what to do with my horses

C

Crugeran Celt

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I have five horses, three minis, 19, 14 and 13, two elderly cobs, 24 and about 28. live together in happy herd, none are ridden so they just get fed and watered, feet done and just enjoy life. They can come and go from their stables to fields as they please and have plenty of natural shelter and a small river running through their field that they can drink from. All happy, all healthy now my dilemma, I have been diagnosed with a life limiting lung condition, I am on 24/7 oxygen and can't physically do anything with the horses, too weak to muck out and struggle with their hair so no brushing. My husband has never been interested in them but has stepped up amazingly well and has looked after them for the last two years. So should I try and rehome the minis who are well handled and love to be brushed and made a fuss of by anyone including children so that my husband just has the two big ones that at their ages won't last forever or as my husband wants to keep them all together and he will just get on with it. I worry he may not be as hands on with me not here but they have all lived together for years, two of the minis arrived at 5 months old, the eldest was just 6 and the younger cob arrived as a 5 year old. The older cob arrived to retire 12 years ago. I think I have control issues as the thought of not being able to make the decisions for my horses is worrying me more that dying. Is that weird or what?
 
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's good to hear your husband is able to keep looking after them.

I would think that rehoming the minis now with a trial period will give you peace of mind rather than worrying your husband will struggle with them or be unable to choose good homes for them.

The alternative would be to speak to a charity now and agree that they could take them on when the time comes, but to make sure they go sooner rather than later to avoid too much pressure on your husband.

Are you part of a horsey community? It'd be good to arrange some back up even if a paid groom but a friend who'd step up and show an interest if needed would be ideal.
 
Jambarissa said:
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's good to hear your husband is able to keep looking after them.

I would think that rehoming the minis now with a trial period will give you peace of mind rather than worrying your husband will struggle with them or be unable to choose good homes for them.

The alternative would be to speak to a charity now and agree that they could take them on when the time comes, but to make sure they go sooner rather than later to avoid too much pressure on your husband.

Are you part of a horsey community? It'd be good to arrange some back up even if a paid groom but a friend who'd step up and show an interest if needed would be ideal.
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I have a very good friend who has horses of her own and I know she would help out as already has done when the farrier comes, she arranges his visits as well now. I know my husband wants to keep them as he says they are a link to me. I just wonder if he will feel the same when I am not here. We also have a neighbour who isn't particularly horsey but loves all animals and she would help out I am sure, may even consider having the minis but she would need support herself as never owned or cared for a horse. As I say the minis are all very easy as were very well handled before my illness, they are all good in traffic and having feet, teeth done. I think I am just thinking aloud about their future. the bottom line is I won't be here to decide although i will write down my thoughts before I become too ill to do so.
 
I am so sorry your health is so bad, I have similar life limiting conditions with a very poor outlook so I know exactly how you must be feeling. My son (who lives with us) has looked after my retired horse and two donkeys for the past two years for me. Sadly the old horse had to be PTS last autumn but the upside was it made life much easier for my son.

Unfortunately my son now has life threatening health problems himself, but at the moment is quite well and more than happy to carry on looking after the donkeys, in the early weeks of his diagnosis he set about making their living arrangements as easy and straightforward as he possibly could for them to be cared for. Concrete standing areas, two new easy access points to their field, hay boxes that fill almost automatically without having to bend down and lift hay, a neighbour comes up to fill the boxes with two or three bales at a time for us if my son is undergoing treatment. This will also ensure if his health fails he will still be able to carry on for awhile, if not, then it has made it much easier for my husband to take over when needed.

I have also contacted a donkey sanctuary and they have agreed if both my son and/or I die before the donkeys do (donkeys are 25 and 19) then they will take them for the remainder of their natural lives. Can you perhaps try and put something like that into action if and when it becomes necessary?

I am so very sorry you are also in this position, perhaps rehome the little ones and just keep the older two for now anyway? I agree turned out and kept as naturally as possible is definitely the way forward.

No the control thing is not weird, I think that is all part of coming to terms with our limited life span and very normal reaction. Try and look for any little light in the dark tunnel, I was told quite a few months back now that the outlook and longevity is very poor, but I am still here now and I have not got worse apart from the odd blip and quick unplanned visit to hospital. I even find myself planning next springs garden plans, just in case I am still around. Stay strong and please accept a hug of commiseration and strength to get through this as best we can. Always open for a DM if things get tough. 🫂 x
 
Crugeran Celt said:
I have a very good friend who has horses of her own and I know she would help out as already has done when the farrier comes, she arranges his visits as well now. I know my husband wants to keep them as he says they are a link to me. I just wonder if he will feel the same when I am not here. We also have a neighbour who isn't particularly horsey but loves all animals and she would help out I am sure, may even consider having the minis but she would need support herself as never owned or cared for a horse. As I say the minis are all very easy as were very well handled before my illness, they are all good in traffic and having feet, teeth done. I think I am just thinking aloud about their future. the bottom line is I won't be here to decide although i will write down my thoughts before I become too ill to do so.
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Maybe let him keep them if he has the money and is in good health himself ?
 
I think I would go with your husband’s wishes. And it may help him through a really difficult time.
However would make sure he knew that it would be fine if he has to rehome all the horses, or at least the two minis, and ask your horsey friend in advance whether she would help with that.

Maybe write a helpful potential plan for your husband, with information useful for him about each horse if he needs or wants to rehome (or pts) - I mean in the way you’ve done here, eg these two could be rehomed together because; that one would have X needs and would only do well in a home which provides Y.

A charity which agrees it would take them all if it became necessary, would also be reassuring - for you as well as for him.

ETA I am so sorry to hear that your health is limiting you so very much. My brother in law was on oxygen and to struggle to breathe is an awful thing to deal with. Your horses’ lives sound lovely, by the way: what a great set up.
 
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Crugeran Celt said:
I have a very good friend who has horses of her own and I know she would help out as already has done when the farrier comes, she arranges his visits as well now. I know my husband wants to keep them as he says they are a link to me. I just wonder if he will feel the same when I am not here. We also have a neighbour who isn't particularly horsey but loves all animals and she would help out I am sure, may even consider having the minis but she would need support herself as never owned or cared for a horse. As I say the minis are all very easy as were very well handled before my illness, they are all good in traffic and having feet, teeth done. I think I am just thinking aloud about their future. the bottom line is I won't be here to decide although i will write down my thoughts before I become too ill to do so.
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So sorry for you, and to be worrying about your horses and husband on top of the illness, must be very hard to deal with all this.
I feel that re homing the minis would be an excellent idea, and that your husband would benefit from having less to be responsible for (both physically & emotionally), altho he may not appreciate that just now. It would be a weight off your mind to know their futures were as decided and secure as can be managed - hopefully your husband will be active for many years, but sadly we can never take health for granted.
If he can manage the two older cobs with support from your lovely friend and the neighbour - that’s a big enough commitment, and you could suggest what you should prefer if / when one cob becomes likely to pre-decease the other.
Hoping things go as smoothly as possible for you, for all of you.
 
Mrs. Jingle said:
I am so sorry your health is so bad, I have similar life limiting conditions with a very poor outlook so I know exactly how you must be feeling. My son (who lives with us) has looked after my retired horse and two donkeys for the past two years for me. Sadly the old horse had to be PTS last autumn but the upside was it made life much easier for my son.

Unfortunately my son now has life threatening health problems himself, but at the moment is quite well and more than happy to carry on looking after the donkeys, in the early weeks of his diagnosis he set about making their living arrangements as easy and straightforward as he possibly could for them to be cared for. Concrete standing areas, two new easy access points to their field, hay boxes that fill almost automatically without having to bend down and lift hay, a neighbour comes up to fill the boxes with two or three bales at a time for us if my son is undergoing treatment. This will also ensure if his health fails he will still be able to carry on for awhile, if not, then it has made it much easier for my husband to take over when needed.

I have also contacted a donkey sanctuary and they have agreed if both my son and/or I die before the donkeys do (donkeys are 25 and 19) then they will take them for the remainder of their natural lives. Can you perhaps try and put something like that into action if and when it becomes necessary?

I am so very sorry you are also in this position, perhaps rehome the little ones and just keep the older two for now anyway? I agree turned out and kept as naturally as possible is definitely the way forward.

No the control thing is not weird, I think that is all part of coming to terms with our limited life span and very normal reaction. Try and look for any little light in the dark tunnel, I was told quite a few months back now that the outlook and longevity is very poor, but I am still here now and I have not got worse apart from the odd blip and quick unplanned visit to hospital. I even find myself planning next springs garden plans, just in case I am still around. Stay strong and please accept a hug of commiseration and strength to get through this as best we can. Always open for a DM if things get tough. 🫂 x
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Thank you, sorry to hear you and your son are in this position. It is so hard coming to terms with the illness and the inevitable outcome that its only now after two years since diagnosis I am starting to worry about their future. Always thought I would at least stay healthy enough to look after them but it's not to be as deterioration has been swift. I hope you and your son stay well for a long time to come.
 
teacups said:
I think I would go with your husband’s wishes. And it may help him through a really difficult time.
However would make sure he knew that it would be fine if he has to rehome all the horses, or at least the two minis, and ask your horsey friend in advance whether she would help with that.

Maybe write a helpful potential plan for your husband, with information useful for him about each horse if he needs or wants to rehome (or pts) - I mean in the way you’ve done here, eg these two could be rehomed together because; that one would have X needs and would only do well in a home which provides Y.

A charity which agrees it would take them all if it became necessary, would also be reassuring - for you as well as for him.
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I have made it clear that the two old cobs are to be PTS, I do not want them passed on at their age and with their temprements, the minis however I feel are too young to make such a drastic decision.
 
Dam1 said:
Would you not miss the minis if they were rehomed ?. If your husband is happy to keep them I would go with that
Edited to add so sorry for you health worries x
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I would, I love being able to see them in the field behind the house and as my movement is very limited it is a highlight to sit and watch them as they go about their daily grazing but I need to put their needs first I guess.
 
I've just realised I didn't even say how sorry I am you are in this position Crugeran Celt. I hope life is not too uncomfortable. X
 
I'm sorry you are in poor health and understand why you would want everything settled while you are able to have a say but if your husband would like to keep them altogether, I think you should respect his wishes. He will need something to keep him occupied when he is on his own and, as he says, the ponies will always be a link to you. So long as he has support available and knows that if he needs to rehome them he has your blessing, I would leave the decision to him.
 
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Mrs. Jingle said:
I am so sorry your health is so bad, I have similar life limiting conditions with a very poor outlook so I know exactly how you must be feeling. My son (who lives with us) has looked after my retired horse and two donkeys for the past two years for me. Sadly the old horse had to be PTS last autumn but the upside was it made life much easier for my son.

Unfortunately my son now has life threatening health problems himself, but at the moment is quite well and more than happy to carry on looking after the donkeys, in the early weeks of his diagnosis he set about making their living arrangements as easy and straightforward as he possibly could for them to be cared for. Concrete standing areas, two new easy access points to their field, hay boxes that fill almost automatically without having to bend down and lift hay, a neighbour comes up to fill the boxes with two or three bales at a time for us if my son is undergoing treatment. This will also ensure if his health fails he will still be able to carry on for awhile, if not, then it has made it much easier for my husband to take over when needed.

I have also contacted a donkey sanctuary and they have agreed if both my son and/or I die before the donkeys do (donkeys are 25 and 19) then they will take them for the remainder of their natural lives. Can you perhaps try and put something like that into action if and when it becomes necessary?

I am so very sorry you are also in this position, perhaps rehome the little ones and just keep the older two for now anyway? I agree turned out and kept as naturally as possible is definitely the way forward.

No the control thing is not weird, I think that is all part of coming to terms with our limited life span and very normal reaction. Try and look for any little light in the dark tunnel, I was told quite a few months back now that the outlook and longevity is very poor, but I am still here now and I have not got worse apart from the odd blip and quick unplanned visit to hospital. I even find myself planning next springs garden plans, just in case I am still around. Stay strong and please accept a hug of commiseration and strength to get through this as best we can. Always open for a DM if things get tough. 🫂 x
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I am sorry that you are in this position .Look after yourself.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I'm sorry you are in poor health and understand why you would want everything settled while you are able to have a say but if your husband would like to keep them altogether, I think you should respect his wishes. He will need something to keep him occupied when he is on his own and, as he says, the ponies will always be a link to you. So long as he has support available and knows that if he needs to rehome them he has your blessing, I would leave the decision to him.
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I'm so sorry about your health and situation CC. I would do as PAS suggests. It may the case then when your OH is on his own the horses/ponies are what give him a reason to get up in the morning. Looking after them all ATM may be also helping him to cope with the situation, he may think he is doing something to really help you if you see what I mean. Enjoy watching your ponies. :) My thoughts are with you.
 
paddy555 said:
I'm so sorry about your health and situation CC. I would do as PAS suggests. It may the case then when your OH is on his own the horses/ponies are what give him a reason to get up in the morning. Looking after them all ATM may be also helping him to cope with the situation, he may think he is doing something to really help you if you see what I mean. Enjoy watching your ponies. :) My thoughts are with you.
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What Paddy and PAS say would be my thoughts too.
CC, I'm sorry to read how unwell you are, sending love xx
 
I'm so sorry that you are in this position CC (& Mrs J).

CC, I can completely understand both your need to feel in control of the horses and ponies future and your husbands desire to keep them as a link to you.

Perhaps you could have the best of both worlds by keeping the horses and ponies all together meantime whilst your husband still wants and is able to care for them but also have advanced arrangements in place with a charity should the situation change materially. That way your husband has a ready made plan in place which he knows is acceptable to you should he feel he needs it. So he can keep them as long as he wants to buy they also have a safety net in place should it be required.
 
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