What should I do?

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Crosshill Pacers

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So last night as we're all sat around the dinner table my mother decides to tell my family that I will be moving to Scotland next year. Result is a bit of an argument and my dad and brother now kind of not talking to me (my brother is, but only to the extent that he can repeatedly tell me what a terrible idea it is).

The brief background is that my OH lives about half an hour from Glasgow, has his own yard, stables and fields (jointly owns with his father and grandfather), and at present has 2 horses of his own (along with another 10 that are jointly owned with the other two men). It's simply easier for me to move, and...I want to.

Thing is, until I finish my current job (contract runs out in December) and hopefully get a promotion in my part time job (which could then be taken with me to Scotland), I hadn't planned on broaching the subject because I knew it'd be a difficult one. I told my mother a fortnight ago but conversationally, not 'I am moving to Scotland in six months', more of a 'look, it makes more sense if I were to move up there perhaps, what do you think?', to which she agreed. So yeh, bit annoyed at the old girl for dropping that clanger without any warning whatsoever.

The biggest problem I have now is whether or not I should take my horse with me. OH has room for her and is happy for her to come but, technically she's my dads. He bred her, has paid for everything nearly (bar rugs which I bought) and is trying to sell her as a riding pony, or might race her again next year and breed from her. Do I need to take her with me, or should I go without her, settle in and look for another horse to ride once I'm up there? Or do I take her, in which case how do I convince my dad that she should come with me?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
 
I say you'd need to buy your dads horse if you want to take her. I don't see how anything else is fair. As for the rest of it, firstly its your life so do what you think is best, secondly you now know your mum won't keep your secrets so bear that in mind in future, thirdly maybe your family will miss you and that's why they're being off about it? They may come round to the idea given time. Good luck with the move, new job and everything :)
 
If the horse is your dad's and he is selling her anyway, there isn't really anything to debate.... Sounds like your OH has lots of horses for you to keep busy with anyway! Have fun. They will come round.
 
Oh boy, what a predicament to be in, not a nice one, I do feel for you. I think you need to be having this conversation with your dad as she is his. Good luck.
 
Thanks everyone. I've tried to have the conversation with my OH but he's pretty much told me it's up to me whether I bring her. I totally lost my confidence riding and gave up for several years, I've started riding again in the last couple of months and Star has been the perfect horse for me to get my confidence back on, even though she's only 4.

OH has got a 7yo mare up with him that is the right size for me and is quite laid back (and she's also my favourite) so he has suggested that I ask his dad and grandad if I could have her to ride. It's just...I've fallen in love with Star. I wonder whether buying her would be the best option? Oh I don't know! I'm rubbish at making decisions!
 
Faracat said:
I think that you would regret it, if you didn't seriously think about buying Star and taking her with you.
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Faracat, I like you :) this is the sort of shove I need. One minute I'm saying to myself 'Velvet will surely make a lovely riding horse and she's never to be sold anyway so I can ride her until forever' and the next I'm saying 'but Star is perfect in every which way'. I've never had a horse that I've 'clicked' with before, I'd be stupid to leave her behind right?
 
No problem. :D

If you think really carefully and decide not to buy/take her, then it wont play on your mind. I hate it when I wake up at night regretting making decisions too quickly.

I also think that you need to reassure your Dad and brother that you will come and visit etc... tell them that they wont get rid of you that easily! :p
 
SarahThomas said:
Faracat, I like you :) this is the sort of shove I need. One minute I'm saying to myself 'Velvet will surely make a lovely riding horse and she's never to be sold anyway so I can ride her until forever' and the next I'm saying 'but Star is perfect in every which way'. I've never had a horse that I've 'clicked' with before, I'd be stupid to leave her behind right?
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Yes you would be very stupid indeed! :D Buy Star, horses that you 'click' with are rare, don't give her up without even trying!
Consider yourself shoved now :D
 
It's your life if you want to move up here (good choice!) that's up to you.

I'd buy the horse off your Dad. Doesn't sound like another one with be noticed anyway lol.
 
You two have got me sat in work with the daftest grin on my face! :D

I'm gonna have to sit my old man down and have a serious discussion with him about the fact that Scotland isn't the other side of the world, I'll be coming back for the Royal Welsh and all the big trotting meetings in Wales and the border counties and basically for any other excuse I can come up with!

And I'm gonna have to ask if I can take the horse. The worst that can happen is he says I have to pay the asking price for her, because he wants her sold and I want her.

I'm feeling ready to take on the world right now!!

Massive thanks :) (I'm sure Star says thanks too coz she knows a life with me is the best she'll get!)
 
I'd just ask to buy her. He is bound to then say he can't take money off you for her and you can then throw your arms round his neck and say thanks daddy lol. And if he doesn't he was going to have made you pay for her anyway.
 
This is the first time I've ever tried to do this, so please tell me if the link doesn't work, but I've put a selection of photos of my Big Ears (a.k.a Star or Shes Some Deal as her racing name) on photobucket. Here's the link:

http://s1078.photobucket.com/albums/w499/ShesSomeDeal/

Hoping to get some of us riding as the actual riding progresses (she's had the week off this week as I was really busy with work and she was slightly footsore last time I took her round the field).

Let me know what you think :) (although if you don't like her it won't make any difference to me coz I still love her!)
 
Faracat said:
She's really lovely. :D
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Thank you :) I think so! She's a total grump most of the time, but that's how I know she's happy. She also has a cute habit of snoring when I bring her in and groom her, her head disappears towards the floor, the eyes close and then this weird snuffling sound comes out!

I was so nervous the night before our first fun ride that I didn't fall asleep until 5:30am, and then on the day she was a total pro. I felt like I was in the safest pair of hands ever :)
 
From the happy way that you write about her, it's obvious that she is definitely the right horse for you and that she feels totally safe in your company. :) Wonderful. :D
 
Why are your family upset at you moving to Scotland? Are you very young? If you are technically an adult, I'm not sure why they wouldn't want to support you?

As for the pony - you really need to speak to your dad about this but by the sounds of it he might not be that cooperative.
 
mcnaughty said:
Why are your family upset at you moving to Scotland? Are you very young? If you are technically an adult, I'm not sure why they wouldn't want to support you?

As for the pony - you really need to speak to your dad about this but by the sounds of it he might not be that cooperative.
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I'm 23, and I think when the time comes they'll be supportive. It's just I moved back home after being in uni for 4 years and they're all really glad to have me back. I live on a farm and my brother will be there forever and I think my dad kinda thought I'd want to stick around forever too. Don't get me wrong, I live in a beautiful part of the country and I absolutely love the area and the people, but my future lies elsewhere. I guess they didn't expect me to meet someone who lived in Scotland!

I think I have time to convince him about Star and me...I'm going to hunt her this winter and hopefully once he sees how well we get on together he'll understand why I want to take her with me.
 
I moved from glasgow to cheshire with my horse to be with my husband, that I met on holiday :) we were engaged at the time. My mum and dad in the end were supportive, as I made sure I had friends and a job down there to and wasn't just reling on OH to have a life. I was so nervous driving my horse down the M6 but she travelled fine.
I think you need to site down with your dad and tell him the situation properly and that this prob won't happen untill 2013 and dicuss what you would like to do regarding the horse, as long as you are honest with them they will come round.
 
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