When being nice doesnt work, where does that leave you?

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shadowboy

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Well, I spoke to other livery this morning and after mucking out etc, went to Tescos and waited till it was open then bought some choccies and a thank you card. I told her if she felt it necessary to turn out/bring in horse then she should only do the bare minimum. So i turn up at 3.45 this evening to set fair the bed and bring in.... guess what horse is in, rugged and fed! Grrrrrrr! And my family came down today to see her well we were there for 10 min then went home as had nothing to do! Plus i think it was far to early to be in! YM normally brings the full liveries in at 4.30 half an hour before she finishes for the day. I have had a rant to her and she was very understandable. She told me that x is only 35 and has two kids- surely she'd rather be at home with them?
What next leave it be and just imgagine im on full livery? I know ther will be people out there who would love to have all the services i get for free!
 
I would get angry! You've asked nicely, and yet she's still blatantly ignoring your wishes! I don't get what she thinks she's getting out of this
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Hi,
Have just registered so I could reply to this as I find it amazing that someone would so blatantly go against your wishes!
When you spoke to her, what did she say? What were her reasons for doing all this with your horse? Does she think she is being helpful & does she understand how annoying you find it? What is she like as a person - does she interfere with everyone at the yard or just yourself? Could the yard manager do something to help - maybe if she had a quiet word she could put a stop to it?
At my yard, some of us have agreements to bring other people horses in - especially at this time of year when it's dark early. We also make sure that nothing is left out on its own, even if we don't normally bring that person's horse in. However, all we would do is bring the horse in & put it in its stable - we wouldn't change rugs or feed it unless we'd been asked to. I would usually check that they had some water to drink but that would be it. This is something that we all do at the yard but if a particular owner asked us to leave their horse out then we would - no-one would dream of going against the owner's wishes. So I find it amazing that she is doing this and I think you really need to find out why & then set down some specific ground rules about what she can and can't do with your horse.
 
I don't think this needs to get nasty, just tell her you had planned to come down and do all that stuff and while it is lovely that it is done, you would actually like to do it your yourself - do you have a board or a diary where you mark in your lessons and visits? Use that if you have specific plans to ride or be there. Maybe then she will get the message - I just think 'do the bare minimum' was not specific enough.
 
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I just think 'do the bare minimum' was not specific enough.


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And in fact could easily be taken to mean you actually like her doing your horse and want her too. Just be reaaly clear so there is NO room for confusion.

Like the blackboard idea.
 
Agreed - to her 'bare minimum' was probably what she did!

I am on part livery and like to feed my horse after I have ridden and give him a haynet before I go home, but some days I don't ride, so I have a whiteboard which I write on saying what the staff should do and when - works fine.
 
Hi- welcome to the forum! Well here is the story in case you didnt get it from the start. I moved to this yard from home (we have land at home) when my grandad passed away earlier this year and my mum gave up the breaking and schooling for a while so i had noone to hack with etc. The new yard is small but perfect. There are 8 boxes (one is a foaling box) and only 7 liveries. 3 of us are on Assisted DIY, one on Part livery and another 2 on Full. Yard is owned by an old lady who used to compete to Grix St. Georges (will not be named) and she hires a full time YM and a part time groom who excersises the Full liveries. Yard has a floodlit arena which has an amazing surface. LArge 16 x 12 boxes and decent grass and miles of off road hacking. The first livery they took on when the yard opened 5 years ago was X. She seems to be a bit obsesive about horses. She not only does this with my horse but also to another lady (M) M was annoyed at first when she arrived 4 years ago but has just let her get on with it, and treated it as free full livery. To be honest i hardly ever see M because of this! X does not touch the Full or part liveries. She always pays her bills on time and has the most easy to do horse which is why shes never been asked to leave. I ranted to YM today who has promised to speak to her. So we shall see. The woman is harmless but just a bit obsessive. I heard her on the phone the other day and she said " I cant be there till 10 as I have to sort my horses out, they are my priority" - she only owns one horse! I tried being nice- I asked this morning that if she felt it necessary to turn out or bring in because of bad weather then could she just do the bare minimum as I love sorting out my horse and want to bond with her a bit more. She said that was fine- but obviously thinks doing everything iis the bare minimum!
 
If your YM will bring your horse in and feed if you can't get up for any reason, then I think you just have to tell X that she is not to do anything at all with your horse. It might cost you a bit more for any extra services you need but at least you will have your horse to yourself.
 
Ok - so she's obsessive about horses rather than being deliberately annoying - and maybe doesn't realise how it's affecting you. So you definitely need to tell her exactly what she can and can't do with your horse then. Maybe ask her how she would feel if you started doing the same thing to her - bringing her horse in, feeding it etc. She would probably hate the very idea and it would give her an idea of how you feel about it! Hope it works out for you - obviously it would be great if you could sort it out without having a big row about it since it sounds like she thinks she is really just being helpful.
 
go up there earlia (if possible) than her and do her horse a couple of times, if shes that obsessed with her horse she'll hate you doing it and maybe realise what it feels like for you?
 
I think you need to have another 'nice' chat but be clearer - tell her you like fetching in/feeding etc and DONT want other people doing it for you unless you ask/its raining/horse would be left out alone

I think 'bare minimum' left her to much room for interpretation!
 
Well it sounds like you are just going to have to TELL her to leave your horse alone. It's obviously not going to get through otherwise. I'd be really annoyed by now! You must have the patience of a saint!
 
Agree with CatherineF, you need to get down before her and do a couple of her jobs perhaps not as she would do them. Say put her horse out and leave the headcollar on (even if she doesn't normally)

Needs a taste of her own medicine me thinks, without being nasty of course..oohh i am evil..
 
i have to say daisychain's idea of getting a blackboard and sticking it up and writing on it clearly for those days where it would really be important she leaves it to you, it must be very frustrating,i would get cross at someone doing this all the time, try speaking to her again and maybe try the board idea, good luck
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It just seems so ridiculous that you'd have to put a blackboard up asking someone NOT to do your horse, when they have absolutely no reason to be going near the horse in the first place!
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But this isn't my battle, so I'll wheesht
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I think you're just going to have to be - what shall we call it? - direct. Like 'do not do things to my horse - nothing, get it?' She's clearly too thick (sorry, obsessed) to take a hint.
 
I think it sounds like she does need it spelled out to her clearly and firmly. Dont get me wrong - offending her prob wouldn't help either, but maybe say 'Again, thanks very much, but i think you misunderstood me, I would rather you left (horse) in the field unless there is a real problem. It is a problem for me that she is in so early and besides, there is no point me having the horse if i never get to see it'

(Maybe she thinks she will keep getting choccies if she keeps doing it?!?!!)
 
I second the note on door idea but think YM could have a word with her as she must know her well.

Really amazed at this as I am used to yards where it would have been a hanging offence to interfere with someone else's horse without permission.
 
I like the blackboard Idea. I might well need this. I have to say though- i never thought i would have to spell out "please stop sorting my horse out for me" to someone. I just dont want to be too blunt in case she takes offence and starts being 'unhelpful' in a negative manner...
 
Is she bringing your horse in so that it won't be left out alone? Feeding so that yours won't stress watching others being fed? Just a thought...
If the above doesn't apply you need to have a word with her. If you decide to let her carry on then maybe you could get your horse out with a haynet and give it a groom when you get there.
 
OP - did she tell you she had fed your horse - or leave a note?

Imagine if you thought the food bowl had been left in from the morning and fed him again! - You definitely need to tell this woman straight.
 
You stop being so vague and just tell her straight.

None of this thank you, but.../I would prefer it if/Could you possibly...just plain old 'If I want help, I will ask for it. In the meantime, leave my horse alone.'
 
If you manage to turn your horse out in the morning before you go to work, then put a padlock on your stable door, then she can't bring your horse in till you get there. Alternatively if the weather is bad leave a key with the YM incase you want your horse brought in early.
 
It really does sound as if she is trying to help. Don't pee her off too much as you never know when you'll need her help.

offer to do her horse for her so that she can have a day off, and then when she says that she likes to do him herself, you should tell her that you feel the same.
 
My friend went through something very similar (the person in question used to say 'oh I think of her as my own'......cue one very angry friend). In the end she left the yard, as it was just getting ridiculous, and she didn't like someone else taking over management for her horse.


I don't have any suggestions really other than be really very clear with this person and don't leave them in any doubt as to your wishes.

Hope it works itself out.
 
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