When people are only nice to you because you have something that

Meowy Catkin

Meowy Catkin

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19 July 2010
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... they want to borrow. Maybe it's your horse box, your school, your horse or even just your wheelbarrow?

Is this a more common problem in the horse world?
 
Absolutely, and when you don't want to share the things you have worked hard for suddenly become "a stuck up b"

I always pay my way when I want to use something of someone's - usually arena, even clippers etc I think it's good manners even if they don't ask for money. Plus I don't end up owing favours because some peoples requests are beggars belief!
 
i used to be awful at saying no, but now i love it. If people want to take offence then they aren't the kind of people i'd be bothered with, so i don't really care what they think. It's always better to be straight. They are entitled to ask and im entitled to say no. .
 
Yep definitely..... Found several people who will only speak to me if they want something. Usually they either want to use one of the boys, want me to back something or ride something that's being difficult. If i say no or am too busy it usually involves said person ignoring me, sulking or whinging to all and sundry that I'm mean and horrible. Sometimes all of the above.
 
No it isn't just the horse world, we have a neighbour like that, uses next doors drive without asking, borrows stuff and doesn't return it, asks me to collect her prescription - from the doctors, not the pharmacy meaning you have to wait - even though they do free delivery. But the worst was asking to be picked up when she took her car in for service (and then taken back again later in the day).......from a garage 15 miles away! Once no-one minds but she is on her third ask now, even though when push comes to shove they would find her a courtesy car.
I don't usually say no, I suggest an alternative, like the courtesy car or free prescription delivery
 
Yep, usually around clipping time, or if I have something they want to borrow or would like a lift.

I have 3 rules, don't p*ss me off, you break if you fix it and I expect the same treatment in return.

If I don't think someone is going to follow these rules or they haven't in the past it is a simple no.

I've had my good nature taken advantage of too many times.
 
yes unfortunately :( I have quite a large arena (55x60) and we've put it in ourselves so its been pretty backbreaking at times but its lovely now. Surprising how many friends I gather mainly once the mud kicks in...but no more saying yes anymore from me, last person came and let their horse bolt around in it so much it churned the surface up something chronic and nearly tore the membrane...they found it quite amusing :(
 
Not a problem exclusive to the horse world, i'm afraid, but I do know what you mean. You have to develop a thicker skin and say no sometimes ... which if you're a generally nice and giving person can be both difficult and painful.
 
Yep, been there dunnit.

Those horsey "friends" who either treat you like an infectious disease OR they're all over you like a rash - when it suits 'em...... particularly when they've got (a) got too many horses to do and want help mucking out etc; (2) got a tricky horse that they're *****-scared to ride and hope you might get up on it and sort it for them. Or a mixture of (a) and (b).

Am not going there.......
 
There is nothing much in life that hasn't been done before. Beware the Greeks bearing gifts. I don't lend stuff for a very good reason and am suspicius of those who bear gifts. The reason is that I'm a miserable old beggar and I'm delighted to say the word has got around! :D
 
Nudibranch said:
Not sure...when I used to be on a yard, people just took things without asking! But I suspect it probably is....
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I got rather annoyed that people kept helping themselves to my battery charger, even got it out when I had put it away to prevent temptation.
I pointed out that if they asked I would almost certainly say yes, but it's good manners to ask.
However given the number of requests I now get I wonder if I'm the only sucker on the yard who bought a fencer and put some thought into how I'd charge my battery!

Problem solved now anyway. We've had so many fencers nicked from the fields no-one is using them any more!
 
I've experienced it in the horse world-mostly over things like trailers and riding my (now deceased) 1 in a million mare, but I think it happens in all walks of life, I see it even more in my job because I have access to the people in power. In itself it doesn't bother me, I'm pragmatic, I believe in the favour bank, not that you should expect something in return everytime you do someone a good turn, but it creates general goodwill which is not a bad thing. That said, I can't stand when people aren't honest about their intentions and think you're too stupid to see through their false niceness
 
I think in the horsey world there is just more evidence of things that (a) aren't used the whole time and (b) are desirable for others.

We don't tend to want to 'borrow' someone's huge expensive telly or whatever becasue we're not seeing it lying around unused on a livery yard.
 
ThursdayNext said:
I think in the horsey world there is just more evidence of things that (a) aren't used the whole time and (b) are desirable for others.

We don't tend to want to 'borrow' someone's huge expensive telly or whatever becasue we're not seeing it lying around unused on a livery yard.
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That's a good point.
 
I think it's something that happens in all walks of life. That said, we used to have a livery here who was a prime example of it. It reached a point where if they approached me with a smile on their face (instead of their usual habit of scowling over their shoulder and avoiding contact), I would immediately ask what it was they were after!
 
I can honestly say it doesn't happen on my yard. We're generally a lovely bunch and lend things to people if they ask and it nearly always gets returned in the condition it was borrowed- on the few occasions it hasn't it's been replaced or owned up to and the person is told not to worry as it was on its last legs anyway.

Most of us have our own transport but there are two who don't. I wouldn't think twice about it if I was in a position to offer a lift and they needed one.

The other day I was in desperate need of some hay - Countrywide had run out of the usual emergency haylage we buy in summer and horse had a longish journey to vet hospital. I knew one of the girls had some so texted to ask if could buy some off her and she told be to just take what I needed (which I did, and no more). I would have done the same too. When another horse wouldn't eat his antibiotics I gave his owner the molasses I had left over from when mine wouldn't eat his.

Maybe it's because we're on a small yard and YO is in the fortunate position to turn people she doesn't think will fit in away (there's a waiting list and not everyone gets on it) but I genuinely consider all my fellow liveries friends. Aren't these things just what decent friends do for each other?
 
I did find when we bit the bullet, took out a loan and purchased a lorry that my daughter suddenly got invited constantly to shows/funrides xc schooling you name it.... In a "do you want to come to X with me on the weekend? Your mum could drop us off and pick us up" kind of way!
Erm, no!
 
Definitely a common thing in the horse world. Wouldn't mind my wheel barrow being borrowed but when they want to constantly borrow your horse and can't understand why you say no that is beyond a joke.
 
I bought a lovely expensive brush, it brushed stable and yard fabulous , you know what I mean, so everyone would use it...leave it in their stable so I had to hunt for it...take it to shows in their trailer...it would go walkies for days.. till I bought a chain and chained it up!!!
 
I've had to borrow a few things from people as its my first horse and I didn't realise I needed it but I've always asked ( well, my sister) and then got my own. I'm quite shy so I don't talk to people on the yard much but I do always try and my sister always talks to everyone, so we don't only want to be nice when we want something. What's annoying is when someone doesn't ever try and make an effort and don't even ask to use my things and leave then in places where they are in my way.
 
I had so called friends like that at school who would take, take, take. I'm grown woman now and I'm a lot more picky about who I give that label too. Needless to say my friendship group has shrunk from about 12 to about 4, but I'm more than happy with that and my friends are people who I trust with my life, genuinely care, and we respect each other.
X
 
All my horsey friends are takers :(

We've even had 'wheelbarrowgate: where one borrowed my wheelbarrow and kept it and another friend went and took it saying I'd given permission, which I hadn't, so I had to seize it back!

I'm sure wheelbarrows aren't that expensive and this one is teeny.
 
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