what do i have to say to find a decent sharer? do i want too much?

Bowen4Horses

Bowen4Horses

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Hi

As some of you may know, i'm a bit fat wobbly pregnant whale at the moment and have finally decided to stop riding until after i've popped (and recovered from the c-section which i'm having to have)...

i own a darling little horsey, 15.1hh gelding. for me he has never put a foot wrong. i'd describe him as bombproof, a confidence giver, and perfect. i had NO confidence before i got him, he's given me confidence and i've felt safe enough to ride him up to 7months preggers.
he jumps like a star, would easily clear a 3'9" course. never rushes, never puts a foot wrong.... until... i get a girl out to try him, with the intention of her riding him twice a week. and he turns into bucking broncho from hell (i got straight on him, as thought i never would unless i did it straight away and he was perfect for me).. i thought perhaps it was his back (girl was a 'heavy' rider), so i have the back lady coming out next week.
however, from speaking to someone that knows him from his old owners, apparently he can take a dislike to some people... so i'm hoping that was the problem.

whilst i know he's a BRILLIANT horse for someone to share, since his little 'episode' with the last girl, i feel like i'm being unreasonable in my requests... so here they are... do you think i'm being realistic and will find someone?!?! or do i just let him off work for 4 months?

i would want:
-an experienced rider (although safe, i'd like someone with some experience...)
- a gentle rider/handler who was happy with a bit of schooling/hacking/local shows
-someone who didn't mind me hovering around when they rode... i'm not sure i want people fiddling with him when i'm not there
-they wouldn't have to do ANY yard chores... in fact, i'd probably prefer to do them myself, as that's the time i get to spend with him
-it would only be for about 4 months
-it would only be about twice a week
-whilst i am very friendly... i might get on their nerves being around all the time?
-they'd have to have their own transport as he's kept relatively rurally (nearest villages are wilburton and stretham about 2 miles away)

i can offer:
-no need to pay
-no need to do chores
-he's kept on nice little yard with decent school and nice local hacking
-they could take him to compete at local shows etc

do you think i've got enough to offer? enough to put some ads up in the local tack rooms? how do i word the fact that i'd want to hover around?
what if people come to try him out and i don't like them? or he doesn't like them? what do you say to them?!?!

the other option is to give him a 4 month holiday... but turning him out for 4 months isn't an option (he gets stressed and doesn't like being out 24/7). but i'd worry slightly about being confident enough to bring him back into work... that's quite a long break... isn't it?!?

a glug of gaviscon and a footrub if you get this far... (or maybe a nice glass of wine for those non-pregnant peeps!)

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It owuld be a lovely arangement for someone,just be carefull about how much you "hover" as you put it-keeping an eye out is one thing,but you run the risk of becoming an interfering old baggage
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Observe,keep an eye out from a distance and as long as you are happy with what you see let them get on with it-dont want poor sharer to feel like they are under exam rules every time they get on!
 
so, if i'm reading it right, you only want someone to ride your horse once every week for four months, but could compete (on your terms). person isn't to spend any time with horse other than those sixteen times he/she rides.

hm. sorry hun, but either get a professional in to ride once a week, or turn him away for four months
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It owuld be a lovely arangement for someone,just be carefull about how much you "hover" as you put it-keeping an eye out is one thing,but you run the risk of becoming an interfering old baggage
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Observe,keep an eye out from a distance and as long as you are happy with what you see let them get on with it-dont want poor sharer to feel like they are under exam rules every time they get on!

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that's what i worry about they might feel i'm being interfering... i'm fairly laid back about how they ride... as long as they're gentle enough with him... it's just that i'd want to be there. to make sure they girthed up properly, and didn't take his bridle off too quickly and bash it against his teeth... or didn't pull on his saddle when they mounted... oh god, the list is endless.

i'm an evil, interfering old bag... it's official...
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so, if i'm reading it right, you only want someone to ride your horse once every week for four months, but could compete (on your terms). person isn't to spend any time with horse other than those sixteen times he/she rides.

hm. sorry hun, but either get a professional in to ride once a week, or turn him away for four months
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um... twice a week...
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and they can compete/don't have to compete/can choose what to do at shows.... and they can spend time with him, as long as they don't mind me being there, breathing on them...

but, other than that... yes, you're right.
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I rode until I was about 7 months with my first son, after that I just got too uncomfortable as my horse has quite an elevated action. Then I just looseschooled/lunged and took her for walks in hand. I was back in the saddle after about 4 weeks (after c-section, don't tell the doctor!) and it went really quickly. Unless you have a horse that has to be fit for competitions etc, it isn't really that long and it can be quite relaxing doing different things with them.
 
I dont think you are asking too much and in my opinion someone would be getting a good deal. However, you would probably need to ease up on being there all the time.

Obviously you will want to see how they behave with the horse but surely if you are looking for an experienced sympathetic rider things like girthing up and removing the bit
will also be done sympathetically.

When I rode my share horse for the first time the owner was there, the second time I rode she sorted out some rugs/tack etc so was around and could see me riding but wasnt scrutinising my every move.

Its reasonable to want to watch them closely to start with but then you will have to ease up - even if they ride when you muck out so you are there but they wont feel pressured then.

I think a lot of sharing your horse is trust - when the right person comes along you will know and it is more than likely that you will feel less concerned.

Hope you find someone - he sounds lovely:)
 
sorry, missed the twice a week
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would that get him comp fit?

i don't have any experience of sharers, so feel free to shoot down in flames
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, but i thought part of the appeal from the other person's point of view is that they get to look after a ned
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. i guess that if someone's own horse was off work for a wee while, it would be nice to have another ned to go and ride
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.

just out of interest (and 'cos I'm nosey
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), why only twice a week?
 
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be nice to have another ned to go and ride
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.

just out of interest (and 'cos I'm nosey
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), why only twice a week?

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um... i think i just thought it sounded like a fair amount... perhaps i could let them do as many days as they liked... i think i was just concerned about reliability... oh god, see, there's the control freak in me...

i suck. i'd make a crap owner/sharer unless i really like and trust the person. i've got a friend, who is very experienced, she's been an instructor all over the world, she's brought on high level SJers... but i HATE her handling him. she's much heavier handed with him than i am... but i can't say anything cos she knows WAY more than me. she offered to ride him, but then she doesn't turn up which annoys me a bit.

maybe i'll put an ad up in the tack shop... and pretend to anyone that rings up that i've had LOADS of people apply... then i can be really fussy and only let someone come along if i think i can trust them enough to be reliable/safe/gentle with him when i'm not there. i need to be realistic too, and realise that if i found someone i really trusted, it would be useful so i could have a few days off horse-care when i was in hosp etc.

i think one of my main problems is telling someone they are not right... so if i pretend there are millions of applicants, it isn't such a hard thing to say...

and if i can't find anyone... i'll give him some time off riding. and stick to the walking in hand and lunging... he doesn't seem to mind them. i was thinking about trying free schooling next week too. x
 
If I was looking for a share I would be put off straight away by it only being for 4 months. It can take that long to become comfortable with a share horse and to only have it available for 4 months isn't worth the hassle of getting to know a horse etc etc. I'd also not want the owner around all the time I was up with the horse, you need to have an element of trust in any share agreement.

It doesn't really sound like you want a sharer, is there anybody on your yard that you already know who could help with your horse? If not, I'd probably let him have a long holiday
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sounds like a cunning plan, at least this way you get to stay in control
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not a dig by the way, i am at least as, um, bad/fussy, etc.
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as to friend, horses for courses
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she's a lovely friend, she's an ace rider, she's a brill instructor (very bossy, which i need)... but when i mutter that he's a bit cold backed and likes his girth doing up slowly... she thinks i'm a div, whacks saddle on, does it up til he nearly pops, then beats him up when he stamps his feet cos it's hurting...

whereas i'm (probably wrongly) a wuss, and i do it up soooo slowly... and no foot stamping for me....
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It doesn't sound like you are really offering a share to me. It sounds more like you want somone to exercise your horse short term.
It is difficult to find someone to share that suits you and your horse. I did share mine for six months (I have two small children) with a teenager. She is a good rider, but thought she knew it all and would not take any of my instructions on how to ride him and therefore she did not get the best from him. I also felt she bullied him. Other attempts to find sharers have only found complete novices who cannot even tack up properly. I have never expected sharers to care for my horse either, and I would also let someone ride him for free but the right sort of people are never interested.
 
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i think one of my main problems is telling someone they are not right... so if i pretend there are millions of applicants, it isn't such a hard thing to say...

and if i can't find anyone... i'll give him some time off riding. and stick to the walking in hand and lunging... he doesn't seem to mind them. i was thinking about trying free schooling next week too. x

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I'd just tell them straight - send them a msg or over the phone if you'd find that easier. "I'm not sure your what I'm looking for" can't say fairer than that and no quilty feeling for the white lies.

Be as honest as you have been on here with any prospective sharer and you'll be fine...but rather than saying "i'm a control freak and want to watch your every move"
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maybe say for "safety reason while they get to know him you will be on the yard when they ride"
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Hopefully you'll trust them and calm down on that side of things.
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If not give him 4 months and loose school.
Good luck with the sharer and the baby!
 
Oh, congratulations on the expected new arrival.

I have had to have by boy ticking over for me since February because I broke my collar bone (still crocked and in pain now, recovering from surgery over two months ago). Initially, to put my mind at rest, I paid someone to ride him once a week as that was all I could afford but it kept him going. I relaxed knowing he was getting out and about and this gave me time to get my thoughts together and decide what was best for me and him. I found a friend, who is horseless, to step in and she has been ticking him over for me, without payment. Regarding a sharer, I advertised for one of those too and have a lovely girl recently start riding him. Although it is meant to be a long term thing, I suspect we will get through the summer and it will get too cold, too dark and she won't be so keen, but that will suit me fine, it gets through the period I need. At this stage, don't mention the length of time you want help, you may love the person who comes along and want them to continue long term. If not, he's your horse and you can say you have decided a share isn't for you.

Regarding the C-section, I have had two. First, sprung back fit as a fiddle, was in my mid 20's. Only problem was, I healed outside but caused damage inside to my scar, of course, didn't see it, didn't feel it too much. 2nd, 4 1/2 yrs later had to have another C-sec, emergency, cos my scar was compromised, I reckon it was because I didn't heed what the docs told me from my first. I felt I had been beaten up and was quite poorly. Don't overdo things, you could hinder your healing and not realise till its too late.

xxx
 
Having had people sharing/loaning my ex-event schoolmaster last few yrs with lessons included & chance to compete riding club, I'd say it's the luck of finding the right person at the right time. I've had some excellent people (usually ones who've had a bit more experience previously) & the ones who find it all a bit too much like hard work after the novelty wears off. I'd say that if you find the right person with the right experience, it's a good idea to hang around for the first few weeks to give them a few helpful tips til they get to know the horse/routine, etc, but then give them a bit of freedom, otherwise they'll just think you don't trust them. If you still feel you need to keep close tabs on them after that, I'd say maybe they're not the right person, or maybe don't have the right level of experience for what you want. I'd say it would be ideal for someone who is maybe at uni or something & just wants to do a bit over the Summer.
Hope you find someone suitable - put loads of ads in local tack shops, riding club newsletters, etc.
 
Re your heavy handed friend, if you are not comfortable then don't do it. You need to relax, not be uptight before things even happen.

Re the telling people, so long as you are polite and honest I don't think you will have a problem. I explained it was a very, very hard decision to make, they sounded lovely but I had found someone who had enquired before them that was suitable. I still have a list of people who, in the event things go pear shaped I can approach again. If they get funny, which I am sure they won't, console yourself that you had a lucky escape not choosing them.

xxx
 
I share my horse, and my experience is that generally people want to be trusted to do their own thing with your horse on their day. If you dont trust that particular person then obviously you wont be able to leave them to it and therefore things wont work out, its a good idea to watch them a few times and if they are not following your advise then you know its probably not going to work out.

I would reccommend when you think you have found the right sharer that you take them on a months trial so that you can reassess things after you have had time to watch how they get on - then you should know youll be able to leave them safely.

I think 4 months is quite a short amount of time to offer a share and it might put some people off. Have you thought about leaving that time open ended as you may find that if the sharer works out it would be useful for them to continue helping even after youve giving birth as im guessing you will be busy with a baby!!!! and it will be coming into the winter which is not always easy!???? You could always set an agreement that you give each other a months notice if you want to end things even at 4 months.....

It is very frustrating finding the right person though...... I remember trying to find the right person for my lovely mare whom is very well schooled! I was looking for an experienced capable rider - now I screened and questioned lots of potential sharers on the phone and it was amazing how highly people thought of themselves! This one lady came out claiming to have backed 3 youngsters and ridden affliated dressage and she could not get my very forward TB to go forwards (as she was pulling on her very sensitive mouth) or ride a 20 metre circle!!! (she just couldnt circle her at all).It was awful to watch and Im afraid I had to tell her I has someone else interested!

I have found a wonderful sharer who is worth her weight in gold and she was def worth all the hassle trying to find!

I actually found her through a wanted ad!

Good luck in finding the right person
 
thank you for all your fab replies... i think it's helped put things in perspective...

i think...
i'll be more flexible
get someone on trial
consider longer term sharing
and only consider someone i really trust, and if i can't find them, just let him have a few months without someone bumping round on his back!

now, i'm off to glug down some more gaviscon and consider creating a new religion. one where we can worship the god of gaviscon... i bow down to them, whoever they are...
 
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If you were closer I'd have your hand off. No help, whatsoever, sorry!

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Me too.

My pony is a bit up and down with his Bone Spavin atm so it would be lovely to share a horse I could school etc. Two days a week would be fine (mine needs riding 5 days a week to stop him stiffening up), though I'm a novice I think I'm experienced enough to be gentle tacking up etc (like I have to be with my own) and I wouldn't mind you hovering around - you could give me lessons! And I can sit the occasional bronk
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Wanna move to Worcestershire?
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Seriously though, the right person is out there, perhaps someone in a similar situation to me, good luck.
 
I'm a sharer and it works because the owner's grown to trust me enough to leave me on my own. However, it was for a trial period at the beginning and she hovered about a bit at first. I have the view that if I can't ride or handle her horse in front of her then I shouldn't ride it at all. I just did everything as I normally would and it worked out fine.

She knew me before and had seen me handle and ride other horses and canvassed references from other people on the yard. Frankly I wasn't bothered by any of that - I completely understand and I'd be the same.

Just go with someone you feel happy with. It's best for you and your horse (and your sharer).
 
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