When selling / buying - what are the best lines you've heard?

I found videos of Floyd I had put on Youtube linked to an advert of a horse for sale in france - they were claiming Floyd was their horse.

I also got sent photos of a horse I was interested in and they were blatantley photoshopped - realy badly the poles weren't even touching the wings.

What do you think?
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jemima_too who is a member on here came to view a horse and I was riding saying how good and well mannered she was when she spooked and shot forward with her head in the air. Felt quite stupid.
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PMSL - she then proceeded to spook in the same place with first my daughter and then me! We bought her anyway and she's great, really calm and lovely. Just had one spook in the two weeks we were able to ride her before she broke herself, goodness knows what it was that scared her but my ultra-sensible cob went as well!

She's obviously got a sense of humour and was just waiting for you to make that comment!
 
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When viewing a FR/LR pony, I asked to see it ridden, so the owner jumped on - I explained that I actually wanted to see it ridden by a "child" and the owner without thinking said " I`m not putting MY child on THAT!"
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LMAO. I went to view a pony and specifically asked to see it ridden by a child. I got there, owner claimed child had disappeared off out with mates, and stuck a tall lanky teen on it. Teen was lightweight and the pony STILL tanked off with her.
 
When I was looking for a safe, reliable hack I called about one that was advertised as suitable for novices. I called and asked a few questions - the girl said "He was lame so he's not been ridden for a while, but he's all right now but his legs are a bit funny" (?) When I asked if he was sensible to hack she said "Oh yes, but he likes to go fast - do you like going fast?" Needless to say it was a case of don't call me, I'll call you!!
 
I will tel you a gud un, my daughter wanted to look at a horse to buy in a particular area (I shant say where), I said you do realise they are all inbreeds in that area and thick as shite, oh well lets go anyway she says, we were given directions and the name of the farm, after a long drive and running up and down the road looking for the place I was getting well fed up, anyway my daughter phoned on her mobile (again) to ask directions, they said they would be outside but wern't !! we eventually found the place, the guy comes out and says, "cum ta luk at oss av yer ?" yes I says,
we had trouble finding you as we couldn't see a sign for the farm, arr they aint one he says, thats why we couldn't find it then I said sharply
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, anyway out comes the oss, errr I mean horse, first off I picked it's front feet up then tried to pick it's back foot up, it wapped it's back leg out and nearly hit me in the face, arrrr she always does that the woman said !, when was she going to tell me, when my teeth are hanging out !!!!!!
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, she said it could jump, well she tried to jump it over a pole and it landed both front feet on it before take off, it couldn't jump a matchstick, it's back legs were going everywhich way at trot, by this point we were just being polite, anybody with a brain cell would realise we aint gonna buy it, then she comes out with "itll av to b cash, no cheques" yea right I thought, we'll think about it I said, how does that guitar bango thing go in that film with Burt Reynolds, da da dang dang dang dang dang dang dang da, da, da da da da infinitum !!!!!!!
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Parting words from vendor having just handed over the cash and loaded up new purchase

"Just don't let him know you're frightened!"
 
'it's not very big' about a 14hh welsh d, advertised with photo and accurate description, same woman also said its not the one i thought i was going to see! Basucally total time wasters.
 
People with box next to Charlie offloading their evil pony on some unsuspecting schmucks: "Oh yes, it loves children."


Me thinking: "I know it does, it bit the child last week! It prefers them with ketchup on though."
 
Tried a few 'safe family cobs' (yeah right!) at a dealer yard in Sussex. First canter and the horse reared and struck out with it's front legs.

Dealer said "ooh she's never done that before, you're obviously putting her under too much pressure, you're too good a rider for her, put your [very novicey] mother on board" ......no I don't think so!!!
 
Oh and the best one, was trying a horse in a schooling field. Daughter couldn't be there as she was with the boyfriend. The mother was clueless but keen to sell horse who daughter had lost interest in.

Trot turned to canter, and canter turned to gallop. Couldn't stop one side of the bl**dy thing. It had its head in it's chest.

Everytime I roared past I said 'I can't stop', 'I can't stop', 'how do I stop the f*cking thing?'

She said ' oh my daugther just runs it into a tree!!!!!' WTF???
 
lol at all the above.

Having just had a horsey vetted today (he passed!!) I'm so relieved that buying him has been so pain free.
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I did however go to see one mare who looked/sounded lovely in the advert but when I arrived to see her the owner didn't turn up & wasn't answering his phone. As I'd made the effort to go see the mare (on a morning I'd rather have been in bed sleeping off my hangover too) a lady on the yard said she'd tack her up for me to have a sit on. Once the rug came off the previous nights sweat was revealed, poor horse had obviously been worked into the ground. ''You could happily give this mare a weekend off & she'd still be sane when you got back on'' lol. Next the lady went to get the tack & had to do battle with all the various training aids for 10mins before the bridle vaugely resembled something you'd ride the 'quiet, laid back type' the advert mentioned in. I should have left there & then! Poor mare was very sweet but so green & wobbly & jumpy. This was a horse I was told was laid back, not at all spooky, would go out & jump BSJA tomorow & would easily do a dressage test or two.
 
I forgot about another one which was amusing - I put a wanted ad out for a "project" pony for max £500. Yes, £500 is not much but the 3 ponies I have bought for this price were simply unbacked or green / scruffy superstars in disguise! Anyway, someone phoned me up offering a 14hh 6yo pony for £800 (over-budget already!). I asked about it. It was some odd breed I hadn't even heard of. Initially they said it was "a lovely pony but green". 5 mins later, Id actually found out this bloody pony had bolted several times (including down an old railway road which went on "for miles" apparently!) and the teenager was too scared to get on it anymore. That's a BIT more than just "green"! I kindly said that I wouldn't be seeing it...

These all make highly entertaining reading!!

Rowreach - What was you "horrifying" experience???
 
I was selling my young TB. Advertised as "Basic flatwork established. Jumping small courses. Needs experienced rider to bring him on". Got a phone call from one woman...

ME: "Yes, he needs an experienced rider. Are you experienced?"

HER: "Yes, I used to share a welsh cob a few years ago"

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