What are your bad experiences as a sharer, i can’t be the only one and it’s really getting me down

[Frankie133]

I have ridden for over 30 years and throughout this time i have shared horses. I have unfortunately never been lucky enough to afford me own. All owners i have shared with have been lovely and are considered as true friends. I have alot of experience and take regular lessons to ensure i am on top game as i am riding someone elses horse! In every yard, bar one i have been at during this time i have experienced absolute contempt, aggression, bullying, coldness, asked me to pay extra fees (considerable by the way) and made to feel as unwelcome as humanly possible. In fact it’s not human. This has to stop it’s truly appalling. This sport needs to be more inclusive, i literally cannot believe i am writing this but i am at my wits end, a 35 year old woman, i just started sharing a new mare that i love to bits and the owner is amazing. The yard treat me as above i thought i was used to it but i think I’m about to throw in the towel there has to be some support out there?

 

[Wishfilly]

This sounds horrible and I am really sorry you have experienced this.

I have shared in the past, and ridden other people's horses in a more informal way when I couldn't afford my own, and I have to say I haven't experienced quite what you describe- although there is a level of snobbery around sharing sometimes (that you must be less experienced, you can't possibly know as much as someone who has owned, or be as good a rider- I say this as someone who knows they have gaps in their knowledge and isn't a great rider!).

There are a couple of sharers on the yard where I keep my pony, and I hope I never make them feel this way.

I don't have a solution for you, but I hope over time the new yard warm to you!

 

[shortstuff99]

I think it can depend on the previous situation. I've been on yards where owners have had no end of sharers who keep just randomly turning up! You end up having no idea who should or shouldn't be on a yard, who's doing what, they don't know what is going on. It's not the sharers fault but it can make it irritating.

However! That doesn't mean anyone should be mean to you, hopefully it gets sorted.

 

[bouncing_ball]

I’ve had long term decent sharers. They typically speak for me in terms of my horse’s needs in my absence and have same rights as me on yard. I challenge any mistreatment or looking down on my sharers and deal with it.

 

[Gingerwitch]

I dont care if someone owns or loans. All I care about is if they are kind to the horse and willing to ask advice or have lessons if and when needed.
What part of the country are you in xx

 

[Vodkagirly]

Two perspectives.
I was sharing and most the owners at the yard weren't overly friendly at the start. 12 months on it was much different but I think a lot of sharers move on quickly so people are more guarded.

I was at a yard and the the horse next door had a series of sharers. I would be mucking out and hear the spiel that she would give people. Easy ride, lovely girl just don't have time for her. Reality is poor horse gas diagnosed but not fully treated ulcers, total psycho to ride (understandable) owner is terrified. I don't want to encourage sharers to hack in case there is an accident.

 

[RHM]

We have a sharer on our yard that people have been absolutely horrible too including the owner. So I don’t think you are alone in your experience. I have literally no idea why, she is lovely person and really looks after her horse. Keep your chin up we are not all horrible, hope you find some support soon.

 

[SO1]

I was a sharer until I got my own pony aged 35.

I was never made to feel the way you described. Is it the yard owners and staff who are behaving this way towards you or the horse owners?. Some yards are just not very nice places and horse owners and YO are unpleasant to each other and get into little groups and exclude others.

On our yard we have had various sharers over the years and they have always been included in activities and socialising especially if they are long term sharers. I think where it can become tricky is if a yard has a constant stream of short term sharers people may not make the investment to get to know them if they think they are only going to be around for a few months. I do think owners have a bit of responsibility to help sharers get settled in and introduce them to suitable hacking buddies etc. Being a newbie on a yard is a bit scary even if you are a horse owner and it takes a bit of time to make friends and settle in.

 

[TheLankyRider]

This is just the reality of sharing. Something gone missing on the yard? Must be the sharer. Someone's left a gate open. Must be the sharer. Maybe I've just had a run of bad luck like yourself but generally I've had quite hostile receptions on yards (not owners). I always go out of my way to be friendly/offer extra help and religiously leave things as found (unless dangerous) Most recent share was just rented fields and it was absolute bliss. Everyone kept to themselves and enjoyed their horses. Will I find one like my last again. Probably not.

 

[Cloball]

My experience of sharing was more akin to @Vodkagirly undisclosed issues with a potentially dangerous horse. I do find livery yards odd places at the best of the time though. I can totally appreciate how you feel.

On the upside I'm still friends with someone I met on a livery yard as a sharer a decade later so it's not all doom and gloom.

 

[EllenJay]

I have been both an owner with a sharer, and a sharer. I can honestly say that I have never seen this attitude.
Not saying that you are the problem, but could your attitude be the problem? Maybe if you are approaching the share as "you are the lesser person" and maybe that is how you are being treated. Go to the yard with an attitude of "I have the right to be here - I know what I'm doing" without being overbearing, maybe you will get treated differently. Maybe you are portraying "I don't know what I'm doing" which is ringing alarm bells with the others on the yard, which is resulting in this attitude.
Most good shatters are a godsend, they help out the owner, relieve some of the pressure.
Hope you work it out.

 

[PeterNatt]

I initially shared about 3 different horses but never had any issues at all - in fact I learnt a lot about horse management. I then bought my own and had a couple of sharers who both appeared happy at the yard and there were no problems. One of my sharers still rides my horse 40 years later!

 

[Lois Lame]

I've been on yards where owners have had no end of sharers who keep just randomly turning up! You end up having no idea who should or shouldn't be on a yard, who's doing what, they don't know what is going on. It's not the sharers fault but it can make it irritating.

This is a good point. If someone turns up who I've never seen before, I wonder about them if they are hanging around. (People go for walks about the place as it is very picturesque, but these people are clearly identified as walkers.)

As a sharer, I think it would be wise to introduce yourself to anyone who seems to be wondering about your presence as, "Hello, I'm _________, and I'm sharing ____________'s mare/gelding/b@$tard of a rig _______." And give a smile.

 

[Lady2021]

I have experienced as a sharer and horse owner. Before I got my own When I was younger I have shared a riding school horse so it wasn’t the same as a private share. I did feel like used for free training . I have never experienced nasty .

I now a few yard owners that doesn’t want people sharing horse in there yard because they don’t want people fighting. So the issue you’re experienced are could be deeper than you. When you share lots of different horse then you more likely to end up on doggy yard or a doggy horse owner.

Honestly though nobody should be treated like that the equestrian world has got so toxic.

 

[windand rain]

I think it is livery yards they tend to get cliquey and hostile. No idea why but guess it might be that it is mostly women and any group of women can get like that. Try toddler group if you think liveries are bad. I hope you can make it work. Horses are meant to be fun

 

[popletaa]

I shared a few horses for over 10 years before I got my own, and never experienced this - though I always seemed to wind up sharing a horse that was on a private family section of the yards for some reason, and was never that involved with the main yards.

I think that some yards are just nasty... I moved my pony last year off a yard I didn't enjoy, it felt like walking on eggshells all the time, trying to keep out of everyone's way because quite a few of them had a nasty streak. I noticed that they treated the sharers like they didn't exist (they were ignored and never included in any social activities etc.) which to me spoke volumes... my current yard is the nicest one I've been on, we're a small group and everyone is valued equally including the sharers.

Have you tried discussing this with the owner, perhaps they can speak with them? If you get on well with the owner I'm sure they would be upset to hear this is how you're being treated.

 

[Winters100]

That is so sad. I had no idea that people behaved that way

On our yard one of the best riders is a sharer. She no longer has time for her own so shares a super dressage horse. She is a big part of the yard and I know that the owner of the horse feels extremely fortunate to have her.

I really hope that things improve for you.

 

[Chappie]

I've been a sharer for over 7 years now and yes unfortunately I have encountered some negative attitudes like OP mentions.

I'm sorry for your situation OP, I hope things get easier for you. Personally, I was determinded and kept going, I wasn't going to let anyone or anything spoil what I knew was a good opportunity for me. The owners were happy with the arrangements so I kept my head down and if possible went to the yards at times when few people were there.

I think the negativity may have a bit to do with how sharers don't pay money directly to the yard, and don't pay for all the costs like vet & insurance usually.

I've also seen some sharers treat the arrangement very casually, so can see where a dim view may form about them.

I'll probably never own my own horse, and the sharing thing can be hard going, it almost feels like another job sometimes, but if you find a good horse you get on with it is worth persevering I reckon.

 

[conniegirl]

Just wish i could find a sharer for my lad, have given up advertising now.

No one seemingly wants to share a paragon of virtue pony who has been there done it won it, yet the nutcase TB on the yard who is out to kill everyone (or itself) has a queue of people to share it.

 

[muddybay]

Just wish i could find a sharer for my lad, have given up advertising now.

No one seemingly wants to share a paragon of virtue pony who has been there done it won it, yet the nutcase TB on the yard who is out to kill everyone (or itself) has a queue of people to share it.

Some people just want the glory of riding a 'difficult' horse even though they don't have the experience necessary to ride it!

 

[conniegirl]

Some people just want the glory of riding a 'difficult' horse even though they don't have the experience necessary to ride it!

Its crazy isn’t it.
Ive brought on difficult ponies and backed youngstock but i’d think twice about getting on the TB.

Yet my veteran pony who has so much he could teach someone, who is a lovely push button ride and will win copious rosettes can’t find a sharer. Ive turned him away now as i’m pregnant and not allowed to ride due to a high risk pregnancy, if it were a normal pregnancy i’d be riding him still.

 

[muddybay]

Its crazy isn’t it.
Ive brought on difficult ponies and backed youngstock but i’d think twice about getting on the TB.

Yet my veteran pony who has so much he could teach someone, who is a lovely push button ride and will win copious rosettes can’t find a sharer. Ive turned him away now as i’m pregnant and not allowed to ride due to a high risk pregnancy, if it were a normal pregnancy i’d be riding him still.

I went to a dealer to buy a horse once and heard a story from her about a 13-year-old girl who wanted a belgian warmblood. Turned out she couldn't even trot! I don't know why you wouldn't want to ride something easier when you're still learning.

 

[ponies4ever]

I currently informally ride two horses due to being at uni and not having the time nor finances for a horse anymore. One of them I haven't ridden for a while due to yard lockdown but at both places I have been warmly welcomed. I have made sure to be as considerate as possible (working around other liveries, always telling YO when Im coming, etc) as I do appreciate I'm not a paying livery and it seems to have been well received. To be honest though Ive never had a problem on a livery yard so perhaps Im very lucky!

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Some of the sharers on our yard are more liked than the owners I haven't ever experienced sharers being treated differently. nor was I when I was one; but then I was mainly a teenager when I shared so perhaps I just didn't notice. It sounds like I have been lucky, what a shame.