What to do???

noblesteed

noblesteed

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Hi all,
Been posting a lot lately, I am really at my wits end now, and sitting here in tears.

Story goes, I have had a baby, had a really tough pregnancy and ended up with walking stick (I refused the crutches) and then a horrible birth. But I do have a gorgeous little boy to show for it. I have my one horse on DIY at a farm 10 miles away from me (near my workplace). There are other liveries there who said they would help out a bit when I first said I was pregnant and I also have a girl who is loaning the horse every day too. Once I became ill there was little I could do with horse so was forced to rely on loaner and other liveries would put horse's breakfast in and turn out some mornings if noone else could do it. Towards the last month of pregnancy I became more mobile - baby had moved and so I started going back to do horse a couple of times a week. We decided to turn them out for summer just before my baby was born. I thanked everyone and gave them gifts before my due date so I wouldn't forget! THen I couldn't get up to farm at all so my loaner agreed to take care of horse with help from others. Turns out others were doing most things for my horse (I think!!!) before the loaner got there. ANyway started to go back up and I was suddenly greeted with hostility, and told not to meddle as they had their routine with the horse. It turns out I had offended them by telling them what to do with my horse... (?????) Even though I had assumed my loaner was looking after the horse and discussed things with her...
The last straw was 4 weeks ago I went up for farrier and found horse without his grazing muzzle (someone had removed it) and was footy with pulses. I immediately panicked (as you would) and put him on box rest. but having a young baby I couldn't do the round-trip up there twice a day. Loaner is inexperienced in these matters and I CAN'T let my poorly horse be the responsibility of someone else. So I had to go up more often - cue more ill-feeling from others - we muddled through, farriers, vets, blood tests etc - all to the detriment of the time I should be spending with my young baby :( Horse was allowed out thank goodness in his greenguard last week.
So i hoped the episode was over - NO! Nobody will speak to me, I have tried to make amends and I am told 'you can't come up and start telling people what to do' and that I don't appreciate them helping me and that I should let the loaner have the horse full-time and stay away from the yard. They don't even believe there is anything wrong with my horse!

I really am at my wits end, I haven't slept all week even with a young baby when sleep is so precious. Now I have gone up and horse STILL has slight pulse after I thought he was on the mend :(

I really don't know what to do. I left the horse in the field in his muzzle and will speak to loaner later. It's making me ill!!! How can I look after a tiny baby when I feel like this?
I am thinking I need to go up with a trailer over the weekend and take him somewhere else closer to where I live, then try and get him better.
 
Sounds like you do need to mov yard- any chance you could afford somewhere really nice on full livery? spend some time talking to the yard manager of any prospective yard and I'm sure they'll understand your concerns about your horse- if you can afford to move him then his health comes first. sorry to hear about your situation :(
 
Move your horse to full livery somewhere so you can enjoy him when it suits you. New baby and a fresh start for your horse may be just what you need. Your emotions and hormones will be all over the place at the moment. Leave your old place with choccies and thankyous and start afresh elsewhere. Life is too short!
 
Well three things - and please excuse if it sounds blunt, because it's not meant to.

I'm assuming you're now well - so there is no reason why you can't look after the horse yourself (a baby doesn't prevent this).

Ignore the haters and just crack on and look after your horse in the way in which you see fit (daily).

Move yards.
 
Agree with the others - move yard. You've done nothing wrong from what you've said - this is their problem, not yours. Move ASAP and find a place that's sympathetic to your situation. You have every right to enjoy your baby AND your horse...this isn't an either/or situation. He's your horse, you pay for livery and while others have 'helped' it sounds like they've massively overstepped the mark. You don't deserve to feel like this. The time you have with your baby is something you can't get back and you absolutely shouldn't be made to feel bad about doing your own horse. I wish I lived near you or I'd help out in a heartbeat...me and my two and a half year old :D
 
I have to agree a bit with Amymay. Why not just look after your horse yourself completely now?
Yes you have a young baby but trust me now whilst they are happiest sleeping in buggies etc is when it is at its easiest.
I've managed 3 horses, husband working away & 2 children (including a completely breast fed baby). Yes it's hard work but if you want to then you'll find a way.
 
Also why is time at the yard detriment to time with a baby? I took my children with me. Whilst little they slept in the buggy whilst I rode/mucked out etc now they 'help'
Fresh air is good for children :)
 
Sounds like you need to move yards, either somewhere closer so you can take full care if horse (it can be done, even with a baby)
Or full livery or get a more competent loaner.
It's your horses and those people need to remember that.
 
I would move yards anyway (maybe somewhere nearer) and then do your horse yourself. Juggling horse and baby is doable you just have to accept that sometimes the horse might be done a bit later and baby might be a bit late for a feed ;) but neither of them will be any the worse off - my little girl (now 5) knows horse gets fed before her :other people on your yard obviously don't have lives as I personally wouldn't have time to interfere with somebodies horse and whether or not they should have a muzzle on or not :rolleyes:
 
In all fairness, the girl has had a rubbish pregnancy, a tough birth, and is a 1st time mum.
No a baby doesn't stop you looking after a horse, BUT it does make it a damn sight harder in those 1st few weeks when you are trying to get into a routine with baby, and still keep a routine with the horse.
OP if your horse is close to home you will find it easier.
Could you not short term put him on part livery until you are a bit more sorted babywise?
And get someone trusted to watch baby for a few hours and go to bed!!!
 
joeanne said:
In all fairness, the girl has had a rubbish pregnancy, a tough birth, and is a 1st time mum.
No a baby doesn't stop you looking after a horse, BUT it does make it a damn sight harder in those 1st few weeks when you are trying to get into a routine with baby, and still keep a routine with the horse.
OP if your horse is close to home you will find it easier.
Could you not short term put him on part livery until you are a bit more sorted babywise?
And get someone trusted to watch baby for a few hours and go to bed!!!
Click to expand...

^^ This!

What one person can comfortably cope with causes other people real difficulties.
 
amymay said:
Well three things - and please excuse if it sounds blunt, because it's not meant to.

I'm assuming you're now well - so there is no reason why you can't look after the horse yourself (a baby doesn't prevent this).

Ignore the haters and just crack on and look after your horse in the way in which you see fit (daily).

Move yards.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with this, 3 options take the kid with you, put up shut up or move. yes you had a difficult time of it but if your ok now baby is ok theres no reason why it cant come to the yard with you and sleep in car/pushchair its not winter anymore and thousands of people have a tough birth but if you want to make it work, you will. Pony clearly needs management with lami if you can afford full livery that would be easier for you.
 
Wow, there are clearly lots of supetwomen on this forum ;) OP could you look into retirement livery for a few months / years, somewhere experienced with lamenitics who will keep him muzzled and have bare paddocks.
 
Sounds like a right bitchy yard! Id definitely move closer to home and look at part/full livery. Either that or loaning him out if you can't take care of him. New babies are hard work and the adjustment with your first even harder. Give it a while and it'll fall into place. I've got 4 so the nasty newborn stage must end sometime if i kept having more ;-)
 
lol!!! supermums!!!!

I think I could do the horse myself tbh, especially if he was out somewhere nearby. I couldn't manage him on box rest where he is as its 20 -25 minutes drive away, there's no way I could fit in 2-3 trips up to the yard every day on the little sleep I am getting! Baby doesn't always sleep at the yard either, he often cries. Plus horse doesn't drink... we had a whole carry on because he wouldn;t drink his water, I drove all round the county looking for stuff to put in his water so he would drink. Ah it's all just a mess.
Anyway why would I want to be at a yard where people dislike me? I even phoned one of them today and she continued to tell me I was ungrateful and I should stay away and stop meddling, and then in the same breath she accused me of neglecting my horse's welfare ?????????

Better start looking round near me. If I can get horse better then look for a new loaner (current one doesn't drive) or sell him. I have had enough!
 
Definitely move, but give yourself time too - whether you look after him yourself, share, loan or sell, it can take a fair while to adjust to having your first child :) Babies don't always sleep when we want them to either. Try to roll with the situation if you can - find a really good sharer or friend and when your baby is teething/having a growth spurt/has to have jabs/has a cold/etc and your routine is out the window you don't need to stress as much
 
I am in the north east/ edge of north yorkshire. North Yorkshire coast. It's a bit remote really, there are only 4 livery yards round here and none have winter turnout.
I don't think I am near any HHOers. They would know me or my horse anyway I would think!!!

Even my husband couldn't sleep last night worrying so we will have to sort something out soon!
 
noblesteed said:
I am in the north east/ edge of north yorkshire. North Yorkshire coast. It's a bit remote really, there are only 4 livery yards round here and none have winter turnout.
I don't think I am near any HHOers. They would know me or my horse anyway I would think!!!

Even my husband couldn't sleep last night worrying so we will have to sort something out soon!
Click to expand...

Winter turnout doesn't matter for the moment - just get yourself temporarily sorted.

What about renting a field from a farmer or similar?
 
Definitely get away from there, whether or not they helped in the past they certainly aren't helping you now and you're in a precarious position where you don't need the extra stress! I wish you were close to me, you could stick the horse here and we'd have fun taking turns when my baby comes along! :D :D
I hope you get it sorted out, please do something soon and don't let them get to you.
 
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