What not to say in the collecting ring

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blackislegirl

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So yesterday there were two of us warming up to jump at a small local show, me and a younger rider whose mother was adjusting the jumps. I know these two ladies only as nodding acquaintances at shows, you know how it is.

My pony jumped the little spread nicely, and when I pulled up for a breather the mother, this lady I hardly know, apropos of absolutely nothing, says to me 'Can't you fold more over the jump?'

I was flabbergasted at the rudeness! I wouldn't dream of commenting uninvited on anyone's riding - and in the unlikely event of being asked to comment, I'd find something nice to say. It's not even as though the person concerned has any professional qualification (not that that would have made her conduct any less objectionable.)
 
Do you need to fold more? Maybe you were jabbing your horse's mouth and she was trying to help - bit hard to know without having been there!

There's no need to be rude but what she said doesn't sound like it warrants being flabbergasted. Just smile and brush it off if you think what someone's saying isn't accurate.
 
Yeah its rude to just come out and say it, but some people are very blunt. in those situations my first thought would always be 'is there a chance they might have a point?'. was she a good rider? did she look experienced. is there a chance you could have been jabbing pony in mouth. It can be hard sometimes in warmup rings to watch if someone is really reefing a horse in the mouth unintentionally.
 
My point is that imho it is rude to make unsolicited comments on someone else's riding unless possibly animal welfare or safety issues are involved. Which they were not. I wasn't jabbing my horse's mouth. How much to fold or not over a small jump depends on the rider and the horse's way of going. Imho
 
blackislegirl said:
My point is that imho it is rude to make unsolicited comments on someone else's riding unless possibly animal welfare or safety issues are involved. Which they were not. I wasn't jabbing my horse's mouth. How much to fold or not over a small jump depends on the rider and the horse's way of going. Imho
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How do you know you were not catching the ponies mouth ???
 
blackislegirl said:
My point is that imho it is rude to make unsolicited comments on someone else's riding unless possibly animal welfare or safety issues are involved. Which they were not. I wasn't jabbing my horse's mouth. How much to fold or not over a small jump depends on the rider and the horse's way of going. Imho
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Completely agree with you. Very rude indeed for a complete stranger to make this comment.

As it is of other posters to tell you that it was your riding at fault when they have never seen you ride. For goodness sake, if a poster says it wasn't their riding, then it wasn't their riding, unless you've seen them ride!

A complete stranger walked up and adjusted my horse's bridle once. I told him to put it back like it was.
 
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Velcrobum said:
How do you know you were not catching the ponies mouth ???
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This is really off topic......but hey ho, clearly I am guilty till proven innocent...which I can't be, but for the record, I've been riding with regular qualified instruction for over 35 years, have had this pony for over 7 years, have regular jumping lessons and compete regularly, even successfully, on him, know when he's going well and know when I am in balance with him(which I was on the occasion in question, even though I don't fold much.) So I don't think I merit self-appointed, uncalled-for policing!
 
some horse people are loons,i'd just brush it off. actually what i would have done is wait for her to do a jump and then politely made a comment to her about her riding, see how she reacted.
 
You just answered the point I was going to make - you might be on ponies but you are not a minor. In which case yes - rude.


Well - probably rude anyway. But sometimes at PC shows you might see the instructor or chef d'equipe of another team have a quiet word with a rider. I know I've done it. Sometimes it is better that way than to approach a parent or the ring steward - who is going to be a poor volunteer anyway! I know I can get into "PC" mode when I have a lot of kids out and I'll check the girth of anything standing still!

I have accidentally checked the tack of an adult - but only because I was getting so plum knackered that I wasn't thinking. And I did apologise. I would never offer unsolicited comment on an adult riding. If I had welfare concerns I would approach the organizer.
 
I don't understand why you would be offended . As you say you've seen these people out before, they clearly felt able to offer a littl bit of advice / help. A lot worse happens in collecting rings.
 
Xmas Morning Star said:
I don't understand why you would be offended . As you say you've seen these people out before, they clearly felt able to offer a littl bit of advice / help. A lot worse happens in collecting rings.
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Can I ask if you would feel the same if people you barely knew by sight gave you unsolicited advice on how you were dressed, the colour/style of your hair, how to correct your misbehaving child, or how to drive even though you were driving perfectly safely?

I admire people who can stay detached in the face of such rudeness.
 
ycbm said:
Can I ask if you would feel the same if people you barely knew by sight gave you unsolicited advice on how you were dressed, the colour/style of your hair, how to correct your misbehaving child, or how to drive even though you were driving perfectly safely?

I admire people who can stay detached in the face of such rudeness.
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Nope , wouldn't give a monkeys. I'm absolutely gorgeous with fantastic dress sense. I'm pretty much perfect , so would find it hilarious!
 
Uhhhhhh, Mind your own business??

Even if you did "know" them I don't see the need for unsolicited advise from anyone really.
It would have upset me too!
 
If I was sure she didn't have a point, I'd probably say 'Not really/Nope!' cheerfully and walk off.

IMO, comments like that are a bit uncalled for but not totally !?!?!?!?!?!?.
 
I think she was very rude to comment too. If you fold too much which tons of people do you can over balance the horse and make it harder for them to jump. Can't remember how high but remember one instructor saying folding isn't necessary at all under a certain height. Just stay in balance. People should mind their own business. I am not very confedent as a ride I would have felt really knocked by someone criticing me.
 
A bit unnecessary, yes, but perhaps she was just trying to make conversation? If you kind of know each other by sight and she'd been sorting the practices fences for you too, then maybe this lady felt she was just chatting?

What did you say OP?

In the greater scheme of things that happen in SJ collecting rings, this one is not high on the list of bad ones :p
 
Maybe a bit rude, but it could be useful feedback. Try not to take it personally (hard I know!), video yourself jumping, check if you do need to improve your position, if so thank her and work on it, if not disregard her comment and think no more about it :)
 
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I think that's rude - I rarely offer unsolicited advice to people I know fairly well let alone someone in a collecting ring. Plenty of people (including me when it comes to jumping!) are very nervous already when competing and a comment like that can really knock the confidence of a nervous or less experienced competitor.
 
I think it was extremely rude.

In a collecting ring, unless it is likely to cause harm, I do not even comment on a client's riding unless asked.

I leave it until the next lesson.

Wading in unasked is likely to knock confidence.

Of course, if asked I will help.
 
I'm quite surprised that people think this was ok. I would have found it incredibly rude! (And I am an extremely confident rider with absolutely no hang ups about my ability, so in no way would this make me doubt myself)

Seriously, unless I saw something horrific in a collecting ring that I believed was affecting the welfare of the animal, then I wouldn't say anything. I see plenty of people who aren't perfect riders, I often mentally 'fix' people in my head (I think it's an instructor thing) but a sure way to knock their confidence and discourage them is to randomly pick holes in a persons riding when you haven't been asked. Leave it to a persons instructor and butt out.

What a dreadfully rude woman.
 
Id be mortified! She obviously thinks as you know each other by sight she can make a remark like that but never in a zillion years would I comment on someone's riding unless they asked for my opinion, even then, if it were at a show Id not say anything remotely negative knowing how nervous most of us are when we're out. Draw a line under it and move on x
 
I think I would assume the lady in question is not very knowledgeable you don't actually need to obviously fold over a jump it unbalances the horse so I would probably inform her of this !!
 
irishdraft said:
I think I would assume the lady in question is not very knowledgeable you don't actually need to obviously fold over a jump it unbalances the horse so I would probably inform her of this !!
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That is more or less what I did. I said 'No, I don't fold a lot, never have, and my instructor says it's not necessary at this height.
And I find my pony jumps better if I just go with him, rather than folding. That way I am in a good position on landing to keep control if he gets strong.' And I said that politely and calmly, as I a basically a polite and calm person.

I wasn't insulted by what she said, just irritated by her presumption in offering unsolicited advice. I pay good money for lessons to a couple of instructors I really respect, and with whom I discuss my many weaknesses and insecurities as a rider. I am not a child - far from it, more in the 'why am I still doing this at my age?' category.

And I am glad to say that because of that she didn't affect my confidence, and my pony jumped very nicely and very clear in the ring.

Thanks to all of you who posted that you agree with me that the woman was behaving badly. And those of you who don't think that, please consider the feelings of others before you offer them unsolicited advice. That was why I made the original post in the first place.
 
Glad it didn't affect your confidence.

I don't offer unsolicited advice, especially of other peoples riding position. Mines absolutely bobbins. Perhaps that why it wouldn't haven't bothered me !
 
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