what to say /do /help a friend who has lost a horse

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thinlizzy

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friend lost horse yesterday (put to sleep )very sad everyone is advice in what to say/do there was another for sale ata good price shes aware of dont know wether to encourage/push her to have a look at least very sad or just leave well alone this has left a massive gap in friends life
no negative comments please about replacing an animal on a whim i lost my dog after eleven years last year and said never but had a puppy within two weeks not the same but helped fill a huge hole
just feel helpless
thanks you any experiances wouls be grateful
 
Personally, I wouldn't mention buying another horse, of course if she mentions it, then point out the one you think may be suitable.
Just let her take the lead and be there for her if she wants a shoulder to cry on.

Poor friend, it really isn't nice :(.
 
Everyone deals with their grief differently Thinlizzy. I wouldn't push your friend in any given direction re another horse. Just be there for her when she needs you. She is lucky to have such a thoughtful friend around her at this sad time. x
 
ISHmad said:
Everyone deals with their grief differently Thinlizzy. I wouldn't push your friend in any given direction re another horse. Just be there for her when she needs you. She is lucky to have such a thoughtful friend around her at this sad time. x
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^^^^^
Agreed. So many people gave me advice after loosing Lucy. Lots of people told me to just get over it and move on. She was gone now and there was nothing I could do about it. Sometimes all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and sometimes I just wanted to be left alone. These people although I know they where trying to help made me feel so much worse.
Just be there for her. Listen to what she says, give her a hug when she wants one and leave her alone when she needs to be on her own.
I wish I had someone like you around. Your a great friend to be so thoughtful and kind to your friend at this terrable time.
 
When I lst my old girl had 2 so still had to go down yard. Wanted people to carry one as normal, but to know when I was ready to talk about my old girl they were there to listen. If someone tried to talk to me about her before I was ready to bring it up, I walked away. Found them later to explain why.

If her box is dirty, offer to clean things up for her. Say if she needs a hand with anything (can be had mucking out a final stable, like removing final traces that they were ever there), you'll do it for her. Other than that, be yourself & just be about, so she knows you are there if/when she needs you. Maybe give her a card, that she can read on her own saying your there for her whenever.
 
Just offer anything they need. There's absolutely naff all you should do more than that, IMO. The single worst thing said to me when i lost mine was how about looking for another, and that was a few months later! I just wasn't ready to hear that, let along seriously consider it.

A friend of mine has just lost hers, and got upset because someone thinking they were being helpful washed her rugs for her. She's upset because the rugs don't smell like her horse any more.

Grief is a strange thing. best to allow the person time and space to get through it, but knowing that you are there as a non-judgemental listening post/shoulder to cry on/ place to vent frustrations will be a huge help for her.
 
I would say just be there for her, she will be going through the terrible grieving stage, it took me a couple of days to actually properly breakdown when I lost my boy, as I still had another to do and I thought it was best to just carry on......it kinda did help but I couldn't think of another horse so soon, I am only really just about ready to get a new one, we all deal with it differently.

She's lucky to have such a thoughtful friend give her time but be there for her!
 
It the moment the best you can do is just be there for her if she want to talk listen and have that shoulder ready for her to cry on.
Dont mentin the other horse, when she is ready to start looking she will let you know, do say to her if she want help or her stable cleaned out you will be there.
But at the moment your friend is trying to come to terms with what happened yesterday, and it will take as long as it takes.
I know how she feels i lost one on sat, and at the moment i cant stop talking about her, but when i lost one in feb i just wanted time alone to grieve
 
Let her talk about the horse, if she wants. Don't change the subject or talk about other people who have lost horses, at least not initially. Her grief will be overwhelming at first. When I lost my first horse I woke up the next day and couldn't understand that the world was acting as normal-it was such a huge event for me, but i found that if i could talk about her it helped. Oh and my family sent me cards.
 
Maybe you could try and get some pictures of her horse and make a collage with it?....obviously wait a little bit.....

I received a card from the vets to say sorry that they couldn't help further a week after event oh my god it sent me spiralling again....and to be honest to this day I cry after him I miss him more than ever so I can understand your friend bless her in this tough old time...
 
When I lost my mare a few years ago I got some lovely cards and poems from the other liveries. It made me feel better to know that other people had liked her and would miss her too. It also helped me when people told me I'd made the right decision having her put down. I knew when I lost her that I would get another horse but if anyone had suggested it to me in the first week or so when my grief was still raw I think I would have reacted badly. So maybe you'd be best not to mention this idea too soon. Everyone's different though. Hope your friend gets through it ok.
 
A close friend of mine lost her boy a couple of years ago, a load of us clubbed together, nabbed a piccy off face book and had a watercolour of her boy done for her. she cried so much but it was just what she needed,, something special to let her know people cared about her, and a reminder of her lad.
 
I wouldn't push for her to get a new one yet as it will just remind her of the one she just lost or she will just compare them to the one she has lost.

Give her hug, if she wants to talk about it, do talk about it with her but don't bring it up too much either if she has her mind off of it don't mention horses. One of my friends is trying to be helpful but he keeps asking me about Koko and I've had to block his number as I'll just get my mind off of him and I'll get a text asking how I am.
 
What a nice friend you are. I've not had to deal with this yet, thank goodness, but I did lose my lovely first own dog (ran over).

My boyfriend went out and bought me a puppy the very next day and I had a fit because it was way too soon. But she was so fat and wobbly and funny and in need of care, I loved her straight away and still do. It took me about 3 years to be able to talk about Holly or look at a photo of her, but Molly did make it easier for me. She didn't replace her (no-one could) but having a small pup who was totally dependent on me took my mind off it.

I know dogs aren't the same as horses - you don't have the same bond with them, it's different - you're not placing your life in their hands or worrying about letting them down by making mistakes, as you are with your horse. But I wouldn't mention getting another one. I wouldn't mention the horse at all. I had lots of people telling me how sorry they were and all it did was make me cry when (like Kokopelli said) I had just managed to enjoy a little time of not thinking about it.
 
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