What would you do? LONG SORRY

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Colline

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Ok as you may know I'm getting divorced and as a result my daughter chose to live with her Dad. I moved one of the ponies she competed to a livery yard. Things went ok at first and I saw her about 5 times a week when she came to ride. Things haven't been good for about three weeks and the pony hasn't been ridden at all and she hasn't even been to the stables. so therefore I am paying for the keep of a pony that I can't even ride. I would like to get something for myself but don't want her to think I'm being selfish etc. What would you do? I could tell her Dad (through our lawyers) that I am returning the pony to him - there is already a dispute as he claims he owns the horses anyway and get something for myself once I have saved enough but I really don't know what to do.
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Send it back before they take it away from you. Then save up for your own. I was in a very similar situation and ended up having to choose which of my 2 horses that I paid for! Horses are viewed by the courts as DISPOSABLE assets. If you dispute ownership then you risk having all the horses sold and the money divided- which is what i was threatened with- so i lost my big horse :-( Good luck with whatever you decide to do x
 
So it seems you are paying the keep of a pony that is not ridden and possibly isn't your responsibility - I would be sending the livery bill to your ex and making arrangements to transfer the pony to somewhere of his choosing asap.
 
I've tried - she says she doesn't care but I'm not so sure. I'm worried about sending the pony to him as he has already tried to sell one without my agreement.

What a bloody mess.
 
but dont forget to claim back your costs for paying the livery bill, after all he is so insistent tht the pony is his, then why are you paying for it! You never know what you get back could help you on your way to your own horse
 
My parents actually pay for the stable, grazing and use of all weather school to try and help me build my relationship with my daughter - she hates me for leaving her dad (who is her step dad). I pay for feed, bedding, shoes, etc. I dread to think where the pony would end up but I'm at the end of my tether and need to sort all the ponies we own (wether he wants to argue if they are jointly owned or not).
 
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I dread to think where the pony would end up

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Where are the other ponies - can't it just go with them??

How old is your daughter?
 
She clearly wants a break from you at the moment, whether that is right or wrong you need to let her work through it herself. In time she can make judgements about whether she has made the right choices or allowed herself to be manipulated.
Holding on the the pony as some kind of bribe for contact isn't going to work so unless it is a competition pony of stupendous value, in your shoes I would just hand it over and let them get on with it.
She will come back when she is ready.
 
If she says she doesnt care but you think she does then the best way to deal with it would be to, send the pony to her Dad to keep, if he decides to sell it, then he will have to deal with the upset, if she really isnt bothered then at least you havent paid for it. And also remember that it might seem to her like her world is falling apart, divorce is hard on kids aswell, so maybe she just isnt that enthuiastic at the moment?
 
Hi Amymay

Ok here goes

my daughters very first pony lives with my friend as a companion - although ex claims this is his sole property. She actually lives 4 doors from my old house and as yet I don't think he has even visited her.

I have one out on loan who may need to come back in the new year.

I have one on livery

There is still two at home - another pony that I can ride and a miniture shetland.

In fact bar the one I have and the one on loan he claims he owns the others. Saying that he cancelled all of the insurance and has left me in the poo on that one too.
 
My daughter is 14. She had two ponies that she competed regularly. The other pony was the one i rode - but my ex won't agree to me keeping it the mini kept him company when the other two were at shows etc.

He is arguing over just about anything he can and making my life really hard.
 
To be honest, if you want an end to this you are going to have to discuss it with him, with solicitors if need be. Have a meeting and discuss who owns what, what you're going to keep, what you're going to sell. If there's a dispute about who owns it, why not just sell them and split the money 50/50? I don't know the ins and outs of your story but as a solicitor myself I come across this type of thing every day. If both parties want to move on, sit down and sort it out. And if your daughter isn't bothered, sell her ponies and see if she's bothered then! I hope it all works out so that you can move on. Good luck!
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Thanks

I don't have any dealings with him now - he has assaulted me once so everything is done through our solicitors - just tried to call mine but he is out of the office until tomorrow.
 
Having also been assaulted and after long court battle, doing much the same as you (ex hub was found guilty this year...).

Your daughter at 14 needs to realise that whatever she thinks about situation, she must grow up and realise that sometimes things dont work and you wouldnt be leaving this chap without good reason. Does she know about assault issue? (in which case she is old enough to hear about it). My 8 year old daughter sadly witness my ex's attack on me (inforgiveable), if she can rationalise it then a 14 year old should be able to cope with that.

Speak with HER about ponies, gently does it but sounds as if in the situation you have far too much going on!! - let either you and ex /via solicitor if need be sort out horses and ownership now! - then leave yourself enough time and money if possible to sort yourself out and I am pretty sure your daughter will not suffer dramatically ride wise in the situation if grandparents have facilities like you say.

My situation took 2 years to sort out, I hope yours is quicker. Daughter initially blamed me for split but over time she has seen her father for what he is (a bully). They still have good relationship but she is definately aware of what went on and appreciates having her miniature ponies, even if she goes without other things.
 
This situation has been going on for 9 months - I knew it would take a while to sort out but I didn't think he would be so awkward - it just goes to show you think you know someone but then you find out you really don't and probably never really did!

I have just spoken to my new partner and he says that in the end if my ex wants to argue about the ponies continuously then it isn't really worth it for all the stress it causes me - I get really ill each time. Also he said we can look into getting me something of my own which I thought was really sweet of him.
 
Colline, a word of warning. It wouldn't be the first time something posted on an internet forum is subsequently dragged up in Court proceedings, and you have already said elsewhere that you think you ex's current OH reads this forum. If you continue with this there is the potential to make things more messy than they already are.
 
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