When is the right time to say goodbye?

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HollyS

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Sorry for this sad post.

I have a 20yo mare who has several medical issues. Cushings disease, EMS, Laminitis, SI damage and hock arthritis.

I feel like it's time to let her go as I feel her body I fighting against her and the bad days are out weiging the good.

The Vet agrees but will support me whatever I decide.

I have several people poking their noses in telling me I am giving up too soon.

Advice please, is saying goodbye the right choice? My heart tells me yes.
 
Its now. Ignore other people, they always do this and I have no idea why! Its really not life at all costs and its our responsibility to let them go while the good days still outweigh the bad days
 
Thank you. I know deep down this is the right thing for her. But other people just love to voice their opinions and make you doubt yourself.
 
You know the horse better than anyone else, your vet has the full medical picture. If you feel that on balance, your mare's quality of life is compromised, that she has given all that she can and has had enough now, now is the time to let her go with dignity.
Ignore those who will not support you.
 
The right time is when you really listen to your horse and know it's the right thing. Mine was fine the day she was pts but I knew I couldn't let her go through anymore. You aren't doing it because you want to end her life, you are doing it so she doesn't have to suffer. She really won't care either way.
 
She's been through a hellish year and I just can't bear to see her suffer through pain any longer. I'll have to try my best to ignore those that don't agree until the day comes.
 
TBH, I just wouldn't discuss it with them. Let your YO know, arrange for it to happen at a quiet time on the yard and with luck, it will all be over before the busybodies get there to do their own horses.
 
its nothing to do with anyone else, your vet is supporting you and that is the only opinion you should listen to..whenever i have had one of mine PTS i never discuss it with anyone but usually talk to my vet just in case i am missing something just for my own peace of mind....if you are making your decision on HER quality of life that is the right way IMO and you shouldnt take notice of anyone else as you know your horse best. good luck
 
When your head and your heart both day the same thing, it's the right time. It's nothing to do with anyone else, they don't love her like you do. The best descions are often the hardest to make x
 
When their quality of life deteriorates.
I put a 20yo horse with cushings and arthritis down last summer when he reached the point he couldn't be a horse and graze a field relatively unrestricted.
 
When you know it's right, and at that point sod what anyone else thinks. You know your mare & your vet agrees with you, it really isn't anyone else's business.

Big hugs. Sometimes people trying to help only make matters worse.
 
If you think it is the right time then it is the right time. It is always a horrible decision but it does sound as though your vet thinks it is time. It is no-one else's business. Ignore them and go with your gut feeling.
 
If you believe its the right time, then it is

If you ask for opinions prior to making the decision from people at your yard, they usually mean well by giving you their opinions,
if you have made your decision and they still wish to voice their opinions it is time for them to hush up and offer you support, practical assistance or keep quiet
 
If the horses best days are behind it, and it's finding each day harder, then at some stage you have to draw the line. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's none of their business. You have to make the call as a responsible owner.
 
I was exactly as the OP feels - my mare's good days didn't outweigh the bad ones sufficiently for me any more. She was rising 30 and her arthritis was making life harder and harder for her. She had other problems associated with old age too. I did tell other people that I was having her put down at the end of the summer, but didn't specify when. Even the night before not one person associated with the yard knew. I wanted it to be just me and my mare and the vet. I didn't want sympathy or anything like that. It was my job to deal with it, the final task of a caring owner. The vet actually thanked me for sparing my horse another winter and told me he wished others would do the same.

I would agree with the OP that now is the best time. It could very well be much hotter in the weeks to come and that is not going to be good for a pensioner. The flies will be a misery and the ground may get very hard. It is no-one else's business so don't tell them a word about it. Lie through your teeth if you have to. Whatever you think or do isn't going to stop people commenting behind your back. That is their problem, not yours. I promise that you will be relieved when it is all over and you don't have to worry about your horse any more.
 
When you know yourself and have the guidance of your vet then its time no matter what others think. I had the opposite last year, my 21 year old mare suffered some injuries and I had a lot of pressure to put her to sleep by others but I knew deep down it wasn't time for her and a year on my mare is thriving, galloping around the countryside having fun hacking and enjoying her retirement after a long competition life. I'm glad I didn't listen to others then and I wont listen to others when the right time does come either, as it is my choice, the one I will listen to is my girl. If you feel it is time then that is the right decision for you both.
 
HollyS said:
Sorry for this sad post.

I have a 20yo mare who has several medical issues. Cushings disease, EMS, Laminitis, SI damage and hock arthritis.

I feel like it's time to let her go as I feel her body I fighting against her and the bad days are out weiging the good.

The Vet agrees but will support me whatever I decide.

I have several people poking their noses in telling me I am giving up too soon.

Advice please, is saying goodbye the right choice? My heart tells me yes.
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I suppose it depends on quality of life at the end of the day.if you have done all you can to address the medical issues and they are not working or you are finding it hard to fund her medication then there comes a point when you have to give up.If the vet is in agreement then he is probably best placed to tell you that you have reached the end of the road.When my horse no longer has quality of life, the light has gone out of her eyes and she is unable to get up and down off the floor then I will be guided by her.At 22 she still enjoys a gallop in the field, the odd fun ride, dressage competition and pootling down the lanes and striding out with her ears forward. If you have owned your horse for many years you will know in your heart if she is no longer happy and then you owe it to her to do the right thing. People can be very judgemental when they don't personally know your horse, its history or the way you and your vet know it. I wish you well whatever you decide.
 
First Flame said:
When you know yourself and have the guidance of your vet then its time no matter what others think. I had the opposite last year, my 21 year old mare suffered some injuries and I had a lot of pressure to put her to sleep by others but I knew deep down it wasn't time for her and a year on my mare is thriving, galloping around the countryside having fun hacking and enjoying her retirement after a long competition life. I'm glad I didn't listen to others then and I wont listen to others when the right time does come either, as it is my choice, the one I will listen to is my girl. If you feel it is time then that is the right decision for you both.
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Agree.
 
Hi, I've just joined and funnily enough this is the sort of post I was looking for.

I'm going through the same thing myself and my horse doesn't even sound as bad as yours is and I have made the decision today that I am going to do it in 7 weeks time.

I'm finding it hard as I have very close friends that are trying to talk me out of it and suggesting this supplement and that course of action. And it makes you doubt yourself.

But the main reason for this when you step outside the box is that they are more worried that it will affect them in some ways, especially if you've been their hacking buddy or that there horse is good when turned out with yours for example.

You are being very brave and my only comfort (that I want to share with you) is that your horse won't be going through another winter. My horse has been amazing and I owe her a lovely summer, but not a cold winter.
 
You and only you know your horse the best. If you feel it in your heart, it's time to say goodbye.
Letting our horses go with dignity and respect in order to stop any prolonged suffering is one of the biggest privaliges we have. The last act of kindness .
Having to have made this decision myself last year was a very difficult day however I know I slept better that night knowing my big pal was not suffering any longer.
I wish you well.
 
I've heard it said that "you'll know when the time is right" but in reality it's never that easy & we question & torture ourselves with the decision. I've been through this recently with an injured horse who just wasn't improving, & was in fact was getting worse. Be guided by your vet. A good question to ask - although vets probably hate it when we do - is "What would you do if he/she was yours?". When there are more bad days than good, i'd say that's a good indicator that it may be time. No matter what you decide, always remember it's better a month too early than a minute too late xx
 
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