Went for a meal with my Dad last night....

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Horsey_Gal

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Went for a meal with my Dad last night, we got on well!! To cut a long story short, this is what we suggested to do with the horses (you have proabably read my other posts by now!)

Idea A
Keep the mare that in foal at his yard, buy a 'cheap' horse from York auctions (as he's just started doing buying and selling and this is where he got another of his from) he usually buys them £750-£1100 so it would be a v 'cheap' one!! He also buys them v young so would be 3 or 4 ish i would say and keep it at home with me until Jan 09 by which my other mare (which he has) will be weaned from the foal and be able to be moved in which case we would swap so i would have my original mare and he would have the 'auction' horse (then he can carry on bringing it on at his yard and sell it). Problems with this are - i would get attached to the 'auctions' horse, also means a lot of uprooting for both the horses (even though they would be well loved and cared for in both homes)

Idea B
I wait untill Jan 09 until i can have my horse back.

Idea C
Dad gives me the money of what my mare is worth and i then buy my own horse with and accept that i will hear about my mare all the time through other people that see her which will upset me again as she was once mine and we had such a great bond together.

If all that makes sense!! and yes my Dad has agreed to these before people start calling me a spoilt brat...
 
having read your other posts, do you think it is wise to get into yet another situation where you feel he has let you down ( if he "decides" to keep the horse)

I am sorry but I dont think its wise to take on another horse ( wherever its kept) whilst you have all the others to focus on.

Its great you spent some time with your dad, but why dont you just support what he does - ie if he buys something can you not just spend so time with him and the new horse doing work for him- it may bond you together and cannot cause an argument about " whose horse" you feel it is.

Sorry if blunt but i just dont its wise to go down any of your three options.
 
A and B require the two of you to stay on good terms, no matter what his girlfriend says.
C requires him to pay for the same horse twice, once when he bought it, and secondly to pay you - how can that be right?

Why not just forget it and maintain a relationship without using livestock as bargaining chips.
 
then, if you have got your finances sorted as you say, go to the auctions and buy your own cheap ex racing TB - your investment, your work, your profit at the end of the day - and nobody to thank or be beholden to except yourself
 
Why not keep your ponies as they are and then offer to help your dad at his yard with bringing on some younger horses that he wants to sell until your mare is ready for work again?
That way, you can carry on riding, him and his GF will think you want to help their business and maybe that way you could all be happy?
 
A is getting involved even deaper
B is a waiting game and will require patience but you get what you want at the end
C you get another horse but you have to learn to properly let go of the original mare otherwise you may hold it against/compare your new horse

I would go for B if you miss the mare that much or C if you are desperate for another. A is out of the question in my mind.

Personally I would save up and buy your own that noone can touch or use as a bargaining tool or take away from you ever!
 
I've read your past posts, and I must agree with the_winter, seperate horses and any other material belongings from the relationship you have with your father. If you want to get back into riding their are other avenues to persue, loaning or sharing while you save to buy your own horse.

My Dad bougth me Ryu, a trailer and a freelander to tow it, we then found out he'd been cheating on my mother after 25 years of marriage with another woman 2 years older than me, and had had the affair for over a year effectively living a double life. My parents are still together, but our family is emotionally devastated, I feel as though he has a hold over with this horse and although I'm very attached to Ryu it will be a huge weight off my shoulders when he is sold this spring and I can hand the cash back. I will never again accept such expensive guilt laden gifts from him again, once bitten twice shy.
 
I think Ifield's is a good idea. Perhaps your Dad could pay you a basic wage for helping him and / or provide discounted livery for your own horse. Perhaps by making it more of a 'business' agreement, you could be more independent.

My parents bought my horses for me when I was younger, and as a result I felt 'trapped' and that I 'owed' them. When I lost my last horse, I decide that I wanted to be independent. I saved up and got my own horse and pay for it's keep myself. Granted, I do keep them at my parents home, but if they said I couldn't any longer I would just move them to livery.

I feel much more independent now. Although it does cost me much more to do the horses.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
I think the last thing you need is to take option A and end up with a much more complicated situation. Personally if I were you I'd take the money and buy something else. You have no guarantee of what the mare will be like when you get her back.........I think you should let her go.
 
I think C but he should only give you enough to buy an auction horse.You should let them keep your other 'present' horse as they have looked after it and spent money on it.
Then keep on good terms with them but stand on your own two feet.
Are you certain you can afford the upkeep on these horses, if one gets ill it can cost a lot and winter feed is very expensive especially with a TB.

I personally would not accept anything . If you accept a new horse , accept you will have to pay for everything and don't go asking for help if things start to get too much.
Again I say I feel sorry for young people who are not parented well but move on , enjoy your life ,it is their loss.
 
Would a further solution be to sell the ponies that are no longer suitable, in order to buy and keep a horse that is? I know it is hard to sell ponies you have owned for a long time, but I also think it is a mistake to think that no one else will care for and love a pony as well as you do. (I realise this may not be the reason you have kept them, but question why you have several unsuitable mounts if money is, albeit temporarily, a bit tight)
 
However hard how about putting the past behind you and except what's happend without going into plan A, B, C... etc. Build up the relationship you want with your father again, save your own money and buy something of your own, I had to wait years to save enough money for mine but dam it's worth it!!
 
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However hard how about putting the past behind you and except what's happend without going into plan A, B, C... etc. Build up the relationship you want with your father again, save your own money and buy something of your own, I had to wait years to save enough money for mine but dam it's worth it!!

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100% agree, and why take on another horse when you were desperate for a free or very cheap rug the other day?

crazy.gif
 
I agree.... I'm sorry but I read that post and my immediate thought was, here we go again..... Cant you have a relationship with your father without using horses as bargaining chips?
I'm glad that the meal went well and that you got on ok, but I cannot understand this obsession with having another horse? Just let it go, work hard, save your money and get your own horse as all this still amounts to Daddy buying you something!
Sorry!
 
How many horses do you have? If you have horses that you can't ride but want to get back into riding then I would sell these, buy one yourself and be independant. That way you can work on a relationship with your father without money or horses coming into it.
 
You say you are attached to the current horse? But you can't be really can you? You haven't seen it for a year.

Plus: [ QUOTE ]
I dont have all the others to focus on as they're ponies i've had for years, not horses. I need something a lot bigger.

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You're obviously not that attached to your ponies either, so why don't you sell them/loan them to make way for a horse you CAN focus on?
 
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