When selling / buying - what are the best lines you've heard?

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MagicMelon

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Purely because Im bored due to it snowing outside:

What are the most amusing lines / questions you've had from potential buyers or sellers?

When buying - My dad actually SAID to the seller "god, he looks like a manky donkey". OMG could have died...! I actually ended up buying that manky donkey who ended up not so donkey-like!

When selling, Ive had:

"oh he's a bit too big for me" - AFTER she'd ridden him, when she KNEW it was a 16.2hh WB she was seeing!

"I dont think I could live with a chestnut, I really wanted a black" - Again, AFTER they'd ridden and they KNEW what colour the horse was.

"OMG this pony is so much cooler than the riding school ones, she actually moves and stops" - Made me laugh!

"oh right, so it doesn't jump very big then" - Not yet, they knew the pony was a 4yo who'd only been first sat on 2 months before...

"does he buck" - cue me saying "nope, he's never bucked in the 3 years with me" (he hadnt!), cue horse putting in one big buck chucking her off...!! That was so humiliating. I felt like I had "LIAR" on my forehead eventhough I wasnt!

"is she normally like this?" - after seeing my pony being a total nutcase, cantering sideways etc. due to it practically being a blizzard. NO SHE'S NOT NORMALLY FLIPPING LIKE THIS! I gave up, got off and apologised for wasting her time but I didnt want her to try her. Im sure she thought I had "LIAR" on my forehead again...
 
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Purely because Im bored due to it snowing outside

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Pictures please
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i had selling: "oh he isnt cantering in competitions?" no hes just 4yrs old and only started jumping

buying my dad said "shes nowt special not a patch on our other horse" que me dying of embarressment! what he actually ment was the horse wasnt very shiney! I ended up buying the mare though and he thinks shes ok now!
 
There is the usual "he/she's never done that before"

"Not a novice ride" is a good one, that I would nomally take to mean its a nutter. May not be, but I would avoid it like mad!

I guess really its lot of reading between the lines, as in what does "seen hounds" really mean, that when you venture out there for the first time on this horse, it's going to think "waheey" because you're usually okay the first and second time but not on the third go!
 
(the snows actually very boring - not much at all, its not really lying - there was a layer this morning but it melting pretty much straight away now. And its not the nice fluffy snow like it was overnight, its now that horrid nasty gritty crap that gets down your top!)
 
These lines were all said to me while I was viewing a horse, seller was shal we say, dodgy!

Horse was apparantly confidencegiver, anyones ride, so i said i wanted t hack it out alone, seller says 'oh your brave'. I say why, thought horse was a novice ride, 'oh he is is just mos people wanting safe horsesdont go out alone.'

So off out wego, horse was napping for england and trying to eat everything in sight.

Go back to yard, sellers excuse was 'oh he was only trying to turn around because he always goes the other direction so he was looking after you and telling you which way to go.' andas for the horse eating everything in sight 'oh yes thats because he has had nothing to eat since lastnight', this was at 3pm!
 
When selling my 14.2hh BSJA pony the 'wonder SJ trainer' that came back with the prospective buyer told me catagorically that poines of 14.2h and under could not jump more than 2ft9
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'He's just like a dog, you can tell him what you want him to do and he'll do it, push button ride he is- Go on, dont touch the reins just say firmly ''Jack Stop'' or ''Jack Trot'' I taught him all he knows!'

Well, isnt he a lucky Dog, Sorry, Horse!

Edited to add: No i didnt buy him nor entertain the seller for more than the needed time to say i am not interested- im looking for an horse.
 
I selling a sensible RC type mare when I had a potential buyer come to view. They had said they wanted something sensible but not a slug that could go SJ, XC and maybe hunting which would suit the mare perfectly. We are on top of a very high, exposed hill in the cotswolds and the only place I have to show horses off is a 6 acre field with a few flat-ish places on the side of the hill. On this particular day, it had been chucking it down with rain all day, it was blowing a gale and the ground was soaking wet and slippery. My mare came out of the stable (having not been ridden for nearly a week as explained to the potential buyer), worked correctly on the bit on walk, trot and canter, was sweet and submissive. The only way I could have faulted her was she broke into canter for 3 strides from trot when there was a particularly strong gust of wind but I sat down into the saddle and she came straight back.

I was told "She looks a bit lively!" What did they want for gods sake? A four legged electric wheelchair???? I was only asking 3250, after her behaviour that day I felt inclined to put her price up by a couple of thousand!!!
 
After a rather hairy ride down a busy road - "well that is the first time hes ever been out on his own"....

Errr.... maybe it would have been good to tell me that BEFORE sending me out saying "he's good on the roads"
 
'He swished his tail at a fly, so because I won't be able to turn him out in the field, will you accept £1500 under the asking price.'
Even after laughing at them they still wanted me to think about it, and they would ring in a week!
 
went to try out a £1750 project to make a good all-rounder. was told before i got there that the mare can be "a bit sharp" - fine thinks i... i hate dopey donkeys anyway...

I get there and say right well can i ride... "well you can f*&*!n tack her up then" was response from YO.
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So off i go to get the tack and the horse turns into a quivering wreck - wont let you near its head and stands absolutely stock still (bolted to the ground still). tacked it up after taking the bridle to bits to get past its ears.

I then say "well shall i get on" YO then says "no - i will not have you ride that horse on my premises, it will just go off with you across the field" ?!?!?!? stupid woman....
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later spoke to one of her yard staff who said "yes i've ridden her and she's fine but big moving and quite forward and very green and the YO is a nervous wreck"
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By this time I have also witnessed YO injecting other horses with something (god knows what)
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i decided the woman was a total nutter and left. Felt sorry for the horse and got it vetted - it failed a 2 stage - then offered her £900 as she was so desperate to get rid and no-one could get on it. She went bonkers and told me I was insulting her! shame about the horse though was lovely!!
 
A friend went with Irish friends of theirs to look at pony which seemed as if it would do the job. It was being sold with tack, which was rubbish and they wanted a fair pile for pony. On trying to haggle, it kept being pointed out that they were getting all the tack too which Irish didn't want but they'd hardly budge on price.

"so you must be thinking a deal of your tack then?"!
 
I asked why a horse was wearing shoes with rolled toes, the response I got was 'I don't know' followed by the horse tripping everywhere.
We decided not to buy that horse and a few months later got a call from the people saying 'I think we have something your friend will like, we ride it on bute so it isn't lame but its always been like that'
Another time I had a bomb proof cob that the most nervous person can ride bog of with me.
 
I'm not very confident and when I was looking for a second horse I went to try out a safe, novice ride that, was sweated up in the stable, had knocked the owner out earlier that day, took two people to hold still enough for me to get on and then proceeded to nap, buck and rear with me, before trying to charge off. Owner later admitted she couldn't handle the horse and was scared of it and there was only one person on the yard who would get on it! Ideal safe novice ride then! Also went to see a ten year old that was more like twenty, sway backed and lame
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My ultimate was ringing up to see a horse that was advertised as having recently won at a local event. So after a bit of chit chat I asked about its win, they then told me which class it was and that they'd entered it under its stable name and got a local rider to ride it and that I could check its result on the website. Trouble was I didn't need to check it because they'd just given me details of my own horse's win with my daughter riding him! I was so gobsmacked I just gasped a bit and put the phone down.
 
When I was looking to buy a horse many moons ago...I went to a dealer on the outskirts of Edinburgh...who took my Dad and I to a field where he spent about 30 minutes trying to catch a chestnut ex racehorse, whilst saying 'I don't know what's wrong with him, maybe he's just excited to see people'. When it got within eyesight range, I could see its pelvis was out, it was like a hatrack, and had typical NH injuries to the hind legs, and a tendon in front.
I said 'Don't bother catching him, he's not really what I'm looking for', all the time elbowing my father who was shaking with laughter.
'Oh, I don't understand it' says the dealer 'Is it the colour you're not liking?'
I had to help my Dad to the car.
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when i rang up about a horse the woman said "i only want the best posible home for her and im affraid a couple of people have also rang me and are coming up with a trailer tomorrow to get her and they haven't even seen her yet, if they don't want her you can have her" yh ok then best possible home?

I had some one email me when i was selling my little mare "i need her to populate my farm what condition is she in? can i get her tomorrow" i just emailed back and said she had been sold
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My friend was selling her intermediate event horse, she wasn't very good in traffic so she explained this to everyone that phoned up.
A girl turned up one day to try her out and as she walked up to the stable she said she wanted something nice and safe to hack out on!
Friend told her she wasn't suitable and said goodbye
 
I recently went to try a horse described as quiet to ride which was a ticking bomb,hated any contact at all and wanted to canter continuously albeit steadily,bearing in mind this was in an arena I would hate to have taken it out in an open field.Needless to say I didn't buy her.Another time I went with my YO who was looking for a quiet cob to use for clients on hacks.Said horse was great on the ground and the young lad who rode her for us got on board and rode her around the school.She was great in walk but as soon as he asked for trot she bronced all the way down the school.They then offered us to watch what she was like in the open field.By this time we were already thinking hmmm and then we watched said bombproof cob tank off with the boy and continuing to buck.The lad brought him back to us and said she always does that,its great isn't it with a big grin on his face.Needless to say both the YO and I walked away without trying her.
 
When selling: so many stupid questions.... usually along the lines of "is it small enough to fit in the garden?"

When buying: The 100% kiddie proof pony that did a fabulous bucking bonko (depositing my small child in the process) and then the seller said " oh, but you can have it for half price"
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The seller who had a traffic proof pony that bolted with it's small rider along a quiet country lane because.... it spotted a car in the distance. The seller said (upon noticing my concern for the small rider who was disappearing into the distance) "oh, shel'll be fine, she's used to it". Seller still maintained it was traffic proof
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A buyer asked me recently if I could "guarantee" the horse would never buck - to which I replied, no I can't, it's a horse after all.

I had a truly horrible experience trying out a horse for a client, but just thinking about it has made me need large amounts of chocolate ...
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When viewing a FR/LR pony, I asked to see it ridden, so the owner jumped on - I explained that I actually wanted to see it ridden by a "child" and the owner without thinking said " I`m not putting MY child on THAT!"
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The ad read:

"TB ex racer, not novice rider. Experienced adults only.'

After talking to a woman on the phone for awhile about him, his behaviour issues, etc. She then exclaimed that he was perfect for her 9 year old daughter to learn on. WTF!?! I had numerous calls like this, so I then decided I had to keep him for life.

jemima_too who is a member on here came to view a horse and I was riding saying how good and well mannered she was when she spooked and shot forward with her head in the air. Felt quite stupid.
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