What's wrong with this advert?

J

jumpthemoon

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Hi - not my horse, but it's been for sale for 1 1/2 weeks now and no interest. Is advertised at £2750 ono...what do you think?

Eye catching 15.2hh 10 yr old TBX bay mare with excellent bloodlines. She is a sensitive mare, she needs a knowledgeable and experienced home/rider. Snaffle mouthed, forward going and responsive but not a novice ride as she needs a firm/encouraging hand. Currently ridden by mother and daughter. Excells at jumping, enjoys her work and gives 100% at all times. Good shoe/catch. Good in traffic but prefers company. Fully vaccinated, papered, passported and freeze marked. For sale due to no fault of her own, 5* home wanted.

Thanks!
 
She might be a bit sharp and needs positive riding when jumping. No idea on your experience sorry, but if you're a positive, confident rider I'd go and view her
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I think the combination of "needs an experienced/knowledgeable rider" and "not a novice ride as she needs a firm/encouraging hand" makes it sound like she is being sold because she is too sharp/difficult, and she is smaller than many people want. Also, the statements above don't really seem to fit with 'mother-daughter ride'.
 
I'm not looking to buy her, by the way - she belongs to a friend of mine and she's trying to sell her. She hasn't had any interest at all and I wondered if the wording might put people off - it's good to get other peoples perspectives on things like this too
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yeh agree with jellicle, I think the ad needs to say "needs experienced home as not a novice ride" sounds better than needs firm encouraging hand!!!!

The advert needs to say all the good things first to get people interested, then put in the fact that an experienced home is needed, at least people might ring up on the off chance then!
 
It doenst inspire you to want to go and sit on the horse!
If it's done RC activities etc then they need to say, that gives it a 'job' to do, at the moment it looks like she's a rather poor hack.
Bloodlines are irrelevant, I wouldnt say TBx, state lw or mw instead. Def cut out the bit about the hand, thats just confusing. It's fine to say she's not suitable for a novice but they can go into more detail when people phone if necessary, no point putting people off in the initial ad or they wont bother to phone. Also cut out the prefers company bit- either she hacks alone or she doesnt. If she doesnt, tell people that on the phone, not in the ad.
 
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Also, the statements above don't really seem to fit with 'mother-daughter ride'.

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Hmm... hence she is for sale
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I think daughter is okay with her but she is a bit sharp for mother.
 
I would automatically think "nutter" from the way it's worded and wouldn't ring. (too small for me anyway!)

Size is probably also an issue -most people want bigger horses or ponies and not in between.
 
Wow - it really is interesting how differently people see things - I know the horse so I understand what the ad means, but I didn't realise how it would appear to everyone else. Very informative - thanks!
 
High price for age/size of horse and so many negatives;
1.'Sensitive mare' - I'd have to spend my life pussy footing around her erratic behaviour esp when handling her.
2.'Needs a knowledgeable/experienced rider' - utter s**t to ride, but good luck!
3. 'Firm/encouraging hand' - liable to f*** off at speed and you'll never stop her without at least a pulley system.
4. 'Good in traffic but prefers company' - just try to get this witch out on a lone hack and she'll spend so much time rolling her eyes and napping, she won't see the road, nevermind the traffic.
I have been called cynical before...but...that's how I read it!
S
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Defintely would assume its a nutter so wouldnt phone. Trouble is, if she is a nutter then I dont see how you can make the advert better (other than reducing the price)
 
agree with what others have said - i wouldn't personally call up about this one. Sounds like she would be a handful.

Possibly nappy - because of the company comment.

Also good shoe/ catch - says bad to load to me... why just pick those two?

firm encouraging hand - again - probably naps...

I'm not put off by not novice ride - it's the other bits.
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I would pass - sounds like too many issues and not much on the positive side. Maybe some idea of what she's done or what she's good at would help.
 
[ QUOTE ]
High price for age/size of horse and so many negatives;
1.'Sensitive mare' - I'd have to spend my life pussy footing around her erratic behaviour esp when handling her.
2.'Needs a knowledgeable/experienced rider' - utter s**t to ride, but good luck!
3. 'Firm/encouraging hand' - liable to f*** off at speed and you'll never stop her without at least a pulley system.
4. 'Good in traffic but prefers company' - just try to get this witch out on a lone hack and she'll spend so much time rolling her eyes and napping, she won't see the road, nevermind the traffic.
I have been called cynical before...but...that's how I read it!
S
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[/ QUOTE ]##That is exactly how I read it
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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
High price for age/size of horse and so many negatives;
1.'Sensitive mare' - I'd have to spend my life pussy footing around her erratic behaviour esp when handling her.
2.'Needs a knowledgeable/experienced rider' - utter s**t to ride, but good luck!
3. 'Firm/encouraging hand' - liable to f*** off at speed and you'll never stop her without at least a pulley system.
4. 'Good in traffic but prefers company' - just try to get this witch out on a lone hack and she'll spend so much time rolling her eyes and napping, she won't see the road, nevermind the traffic.
I have been called cynical before...but...that's how I read it!
S
smile.gif


[/ QUOTE ]##That is exactly how I read it
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[/ QUOTE ]

See, I read the 'firm/encouraging hand' bit as needs a hiding before it will go anywhere.
Funny how people take things differently isnt it?
 
Thanks for your help everyone! The funny thing is that she really isn't that bad! I think maybe more emphasis on her good points, bless her, is needed! I suppose lots of people try to numb down their ads whereas my friend is trying to be completely honest... seems like you can't win sometimes lol
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The trouble is as she is a more experienced ride that limits your market straight away, as most people want it easy! She would have to have a very good performance record to make her saleable, because at 10 people are not going to want to start bringing her on.
 
[ QUOTE ]
High price for age/size of horse and so many negatives;
1.'Sensitive mare' - I'd have to spend my life pussy footing around her erratic behaviour esp when handling her.
2.'Needs a knowledgeable/experienced rider' - utter s**t to ride, but good luck!
3. 'Firm/encouraging hand' - liable to f*** off at speed and you'll never stop her without at least a pulley system.
4. 'Good in traffic but prefers company' - just try to get this witch out on a lone hack and she'll spend so much time rolling her eyes and napping, she won't see the road, nevermind the traffic.
I have been called cynical before...but...that's how I read it!
S
smile.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL
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ditto
 
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