What would you do?

Serephin

Serephin

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I am having a dilemma - my heart says one thing and my head is trying to make me not listen to my heart!

I sold my TB a year ago, cos he was too fizzy and well, too TB like for me and wasn't doing my confidence much good - i bought a supposed confidence giver that turned out to be a bucker and got dumped a few times and hurt myself, so have recently sold him after a year of regaining confidence just to be dumped again.

I have been looking at horses but despite trying some lovely neds just haven't been interested and am determined to 'click' this time before I even consider buying. So, feeling down on the whole horse thing and wondering if I actually want to own another one I have been pondering my next move and telling myself the right horse will find me.

Anyhow - today I get a text from the girl I sold my TB to saying she is thinking of selling him and do i want him. Now he is 17 now, a very quirky ride and has had a terrible life (I have found out stuff purely by accident, and it turns out I was the only person who got on with him and kept him for the longest time of 2 years) and I just can't stand the thought of him being passed around and not knowing his fate. I asked for first refusal when i sold him to her and she is honouring this.

But, if I have him back it means I won't be able to fund another horse and I would retire him as he is too quirky to ride and I don't think I will have the nerve if i am honest with myself, despite the fact he never hurt me or put me on the floor in the whole time I had him.

what do I do? there is talk of her retiring him where he is, but I am not sure that will happen in reality and he might be sold as a companion (and we all know what can happen there).

my heart wants him back, a lot. My head says it would crazy.

help
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Depend what you want, give your old boy a home for life or get something new to ride

Nobody can tell you what to do.

Personally I'd take the old horse back and either get help riding him or retire him if he was too much. But then I am a soft cow and have four horses
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I'm normally a heart over head kind of gal but on this occasion I think your head should rule. You sold him for a reason and I can't help but feel that if you got him back again you would resent him for not being able to do the sorts of activities you could have done with a new horse.

Riding is all about fun and I think you deserve a new ned to build your confidence on. It won't do you or your TB any good to be reunited imo.
 
Dilemma.

I think a list of pros and cons are called for.

The thing that came to mind first was that IF you have him back and retire him, would you, in time, resent him because having him stops you having the opportunity/option of getting another horse?
 
You need to deside what you realy want as only you know. Do you want this horse back or do you want a horse to ride. When you find the right horse you just know when i first saw lucy i knew she was the one for me although she was horrid and we only paid meat money for her. once i came so close to selling her i even advertised her but the first person who rang made me realise i couldn't sell her and 11 years on she's still mine quarks and all. (she's 19 now and still tries to buck me off) but i wouldn't have her anyother way and i will keep her forever even though i can't afford to keep 2 horses. But thats me and lucy. As you sold the horse before maybe you don't have that bond and now you feel sorry for the horse but only you know what you realy want. Who knows once you get him back you may feel confident enough to ride him. I hope for your sake and his you make the right choise. There is a horse out there for you trust me.
 
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I'm normally a heart over head kind of gal but on this occasion I think your head should rule. You sold him for a reason and I can't help but feel that if you got him back again you would resent him for not being able to do the sorts of activities you could have done with a new horse.

Riding is all about fun and I think you deserve a new ned to build your confidence on. It won't do you or your TB any good to be reunited imo.

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See, this is where I go wrong, I dont sell in the first place
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its been hard enough putting them out on loan over the years.

**looks around flat ** hmmmm, thats how I ended up with so many damn cats too
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What a terrible dilema!! I really feel for you!
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Hopefully! the girl who has him now will also feel "she owes him" and will make sure that his future is secure. I would do a pro and con list (I usually do in these situations).
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Sorry! not much help I know, but I don't want my opinions to influence this horses future! I'm as bad as you eh?
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I think you have honour your word too, otherwise you'd feel guilty and upset at the thought of him being passed around which won't do you or your next horse any favours but there options if you take him back, you just have to look for them.

Put him out on loan either as a quirky ride or as a companion, there are people out there who take on bigger older horses as weekend hackers/semi retirement and act as a companion to their other horse, if you did this then perhaps you could think about part sharing with someone, so you have the little bit more flexibility, both with time and financially without being too tied, also you sharing with someone else will help to restore your confidence and you'll know exactly what the horse is like with someone else too. There are lots of people out there, mums with young family or new baby etc that would love an extra hand and someone to help ride their horse etc, try to remain positive and be proud that you stuck it out with your previous horse longer than anyone else did, so don't be too hard on yourself and deal with each issue one at time.
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I was in exactly the same boat 18 months ago; Purely by being patient and taking time out/ having some more lessons, I have now got an 18year sane cob x
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I think the right horse is out there for you, perhaps advertise for a loan.

I definately ruled with my head, coudn't afford yet another field ornament ( already have two!)


Have to agree with golddustsara on this one
 
thanks for all the replies.

heart is definitely stronger than my head in this case! I am hoping she will retire him there and everything will be okay - but if she really does intend to let him go I think I shall have him back - stupid I know, and I may well live to regret it.

hopefully I can find a horse to share, so I can ride and have more fun that way - it is weird but my confidence is always much better on horses I don't own anyway!
 
Can you afford to keep 2 horses? ie this one and the one you really want and are still looking for.


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my heart wants him back, a lot. My head says it would crazy.

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My heart wants to buy all the little youngsters I see that need a good home and a good education to set them on the right path for a wonderful life. But my head tells me I can't afford them and I don't have the time. Your dilemma is no different.

Don't submit to an imagined obligation. Let the owner confront her problem in the same way you had to before you sold him.
 
Listen to your head. Is your old horse still useful to someone, or is he lame? If he's ridable, just quirky, someone will buy him to do a job. If he's lame its the current owner's responsibility to retire or pts.

Keep looking for a horse that you can have some long term fun with, you deserve it. Don't buy more problems.
 
You only know about this situation because the girl came back to you and told you.. if she hadn't and had just sold him on you would never have known and you wouldn't be in this position
Its hard to let go but the time and money that you put into horse ownership should give you some reward and if you can't ride him and are keeping him out of guilt that doesn't seem very fair on you...
 
she has kept in touch the whole time she has had him, so I have known how she was getting on.

I don't want to be stuck with a horse I don't want, but he deserves to have a nice retirement, no matter what happens.

no guilt as such - more of a moral obligation I felt towards him right from the start.
 
I'd have him back, i sold my horse and saw the new owner a couple of times and she said he was fine then 4 months later i got a call from someone asking why the horse had been at a market (we were the last name in passport), He'd been bought by a meat man and then bought again by someone at the sale and we had to pay 3 times that amount to get him back. We ended up having him pts cos he had an inoperable tumour but i still get upset when i think how he must have felt at the market (exeter if anyone knows of it) I do feel better knowing he had a happy last few months back home with me though
 
Be strict with yourself. Give it time to find the perfect one and don't do anything that you will regret in the future, particularly with limited funds.
 
I'm not really that soft. But I somehow think you have a moral obligation to ensure the well being of horses you have owned. There are options to you which make it possible. You could persevere with riding this horse - 2 years is nothing really, some people can take 5 or more years to build a partnership. You could take him back and retire him, keeping him relatively cheaply while keeping another horse. You could take him back, and try and find him a loan or share home, whilst owning him, failing which you could make the decision to have him put down - at 17 and a TB he may not have that much longer to go anyway. Although he sounds as if he is sound.

The strange thing is, you actually sound like you have a bond with this horse and you admit he never put you on the floor or hurt you - is he really that bad? Can you have someone expert school him for you and give you lessons? Is it perhaps you that needs to improve and raise your game rather than the horse? Whats the guarantee you might get another horse and they would be worse?

At 17 and a slightly fizzy TB, I would be worried about this horse's future - would it not be better to buy him back and even have him put down if the alternative were for him to go for meat in some sales ring somewhere?
 
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