What keeps you going when your confidence is battered?

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missyme10

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As the title says really?

There have been a few threads in recent days about some of us really struggling with confidence, whether it be in the saddle or in other ways like handling.
We've all different ways of over coming a crisis, me myself I over came a crisis for riding by going back to basics and enlisting the help of a good riding instructor and riding a school plod.

But why do we do it, when you're so low and in my case, the thought of getting on a horse left me feeling physically sick at one point, and trembling, what makes us keep going?
What makes people try again after a serious accident? I broke my leg in 9 places last year which is the root of my confidence crisis, and I've been told I'm mad for riding again :D

For me the answer is simple, I love horses and always will, and so does my daughter and the biggest joy for me is going out on a lovely hack with her - can't do it if I can't ride!!

What motivates the rest of you to get through the hard times, the times when you feel like throwing the towel in and giving it all up, when you can't face going to the stables through sheer dread?
 
I've massively lost my confidence in the past - it is coming back bit by bit. I'm not the rider I used to be but maybe one day I will get back there.

I forced myself to stick with it because I knew no matter how scared I was, my life would be empty without horses. I've been doing it for most of my life and the thought of giving it all up was more upsetting than losing my confidence
 
I think you hit the nail on the head there fattyboomboom when you say your life would feel empty.

Having horses is a way of life I think, its not just about giving up a horse, you give up a whole way of life, and I think horses have to be in your blood to understand that x
 
I totally agree with you. It's been a little upsetting reading the posts about lost confidence as it brings back bad memories! I have to say the last couple of yrs have been the hardest of my horsey life but I am slowly getting back there. Sorry to hear about your broken leg, that must have been a very difficult thing to come back from but glad you're getting there too x
 
FattyBoomBoom said:
I totally agree with you. It's been a little upsetting reading the posts about lost confidence as it brings back bad memories! I have to say the last couple of yrs have been the hardest of my horsey life but I am slowly getting back there. Sorry to hear about your broken leg, that must have been a very difficult thing to come back from but glad you're getting there too x
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Yeah they have brought back memories for me also, but I also find I can gain strength from them hearing about so many others that have overcome similar problems.
Its good you're getting back there, time, patience and a love only a fellow horse person can understand will get you there in the end :D
Yes it hasn't been easy coming back after such a bad accident, sheer guts and determination have got me there, but I'm pretty comfortable on a horse now, and I can even manage a smile :D
Its taken nearly a year and a half, and its been the last month that its really all come together for me, but I dont think I would ever have given up, as you said that made you feel worse x
 
My mum's horse.

Whenever I have a bad ride on something else, I know I can always go back to her and be around her, ride her etc. and be completely and utterly safe. She wouldn't hurt a fly :) I completely trust her, and even if I have a ride where I think "I don't want to do this again" I can still get on Maiden on one of her "spooky days" and she'll be totally safe, even though she's snorting at everything she sees. She's a complete confidence-giver and always restores my faith in horses! :)
 
I have to say that my mare is my rock. I'm so lucky to have found her and she's done so much for me, I consider us to be a team. :D

carrietwentytwo.jpg
 
Fattyboomboom says it for me really. Life would be completely and utterly boring without my horses. What would I do with my time and money? Time is great for increasing confidence, although I will never be the crazy dare devil i was as a teenager!
 
Sheer bloodymindedness...:o:D

I've never taken kindly to being told what I can and can't do, even by myself, if that makes sense;)
 
Spudlet said:
Sheer bloodymindedness...:o:D

I've never taken kindly to being told what I can and can't do, even by myself, if that makes sense;)
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It does make perfect sense to me. :D
If I dither I just say to myself FGS woman, pull your *%^$*ing finger out and get on with it but equally, I'm very careful not to bite off more than I can cope with so know what I am doing is in my comfort zone. It's also amazing how quickly things come back to you while you're doing them but if you had thought about doing them beforehand you would have been in a right old state if that makes sense at all.
 
Someone on my yard was badly advised 3 times with horses, a youngster, a sharp newfie and a total s%!t of a little cob. She now has my laid back connie (grey in my sig) on loan and has been slowly rebuilding her confidence in the school, she wouldn't even ride him the 100 yards from barn to school in July when she first had him on trial. Yesterday - with me accompanying on foot, she hacked him out round the farm for the first time in nearly 2 years. She had moments of anxiety when for example we met 2 horses coming the other way, and when we passed the various points where she had problems with previous horses but she had a couple of little trots and learnt that he was the same in the school out on a hack, most improtantly that the brakes still worked and he was not going any faster than she wanted -for that read snails pace! Whilst this might not sound like much to most people it was a massive acheivement for this lady - it is only a start but at least she now knows that she can trust him and I have to say I was also a very proud owner as he was a total superstar, not reacting to her anxiety at all, he really looked after her and didn't put a foot wrong.

So I guess the moral to this story is that there is the right horse out there, it took her 3 years to admit defeat with her last cob, he shattered her confidence both on the ground and ridden but slowly, little by little, it is coming back - There is no shame in admitting defeat with a particular animal and we spend far too much time and money on this "hobby" to be scared and unhappy - get rid and move on - life is too short!
 
Not sure what keeps me going back to horses, I've had some nasty, painful, falls that non horsey people have been horrified by (I do like to show off my bruises!!) and they are constantly appalled that I'd get back on a horse ever again!

:D
 
For some inexplicable reason I cannot bring my self to get back on my pony. We are getting on great guns working on the ground, leading out in hand, and slowly the confidence os growing. I am still having lessons on an rs horse and said to my instructor last week why is it she can put me on a new to me horse and I just get on it and get on with it (although not so succesfully this time - ouch what a painful trot he had!), I come back home and look at Poppy and think you have done nothing to make me feel that I cannot get on you so why can't I?.

Anyway OH has agreed that she can go to the rs for a month to be reschooled and me ride her there with my instructor so fingers crossed it will work out.

Why do I do it - I love her to bits and even tho is only been 8 months of ownership I can't help thinking if I let her go I may have missed the most wonderful opportunity. But there are days when I think "Oh s**t.
 
The thought of coming back bigger and better!!

My old horse very nearly gave me a break down I tried with her for a year and a half after trying to kill me thats the moment she had to go!! Now she is very happy hacking about!! But i sold her got a new horse Larry and clicked straight away and won ( 15 classes and one major) loads and Won the Shires Championships in 2009!! proudest moment so far of my life!!

Also i would cry at the thought of jumping 2,6 and my new horse and i jumped are first 1.10 and won it!! :0)
 
This sounds so sickly sweet you'll probably want to throw up (please avoid your keyboard!) but for me it's love & the knowledge that this particular horse needs to be ridden. Any other horse I'd have given up on long ago & I'm nowhere near the confident (foolhardy?) rider I was before I had him, but love still keeps me getting back on.
 
Nari said:
This sounds so sickly sweet you'll probably want to throw up (please avoid your keyboard!) but for me it's love & the knowledge that this particular horse needs to be ridden. Any other horse I'd have given up on long ago & I'm nowhere near the confident (foolhardy?) rider I was before I had him, but love still keeps me getting back on.
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That aint sickly sweet Nari, its called having a big heart - I love all mine, and I cried when my bunny died :(
 
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