What will I do?

_GG_

_GG_

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It's official, family must come first, have had some long and difficult conversations over the past week and sorted more stuff out than I thought was humanly possible, but it has left me in the heart breaking position that I will be selling Molly and hopefully finding a loan home for Fly for 1-2 years as a happy hacker or low level riding horse. I really don't want to, but horses are a luxury and so is time...Family needs me and Dan to be there, not for me to be looking after the girls all the associated costs. Anyone else ever had to do anything similar and what did you do to help you cope with not having horses to do two or three times a day? For some reason my return key isn't working, but coffee cake or chocolate cake for all x
 
Bless you! I havent been in exactly your situation but having inadvertently lost my marriage through not putting it first - am sure you are doing the right thing. It is hard, but your sacrifice is not going to be for ever. Hugs x x
 
Thanks. She's actually called Crouch End Flyer but I call her Fly...Flyer doesn't really fit her. She's an ex racer so full TB. She is a bay though :)
 
And I really don't think I could let Fly go permanently so am trying to find someone who is known to me to have her on long term loan. If not, she can go back to her previous owner who has said she can always go back there for as long as needed.
 
Oh hun i feel for you with all my heart but you are facing reality and it will be hard but in time you will see the positive side. try not to be hard on self and cry your tears. ive been in a simliar situation on having to make heart wrenching decsision about my Baby. be strong hun x x x
 
wow huge life changes, never easy.

I spent 6 yrs without horses in my life, to start with it was caused by circumstances but then I realised I was being prevented from being involve with horses by my then husband (technically still is), we had obtained 2dogs together and he then became jealous of them and as the children got older he tried everything to stop me getting back into horses. when it was in the best interest of our children I had no issue with it, the money was not there so I just got busy with other stuff. you just cope, if you have the time could you be involved in another way? volunteering some where if not just keep busy throw yourself into something else.

make lots of cake take it to your local RDA centre-they will love it , you see horses and do an amazing thing (put smiles on faces) you have been so generous on here that your life will be busy with those that need you.

a friend has been lucky and found someone local to full loan her gelding and she can go and visit/ride once a week, she is gutted and happy all in one.
 
Thanks Twiggy. I like the RDA idea, they are not far from me either so that's a good option for some horsey time. :-)

Thank goodness for the dogs. I think that's the hardest thing. I took Molly on as a project, so that is upsetting but fine. Fly though is a different story. I don't take on animals without being absolutely committed but life does like to throw nasty things like brain tumors in the way and I could never put my desire for a horse above Dan being with his sister for however long we still have with her.
 
I always think that things will work out in the end, and they do. Please do not knee jerk. We all go through dire situations, I have, but I would never let my horse, dogs go because of the direness. I am a bit older than you GG and I hang on to the things that matter to me like my life depends on it. Bad situations never last forever.
 
justabob said:
I always think that things will work out in the end, and they do. Please do not knee jerk. We all go through dire situations, I have, but I would never let my horse, dogs go because of the direness. I am a bit older than you GG and I hang on to the things that matter to me like my life depends on it. Bad situations never last forever.
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Oh I know what you're saying justabob, but this isn't one of those situations that will allow for me to keep myself happy as that will come at the cost of something far more important. I'll work a way that I can have Fly back when possible as she is my baby, but I think I am just going to be lost until that happens. Still, they are still here for now so I best make the most of it I guess.

Oh...and the dogs...you'd have to kill me to part me from them. Never going to happen, but they are much easier to accommodate than horses.
 
Oh no :( my friend is going through the same thing. It's heartbreaking for her, I cried when she told me! We've always been horsey girls together :(

I can't imagine what you must be going through. I hope you're ok *hugs*

(p.s I used to know a horse called Fly and one called Flea!)
 
_GG_ said:
Oh...and the dogs...you'd have to kill me to part me from them. Never going to happen, but they are much easier to accommodate than horses.
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you sound just like me, my husband came home with a puppy when I did not want another one (we already had 2 dogs) and she was 4 when I left in that time he had walked her twice and wanted to get rid of her as he did not like her (she is mad but very loving and a thief with no conscience) the dogs have always kept my sanity and as you say are much easier to accommodate, they are so much more part of the family too as they share your living space.
they will be your shoulder to cry on, your sounding board that does not judge and you reason for getting out and getting the space to breathe.

justabob sometimes horses have to take a back seat when reality bites and my years without them are testament to that, for some people dogs do too but for me that would never happen, I would live on the streets first but if push came to shove I would not have done that to my kids.

however I now am single with all the dogs, the ferrets and the kids as the dogs were going nowhere.

it will be a tough time GG but sometimes needs must and as you say horses are a luxury, for your peace of mind you need to make sure evryone is safe and cared for and just cope with what comes and faces you each day-I don't envy you its hard
 
_GG_ said:
Oh I know what you're saying justabob, but this isn't one of those situations that will allow for me to keep myself happy as that will come at the cost of something far more important. I'll work a way that I can have Fly back when possible as she is my baby, but I think I am just going to be lost until that happens. Still, they are still here for now so I best make the most of it I guess.

Oh...and the dogs...you'd have to kill me to part me from them. Never going to happen, but they are much easier to accommodate than horses.
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I think you are a saint, I have thought this for a long time. I just wish you good luck. xx
 
Hi GG
I lost my mother to a very aggressive and life limiting brain tumour. I understand the time and care needed for such a cruel illness and I also get that you want to be there for your partner all the way through.
At the time I did not have a horse but worked long hours with them! Myself and sister cared for her until the last few weeks of her life. It was hard and tiring, but I would not of changed the way we dealt with the situation. we both worked full time, her being a nurse helped when she did days I did nights etc.
Could you find a sharer who understands the situation? Or maybe someone who could school or ride in return for the chores? somehow I think we need something in our life to give us hope! Your horse will give you some form of escape no matter how small.
star*
 
These things too will pass, and you will have another time with horses. I've given horses up completely 3 times in my life (I am fairly old), and will probably do so again at some time, but if there is a will there is a way and you will come back to them.
 
Where abouts in wiltshire are you? I'm wanting someone to hack with (you would be welcome to do some schooling as well and play with ponies :D). I haven't seen any of your other posts but I know how hard I would find it to give up my horses :( It sounds as if you are doing the right thing and more importantly for the right reasons.
 
I really feel for you. I have been in a similar situation. 11 years ago my then nearly four year old daughter was diagnosed with autism, I felt like my world had been turned upside down. I sold my horse as I needed to put all my energy into my child. Do what you need to do, your family come first. I hope things work out for you x
 
_GG_ said:
I think putting a film on is in order...nothing like a bit of escapism from reality!
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In that case, don't put War Horse on :D I've said it before _GG_ you are the best kind of person on here, you do what you have to do. I think you are in for a tough time (I've been through it with my father having cancer of the pancreas), it gets very dark. I don't want to sound too twee, but you do come out the other end and it does get lighter and you do begin to live again. Take care of each other, I'm so sorry you're having to go through it.
 
Oh GG I'm sorry to hear that, it was clear how much you love your two girls but can also understand how they aren't so doable with the family situation. If I can think of anyone nice that would suit Fly I would let you know. It is little consolation but Frank is heading to mine in October, I know it's a bit of a trek but if you need a bit of time out the offer is always there (I might even let you crit some of my cake!).
 
starandgarfy51 said:
Hi GG
I lost my mother to a very aggressive and life limiting brain tumour. I understand the time and care needed for such a cruel illness and I also get that you want to be there for your partner all the way through.
At the time I did not have a horse but worked long hours with them! Myself and sister cared for her until the last few weeks of her life. It was hard and tiring, but I would not of changed the way we dealt with the situation. we both worked full time, her being a nurse helped when she did days I did nights etc.
Could you find a sharer who understands the situation? Or maybe someone who could school or ride in return for the chores? somehow I think we need something in our life to give us hope! Your horse will give you some form of escape no matter how small.
star*
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Squeak said:
Where abouts in wiltshire are you? I'm wanting someone to hack with (you would be welcome to do some schooling as well and play with ponies :D). I haven't seen any of your other posts but I know how hard I would find it to give up my horses :( It sounds as if you are doing the right thing and more importantly for the right reasons.
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Thank you guys....there have been some lovely replies and the offers of help are wonderfully kind. Unfortunately this situation means a move to be near SIL in Manchester so won't be staying in the area. Thank you both so much though.

doriangrey said:
In that case, don't put War Horse on :D I've said it before _GG_ you are the best kind of person on here, you do what you have to do. I think you are in for a tough time (I've been through it with my father having cancer of the pancreas), it gets very dark. I don't want to sound too twee, but you do come out the other end and it does get lighter and you do begin to live again. Take care of each other, I'm so sorry you're having to go through it.
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Well, I am the lucky one in this situation. I am no stranger to grief, it is a close friend now and one I have come to terms with whenever we meet, but for Dan and his parents, they have 34 and 39 years respectively of life and love with Rachel that they are going to be losing. They don't know grief, they have no idea what is around the corner and how much it is going to rip them into a million pieces. I know how absolutely right you are. No matter what, we survive. We find a way and we pull each other through. There is life after death, Dan and his mum and dad will learn that in time. Thank you so much for your words though.

ester said:
Oh GG I'm sorry to hear that, it was clear how much you love your two girls but can also understand how they aren't so doable with the family situation. If I can think of anyone nice that would suit Fly I would let you know. It is little consolation but Frank is heading to mine in October, I know it's a bit of a trek but if you need a bit of time out the offer is always there (I might even let you crit some of my cake!).
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Well, you're the only person on here that has actually met Rachel. Bless her. She was with me when you walked to the door, but then totally forgot so had a bit of a surprise when she saw you sat in the kitchen with me. Those little bits of confusion are the only things that have really changed at the moment but you saw for yourself that she is still very much normal for want of a better phrase. We know it isn't going to last long so that's kind of where the urgency comes from. It's not likely she will be that well for much longer so we'd really like to spend some time with her now, before it starts to take her from us.

Might have to come and steal some Frank cuddles though ;-)
 
starandgarfy51 said:
Hi GG
I lost my mother to a very aggressive and life limiting brain tumour. I understand the time and care needed for such a cruel illness and I also get that you want to be there for your partner all the way through.
At the time I did not have a horse but worked long hours with them! Myself and sister cared for her until the last few weeks of her life. It was hard and tiring, but I would not of changed the way we dealt with the situation. we both worked full time, her being a nurse helped when she did days I did nights etc.
Could you find a sharer who understands the situation? Or maybe someone who could school or ride in return for the chores? somehow I think we need something in our life to give us hope! Your horse will give you some form of escape no matter how small.
star*
Click to expand...

It sounds like your mum had something very similar to Rachel. She has a GBM stage 4, grade four. I am so sorry you lost your mum and it is the way that brain tumors alter life before death that means we need to be there to help.

Big hugs, just had to quote you again. Sorry can't quote everyone. My mum gave me a load of old photographs to scan onto online storage yesterday so have been sorting through those this evening as well. Some genuinely hilarious pics of me as a kid, with and without horses, but also so many of family members no longer with us. Quite cathartic actually so not going to complain. We all need a good cry every now and then :)
 
Just wanted to say I admire the way you are facing up to the challenges ahead. I am sure you will find a way, and that there will eventually be good times with your horse again. Do find time for yourself as well as everyone else.
 
Cortez said:
These things too will pass, and you will have another time with horses. I've given horses up completely 3 times in my life (I am fairly old), and will probably do so again at some time, but if there is a will there is a way and you will come back to them.
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That's basically what my mum used to say - "This too shall pass" and I always think of that when going through a bad time.

I'm sorry about your circumstances GG. :( My experience FWIW is that when I was in my mid-thirties I moved home to looked after my terminally ill mum, with a horse and a full-time demanding job. My horse which I actually bought during this time and which I still have was my godsend - the only thing I had to look forward to. My mother was not an easy person to live with and was horrible at times due to her frustration with her circumstances and when she became too ill to care for at home she would expect me to visit every day or I would be made to feel like I was neglecting her. My sisters live 100s and 1000s of miles away so I really had sole responsibility and although we had carers also come in 3 times a day when I was at work there was many a thing that would go awry inbetween. This was a huge strain on me mentally and physically.

Obviously you have to do what you feel is right and everyone is different but personally I feel you have to go on living your own life as well and not put it on hold as you also only have the one life. Having said that during times when I haven't had a horse I've found plenty else to do although the yearning for my own again never went completely.

Best wishes and strength to you and your family.
 
Big hugs, hun, you have a been a tower of strength for some on here, I hope you will let us to be supportive of you when you need. Do what is right for you and for the moment, but don't burn any bridges.

h055.gif
 
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