What do I do with a horse I can't face keeping and can't sell??? Sick of crying

Aarrghimpossiblepony

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Is it easier/more rewarding for her to throw a fit and get you (or somebody off) than it is for her to behave herself?
You say you lunge before riding?

How about riding before you lunge and only if she misbehaves?
Have the lungeing equipment ready and straight onto the lunge for 10 minutes of harder work (if misbehaving) and then back to riding?

Use your voice a lot to signal approval when you are riding in contrast to the tone used when lunging. Also reward when riding. Take her riding for a short walk and let her graze for a while on verges (all of them are desperate at the moment for ungrazed grass) and build up the time riding between rewards.

If you think she doesn't see there being any fun in being ridden, then that's what you have to change.
 

Booboos

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Unfortunately you only have a few options:

1. Sell her at any price she will sell and accept the loss and the possibility she may get passed on again.

2. Percevere whether you enjoy it or not until she is either more reliable and you enjoy her or you can sell her for a decent amount.

3. Pay for professional help. Plenty of professionals specialise in ponies/small horses, if you ask for recommendations in your specific area I am sure you will get suggestions.

It's not a good position to be in but I don't see other options for you, sorry.
 

Gloi

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Is it easier/more rewarding for her to throw a fit and get you (or somebody off) than it is for her to behave herself?
You say you lunge before riding?

How about riding before you lunge and only if she misbehaves?
Have the lungeing equipment ready and straight onto the lunge for 10 minutes of harder work (if misbehaving) and then back to riding?

.

Are you trying to get her killed?
 

Goldenstar

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I am going to give blunt advice , riding is supposed to be fun your misery drips out of your posts , sell the horse take the loss move on with life.
 

Orls

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What a terrible situation to be in, I know as I've been there too. I made a mistake when I was much younger and more foolish into taking on a pony which really wasn't suited to me. She would take off on the road, roll on me, was very bargy with no respect for me at all, couldn't catch her, she bit me all the time ... The list goes on! I had grown to hate riding and dreaded spending any time with her at all. I was far too young at the time to be able to deal effectively with her bad behaviour. In the end my instructor took the pony, schooled her a little with the plan of selling her on and sharing the profits with us (she ended up keeping her in the end and gave us half the value, which was fine what we would have got anyway).

Do you have an instructor, or know a trainer who you would be able to trust to help you out with this? I know you said your friends are all at a similar level riding wise to you, but what about asking around your local area for someone experienced who would be willing to help you sell her and share the profit. Could work well, as they will be looking for a quick sale to ensure they get their cut and the pressure would be off you. I think you're going to have to accept a loss on this one. Chalk it up to experience and try not to let it put you off riding for good.

Don't forget it's never a failure - it's a learning experience.
 

sodapop

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Sorry I havent read all the posts but I was in a similar situation and I got to the point where I thought every month I keep a horse that makes me feel ill she costs me at least £120 in rent. I part exchanged her and lost £1000 but I would have lost that after keeping her for another 8 months anyway.
Hope you get sorted x
 

TrasaM

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Agree. And you have my sympathy because you are in exactly the same place my friend is in with her horse. ( in fact I'm not convinced you are not her:) Luckily he behaves for me when I ride him or I think she would have given up ages ago. Because of this she knows that he can be a good horse but just needs a calm confident rider. Sadly he's dumped her so often that she finds it difficult to be confident on him. We are working in it though. This will be difficult for you too if he's knocked your confidence so much. Do you have anyone who will help you out? I think there was a recent post on here by GrumpyMare? About how she dealt with the same situation.
Big hugs..I know how hard it is.

OP. I'm sorry, I've just read your second post saying about pressure to hold on to your horse. I was heading out when I posted and hadn't read all the way through the thread.
If you feel as bad as that then do sell her. As others have said, you are so unhappy with the situation that there is no point torturing yourself over it. Somewhere out there will be someone who can deal with her and love her and you can start rebuilding your confidence whilst you find a happier match than this one. Best of luck. :)
 

LollyDolly

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When I was 15 I had a 6 year old, 16.3 (grew to be 17.2, I'm only small!!) Irish Sports Horse who was bred to the hilt, and had show jumped across the country and in Belgium.

I sold him when I was 18 for a number of reasons:

1. I was going to University and I knew that I wouldn't be there to compete him so he would be wasted. Also, he needed to be in constant work really.

2. EVERYTHING was a battle, in the arena he would behave himself 70% of the time however the minute you left the arena, even if only to walk a few paces, he would become a nightmare. I started to resent riding as I was battling with him pretty much everyday for years, and I was still only a kid really so it got me down as I couldn't have fun like everyone else. They were all out riding in the fields but if I wanted to do that then I was guaranteed a dangerous battle, as a small teenager it's not easy to argue with a 17.2 Sports Horse!!

3. As I got older I realised that I'm not indestrucible, and frankly I don't want to risk damaging myself just to keep a horse. I know that any horse can be unpredictable at times, however I'd rather take my chances on something a bit less aggressive!

I realised that I was only riding to compete and not for fun, which isn't what I wanted at all.
I sold him on, admittedly at a gain, because I knew that we were just too different and that my drastic lifestyle change wouldn't suit him.

I then went on to buy a green broke 5 year old Irish mutt who I adore, and while he is far from perfect sometimes (ie. this morning when being ridden he cat leaped over the sunlight on the arena floor... THREE TIMES!!) he is much sweeter than my previous horse.

I enjoy riding again now, and I know that I can do things and just enjoy them without everything having to be a battle.

Selling my previous horse was the best decision that I ever made, and frankly OP I think that you should sell yours too.

It's clearly making you miserable. :(
 

Rosiejazzandpia

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OP where are you based? How tall is this horse?
Could you not loan her out to a knowledgble friend or put out an advert locally? You may find somebody who wants a challenge (me! :) ) and can ride her until she settles a bit and you feel more confident to handle and ride her. If not you could have some time to think further and decide to find her a new home?
Do what you think is best and good luck! Xx
 

mulledwhine

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Maybe you two just don't gel? It does happen. Maybe another person would get on great with her :)

I had one that was lovely to every one , but seemed to hate me :( it really knocked my confidence ( even though I knew I was more than capable of riding her) I sold her to a friend , and cut my loses, we are now both much happier.

Good luck with what ever you decide
 

honetpot

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The trouble with ponies is they have so much brain and every once of it is concentrated on getting out of work. They sense every imbalance and have far quicker reactions and there is nothing smarter than a mare.
Do not see it as a failure, we all make mistakes is just some people do not own up to them. There are a lot of horses 'being wasted' in field that are for sale.
Put her on your local facebook with a nice picture and what she has done. Expect some timewasters and window shopppers, unless its an absolute bargein she will take a while to sell but do not get disheartened.
Do not rush to get another one, have a share have some good lessons and get back to enjoying it.
Nobody ever really talks about down side of owning your own. You have to make all the descisions and if the animal is a p*** you feel like its your fault. Its a bit like having to live with your first boyfriend after the romance has worn off and you have relised he picks his teeth and ignores everything you say and eats all your food.
 

stormox

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Well, she must have some good points- something attracted you to her when you bought her! So use these good points to sell her- one persons nightmare is another persons dream. Just be as honest as you can, but she mightnt be as bad as you've built her up in your mind to be.
If you lose money you just have to put it down to experience, and the market is low at the moment, so be prepared to lose. But you must have had some good times- remember them, not the bad.
 

Spit That Out

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Sell and although you might make a loss you could put the money your spending on livery etc etc in a pot and save for a year, perhaps in that year have a few lessons to brush up on your skills and get your confidence on more reliable horses.

Advertise for an experienced sharer and see if someone else can get her going forward instead of up?!!?

Get lessons on her with a pro that can jump on when she plays up?

I know you say you've had her back, teeth checked, saddle etc etc but have you looked at her feed, how much exercise she gets, how you handle her and how much you let her get away with, how much is she turned out etc etc
 

SadKen

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This thread rang a chord with me. I've had my chap for about 8 months. In that time I've ridden him about 10 times due to illness and injury (his). I've fallen off once due to a spook and running off in panic (not a bolt as he stopped once I was off). He is also a youngster and I'm his fifth home, through no fault of his own. I am questioning whether I've done the right thing, I think I forgot how tough youngsters can be, and overestimated my current ability. He's not nearly as difficult as yours sounds OP, so we will persevere for now with lessons and I ride on the lunge. I also rode better after a mug of wine! BecAuse I forgot to be nervous! If this doesn't work I am going to sell my bike and pay for schooling. I just wanted to say that I really understand where you're coming from, and we pay a lot of money to enjoy our horses. I hope you find a solution, but if you do sell, please don't feel badly about it. Nobody can say you didn't try.
 

Tiffany

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Is she a naughty horse or just too much for you? If it's the latter then she will be ideal for someone more experienced and therefore no reason to sell too cheaply.

If naughty and difficult then she needs to go to someone with experience, time and patience to give her a chance otherwise, she'll be passed from pillar to post.

I couldn't ride my horse at the last yard because she was wired all the time. Moved to new yard, told YO what she was like and you know what, she's not put a foot wrong on this yard. I'm back riding and actually look forward to getting on. She clearly wasn't happy at previous yard even though I loved it. I've also had a lot of support from YO andd other liveries in re-building my confidence.
 

mandwhy

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On the plus side, you say she is a pony so at least someone will find this less intimidating than if she were 17.2! Not saying that makes her easy, but a naughty pony is more appealing than a really big naughty horse!

Does she have any particular talents such as jumping? Maybe you need someone really competitive who will keep her in regular quite hard work once she is going better.
 

noblesteed

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It could very easily all end with you being injured. I had 18 months of hell with mine and he ended up breaking my arm. It hurt a lot! I had to have physio for months and my arm is permanently damaged, I can't rock climb any more as my ligaments are a mess. I also have nerve damage in my lower back and sciatica from the amount of times he threw me off, which has caused me a lot of problems in pregnancy and cost me plenty of money on physio appointments, my hip doesn't move properly now either. I was at a competition yard at the time, with experienced help and instruction, and the instructor in the end told me to sell him.

Being bloody minded and stubborn I moved him to a new yard with a totally different management regime. He settled immediately and we started again from scratch. I still have him 5 years on and he's been fab for me for the past 3 years. However I am pregnant so he's gone on loan as a schoolmaster - and his old naughty ways are showing signs of returning as the loaner is inexperienced... So maybe it would have been wiser to sell him.
 

skint1

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Reading your post I could feel your sadness and frustration and I am so sorry for you.
As lots of others have said, if you can pay someone to ride your marefor viewers that's great, but if not please don't hesitate to sell her from the field, even if it is at a loss.

I have a mare like this, I've given up trying to rehome her, so she's just there, no real job (bar the occasional hack and being a companion to my friend's mare) it's an expensive pet to have, and I have access to very cheap facilities and a lot of help with her, it is difficult, I wish you luck
 
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SNORKEY

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What about putting her on full loan, or loan with a view to buy?
Or put her up for sale on a project page. I've had a horse I just didn't gel with, the little git put me in hospital and used to bite me as I led him! When I sold him I was honest, I advertised him as a beautiful horse but for an experienced handler/ rider and was honest and a teenager came and looked at him. I told her mum I was a bit worried and I'd give her her money back if they didn't get on, but two weeks later she'd taken him to pony club and they loved each other and he was a little saint for her!
I'd ask a friend to ride him for you, he's probably picking up on your fear of him.
 

SpruceRI

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Your post strikes a chord with me too.... as I was in a similar position with my Rosie (who is now 20yrs old)!
I bought her as a 2yr old from a stud, and from day one she was a nervous wreck about everything.

At the time of breaking her I had a shetland pony and a 15.2hh very well behaved mare who was middle aged. Things would've been so different I am sure if the 15.2hh mare hadn't gone and broken herself.

Meant horsey having 18 months box rest and eventually being PTS :(

And Rosie having to then be the grown-up and do everything on her own.

Like your pony, she was terrified of being rugged. Took an age to get used to wearing tack. 8yrs to get over the fear of being lunged. Was a ****** to load - chifney sorted that.

I kept pones in a 10 acre field in the middle of suburbia and Rosie was not and still isn't good on the road. It was HELL!!

But, I started having lessons after struggling for 8 months on my own.

First lesson, my trainer said 'you've bored her to death - lets' start jumping' ??? WHAT? We still hadn't mastered walk without Rosie bucking/humping me off!!

The only reason I didn't sell her - was that I'd just had my horsey PTS, owed my vet and parents a couple of thousand ££. If I'd sold Rosie that would've barely covered my debts and then I couldn't afford another horse.

So I kept her and we muddled through.

And she turned out to be brill - except she does still scare me sometimes and she does still have an horrendous spook in her!

If I'd have been in a different financial position I prob would've sold her.
But the lessons were what cracked it..... Rosie LOVED them...mostly group lessons, she drew comfort from the other horses and so did I from the riders. And after a few months, my trainer said she'd lined up someone who wanted to buy Rosie - and then I didn't want to sell !! 16yrs later my ginger pone is still here. Love her :)
 

Incitatus

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I am at my whits end now. had my horse for a year and a half and it's been tears from day one. I have had some great moments with her, but it's every other week I seem to falling off, can't catch or being knocked to the floor and walked all over. Saddle, back, teeth and management is all fine, but I have become a very nervous rider since having this horse and it's putting me off the thought of riding all together.

I have to build myself up everytime to ride, if all goes well I don't feel pleased, I feel releived that it's over. But i just dont know what to do. If i sold her, anyone that comes out would just laugh. I have to lunge before I get on and it's still debatable as to whether I stay on. We're both only doing each other damage by trying to work it out. I really can't afford to send her away to a professional either or on a sales basis at a dealers as I've spent all my emergency money to go through 2 saddles, varying saddle checks, several back checks, vets out and it's just out of hand now.

Read that back, and ask yourself what you would advise if you read that post from someone else. You seem unhappy, and nervous of the horse - realistically that is not going to get better because you can't trust her. Sometimes it's just the wrong horse. It doesn't mean you can't find a lovely home, or that the wrong horse for you isn't someone else's horse of a lifetime.

If it was me I would advertise on project horses and sell from the field. You're already hurt emotionally, and could get hurt physically. The horse may be a different animal in a different place with a different person, and you can find a horse who is uncomplicated and actually do the things you want to do.

Best of luck whatever you decide. Be kind to yourself.
 

Kafka129

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This sounds so familiar to me. It's up to you what to do in the end, but I learned the hard way that sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. My confidence was destroyed and I found myself making all sorts of excuses not to ride. I gave my horse away in the end, which is a whole different story because two weeks later he was put through the sales. Last i heard he was with a teenage girl who does everything with him and loves it!
I was terrified to get on because he was turning into a chronic rearer, and I am now convinced it was because he was bored and needed riding every day which I did not have the time or facilities to do.
Please don't give her away to a stranger, but please think abut yours and her safety and do what's best for both of you. It's not defeat or failure, it's bravely calling a halt to a dangerous situation for you both x
 

Tilda

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I really feel for you as I was in a very similar position just over a year ago. I had a very sharp mare who I had a near fatal fall off of (freak accident no one's fault). My confidence when I was well enough to get back on her was shot. I kept going for a year and in that time we had some steps forward but then she would test my confidence by chucking something else at me and I eventually got to the point where I was scared to hack her and even schooling was becoming a nightmare. My yard owner hacked her for me and although she was sharp she was no one near as bad as she was with me, the trust was gone and we just wound each other up. I had tried to get her to the position where I could sell her but it just never worked out so I made the decision to sell her to a dealer. I was offered a tiny amount of money but I just needed to let her go because it was affecting my whole life and doing her no good.

I was devastated as really didn't want to send her to a dealer and luckily a very good friend of mine who had her own yard said she'd buy her for same price as the dealer.

I now have a much more suitable horse I had him on loan initially so I could save up to buy him as had no money after selling Tilly at a massive loss and enjoy my riding again. Tilly has a new rider who enjoys the challenge and doesn't mind falling off and she is a much happier horse.

If I was you I would cut my losses and move her on one way or the other as I think in the long run it would be the best thing for you both x
 

canteron

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Your post strikes a chord with me too.... as I was in a similar position with my Rosie (who is now 20yrs old)!
I bought her as a 2yr old from a stud, and from day one she was a nervous wreck about everything.

At the time of breaking her I had a shetland pony and a 15.2hh very well behaved mare who was middle aged. Things would've been so different I am sure if the 15.2hh mare hadn't gone and broken herself.

Meant horsey having 18 months box rest and eventually being PTS :(

And Rosie having to then be the grown-up and do everything on her own.

Like your pony, she was terrified of being rugged. Took an age to get used to wearing tack. 8yrs to get over the fear of being lunged. Was a ****** to load - chifney sorted that.

I kept pones in a 10 acre field in the middle of suburbia and Rosie was not and still isn't good on the road. It was HELL!!

But, I started having lessons after struggling for 8 months on my own.

First lesson, my trainer said 'you've bored her to death - lets' start jumping' ??? WHAT? We still hadn't mastered walk without Rosie bucking/humping me off!!

The only reason I didn't sell her - was that I'd just had my horsey PTS, owed my vet and parents a couple of thousand ££. If I'd sold Rosie that would've barely covered my debts and then I couldn't afford another horse.

So I kept her and we muddled through.

And she turned out to be brill - except she does still scare me sometimes and she does still have an horrendous spook in her!

If I'd have been in a different financial position I prob would've sold her.
But the lessons were what cracked it..... Rosie LOVED them...mostly group lessons, she drew comfort from the other horses and so did I from the riders. And after a few months, my trainer said she'd lined up someone who wanted to buy Rosie - and then I didn't want to sell !! 16yrs later my ginger pone is still here. Love her :)

Great story - mine is similar with my mare, but we are only 10 years into our journey!!
 
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