whats the matter with me!!!

[jaynedoc]

Hi all

I don't know whats happening to me.....I find myself making excuses not to ride.

and i'ts getting me down.

I love my mare she is so nice natured. I had her on loan last year for 9 months (was helping a friend out for a few months)
I roide 3-4 times a week and loved spending time riding her. then she went back to owner.....so bought myself a new horse chesnut TB which I persevered with for 9 months he turned into a total nut job lost all my confidence and after got rid of him decided I didn't want to ride anymore as my confidence had been lost. Then amazingly I was contacted by my friend who was giving me first refusal to buy the mare I jumped at the chance as we really bonded well...I love her sooo much but after 6 months I am still apprehensive (though she gives me no reason to be) it's all in my head i know but I ride 1 once a week and do a safe hack round the village. we have some great bridleways but am scared to go on them alone...plus there is no one to ride with so have to go alone. The thought of going on the bridleways alone fills me with dread (I am still nervous to go with someone as I posted on here a few weeks ago that I was chased by a loose horse on the bridleway so am fearful of that now).

So the haks we do go on are really boring just walk 1 mile round village only walk and trot as no little verges to have a run on...I think my mare is getting bored...I go to the yard thinking I am going to ride ..then find an excuse not to and think oh well i will ride tomorrow....and tomorrow comes and goes...
whats the matter with me I lived for rideing...the TB has ruined me.

i used to love jumping ...to scared now thants to the TB..
I was a really confident rider, go any where do pretty much anything....I've lost it all...

I should add my mare is not good at being schooled and dosent box so arena work is out.....she is a fantastic hack and will jump really well...she also has been lame for 3 months so i couildn't ride her (sound now) and I think the 3 month break form riding has made me feel like i am starting at the begining again.


I know there is not a lot anyone can say but just had to put it into words to stop kidding myself.....therapy i guess....

really though I don't know where to go from here....?

 

[MrsMozart]

Oh hun, so many people have been, still are, and will be someday in your shoes. You are definately not alone!

I've heard that Rescue Remedy is good for calming the nerves, there are also CDs that are to help with building your confidence.

Are you able to get an instructor to come out with you? There's no reason why a lesson should be in the school - I considered some hacking out lessons when I was having some issues with the Dizzy one.

Hugs to you hunny.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

Its tough having your confidence shattered, i had a car accident 6weeks ago now, wrote off car, fractured my arm, lost my nerve a bit. I am just taking it slow driving now, but you will have to push yourself a little and just do it. The mare sounds lovely, you just have to get on and go and it will get easier, you will find with time that you wont be holding yourself back as much and you wont think as much about the what if's. Good luck and just take it one step at a time, dont push your self too far, just build that confidence slowly x

 

[Dubsie]

Sorry to hear you're not enjoying yourself.

Expect you've probably tried everything, not read your post about the horse chasing you, but can you make a few very low XC style jumps from bits and pieces and have some fun in the field for a change?
Are you sure there's no-one to ride with? Could you pop an advert in local tack shop and see if there's anyone else about would like a bit of company too?
Are there any fearless teenagers about you can tag along with (always good for improving your own bravery).
Would going to a RS and getting a few lessons in the school / over a few jumps on a RS horse help your confidence?

 

[clairefeekerry1]

i know how you feel, thanks to my toad off a youngster i've lost quite a bit of confidence. i would happily ride most things before that, do most things. i know i'll only need a few weeks of riding something nice and forward and i'll feel better again. maybe you just need a few good hacks etc to boost you. why not get someone to walk with you or even lead you round the bridleway-who cares as long as its plesant!

 

[SunSmile]

Is there anyone you can ride out with who has a sensible horse at all? or could you get someone to walk or cycle along next to you?

Or failing that is there somewhere you could go to have lessons on a schoolmaster for a little while to try and help with your confidence?

 

[LOZHUG]

I am some what In the same boat as you jay_d. I had a welsh sec D who lost me all my confidence. I have since sold him and bought an ISH and have had him just over a year.

My new horse is great little spooky but not naughty and he will try his best to please you he is just unsure, but once he knows what you are asking he does it. He is the best natured horse I could have got myself. I got him last year and was doing fine but then he sliced his leg open had months off, when he was sorted and it wasz time to bring him back into work I felt like I was starting over again and nervous about getting back on. Although he hadnt done anything wrong! Its all in my mind what if?..... what if what!!
People at my yard are really good with me and my instructor too, they push me (what me and him can do) but not so much that they scare me.
He hasnt been worked now for over 3 weeks I went to London for a week, been ill for 2 weeks and now Im thinking Q whats he going to do when I start him again now?.... A Doh nothing there isnt a bad bone in his body.

I think we all get like this at some point and we just need a little help step by step.

Soemtimes I feel like I need a slap!

Hope you get over it I have. I am much better than I have been I just need to trust my ned and take things at my pace! x

 

[canteron]

As Mrs M Says, so many of us have been there ... I don't know of anyone who doesn't have confidence issues. I got to the stage after one too many falls where I wouldn't do more than a walk on my pony in the arena! Now we are pretty much back to normal and I have learnt to feel pleased at what we do achieve, rather than concentrating on what we don't.

One of the really brilliant show jumpers near me told me recently on one point she got really stressed out and became too scared to jump anything. She tackled with NLP and hypnothery. Failing that Kelly Marks has written a new book which has some interesting ideas on controlling your thoughts and might be worth a read.

But honestly, I think the first thing is just to congratulate yourself on what you do achieve ... after all if you guys enjoy walking around the village then thats pretty good, who says you have to hack off road, I bet the horse doesn't care. Just carry on enjoying that and if you decide you want to do more, just take it small step at a time - you should ride for yourself not to impress anyone else!!!