What do i do? *long story*

P

PingPongPony

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 March 2011
Messages
1,716
Visit site
So, I’m in a pickle and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve had my loan mare since February this year, 16hh 13year old ISH. She’s a lovely horse, jumps nicely, she is a lot of fun HOWEVER she does have COPD and needs to be on meds daily, she does have her moments when she will just keep ducking out at the jumps and she is hard to catch, 80% of the time if I bring a bucket with some feed and quickly slip the head collar on she’s ok but the other 20% she is horrid, even bucket with feed doesn’t help eg.long story short: Today I spent 2.5 hours trying to catch her, she had a light weight on but it was really warm so I wanted to take it off, I had her feed with me, she just kept running, after about 1.5 hours she started just walking in a tiny circle and me walking next to her but every time I touched her she’d run again, she then finally stood still I went up to her, started putting her head collar on when she reared up, span round and kicked out at me missing my head by about 30cm, I did have to duck, so after that she kicked out another 2 or 3 times, then I was too frustrated to keep trying so I threw everything I was holding at her and left her in the field all on her own in her rug. Another thing is that when I got to uni I’d like to take my horse with my horse with me, however, with her being 13 already and her needing meds daily, I don’t think I’ll be able to afford her meds as she gets older and needs possibly more of them. Another thing is that she’s not mine so I will either have to give her back sooner or later or buy her, I don’t think I want to buy her as she isn’t my ‘soul mate’ or ‘horse of a lifetime’ so I’ll have to give her back.
My question is, when? Do I :
a) give her back now when her owner can still sell her as she’s not too old and find something that is young and healthy that i can train how I want it and it’ll go to uni with me.
b) don’t give her back yet and see how long I can hold on to her and see if I can afford her through uni
c) give her back just before I go to uni then take something else.
I can’t buy a horse atm so I’d have to look for a lwvtb while I get my money together to buy and just to make it clear, she doesn’t have to go back, her owner isn’t asking for her to come back, its just me thinking about the future and my options and what I should do.
My brain tells me option A but I do love her and am used to her now so I don’t really want to give her back, I’d keep her and get another one if I could afford it but I can’t afford 2.
Sorry if I’m not making much sense, I’m just really stuck as to what to do, I do love her and its not easy to make this sort of decision but then again I know its not really possible for her to stay with me through uni.
So what do I do?! Please help :(


*cookies and hot chocolate for everyone who read it all*
 
i would give her back and concentrate on your studies - if you want to do yourself and (i assume) your degree justice and a fighting chance of getting a first then you need to work hard! Then you can concentrate on getting something more suitable when you have graduated. xx
 
Option A. I wouldn't want a horse that kicked out at me and that didn't want to be caught. Although there are probably reasons for her behaviour that could be worked out and possibly solved. I would also like to do it sooner rather than later as no point in postponing the inevitable.
 
Send her back. I had a mare on loan and felt the need to buy, but sensibly, she was so far from what I really wanted that gave her up and got something really suitable for my experience/needs.

You're 'used' to her? Not ideal for keeping her!
 
Option A - COPD can be very expensive to treat and it does affect the fitness of the horse long term. Also its one thing that I find sooo frustrating when you cannot catch a horse, let alone being nearly kicked in the process of it too.... Difficult decision but go with your gut feeling.
 
this is exactly what my head is telling me to do but then my heart comes into the conversation and goes 'how will you feel when you see her step onto the lorry with all her stuff and never see her again'... and that makes me feel like crying. :(
 
It doesn't sound like you like her very much, or her you for that matter!

I'd give her up, get off to uni - without a horse - enjoy yourself properly, get your studies out of the way, and not have to scrimp while paying for a horse, graduate, get a job and decide where you want to live etc - THEN get a horse when your life is a bit more stable... There are always loads of sharers wanted, so I don't see the point in tying yourself down with a horse during uni years...
 
i maybe a little harsh - But

a) shes not yours - she could be taken back and you may never see her again anyhow
b) she doesnt respect you and is playing you up in the field
c) she could kick you in the head - you could end up in intensive care - you could be brain damaged - your life over. (i have been kicked in head and can tell you hospital food is not pleasant!)


you need to be strong and move on and upwards.
 
Wagtail said:
Option A. I wouldn't want a horse that kicked out at me and that didn't want to be caught. Although there are probably reasons for her behaviour that could be worked out and possibly solved. I would also like to do it sooner rather than later as no point in postponing the inevitable.
Click to expand...

This,
I know you will find it hard but her owner can find a new home for her and you can save some money and buy your own,hopefully that you can catch when you want to.
 
She doesnt like you very much does she? Or respect you? She is either telling you she does not enjoy coming in because it = worth nothing to her or you are not worthy or too weak to bother with.

I have never had an uncatchable horse, ever. And I am not being bigheaded at all, horses always have a response to be with someone, you need to find it and make it worth her while to be with you.
 
i don't really know, its only aprox twice a month that she just does not want to be caught, and she doesn't only do that to me, she does it to everyone on those days, the rest of them she comes close to the gate when she sees someone or stand still when i go up to her in the field, as long as i have a bucket with tiny bit of chaff with me but then again that applies to anyone at all. she's got better since i've had her.
 
she comes to you on her terms - no respect for you or others by the sounds of it. Mares tend to gel with just 1 person - they are not like geldings who will just go along with the flow and can be coerced into doing what you want.

She is the boss of you, what did you throw at her and why did you leave her - that has just shown her that she can do it again and get away with it.

You are better off handing her back before you go to uni - get your degree, have fun, and when you graduate get your own horse who doesnt have so many hangups!

wear a hat when you go to catch her next time.
 
Dancing Queen said:
she comes to you on her terms - no respect for you or others by the sounds of it. Mares tend to gel with just 1 person - they are not like geldings who will just go along with the flow and can be coerced into doing what you want.

She is the boss of you, what did you throw at her and why did you leave her - that has just shown her that she can do it again and get away with it.

You are better off handing her back before you go to uni - get your degree, have fun, and when you graduate get your own horse who doesnt have so many hangups!

wear a hat when you go to catch her next time.
Click to expand...

headcollar, leadrope, and bucket. basically what i had in my hand at the time :o i was just too frustrated by that point. i left her cuz by that time i had huge blisters on my feet from running and walking so much plus she wasn't slowing down and seemed to be having fun so i wouldn't achieve anything really. i know i shouldn't have but i just couldn't do it anymore, i was so angry at her. :mad:
 
Unfortunately people rarely loan out horses without issues, so if you cannot afford to buy your own horse you are always likely to have to deal with problems.
I agree with those posters who suggest that you return this horse, go to Uni, concentrate on your studies and student life and then buy your own horse, which suits you, when you are in a better position to do so.
 
shiny-ISH said:
this is exactly what my head is telling me to do but then my heart comes into the conversation and goes 'how will you feel when you see her step onto the lorry with all her stuff and never see her again'... and that makes me feel like crying. :(
Click to expand...

You will feel sad and maybe cry - I still feel sad when my horses move on - even when I've bought them with the sole purpose of bringing on and selling.

Take some nice photos and remember the fun times you had but remind yourself about the times when she let you down and wouldn't be caught. Atudy hard get your degree and when ready get a horse that will do all you want to do and is easy to catch.

Bear in mind that some horses that can be difficult to catch are in fact uncomfortable when ridden - and this is their way of telling you. A chiro may be the person to call to have her back checked over.
 
Tormenta said:
She doesnt like you very much does she? Or respect you? She is either telling you she does not enjoy coming in because it = worth nothing to her or you are not worthy or too weak to bother with.

I have never had an uncatchable horse, ever. And I am not being bigheaded at all, horses always have a response to be with someone, you need to find it and make it worth her while to be with you.
Click to expand...

There are plenty of wily old buggers out there waiting not to be caught - you just have to live long enough to meet them
 
Tormenta said:
She doesnt like you very much does she? Or respect you? She is either telling you she does not enjoy coming in because it = worth nothing to her or you are not worthy or too weak to bother with.

I have never had an uncatchable horse, ever. And I am not being bigheaded at all, horses always have a response to be with someone, you need to find it and make it worth her while to be with you.
Click to expand...

Hey - thats a bit harsh! You have been lucky! One day you will meet the uncatchable then it will be interesting.

I have had a few really bad ones in my time - jump the gates to avoid being worked. One we used to open all the gates and herd him in. Once in the yard he was fine. A friend has one like this at the moment. He runs away from you but will happily walk into the race and into a yard and then stand in it to have his headcollar on.
 
back, teeth, saddle everything done recently. she has been like this for about 5 years now, i knew about it when i got her, she's got much better since she came to live with me but i'm just trying to work out my future and that is hard enough..
i think she'll have to go, i will cry cuz the thought brings tears to my eyes but it'll be better for both of us i guess :(
 
Sounds very similar to mine, heres what i've done:
Hehe when I brought my horse she used to chase me out of the field if I even showed up with a headcollar! And if I dared stand my ground I would get bitten/kicked violently! My horse absolutely hated me, it just took her 4 years to love me and now she adores me :) I found doing join up helped hugely! And even now if shes having a bad day i'll do a quick join up for 5 min and she will give up and put her nose in her headcollar.
As for the COPD I missed out on competing for months this winter, and had huge vets bills after my horse had a really bad cough, turned out it was a dust allergy, turned her out 24/7 and she was back 100% the next day and never looked back, no more meds needed at all, and I would just put hayledge out when there was no grass. So have you tried putting her out 24/7? As for the catching, like I explained with mine, its super easy to fix, im sure if you post a post on catching you'll have thousands or brilliant ideas.

I would say If you like her and everything else is fine, then keep her, and try join up and other ways of managing COPD :)
 
she's out 24/7 atm she only comes in in winter (november-february), has haylage instead of hay when she does come in in winter, has meds daily to help keep it good, and is on dust free bedding when she's in. i think i've done everything i can do that is possible to do without spending huge amounts of money. i think i knew what i was going to do before i even asked for help on here, just my heart making me all emotional i guess.. :(
 
Tormenta said:
She doesnt like you very much does she? Or respect you? She is either telling you she does not enjoy coming in because it = worth nothing to her or you are not worthy or too weak to bother with.

I have never had an uncatchable horse, ever. And I am not being bigheaded at all, horses always have a response to be with someone, you need to find it and make it worth her while to be with you.
Click to expand...

madmav said:
There are plenty of wily old buggers out there waiting not to be caught - you just have to live long enough to meet them
Click to expand...

Exactly ! Tormenta, you need to be around a few more horses...

Shiny-ISH, You've had a bad day, sleep on it. I have a mare that used to be a total cowbag to catch. Words like 'bullet' and 'dog food' used to cross my mind after madam refused to come in.
You've made progress with her, but today she was totally out of order. Tomorrow is a new day. Go in with a new mind set, ensure you have the time to catch her, wear a hat and put todays experience out of your mind otherwise you'll have the word 'defeated' written across your forehead.
BTW, is your mare more difficult to catch when she's in season ?

Whatever you decide to do, don't make the decision after a frustrating day when everything seems so rubbish.
 
If a horse is uncatchable, generally it is 'someone' somewhere along the line who has caused that problem, figuring out what makes them tick and working on that usually solves it. I have been round enough horses thanks, horses take a lot of their cues from herdmates, if a new horse can see how things work and be given time to judge a situation and those in it, then you can be half way there already even with fear issues.
 
shiny-ISH said:
i think i knew what i was going to do before i even asked for help on here, just my heart making me all emotional i guess.. :(
Click to expand...

I think you know deep down that it is sensible to let her go back sooner rather than later, of course you'll feel sad, it's natural and it shows that even though she can be a bit of a cow bag you do love her;) Realistically she's not your ideal horse, and that's not going to change.
Go enjoy your uni time without the extra worry and expense of a horse;)
 
Tormenta said:
She doesnt like you very much does she? Or respect you? She is either telling you she does not enjoy coming in because it = worth nothing to her or you are not worthy or too weak to bother with.

I have never had an uncatchable horse, ever. And I am not being bigheaded at all, horses always have a response to be with someone, you need to find it and make it worth her while to be with you.
Click to expand...

This is not OP's horse, has only been with OP for a few months and is older so clearly has some history, this is a very in accurate and harsh post given that you have this info and yet still assume that the fault lies with OP. Horse is 50% better to catch etc than it was prior to arrival and all learned behaviour takes a while to un learn. She has respect but has previously learnt too much fear, sometimes her previous learning overtakes.

As OP's yard mate I have watched improvements being made. Just sometimes ponio takes a step back.
 
Last edited:
shiny-ISH said:
headcollar, leadrope, and bucket. basically what i had in my hand at the time :o i was just too frustrated by that point. i left her cuz by that time i had huge blisters on my feet from running and walking so much plus she wasn't slowing down and seemed to be having fun so i wouldn't achieve anything really. i know i shouldn't have but i just couldn't do it anymore, i was so angry at her. :mad:
Click to expand...

She came to be caught this morning with no feed etc and I sorted her rugs and stuff. Shell be ok today!
 
Evelyn said:
You will feel sad and maybe cry - I still feel sad when my horses move on - even when I've bought them with the sole purpose of bringing on and selling.

Take some nice photos and remember the fun times you had but remind yourself about the times when she let you down and wouldn't be caught. Atudy hard get your degree and when ready get a horse that will do all you want to do and is easy to catch.

Bear in mind that some horses that can be difficult to catch are in fact uncomfortable when ridden - and this is their way of telling you. A chiro may be the person to call to have her back checked over.
Click to expand...

Good suggestion, back teeth and saddle all regularly checked, teeth are due sunday.
 
These issues that you are describing tend to come with horses. We'd all like to have the perfect horse which never had any issues, and if you're very lucky, you get one! But even when you buy a horse, you quite often have to deal with the things you describe (or worse). The catching thing sounds as though she has learnt to play people up a little bit and could be worked through. The COPD - well I almost certainly wouldn't buy a horse with it knowingly, but you haven't had the outlay of buying, so...

I think we all go through stages with horses where we think we should get rid of them to find that perfect horse out there, but after a few years when the one time problem horse becomes as comfortable as putting on your favourite pair of boots, these doubts often seem to miraculously disappear!

As for going to uni, I'd honestly concentrate on your studies, not having a horse or seeking out another loan, which could come with even more problems. I'd be inclined its better the devil you know, or forget about taking a horse with you and seek out a share or even part time job as a groom once you are at uni.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top