Whats wrong with this ad?

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Ranyhyn

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Posted for a friend:

15.1hh 7yo coloured Lightweight cob for share-days flexible. Needs competant rider as needs bringing on but very sane/sensible and fun. Monthly contribution of £60.00. Only for share due to Uni commitments, based on lovely yard in .....

Thoughts anyone?

Kitty
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Don't know but maybe people are put of by the 'needs bringing on' part, prehaps change to 'no novices'? Contribution rate sounds very reasonable.
 
I'd probably leave out "needs bringing on", that's the kind of thing you can discuss on the phone. It sounds a bit like they are asking someone to school their horse for them although I know what they are trying to say.
 
'needs bringing on'

makes it sound like you want me to school the horse and pay for it.

I know this might not be the case but that is how it reads
 
ditto the above...i'd put something like "experienced rider" wanted or "no novices" and elaborate on the phone- better to sift through the dross rather than have no calls. and i'd maybe put £15 per week. in my head that SOUNDS less than £60 a month
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Keep em coming guys
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personally I think the issue here is in todays climate people are being very cute about how they spend their money - and therefore are becomming more fussy about what they loan. I think the fact the horse is not a finished article puts people off, as there are such a lot of people advertising shares etc, its easy to look around and find a more advanced and easier horse.
 
I was going to be looking at part sharing/loaning my mare after she comes back into work after her foal this winter I haven't yet decided! she is pretty much a school mistress, probably do a prelim and poss novice dressage without a rider!! A dream to jump too! perfect temper, no problems etc, I don't get much time to ride over winters and was only going to be looking at a contribution of £50 month so maybe they are asking a bit too much, but i suppose it depends on how much riding is involved and whether there's chance to compete etc, I'd definately leave the bit about bringing on out of the ad, they can always mention that once they start to get the phone calls in! Also depends on what facilities the yard the horse is at has, ie off road riding? school? floodlit?
 
i think 'needs bringing on' makes it sound like she wants to charge someone to school for her... she can tell them this on the phone.

also, agree with whoever said 15pw instead of 60pm.

and put what facilities the sharer will be able to use (esp if they're 'bringing on' a horse...) and if there's chance to compete etc. also, some people like to know they can have some weekend time. worth mentioning?

good luck! xxx
 
I don't see anything wrong with it. It would tempt me. A lot of loan horses have problems or are old crocks. The opportunity to train and ride something younger would be good. Opportunities to compete at club level ie the owner has some transport so we can share entries, would be a good selling point too.

£60 a month to ride any time I like I like sounds like good value to me. I would also assume from the ad that there are no conditions on the type of riding so I could hack if I wanted, or take lessons as and when I chose.

It just hasn't been seen by the right person yet.
 
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