what would you do? she's not the horse i thought i brought.

Great job OP. With the instructor you will be able to set some short term goals with your riding and your mare. Hopefully, with the tools the instructor will give you you will start to get a real sense of achievement with her. Its a long slow business but the journey can be half the fun in the end. All the very best with her. In the immediate, as others have said - definitely cut the short feed and if safe to do so get her working. A tired horse rarely puts the same effort into their stresses. :)
 
Do everything you can to reduce the number of things you worry about. Go into a walk lesson dressed in every bp/airjacket, whatever to stop you worrying. For me I found toe cages helped as I always worried about my foot getting caught. For a while stick in your comfort zone - just walk for weeks if that is what you need until you feel ready to move on. With my cob I lost confidence after he bogged off on a hack aged 5 & the more I lost confidence, the more he did so the more I did. It took a lot of lessons to get us back on the right track.
Don't let anybody make you panic by pushing you too fast - your horse, your confidence, your pace. When I lost my confidence big time I was lucky to find a great instructor who understood that I needed building up not pushing. If I panicked about something she would let me leave it until the end of a lesson & then ask if I wanted to try & often I was happy to once I had worked on something else.
 
OP in your shoes I'd try to spend as much time with her as you can and take it right back to basics.

She needs to see you as her leader and at the moment she doesn't - you're nervous which she is picking up on and she is reacting to it. She needs to trust you otherwise she is going to question everything you ask of her.

I would be spending lots of time with her - grooming, picing feet up on command, moving her around so that you can groom her properly (it's surprising how much of a bond this will build!)

Take her for in hand hacks - in her bridle if that is safer - she will get used to the sound of your voice even if you just chatter away to her while walking along, as part of that though ask her to stand (and make sure she does it). Don't let her walk in front of you or across you.

Just those little things are things that you can do for yourself without needing an instructor present, if you can get some trust and confidence going on the ground it will help the ridden work.

Also don't be afraid of giving her a crack if she steps out of line - a flat of hand slap on her shoulder won't hurt her but will surprise her into listening. She needs to understand that she can't take the pee.

Hopefully it won't take too much to get her sorted - good luck :)
 
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