Whats wrong with my advert!

[vieshot]

Ive been advertising a horsey for months now! Someone tell me, is the price wrong or am i writing something thats putting people off!??

14hh 9yo, haflinger mare. This mare is well put together and has lovely paces, she should do well in the show ring. She has a willing nature and is good to handle. She hacks alone and in company with no problems atal. Has been ridden past all types of traffic with no problems. She happily jumps logs out hacking and has competed in clear round jumping, clearing up to 2ft3 but could go higher. She is perfectly behaved in a show environment and doesnt get excited or silly. She has recently been used in riding club camp where she took part in musical ride practice and was jumped by both adults and children. She has been used as a broodmare in the past. She is good to load, shoe etc etc. Safe, easy ride- would be suitable for a confident novice. She is a good doer and will happily live out all year round. Call or email for more information. £1950

 

[BroadfordQueen]

Is that the photo you are using?
I think thats your downfall. You only have a picture of half a horse- for all we know she could only have 2 legs

Try and get a better photo, eg a full body pic or a ridden photo.

 

[vieshot]

im actually about to change that to one of her jumping but have to get a friend to do it as my pc is all virused out and cant do it myself!

 

[Natch]

She's only got 2 legs!

Seriously though MyladyTara is right and I'm glad you're going to change the pic, it makes her look weird confirmation when she probably isn't. Are you going to include a decent confirmation shot?

 

[vieshot]

ive got one of her jumping thats nice, havnt got any good conformation pics! God i wish the darn creature would sell! Shes not even expensive for what she is....well i dont think so anyway!

 

[Smash]

[ QUOTE ]
not even expensive for what she is....well i dont think so anyway!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, but you know what she actually looks like and is capable of. All potential buyers have is half a picture of a horse standing in a field - certainly not something I'd go out of my way to visit.

 

[vieshot]

these better?

 

[Rachel_M]

MUCH better.

 

[The Original Kao]

much better pics

where are you based, as a friend of mine has mentioned she'd like a haflinger.
and yours sounds like it might suit

 

[vieshot]

hampshire

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

The advert reads quite nicley & you mention showing potential & also jumping. Once you mention this the showing people want to see conformation & others want to see the jump. Many sellers make the mistake of putting 'cute' photos that they particularly like in an advert. This doesn't work, you really need to put yourself in the shoes of the buyers & take photos specially for the advert & leave emotions out of it. That way I'm sure you will get better results....Good Luck

Your second pictures are much better, either of those & then a nice conformatiuon one should do it.

 

[The Original Kao]

Darn, bit too far away

 

[cariadssogreat]

Yes - as all the others say really - def change the photo! should get a much better response then

 

[Forget_Me_Not]

She's too cheap too, honestly people worry whats wrong if it's cheap, if one spends less then £2k on a horse they espect something to be wrong with it. Put her for £2500 and use the second photo of the jumping ones. I think she should sell very quickly then.

 

[kanter]

Agree with comments re photos also that she seems too cheap.

Re your advert you use the phrase 'no problem' quite often. I would replace with a more positive comment - the human brain is a strange thing and will retain the word 'problem'. Your advert is almost too emphatic about her having no bad points, rather than listing the good points. I would make it shorter, snappier. You want the reader to desperately want your horse, and hope they are the one lucky enough to have her : at the moment it reads as if you are desperate to sell.

Hope this helps

 

[vieshot]

someone just want to rewrite it for me? lol

 

[kanter]

Suggested ad:

Stunning haflinger mare, 14hh 9yo, with excellent conformation and super paces. Good enough to show. She has a lovely temperament both on the ground and under saddle. Hacks alone and in company, and excellent in all traffic. She happily jumps logs out hacking and has competed in 2'3 clear round jumping, with potential to go further. She is perfectly behaved in a show environment , and has recently been to riding club camp. She has also been used as a broodmare in the past. Super home sought for this lovely versatile mare. She is suitable for either a child or small adult, and would also look after a confident novice. She is a good doer and will happily live out all year round. Please call or email for more information. £2250 ono

 

[immybrookstud]

shame i dont have any pennies. she is lovely

 

[Rachel_M]

I wouldn't raise the amount. Instead I would just add that home is more important than price so £1950. Adding on the price will do nothing more than turn people away

 

[Faithkat]

DON'T use "stunning" - nearly every ad says "stunning" in it somewhere. Far too overused word!

 

[Faithkat]

Better type pf photo but get some without a headcollar under the bridle - looks awful

 

[Spotsrock]

i would increase price slightly and use jump pics, Personally think she's lovely looking. Price her between current and 2500. Good luck

 

[Daisychain]

[ QUOTE ]
Suggested ad:

Stunning haflinger mare, 14hh 9yo, with excellent conformation and super paces. Good enough to show. She has a lovely temperament both on the ground and under saddle. Hacks alone and in company, and excellent in all traffic. She happily jumps logs out hacking and has competed in 2'3 clear round jumping, with potential to go further. She is perfectly behaved in a show environment , and has recently been to riding club camp. She has also been used as a broodmare in the past. Super home sought for this lovely versatile mare. She is suitable for either a child or small adult, and would also look after a confident novice. She is a good doer and will happily live out all year round. Please call or email for more information. £2250 ono

[/ QUOTE ]

Perfect, with those other pictures you should sell her straight away. Kanter very good!

 

[kiagirl]

If I read it, I would think she was difficult to catch, you say good to shoe, load etc but you dont mention that!

 

[Forget_Me_Not]

[ QUOTE ]
I wouldn't raise the amount. Instead I would just add that home is more important than price so £1950. Adding on the price will do nothing more than turn people away

[/ QUOTE ]

Totaly disagree. Why would selling her cheap mean she gets a better home? Infact it's far more likely she get a less then desired home. The pony is easily Worth £2500 and I'm sure there are plenty of mothers out there who are more then happy to pay this for such a pony. Sadly people do feel if they spend £6k on a pony they've got a better pony then a £2k pony. People read between the lines of a £1950 as problem pony. I know plenty of people who she would be suitable for and who'd of happily paid £2500 od.