what you need to be a professional.....

[lorenababbit]

Showjumper. a few months ago i started a similar thread re eventers but now i have become one of the 'others' i have observed that to be a professional showjumper you need the following;

1. a good surname, Whittaker, Skelton, Broome, Smith, Beerbaum all good start.
2. Rich owner, that chances are you are having an affair with.
3. shapely girl groom who is in love with you or gay male groom who loves himself so much even your screaming tantrums cant dent his belief that you are lucky to have him
4. Extremely posh lorry with two (at least) pop outs to keep the official partner and aforementioned groom separate.
5. washing machine and dish washer in said lorry to make sure no eventer forgets where the money in horse sports is.
6 a yorkshire accent
7 if you are female long (bleached) blonde hair and no hair net.
8. if you are male, spots or scowl depending on age (sometimes both).
9. a special showbag satchl type for aforementioned groom tocarry everywhere containing ten (at least) bits yu wont need, your gloves, whip, spurs, hat if on continent and dont need to wear it until actually jumping, rugs, brushes, towel horse treats, start list, kitchen sink.....
10. a trainer, pref old and gnared with surmane and accent as above or faling that german.

 

[Baggybreeches]

PMSL

 

[Starbucks]

That made me giggle!

 

[Judie]

Very good...can't wait for the dressage version

 

[burtie]

No you are completely wrong, all you need to be a professional showjumper is the ability to jump a horse over a big fence whilst similtaneously(sp) smoking a fag, on your mobile phone and eating a bacon sarney!

 

[Ferdinase514]

Very observant.

Is much the same on the SJ circuit in Essex, but without the sunshine of the continent

 

[lorenababbit]

actually bertie i think you are right about fags and mobile phones, they go in the show bag while the round is being jumped i think!

and as for dressage i am currently observing but i might need a couple weeks to get my eyes used to the diamante brow bands!!

 

[little_pink_piggies]

haha i love it!

 

[Haniki]

Very good Lucretia and Burtie! LOL

 

[lorenababbit]

OK then
11. Fag and/or mobile phone permenanlty attached to face except when actually jumping the round
and how could i forget
12. Hat for horses preferably matching the numnah, gold braid and all, not of course disgusing the ear plugs because EVERYBODY knows they are illegal....

 

[Weezy]

13. Every type of saddle pad/prolite pad/sheepskin pad to ensure 1 saddle fits all...

14. A baseball cap

 

[lorenababbit]

13 is sooooo true!!!!

 

[BBs]

Oh the ring bag!
Love it!

14. Walkie talkies

 

[Halfstep]

OMG. So scarily true. Spot on Lu.

 

[Jo C]

That is so funny and so true, can't wait to see the dressage one!

 

[Tempi]

Brilliant!!

 

[pennyh]

great! , i've got the yorkshire accent , just need a bit of jumping talent & all the bling & i'm home dry!!

 

[Whispa]

This has made me laugh so much!!

Please can you do the eventing one on again - think I missed that one!

Cheers

 

[skye123]

love it!

 

[flohelf]

Sounds like you've had some real first hand experience and insight into the SJ scene lately...
The whole story in Pau ?

 

[lorenababbit]

definately Flo, and as for everyone else, i am glad you all liked it be prepared for dressage in the near future and possibly Pony Clubber....... i will try and find the eventer one for those who asked as well xx

 

[kizzywiz]

This is so funny, & so TRUE!! Got a lesson Sunday, won't be able to concentrate as he will be wearing his baseball cap, doesn't smoke though!!

 

[sw123]

LOL whats even more scary is when you work for an eventer who come Nov 1st becomes the above show jumper!!!