice - he obviously knows this anyway - and it's only going to get worse. Either that or tell him to get lessons and ride with a trainer only.
 
You do know what to do. He needs to either not share him, you need to supervise him and bring him on, he needs to have lessons and only ride under an instructors supervision or you let him carry on with the way he is going.

No drama necessary - the conversation you have just needs to be straightforward. If you don't, you will soon be posting on here about an accident and you will be blaming him.
 
Deseado said:
Tell him he's too much of a novice - he obviously knows this anyway - and it's only going to get worse. Either that or tell him to get lessons and ride with a trainer only.
Click to expand...

told him this plenty time, he always says hes going to get them but just doesnt. we agreed today he's no longer to go hacks alone, but thats not fun for him or fox.

SkewbyTwo said:
Tell him he's simply not safe. Because he isn't! x
Click to expand...

yup! i just dont know how to have THAT conversation, feels like a break up! dont know how to go about it at all x

Billie1007 said:
You do know what to do. He needs to either not share him, you need to supervise him and bring him on, he needs to have lessons and only ride under an instructors supervision or you let him carry on with the way he is going.

No drama necessary - the conversation you have just needs to be straightforward. If you don't, you will soon be posting on here about an accident and you will be blaming him.
Click to expand...

i cant be there all the time thats what me and L were saying today, both of us are always a bit on egde when its Ps day with fox.. last time i was up he only rode in the school and seemed ok, but after today i know its not the case! i defo agree with you, i dont want anyone getting hurt at all
 
Billie1007 said:
Ok, so if you can't supervise him you can't have him as a sharer. You need to take responsibility here.
Click to expand...

no i know this haha, my point is that i dont know how to go about it, i feel really guilty just thinking about it. i do really need to man up, i am a total wuss when it comes to things like this. too soft

if theres anyone out there who had a sharer that didnt work out please give me a shout haha :(
 
If I had to do this, I'd make it about being for his wellbeing that you're asking him to stop sharing. Have you got any kind of contract? If not, I'd still give a little notice just out of courtesy. Make it clear that you know he's uncomfortable and you're worried about his confidence being knocked so much he wouldn't enjoy riding, and that you know fox isn't ideal for someone with lower confidence. Whatever you do, don't say he's a terrible rider! I'd point him in the direction of a good riding school or offer a bit of help finding him a share with a safer type, so you're not just cutting him loose and ignoring him from then on. It's clear he's embarrassed about not being up to scratch, so go easy on him. I hope it turns out alright for everyone involved!
 
I've had a couple, one the horse just acted very oddly around and I caught her really shouting at him in the stable (perfect school master wouldn't say boo to a fly) I told her straight I didn't think he was suited to her and that she should look for something that better suited her needs - his behaviour totally returned to normal 3 days after she stopped coming.

The second I asked to stick to walk for a few days then build up in trot as they had all been in for a month with bad snow. Next day she schooled him hard inc. cantering and told MY husband, that she didn't agree with my suggestion so was going to just ignore it and ride him when I wasn't around!!!! Not sure what she thought my husband would do with that info other than tell me ! but I said to her unfortunately my horse my rules and even if I said he could only be ridden in bright pink boots and numnah - tough MY horse MY rules. She argued with me that a month off in a 12 by 12 stable was nothing and so I said she would have to find something else to ride (that one was easy as she'd made me really cross)

I'd be brief and honest, riding horses is a partnership and fox just doesn't suit him for whatever reason and hence he would be better off looking for something else to ride (clearly fox and you would be better off too but no need to play on that part!)
 
Just say you are really sorry but Fox is not a suitable horse for him and you want to end the share.

I am in the same situation with a rider who rides my pony, not as bad as she is never on her unsupervised, so I haven't quite got to the "that is it" stage yet but if she doesn't pull her socks up I will have no choice.
 
You might find his relieved OP by you giving him a get out! He clearly is not happy your horse is not happy and you and your other sharer are not happy plus sounds like it is an accident about to happen which really isn't fair to your hour horse.
 
im thinking of saying something along the lines of..

sunday made me see that maybe fox isnt the right horse for you pet, its nothing personal at all i just think that hes maybe a bit too much for you to handle just now and i really dont want you to get hurt and i dont want him to dent your confidence cos i know youre wanting to get your own horse one day. youre welcome to continue with him for the next couple of weeks, i can help you look for another horse to share if you like, one thats going to help your confidence and not deplete it!

jazzy i was kind of thinking the same thing, im hoping this is the case so i wont feel so bad..
 
He may also be trying to think of a good reason to stop this as well! Just remember to give him a nice way out and you will be fine. Even something more like I know you aren't comfortable riding Fox and I know you don't want to feel you are letting us down but let's think again and find a horse you are more compatible with and can enjoy more..better 2 secs of mild discomfort rather than a really nasty incident..
 
Polos Mum said:
The second I asked to stick to walk for a few days then build up in trot as they had all been in for a month with bad snow. Next day she schooled him hard inc. cantering and told MY husband, that she didn't agree with my suggestion so was going to just ignore it and ride him when I wasn't around!!!! Not sure what she thought my husband would do with that info other than tell me ! but I said to her unfortunately my horse my rules and even if I said he could only be ridden in bright pink boots and numnah - tough MY horse MY rules. She argued with me that a month off in a 12 by 12 stable was nothing and so I said she would have to find something else to ride (that one was easy as she'd made me really cross)
Click to expand...
:eek:

I think he'll appreciate being told that the two of them haven't clicked Sophz. He's quite possibly in a situation where he doesn't want to let you down but is not confident riding Fox and that will only get worse for the pair of them.

Agree with Luci to give him a nice way out. Make the partnership wrong rather than him. And sounds a really nice idea to help him find a more suitable share.
 
yeah i think he knows tbh, its another things thats been worrying me that he maybe doesnt want fox anymore but is too scared to tell me!

yeah, id feel bad just leaving him in the lurch like that, he was telling me he wants his own this year anyway, dont know if that was a big fat hint i maybe missed!
 
I hate doing stuff like this too! I think you just need to show that you still like him and still want to help him in his riding, whether that's with another share or what. Good luck!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top