What would you do? Sharers!

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RacheeRooRoo

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I have had a good friend of mine part loan/share one of my horses for me while I was pregnant. I've since had my baby and managed to find a full loaner for my other horse meaning I can now concentrate on the one she's been riding. Have now rode him for the past two weeks and he is a different horse! He's nappy and bargey and tbh not a nice horse anymore. This is obviously due to the way he's been rode and her letting him get away with things which I have witnessed a few times as she seemed to lose confidence towards end and always needed me there to watch! It's easily fixable but she still wants to ride him a couple times a week (but again still wants me there) What do I do? How to I tell her no after a year of her part loaning him. Baring in mind she's my friend.
 
It's an awful situation isn't it! But I have a newborn baby so can't always go down when she wants me to watch her meaning she then doesn't ride that week etc. I don't think it's fair on me, the horse or her really. As she's obviously not a competent enough rider to ride him anymore, she's obviously nervous about being on her own and then I'm left feeling guilty that I can't go and watch her and also frustrated that this once very well schooled horse is now a s**t lol
 
Could you help her to understand how to help fix the behaviours, without making it obvious that she caused them? So tell her not to let him get away with things. If you really don't want her riding him at all then I think you just have to tell her that you're back full time now. Not easy but make sure to thank her for her help whilst you've been off - presumably it was originally a 'maternity cover' type arrangement anyway?
 
RacheeRooRoo said:
I have had a good friend of mine part loan/share one of my horses for me while I was pregnant. I've since had my baby and managed to find a full loaner for my other horse meaning I can now concentrate on the one she's been riding. Have now rode him for the past two weeks and he is a different horse! He's nappy and bargey and tbh not a nice horse anymore. This is obviously due to the way he's been rode and her letting him get away with things which I have witnessed a few times as she seemed to lose confidence towards end and always needed me there to watch! It's easily fixable but she still wants to ride him a couple times a week (but again still wants me there) What do I do? How to I tell her no after a year of her part loaning him. Baring in mind she's my friend.
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If she's keen for you to be there every time she rides I would maybe use that as a reason for suggesting you help her look for another loan - just explain with a new baby you can't guarantee you can be there everytime for her, or, is it possible to suggest she rides just once a week and she find a decent instructor to teach her from the ground? That way she can still ride so you won't have to upset her by saying she can't ride your horse any more, your friend and your horse are getting some decent instruction and you don't have to be there as the instructor is there.
 
I've explained to her not to let him do these things and she still lets him to do it. The way he takes off in the field with her isn't like him at all. She jumped off the other day crying. And that's not fair for her. But then the horse wouldn't dream of doing that while I was on him. She's just started lessons on a riding school pony and apparently the instructor has told her she's a brilliant rider and that they will have her jumping very soon. In my honest opinion I think it's a load of crap tbh. She's too nervous to even trot! So my horse is fat when really being rode three times a week (like she said she would) he should be fairly fit. But because she doesn't come down if I can't watch then she goes a week without riding. The thing is if I'm going down to watch her ride I might as well be riding myself!! She was a godsend last winter on a couple occasions so I am greatful. I'm just disappointed I feel like this :(
 
RacheeRooRoo said:
I've explained to her not to let him do these things and she still lets him to do it. The way he takes off in the field with her isn't like him at all. She jumped off the other day crying. And that's not fair for her. But then the horse wouldn't dream of doing that while I was on him. She's just started lessons on a riding school pony and apparently the instructor has told her she's a brilliant rider and that they will have her jumping very soon. In my honest opinion I think it's a load of crap tbh. She's too nervous to even trot! So my horse is fat when really being rode three times a week (like she said she would) he should be fairly fit. But because she doesn't come down if I can't watch then she goes a week without riding. The thing is if I'm going down to watch her ride I might as well be riding myself!! She was a godsend last winter on a couple occasions so I am greatful. I'm just disappointed I feel like this :(
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I would just say in the interests of her safety maybe she should continue the lessons on the riding school pony and maybe come back to your horse when her confidence improves. In the meantime you can say you're going to focus on getting your horse back into work and fit as at the moment he's really not in the position to be offered out on share.
 
Maybe come to an arrangement where she has to ride him in a lesson - so she has to have an instructor teach her for the hour when she rides. This should help her improve and the horse get back to behaving better. You could also maybe come to an arrangement with the instructor to ride/school him while she watches and do a sort of reverse teaching - so the instructor talks through what they are doing riding wise and they are also schooling the horse for you whilst giving tips to your sharer.
 
Personally I wouldn't say anything more than something along the lines of you've decided to come back to riding full time and thank you very much for riding him. If she's a friend it's not worth causing upset over, doesn't sound like she will be too upset about it.
 
Could you do 1 - 2 set days for her and suggest that rather than you being there (presuming she coped whilst you were pregnant?) that she finds a decent instructor and maybe just rides him once/twice a week with an instructor (lessons at her expense, maybe doing it that way instead of going to a riding school?) and it might teach her to cope with him at the same time, sort of killing 2 birds with 1 stone?
 
Just say you don't think they are suited, if she losses confidence and wants you there, you don't have time to stand and watch, seems a bit pointless having someone to ride if you need to be there.

Offer to help look for a more suitable horse for her.
 
If she has lost confidence perhaps she would welcome a get out clause? Maybe she feels she needs to continue to help you out? Perhaps you could test the water and offer her a get out clause, of not riding him for a while while you "get to know him again", encourage her to have lessons and see how it pans out it may die a natural death. Or you just may have to have a frank conversation and honest conversation.
 
Sounds like a horrible situation to be in! If I was in your position, I would take the horse back asap before things get even worse. It is obviously tricky, since she is a good friend but at the end of the day your horse is being messed up and you obviously do not want that.
Hope you get things sorted and she takes it as well as can be hoped.
x
 
I would be honest and say that time spent watching her is valuable time you could be in the saddle. Opportunities to ride are limited when you don't have the baby in tow.

I'd also say you've noticed how her confidence has taken a tumble and suggest she finds a schoolmaster to have some lessons on to get her confidence back.

Suggest she still comes to the yard, maybe when you are riding she can spend time grooming etc if she is attached to the horse.
 
Good idea. I've spoke to her about it tonight saying I feel bad that she doesn't ride much etc and maybe she should go have some lessons on my horse as having lessons on a riding school pony isn't going to help her confidence when she does get back on my horse. Tbh I can ride the horse 3/4 times a week myself now that my other horse is on full loan so don't really need her to ride now. It's only because she does have such an attachment to the horse that I've allowed it to continue! I'll give her a month to organise a lesson once a week on him and if she doesn't get lessons then I'm just going to have to be blunt and tell her. And then I'll help her find another loan horse. Another problem is she is due to be my baby's godmother next month! She's been a brilliant friend but I just don't want her thinking I've used her or I'm pushing her out now! Because that really isn't the case I just don't want to keep having to correct things on my horse. He has a hell of a lot of potential
 
You are grateful for what she has done for you and I would just take the assumptive route that the share is now over and you will help her find another horse .... Which means you could hack etc together...
 
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