When do you know you should give up?

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Nichola_87

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Recently I've been feeling so disheartened. Is there a way to know whether you should give up or not?

I've been around horses since the age of 4. Growing up my single mother couldn't afford for me to ride much or have horses. She helped were she could and I did get to ride occasionally but for the most part I would help out for free at my local riding school in order to be rewarded with lessons. It was my father that first took me horse riding when I was 3 but after he left us, he left me with a passion for horses that I would always struggle to fulfil.

I worked and worked as I got older and have owned my own horses briefly before having to sell again because of finances. I went to college and got my national certificate in horse management and went on to get my BHS Stage 2 and my equine degree. Now out of university, nearly 27 years old and desperate for a job in the industry and opportunity to further my training, I'm struggling.

I've always been so desperate to have a horse, to work with horses. I keep trying to find a job in my local area (Greater Manchester) as I cannot relocate but nothing comes up.

My whole life in the equine industry I've felt like an outcast. I used to stay late at the stables watching the other children ride their ponies and sometimes they would talk to me or let me help tack up. I dreamt of being able to have that one day. I feel like I don't fit into the industry. I love horses so much (more than words can describe), I dream about them constantly. I dream of being able to own a horse, to compete, to get more experienced but everything comes down to money. It is harder than ever in my area to find equestrian work though I'm trying all day every day! I just feel disheartened. I feel like that in such a competitive and expensive industry I'll just be laughed at and will always be a nobody.

I was riding when I was younger against some adults in competition training at the riding school that I and my mum had saved for when an older lady, an advanced rider came to me after the session and told me that I would be somewhere one day. That my determination and the way I sat and rode the horse forward despite the pony towing me around the arena (there was a reason I always got the ponies that no one else wanted to ride)! But now I'm losing that inspiration.

Equestrian jobs in my area seem non-existent, finances mean BHS exams or training seems so out of reach. I've always wanted to ride dressage but cannot afford a horse or trainer. I don't have stupid ambitions like the Olympics, just a life long desire to fulfil my dreams of riding and being around horses. Even in university all my friends owned and were competing horses. They all could afford training and exams and got their BHSAIs. I just feel useless and outcast.

Obviously I'm not going to win the lottery any time soon (but you never know), but when is a good time to give up? Should I just give up and accept the equestrian industry is not meant for me? Or do I find some miracle way to keep fighting?

Is there anyone out there who has faced my struggles? I love horses so much and would do anything to fulfil these dreams, but I feel my options are fading away.

Thanks for any help/ideas.
 
What is the general job market like in Manchester and is your degree transferable? Not many of us work in the equine industry as it doesn't pay well, most of us work in offices to afford our horses. There are very few people making a good living from horses and not being a "nobody". I got my horse at 38, because that was the time in my life where I could afford her.
 
I, personally, wouldn't look for a career in the equine industry. If you're not wanting to be a top level rider then I don't see the point of shovelling everyone else's s**t for a living. There is no money in horses and to be honest horsey people are probably the most horrible people to work with. (present company excepted forum users *runs and hides*). You'd be better off (financially especially) getting a normal job and paying for your horse/lessons that way. Yes it may take you longer and you maybe won't be doing a job you love but how many of us do?
Without sounding all boring and stereotypical nothing is impossible to do but it can be damn hard and you have to be realistic. I have two horses to take care of and have been down at 4am some mornings and 11pm some nights as I have to fit them around work and don't always have help. I have tatty old clothes because I spend the majority of my money on their upkeep but I love them to bits and won't be without them, it's my choice and I have to live with it. (I know people on here will have it a hell of a lot harder than me).
It may just be a waiting game get a 9-5 office job and keep looking for a horse related job.
 
Don't give up if horses are what you want for your future, nothing worse than regrets of what might have been ! You are limiting yourself by not wanting to move, is that at all flexible ? Jobs are out there but finding the right job in the right area is a hard task and you are limiting yourself by wanting to stay where you are. I suppose the alternative is to get a better paid job in a different field and earn enough money to have your own horse again, lots of people manage to own a horse and compete etc, it just comes down to your priorities. Maybe also try and stop comparing yourself to others, there is no point in that, you have to be your own person and fulfill your own destiny !
 
I'm not sure I'm going to have anything constructive to say to be honest but I didn't want to read and run as I really do feel for you. I understand your passion and I was also the person growing up who never had a pony of my own whilst all of my friends did. I understand the way you say you felt. I didn't give up and the happiest moment finally came for me at the age of 26 when I got my first horse. This could only happen because I was finally in a position of being financially secure enough to be able to afford it. I know many people work in the industry with horses and have their own, and I understand you have spent a lot of time studying towards it, however my personal opinion is you tend to have more time and money for your own horses if you don't work in the industry. Probably not what you wanted to hear, and of course people do make it happen and have both. I wish you the best of luck, don't give up
 
wattamus said:
I, personally, wouldn't look for a career in the equine industry. If you're not wanting to be a top level rider then I don't see the point of shovelling everyone else's s**t for a living. There is no money in horses and to be honest horsey people are probably the most horrible people to work with. (present company excepted forum users *runs and hides*). You'd be better off (financially especially) getting a normal job and paying for your horse/lessons that way. Yes it may take you longer and you maybe won't be doing a job you love but how many of us do?
Without sounding all boring and stereotypical nothing is impossible to do but it can be damn hard and you have to be realistic. I have two horses to take care of and have been down at 4am some mornings and 11pm some nights as I have to fit them around work and don't always have help. I have tatty old clothes because I spend the majority of my money on their upkeep but I love them to bits and won't be without them, it's my choice and I have to live with it. (I know people on here will have it a hell of a lot harder than me).
It may just be a waiting game get a 9-5 office job and keep looking for a horse related job.
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I couldn't agree more! Who wants to be over 40, living in a dossy caravan on a yard, paid the minimum wage (if you are lucky) cash in hand for a 12+ hour day, 6 days a week and on call for the rest? Keep it as a hobby and enjoy it. I didn't even have riding lessons as a kid and had to learn on a friend's pony by the falling off method. Even at 17 I was still riding a 12.2 pony because that is all that was available to me. My parents never ever saw me ride, they weren't interested. I was in my 30s before I got my first (and last) horse and she nearly bankrupted me. The legacy of caring for her and working for free and gratis gaining experience with other peoples' horses is a spine and knees that are 25 years older than the rest of me. Looking at what other people have will only destroy you in the end. Unfortunately, we all have dreams but most of them remain just that.
 
I worked with horses for a few years, realised I couldn't really afford to keep mine while I continued so I began a low level office job. Which was basic but still paid more than the yard work. I've built it up and now an on what would be a comfortable wage (we're it not for the horse!). I did enjoy my job, but never as much as I liked being outside, but financially it was the only way I could get to keep horses in my life on my terms. That said, work have shafted me while on mat leave and I'm going back to a different role, less money and no car - so that's thrown a bit of a curve ball but I should just about be able to juggle it all.
 
Is there a reason you cannot get a residential job out of your area? Family reasons? (Not being nosey though, just curious.) You would have no problem getting a live in job I am sure, but I will echo what others have said. You will never earn a decent wage working with horses - something that would see you perhaps buy yourself somewhere to live eventually. You will also never have a decent pension. Injury and/or wear to your joints will mean that as you get older the job will become difficult to do. I have been told that I will need two new knees in due course, both are completely shot due to injuries incurred while working with horses. Find something better paid and keep horses as a hobby.
 
I had a normal job and also worked part time in racing, that ended up with me working full time, but I had already established my career and gathered my capital.
Several times I did try to go the normal route, and frankly it is just slavery. Poor accommodation and so on.
I also was totally mobile and flexible, and quite experienced and reliable, so for certain employers I was an attractive proposition. I worked for quite a few slave drivers when I was full time, it was much better working part time.
From what you have said you really want to work around the horses, maybe try a charity, or rescue to get started, they need volunteers.
 
I too, would look at getting a job outside horses and in the short term at least maybe look for a horse to share. If I were closer I'd be offering you mine as someone with you determination and commitment deserves a break! Lots of people bemoan the lack of decent sharers out there so I'm sure they'd love someone who would so obviously appreciates horse so much around.
Or are there careers in related fields where your degree could come in useful (feed companies or something like that?) in your area?
Good luck in whatever you choose.
 
Never give up :).

I fell madly in love with horses/ponies when I was about five and never stopped loving/lusting/wanting . . . while I had the odd ride at the local riding school in exchange for helping (I think they just stuck me on a pony to shut me up/hoping I would give up and go away), "rode" friends' ponies (in other words held on for dear life), etc., I didn't really learn about riding/horse care properly until I was in my 30s. I helped at the local RS, had endless lessons, rode for friends, shared two mares and one magical day I drove to Hereford and picked up this beautiful, silver, fairy tale horse who is the absolute light of my life.

If I had told my five-year-old self (or my nine-year-old self, or my twelve-year-old self, etc.) that one day I would own and love and have the privilege of deserving the trust of the most beautiful horse on the entire planet, I think the universe would have cracked wide open from the power of my joy.

Patience . . . you don't need to work in the equine industry . . . help at the local riding school, get to know horsey people, find a share horse/pony . . . learn, learn, learn. Many horse-y people are extremely generous (they certainly were to me) . . . you will find someone with a sane, kind horse who needs a helping hand is willing to help you learn/get a leg up (so to speak).

If you are local to me and want some horse care lessons, I would be happy to teach you (no riding, a) he's broken at the moment; and b) he's quirky and sharp - although a pootle around on the lead rein wouldn't be a problem) . . . and, if not me, someone else is out there willing to give you a chance.

Please don't give up.

P
 
Agree, working with horses for a living involves back-breaking work and being a dogsbody for no money and very little thanks and looking 60 when you are 30.

When I was younger and just finished Uni, I went for a job interview at a Pro yard. When I saw my living accomodations, amount of work I would have to do and amount I got paid, I soon changed my mind.

Don't give up the dream though OP, just consider how you would like to earn the money to live it! Best of luck.
 
No don't ever give up agree with everything said get a job outside the equine industry, save your money and follow your heart.
I am 56 years old done everything there is to do with horses for other people except compete my own because I didn't have the money for a decent horse
just sold my house bought the horse and am cleaning houses to pay for my show jumping it awesome !
don't wait as long as me, get a decent job with decent money don't waste yourself riding other peoples horses and do what you want you only get one life so make the most of it !
 
confusedmum said:
sorry duplicated !
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You are just exactly where I was 15 years ago, only I didn't have the good advice here on this forum.

I took my dream live in job at a horse charity after finishing equestrian college. It was a disaster. Backbreaking labour- mucking out 25 boxes with no wheelbarrow, only 1 weekend off in 4 and 12 hour days, for less than £100 a week. I lived in dread of something breaking as I couldn't afford to get anything fixed.
Physically ruined I left and worked 9-5 in a library and produced show ponies for myself. Loved this until boredom took over at work and the bottom fell out the horse market a few years back.
I now work 9-5 for the NHS and cant have horses due to the damage done to my back.
Most of my horsey friends from college discovered the same and only keep their own horse as a hobby or pet.
Sometimes it is actually nicer to dream about something than to actually have it.
Consider a share or loan to get your horsey fix.
 
Do you have your own transport?

If so then I would look over the border in Cheshire. If I was as determined as you sound (and I would not work with horses full time) I would be driving round the greenest areas I could find looking for yards and cold calling as nicely as possible to sell myself. I have hazy memories of 2 quite large yards near the Thelwall bridge, is it Lymm?

Also you can't be too far away from Robinsons, have you tried there? They have the store and a feed/stock warehouse over between Brynn and Ashton, or they did a few years ago. And of course just up the road you have Haydock Racecourse, have you thought about trying there?

Put notices up in stack shops, vets, Pets At Home etc, Robys have a massive board.

Good luck, you sound passionate and determined.
 
Why don't you look for a regular job to secure a decent wage and standard of living and then offer your services as a volunteer for the RDA at weekends or evenings when they tend to be very busy and need lots of help.
They will welcome you with open arms and as well as getting your horse fix you will also most likely develop people skills through interacting with clients, carers and staff. Many groups will give you the chance to ride as well (and not all RDA horses and ponies are the bombproof cob type either, many need to be much more forward going and respond to very faint leg aids to cater for riders who have little leg strength) you may even get the chance to train as an RDA instructor if you find the right group.
That way you will have more money for your own horse and more contact with horses than maybe you can afford through the "lessons" route.
 
I left school at sixteen in the 70's , all I ever wanted to do was horses, learnt to ride badly by cadging rides, so I left home and got a live in job as a groom. I was really lucky and the women worked for had a lot of money and had a qualified yard manager, I had daily lessons and learnt a lot and was introduced to dressage when very few did it. I also learnt quickly that I was not a good enough rider and my family had no money to fund a career, so I left to go back to college and do something else.
By doing something else, its funded my ponies, brought up my children and I have the opportunity to do other thing which I would have never had if I had stayed working with horses. If you have got some backing from your partner I would look for a part time job doing something else and get out of it full time, work freelance and pick your clients and charge more. Value yourself more. Get some nice clients with nice horses and do not put up with s***, with another job to pay your bread and butter.
My daughter did fashion at uni another dream grave yard and that's what she did, she now works for herself and makes a good living and she is in control.
 
fatpiggy said:
I couldn't agree more! Who wants to be over 40, living in a dossy caravan on a yard, paid the minimum wage (if you are lucky) cash in hand for a 12+ hour day, 6 days a week and on call for the rest? Keep it as a hobby and enjoy it.
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This exactly.

OP; try to develop a well-paid career elsewhere and pay someone else to shovel the crap. Horses get boring very quickly when you're out in all weathers working your backside off.

I've never met anyone in the horse industry who is well off, or anywhere near. It's a hard industry unless you're wickedly talented or minted.
 
Hay, just wanted to say that when horses are woven into you like that their is no giving up, just strategic withdrawal and rentrenchment.
 
When you get to my age you will realise that thethings you regret most are the things you didnt go for ratherv than the dumbshit things you actualy did.
 
Agree with Mike007. I think your dreams need adjusting rather than give up. I would get a normal job with hours that allows you to do what you want in your free time, and a wage that's enough to afford a few luxuries. I would do as others have said and work part time with horses as a hobby whether its paid or volunteering.

If you earn enough to have a horse share you could save up for lessons on that horse, which will see you making progress even if its only one lesson every 2mths, you can practice inbetween. There are some very good books available too so you could improve your riding without paying for lessons. Or perhaps join your local riding club for lessons on your share horse.

Horse owners short on time will love you doing all the jobs they don't have time for eg washing tails, cleaning tack, disinfecting the grooming kit etc, all the stuff that will help you feel more like a horse owner than a riding school client. You could even buy your own stuff for a share horse to a certain extent even if you only use it when you're there and put things back to how they were after eg grooming brushes, headcollar, maybe a numnah, reins, so you could have your preferred colour or type. I don't think most horse owners would mind this kind of thing as long as you didn't lose their stuff whilst you were using yours.

You may be able to compete a share horse too, perhaps look for one stabled at a yard that holds competitions or that is close to a yard which does so you can hack there. Or have you considered a pony for in hand showing or driving rather than buying a riding horse? Ponies are a little cheaper both to buy and to keep than horses generally.
 
Don't give up! Anyway, horses are like a drug- you can try, but you will never fully succeed! Yes it is disheartening, but things will and can happen for you- just maybe not the way you have dreamed as a kid.

I always thought about working with horses after growing up around them. My parents could never afford to buy me a horse but was fortunate enough to help me with lessons. Like you, I use to also work at a local yard for freebies and would spend my entire life down there during school holidays. I used my pocket money for extra lessons and own a pony days, and I also took on a weekend job to then afford me some extra time. The tears and tantrums I had begging for a horse at every birthday, christmas and holiday are countless.

What I learnt during those working days as a teen, is that it is bloody hard work shoveling everyone elses crap and it is not a job that allows you luxuries. Don't get me wrong I adored it and I loved every single day I had down there, but when it is extremely wet and cold, or it is scorching hot- it doesn't always make for pleasant work. It is also extremely long hours, especially if you are a head girl or manager. Unless the yard you work at throws in free or discounted livery as part of the package, you are very unlikely to be able to afford your own on a yard workers wage.

What I would say is, find a job that allows you to transfer your skills from your degree. Think about what else you may want to do, what do you like, what current experience do you have which would allow you to take on jobs in other industries. Once you have found a job, you can then begin to save for a horse (amazing feeling cashing that first proper pay cheque!), you can afford some luxuries, and you may even be able to pay for a lesson or so every week?

There is absolutely no reason you cannot have a job that isn't horse related and have a successful life that does involve horses in some way. Many people on here work hard in other jobs, but sucessfully compete to high levels with their equine buddies during their spare time and out of office hours.

To add- If you want to specialise in an equine field which would allow for a good wage, then there is no reason why you cannot continue gaining experience by having lessons and owning your own while studying part time, in order to allow you to move into it eventually.

Don't forget to consider- There are always people out there looking for someone to share or loan their horses too- ever thought about this?

Whatever you do, don't give up :)
 
Just wanted to echo what others have said. In your position I would look to start a career in something other than horses which will enable you to have the funds to have lessons, or in time buy your own horse. The RDA are always crying out for volunteers so this could be a great way of you getting your horsey fix at weekends until you're in a position to share, loan or own your own horse. Whatever you do don't give up! Your time will come.
 
I don't really have any more advice that what has already been said, but I just want to let you know that you are not alone at all. I grew up in the same way feeling like I was the only one without a horse but the only difference was that I changed my degree at the last minute and decided not to go to Hartpury. It's only now that I'm 28 that I'm able to get back into things MY way instead of my Mum's way!! lol
 
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