When Nerves Become Too Much - Newbie and Long

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GypsyLady

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Ive loved horses from a young age, i grew up in the countryside and would watch ones from the local riding stable hack past my house, i was totally in awe at these people riding. However when i got on a horse my nerves would leave me (was about 11-12) and i would be physically sick with dread.

Then my friend booked me a few lessons at a riding stable near where i live now (about a year ago), the first day i could walk around holding the reins but had to have someone walk beside me. Slowly i progressed and started to get into it, started looking forward to my lessons. Had a trot but i just couldnt enjoy it at all, in my head i kept thinking i was going to fall off and seriously injure myself. I would go home in tears and feel like a failure.

Tried trotting more after this and tried my best to master the rising trot but i just couldnt do it. Then came the blow, the riding stables could no longer take adults under their new insurance policy.

Luckily my friend had bought a lovely cob mare who was pretty lazy, she said i could ride her. However had no one pushing me and now for about 8 months all ive been doing is walking. I feel im never going to progress because of being scared, and ive had ones telling me i should just give up. My friend has offered to give me a lesson but i feel awkward, shes younger than me and alot more advanced in her riding, even though she started after me! Also i hate riding at the yard as others are alot more advanced, theres me just walking about and they are working around their horses. So when they go in they are cantering about and jumping.

I love horses loads and i do want to advance, but i feel my mind and nerves wont let me. When i trot i stop breathing and dont realise it! Tried singing (friends suggestion) but makes me bounce more, then i feel bad for the poor horse!
 
You sound just like me five years ago. I was 40 before I plucked up courage to go for a lesson, after 35 years of wanting too! I was sick on my first lesson, all over RI new shiney boots
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! However, I did go back and after a few lessons I started to relax. Now I own a 14.1 lazy cob, and a 12.3 NF nut case, who I love riding! ( he's v safe, but v forward going)

If I were you, I would find another riding school, and have some private lessons with a good sympathetic instructor, or find a good instructor and have some lessons on your friends horse. Please stick with it, its the best thing I have ever done.
You could also try some calming medication as well! (I don't mean a stiff drink either!
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Oh dear, I do sympathise.

A couple of suggestions, you could get yourself a Confident Rider CD to listen to, some tack shops sell them or you can buy them over the internet. There's whole range of them, they are very good for calming the nerves.

Also, you could take up Tai Chi classes (no, I don't mean instead of riding!!), Tai Chi is quite wonderful for helping to develop your sense of balance and timing, as well as strengthening your muscles and improving your ability to focus your energy.

Please don't despair, we've all been there one way or another.
 
I don't understand why you are putting yourself through this torture. You obviously have a very deep rooted fear, however this doesn't need to stop your enjoyment of horses. It sounds to me like you are trying to 'keep up with the Joneses' so to speak.
Have you considered driving ?? Seems to be v popular. Or why not enrol part time at college and take a BHS horse Owners Certificate where you can learn all about keep and care without the riding. Or how about something along the Parelli/Natural Horsemanship lines? Obviously you would need acces to a horse, but you can study and take exams and become proficient - all from the ground.
I am sure other people can come up with hundreds of suggestions that wouldn't mean getting on a horses back and scaring yourself witless.
Why not go along to your local riding club - they always need help setting up for shows/marshalling/dressage writing etc etc
the list is endless.......
 
Don't feel silly or awkward for being a beginner, just walking round and having a lesson from your friend....everybody has to start somewhere, and everybody loses their confidence at some point to some extent. I bet if you were to ask everybody on here there's something to do with riding that scares them (most things scare me!!).

Maybe try some rescue remedy before you ride, and just don't be so hard on yourself, you'll get there in time but there's no rush. You could try trotting with someone leading and holding on to the reins and you could hang on to a neckstrap or the front of the saddle?

Find yourself a nice friendly riding school, have some lessons from your friend...at some point you might fall off, but if you're just trotting round a school it's probably not going to hurt really...I was delighted the first time i fell off because I'd been awfulising about it, but it was fine!
 
I really would try not to worry about walking all the time, whilst everyone else is whizzing about you. There's nothing wrong with walking and there's no need to go fast. Different things work for different people - you may find that an inspiring instructor could give you the confidence to chip away at your fear, or maybe self-help techniques will work. maybe just pottering off on your own on a hack, with no-one else around might give you an opportunity to "just have a little go".

Rather bizarre question but have you fallen off yet? Do you think it's a fear of falling? Falling off at the gentler paces is generally nowhere near as bad as the fear of it. You may find that falling off and realising it's not all that bad after all gives you a bit more confidence (as in "if that's the worst that can happen it isn't that bad after all").

For as long as you still want to ride and want to try going faster, then try to find something that will work for you, no two people are the same so use everyone on here's ideas. If you realise that actually you've got no desire to go any faster then so what? Many lazy horses are perfectly happy to stay in walk all their lives
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Good luck and happy riding!
 
as adults fear tends to become more of a problem.I guess its because we realise we have huge responsibilities and worry what will happen if we can't fulfil our duties or what will happen to our loved ones should we not be able to care for them.I do think it sounds as though your problem is fear of falling off and what may happen.In reality 99% of falls result in no injury at all to the rider and another thing to remember is that the quieter the horse the less likely you are to have a fall.I agree you need to find a patient instructor who will help you progress as tbh we are not the best teachers when it comes to our own riding.Does anyone other than your friend realise how scared you are.I think the more honest you are with people the more likely they are to help you overcome your fears.I am fast approaching 40 and have been through a real loss of confidence in horses to the point at which I couldn't be near them.I did give up altogether for about a year but my love of horses proved to strong and I desperately wanted to get back to being around them.With the right instructor who would push me when I needed it I did manage to get back to them.In the last few years I have progressed from being so nervous as to not want to be near them to competing for my RC at showjumping and competing successfully upto 1mtre showjumping.This is something I never thought I could do when I was at the worse point of my fear but I have proved that I can do it and now when I look back I can see that my fears were irrational.Fear is a good thing as that is what keeps us from harm,but providing as you can rationalise that fear and keep trying you will make progress.
 
I have ridden for alot of years and hunted,jumped and had no fear at all....and then I lost it,my nerves have got bad,just putting the tack on my cob makes me want to vomit!
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So I tried Equimins Serenity Chill Out Capsules and used the fluid with it.....and believe me it really does work! They have a website and deliver very quickly....and when I phoned for mine the lady there told me'We really selling lots of this product with the showing and competion market at the mo!'....so there you go,just shows the ones at the top suffer nerves too! Don't worry that your 'just walking around' who cares,as long as your riding!
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I sometimes get so frightened/nervous, that I shake and my mouth goes dry and I am so tense. I have a complete fear of being tanked off with and or getting dumped. The funny thing is though, that once I get into it and relax a bit, i feel fine and I wonder what on earth I was being so silly about.

Case in point, at our new yard, we have to hack down an incredibly busy road. Boo has only hacked out on this road once before and I was terrified. Not helped by the fact that one of the girls horses who I was hacking with went mental on the road (proper rearing etc) and I was so worried that Boo was going to prat about. She didn't and once I relaxed, I really enjoyed myself and Boo was good as gold.

So yes, I did wonder what I was being so silly about! Sometimes pushing your boundaries just a little bit can do wonders. You will feel so proud of yourself for achieving whatever goal you have set yourself.

B*gger what other people think, if you feel you have reached a goal, however big or small, it is that one step closer to being more confident. You can do it, just do it in your own time!

Good luck!
 
A few things.

Firstly, I can see how you'd find riding with other people working at faster speeds around you stressful. There are "rules of the school" to follow and for someone who is nervous to begin with its rather intimidating to feel like you're getting in the way. You can spend more time trying to stay out of everyone else's way than you do enjoying yourself.

Id try to avoid being too worried about allowing your friend to teach you. The realisation that many good riders are younger hits everyone. However, I would try and have such lessons with her when their school is quieter.

A key to building confidence is setting very tiny, progressive steps for yourself. They should be small and completly acheiveable and will give you an immense sense of suceeding when you get off. Walking away with that kind of positive feeling is really vital for building up your confidence again and 99% of the time, its how you feel when you just get off that stays with you. This is precisely why all training - whatever the level - should stop on a good note. If you try to have a trot and panic and then stop for the day, you'll dismount feeling the same sense of fear and panic and its THAT which will stick with you until the next time you ride. Over time, it just adds up to a constant memory of fear and disappointment associated with every ride.

In relation to the above, Id encourage you to try and find a riding school with instructors that understand this and will help you. Your first few years on horseback are important for a number of reasons. They sew the ground seeds on your skill as a rider. Habits you pick up at this stage are hard to rid yourself of in the future. As such, I'd encourage you to find somewhere with a good reputation, good horses and instructors who truely understand that they're teaching needs to be both effective and correct but also sympathetic for you.

Do you think lunging lessons would help you? Where someone else actually has the control of the horse and you're free to focus on you and stabilising your own seat in the saddle? This might help you to grow more secure in your riding and if you feel less like you will slip off, your confidence should increase. Also, you mentioned that you have struggled to master the rising trot? Until this is solved, you WILL feel very insecure in the trot! This is precisely why I'd be pushing for lunge lessons.

An alternative to this would be trying lessons on a mechanical horse... a few of the larger equestrian centres have them and its 100% worth choosing one of these centres to have ridden lessons also. The mechanical horse will give you the feeling of the ridden animal without the worry of the unexpected. It will also allow you to be taught to do a correct rising trot and this alone will help you feel much better when back on the horse. If you're wobbling about all over, theres no wonder you arent happy.

Once you've solved the trotting issue, remember your goals can be tiny things! Since it seems to be the trot that you have issues with atm, I'd start on goals that can be acheived through the walk only initially. I'd then move onto quite small things like... aiming to ride a trot down one long side. Move this on to trotting down a long side, walking round the short side, trotting down the long side again.

My best advice is to find a really good centre that can help you as imo, you wont progress from wandering round trying to avoid other people as they whizz about in canter. Also, as i said, lunge lessons or mechanical horse lessons to get the trot issue fixed.
 
Don't worry about the nerves, or the time it takes you to progress - there are no set timescales here.
You need to find a very quiet yard, the smallest quietest horse that can carry you comfortably(or even a chunky pony) and a sympathetic instructor.
You WILL progress when you are ready, there is no need to put yourself under pressure.

In the meantime, as has been suggested elsewhere, exercises to improve your core strength and balance would really help you.
 
I do feel for you, it sounds grim to feel like that. I would absolutely agree with the suggestion to get yourself some proper lessons, preferably on the lunge, so you dont have to think about controlling the horse, just about yourself.

Never mind the fact that the instructor is younger than you. All the kids competing in the 128cm classes are young enough to be my children, they ride better than I ever will - but it doesn't matter. Yes, I'd like to compete eventually, but in the short-term, my main competitor is myself.

I would also recommend learning to fall (it helps to have a short horse for this!). Once you've "fallen" a few times in a very safe and controlled environment just as a sand school, the fear really does diminish (though I will be honest and say it probably never goes away completely).
 
I would echo those saying have the lessons with your friend or at another riding school. Don't worry about her being 'younger' than you or more experienced. The horse industry doesn't work quite like other industry in my experience, many instrustors and trainee instructors are young (under 25) and it will be seen as the norm for her to give you a lesson if she has more experience. I am 27 and I teach people up to the age of about 60ish. It sounds to me as if you need some individual lessons with an instructor that you trust who will help to build up your confidence.

I just want to share one story with you about a little girl I teach to ride. She is only 6 but her story reminds me a bit of yours... she was desperate to ride (NOT pushed by mum) but whenever she got near a pony she would cry and cry and refuse to mount. We spent 3 weeks of private lessons <u>leading </u> the pony round the arena playing 'find the letter' and other games. Eventually she decided she could just sit on the pony at the very end of the lesson. (all this time her mum was telling her she didn't have to ride, it had to be her choice)

Gradually we built up to me leading her round the arena in walk. Then I would lead her for a few steps of trot... we built up until she would trot one side of the school with me leading and she moved to a small group lesson for beginners.

To cut a long story short, after 8 months she will now trot on her own on Star - the pony she trusts. She has fallen off once and this knocked her confidence for a bit but a few extra private lessons put her back on track and she actually got more confident after this in a funny way. We are talking about cantering now but she doesn't want to yet... but she's thinking about it.

What is interesting about this little girl is that she was so very frightened but still desperate to ride. It took her a while but by being determined and taking things slowly she has got over the worst of her fear.

Hope this helps!
 
Hi Newbie!
You are not alone...I taught hundreds of people exactly like you.
Why don't you keep riding in walk until you want to trot? You need never break into a trot if you don't want to?
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If your happy at a walk and enjoy it dont beat yourself up over it, just walk, there isn't any rule written in stone which says riders have to fly about everywhere galloping an jumping, just do what your happy with, maybe if you dont pressure yourself so much things will progress naturally.
 
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If your happy at a walk and enjoy it dont beat yourself up over it, just walk, there isn't any rule written in stone which says riders have to fly about everywhere galloping an jumping, just do what your happy with, maybe if you dont pressure yourself so much things will progress naturally.

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Yeah! Well said! I used to teach riding...but when I want to go on an entire walk hack, I do! You'll probably find if you stop worrying about trotting or cantering etc...that after a while you'll feel a lot more positive about it. If so, you can give it a try...if not, doesn't matter.
I reckon you should concentrate on getting the perfect position in walk...
And try not to worry too much about falling off - I've fallen probably more than 100 times...and I'm still here!
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I would also suggest trying to find another riding school and having private lessons - I still hate group lessons as I hate other people seeing me ride (instructor doesn't count) and that way I don't have to do anything I don't want to without worrying about 'ruining' the lesson for others. Whereabouts in the country are you - roughly? If you do want to find a riding school someone on here may know of a good one in your area.
 
I have helped many people, like you, or should I say Cairo has.

I spend a lot of time first getting them to help with the actual care of the horse, grooming, feeding, mucking out, changing rugs and getting them to lead the horse places so they end up very relaxed at being round the horse. They then tack up and lead him to the mounting block and we progress from there.

When we progress to riding and I don't push people but encourage them to take more control and eventually try a few steps of trot. I often put people in the western saddle so they feel very secure and can hold onto the saddle horn.

Cairo's favorite speed is slow walk but he is also responsive and well schooled. He is also voice trained so I can get him to change pace why they just concentrate on riding. I do many weeks at a lead rein and build up to a lunge circle then walk beside people off the rein.

It takes time and you need a special horse and an understanding person who will gently push you forward but never make you feel unsafe and pressured.

My ultimate achievement was a young girl who once on him sobbed uncontrollably whilst he stood like a rock. A year later she was able to walk, trot and do a short canter and a tiny cross pole. At this stage she felt able to start to have proper lessons on other horses.

The other side of the story is my OH likes mainly to walk and have the occasional trot and rare canter - Cairo is very happy and they have nice long gentle walks together and so what if they are not doing more - riding should be about being happy and feeling good.

If you are Essex way, I would be more than happy to give you a go on Cairo - he is big but the most gentle safe horse you could hope to sit on.
 
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