We're just not bonding and it's getting worse : o (

Hello, I haven't read all the replies so I apologies if I repeat anything already said. I always think you should do the groundwork before jumping on board as then you have set the foundation for your future. Trust is everything and my instructor says if you don't trust your horse enough to duck under it's belly ie putting your life in it's hands then you shouldn't be riding it.

Honestly sounds a bit crazy but this is how we approached my mare and it stood us in great stead. We spend 8 weeks just doing ground work on her moving out of and into my space when asked and just simple things like that. Cait my instructor is BHS AI plus has done a lot of natural horsemanship not just Monty roberts but proper horse whispering cowboys etc :) And she was £25 for an hour and a half so it's not all big bucks!

Give it a go and enjoy him and let him tell you how he feels. Read his ears and eyes ( body language ) and try to tune into him. Give the chap a chance he may not be for you but he just may well be too.
 
After the initial "Oh my God, what have I done???" few days with Kels we kind of settled together even though confidence issues meant I didn't ride her for ages. We just mucked around on the ground and got to know one another.

I moved her to another yard, which seemed a bit better, and I could handle her a lot better, but there was still something missing, even though I loved her to bits, which I thought would improve once I rode her. Then some youngsters were introduced into the herd and she just seemed to "leave" me if that makes sense, and her behaviour on the ground left a lot to be desired at times.

I moved her again because I began to hate the place where we were, and suddenly we've clicked. I'm riding her a bit, and her manners are impeccable again. But I feel for the first time since I got her (I had her on loan for three months before I bought her) I'm getting something back from her. She's really affectionate now - I thought I'd just got a horse that didn't show her feelings, so thought I just had to accept her as she was.

You have to do what's best for you and your horse, of course, but it took me just over a year to really bond with my mare. I'm constantly surprised by her change in attitude. Probably it's just that I love our new yard, and maybe she's picking up on that, or it might be that she's happier in a large herd (she shares the field with about a dozen others). Either way, we're on the up.

I hope you find a solution.
 
My loan horse was really aloof for ages, he'd just switch off and retreat into himself - he was also pretty intimidating to me in the field. There was no big 'lighthouse moment', he just gradually got to trust me, now I can touch all his 'special' places (ears!) and he's an absolute sweetie.
 
I wouldn't worry about 'bonding'. I would be concerned that this horse is not comfortable in his new surroundings. Is it possible to move him to a smaller yard, maybe even take him back to the yard he used to live on? Could the owner come to visit him at the current yard? This might reassure him that everything that is familiar to him hasn't disappeared/abandoned him. It really does sound to me as though he is unsettled by all the changes in his life. 8 weeks or so isn't long for a horse to settle (some of ours have taken up to 2 years, looking back. Keep talking to the owner and deciding the next step with her. I hope it works out for you both.
 
My loan horse took almost a year to settle in at my livery yard. There werre times when i got off him becuase I though he was about to explode with me! (not something I would normally do) he was a sod to handle, allsorts really. But I could see that he was very anxious, and I didn't want to give up on him, and felt guilty at the thought of sending him home to do nothing but stand in a field. (silly i know....)

Its now two years on and he still has his moments but he trusts me, which I now know was the problem all along. He has developed a whole new personality, hes very soft and affectionate at times, and only likes certain brushes to be groomed with.

It was a hard slog, made harder by the fact that he was replacing my old horse (the paragon) who I had had for years and though he was a bit of a lunatic, I trusted with my life and we knew each other inside out.

I would keep at it for a while, take plenty of time to get to know each other, on the ground, grooming, maybe even walking out in hand quietly and se how it goes. You can change your mind at any time I assume?

Hope to come to enjoy him.
 
My mare was born at the yard i got her from and was very happy there, when i bought her she was very unsettled and it has taken since last July for me to see glimses of the maisie i thought i had bought.
I often think she does'nt like me as she tries to nip me when i put her headcollar on , she is trying to find where she stands in the pecking order as with dogs, a happy dog is one that knows it,s place in the pack.
I do alot of ground manners exercises with her, and this has helped immensly , she will follow me about licking and chewing which is a sign of respect,
I have just found out she has a back problem so it could be he has a medical issue , good luck .
 
I agree that give yourself the weekend to have a good think. I also agree with getting someone else to ride it for you. You will know then a bit better wether it is the horse or the fact that the horse is picking up on your nervousness and trust issues.

I do think it takes 18 months to get to know a horse fully but you do know pretty quickly if its a horse you can work with or not.

I was going to get a horse on loan with view to buy. She was a 15hh, 11yr old irish coloured mare, schoolmistress. She lived out, had done all PC/RC and I thought she was exactly what I wanted. However after a few weeks of riding her I knew she wasn't for me. She was really stuck in her unschooled ways and felt really strong out hacking. If she didnt want to do something she would go faster to evade and I didnt like it. She was lovely to hadle and very safe to ride but she wasn't for me.

I got another horse on loan with view to buy. A big 16hh 4yr old tb ex-racehorse. Exactly what I didnt want! However he is very much 'me'. He's laidback and so easy to handle and deal with, he settled in immediatly and I felt like I knew him already!

Dont get me wrong we have our moments and I do get nervous sometimes but it's because we are still a new partnership and im learning about his little ways. I make sure I ride him most days and I groom him every day to help us bond. If I have a nervous day or he does something wrong (which he will, hes a baby and still learning right from wrong!) then I get right back on him the next day and face the issue. I jump him, hack him, take him for a spin round the gallops. Ive done my first show with him. I clipped his head by myself and do all the things you should be comfortable to do with your horse.

I think the fact that you have been too scared to ride your loan horse for two weeks says it all really. Basically, will you feel nervous/unsure with a new horse?... yes and thats natural. Should you be too scared to ride your new horse/ be upset when your trying to handle him.. No, you shouldnt feel miserable. Theres a difference :)

Good luck with what you decide :)
 
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