When to give up?

You could use glue on shoes or a different brand/style of hoof boots - there's a lot of variety between them now and it's quite horse dependent what suits, a bit like some brands of rugs just never fit some horses
 
Exasperated said:
If you don’t want to re shoe (for whatever reason), and the horse needs protective hoof boots to hack comfortably, you simply need boots which do not also attach around the fetlocks, like Flex, or G2s with their figure 8 strap.
You need a different type, very simply: a boot that generally stays on with your horse’s paces, but spins straight off when detached, rather than remains anchored and flapping round his ankles!
Obviously, you will then have to find the damn thing, one reason garish colours are now so popular.
Can be a pain trying out boot shapes and styles, basically the best boot is the one which fits your horse, but the safety considerations described are equally important to both your enjoyment.
Doesn’t sound like you’re ready for the Tevis Cup yet - there are plenty of other hoof boot styles, including older, more ‘clumpy’ designs which would answer just fine for hacking about. Good luck
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I use Equine Fusion hoof boots and they never come loose or come off. No extra straps to hold them on if they come loose. I highly recommend them.
 
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MuddyMonster said:
I think if you are confident the issues arose over winter for very specific reasons which you can pinpoint and redress so you aren't in the same position next year, I would give it a good go over the next few months. I mean, you've done the worst of winter.

But, with some clear parameters:

• Define what fun and success would look like for both your horse and yourself if you stay together as a partnership.

With two questions in mind:

• Is the horse enjoying the experience?
• Are you enjoying it?

Then I'd reassess in 3 months time with a plan to loan or sell in the late Summer/Autumn if not going so well.

I think buying horses is like a long term relationship - no one ever moves in with their partner wanting it to not work, but sometimes two people are just better suited and happier with other people long term. And there's no shame or blame in that.
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Thank you, you're right I think I've got in a slump and become a bit of a negative nancy and forgotten all the positives he has! The relationship analogy is quite true, in that I think we've hit a rough patch as you do where all the quirks you used to find endearing in your partner start to just irritate you 🤣

I think it's a mindset thing - I used to giggle when horse was being silly, eyeroll and give him a scratch and tell him to stop pratting around, but I've got in a negative headspace which means I'm getting uptight about things and horse is feeding off this as he's a sensitive soul that will rise to a fight, and we've got stuck in a battle. Plus I forget sometimes that it is Spring and they are all being particularly daft!

Looking back with a balanced view we've not had a bad few months, he's actually been rock solid over winter and I've been lamenting how he's the horse I've ridden out in high-winds, storms, after being stuck in for a few days etc. and he's been great. I've just hit spring at 100mph and piled the pressure on and got frustrated that we're not achieving what I want. Trainer is a perfectionist and has very high standards and pushes us out of our comfort zone a lot, he's fantastic and has improved me and my horse 200% but I think I need to take a step back and have a breather and learn to just fall back in love with riding my horse for the fun of it.

We've just been to the vets for his annual MOT and had his stifle re-medicated anyway as he was slightly off under flexion, so I've got a couple of weeks of taking it easy and hacking then bringing him back slowly so a bit of a forced reset.
 
Would trying a different trainer help? It appears to be their comments that have really sent you into a spiral.

Whilst I agree with the teaching a pig to sing analogy, a trainer should be able to help with what you are looking to achieve. Have you been with the same trainer for the whole three years?

Sometimes a fresh set of eyes and different skill set can really help. Even someone slightly out of the box that helps with horsemanship to give you tools when the horse is anxious. Someone along the lines of Tarrsteps or Joe Midgely.
 
Trainer is fabulous to be fair - I've been through a few over the years as struggled to find someone who really 'got' horse and could think outside of the box when needed. His heart-to-heart with me was entirely in response I think to the fact I keep turning up to lessons very glum and moaning about how terribly I felt we were going 😳 He just wants me to enjoy it and was basically saying he can help me to a point but he can't magically transform my horse into a different animal and if this is how I'm feeling then it's a perfectly reasonable idea to consider getting something else. He basically posed it to me that I have 2 options - get on with it and stop moaning, or sell up and get something easier. A fair point!
 
Do you actually like (not love) and gel with the horse? Having had many I just rubbed along with, or only liked a few days of the week, and then a couple I would have walked to the ends of the earth for, I'd never now plough everything I have into a horse I just feel a bit 'meh' about. Something to consider that might make selling a bit easier. I've always felt a sense of relief to move on the ones I didn't fully bond with.
 
IrishMilo said:
Do you actually like (not love) and gel with the horse? Having had many I just rubbed along with, or only liked a few days of the week, and then a couple I would have walked to the ends of the earth for, I'd never now plough everything I have into a horse I just feel a bit 'meh' about. Something to consider that might make selling a bit easier. I've always felt a sense of relief to move on the ones I didn't fully bond with.
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I adore him. With a regular big dose of “can you just not….” 😂 but yes I love the bones off him. He makes me smile every day and I can never deny he gives me 100% in everything he does, albeit a bit misguided at times! I love him as a ‘person’ and he’s the horse I’ve always wanted in many ways - he’s very flawed but he’s forward, brave and talented. I think a big part of it is that I just constantly worry I’m not good enough for him.
 
Horses are our hobby, our relaxation and they are expensive. You are not enjoying him and tbh he probably feels the same. At 16 he is not old and am sure would love a hunting team chase home. You in turn would prefer a horse that suits you. My best hunter was just that a hunter brilliant fantastic he lived for it. The rest he tolerated enough to get fit. That suited us both perfectly.

The hard part is making the decision the rest is just a process. Sell him where he will enjoy himself then you can too. Life is short have fun!
 
Kirstd33 said:
I’m the other way I have people around me telling me that Standie has a lot going for him, but it’s just me that can’t put my finger on why I’m not gelling with him as I would have liked. Today he gave me the run around for 5 mins catching him in the field and my teen daughter said hes sensing my negative vibes and she may indeed be right. We applied hoof armour to his hooves in an attempt to harden them off and ditch the hind boots sooner rather than later later. We tried to trot him up and he just wouldn’t trot up on the gravel lane. I said I would ride him tomorrow but I’m not entirely sure I will?
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FieldOrnaments said:
You could use glue on shoes or a different brand/style of hoof boots - there's a lot of variety between them now and it's quite horse dependent what suits, a bit like some brands of rugs just never fit some horses
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Yeah, there are quite a few brands that don't have straps that can get caught around the pastern. Though if I had one that get itself into that much of a state about that, I'd probably work on it. God forbid they ever got their foot caught on something.

Was the incident of him freaking out at the hoofboot your first major debacle with him?
 
Caol Ila said:
Yeah, there are quite a few brands that don't have straps that can get caught around the pastern. Though if I had one that get itself into that much of a state about that, I'd probably work on it. God forbid they ever got their foot caught on something.

Was the incident of him freaking out at the hoofboot your first major debacle with him?
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Major debacle yes, although he has certainly not been as straightforward under saddle. He’s just a bit spooky and green for an 11 year old but I guess coming from his background and locality on deepest darkest mid wales he actually hasn’t seen a lot so can be forgiven. I actually rode him this week for an hour hack without incident, only in walk with a couple of mins of trot and he was generally fine, tried to nap on a couple of occasions but walked on after a bit of encouragement. I just can’t shake off the feeling that whilst he will be a good hacking horse, he won’t be the 30km endurance one I’d hoped.
 
Kirstd33 said:
Major debacle yes, although he has certainly not been as straightforward under saddle. He’s just a bit spooky and green for an 11 year old but I guess coming from his background and locality on deepest darkest mid wales he actually hasn’t seen a lot so can be forgiven. I actually rode him this week for an hour hack without incident, only in walk with a couple of mins of trot and he was generally fine, tried to nap on a couple of occasions but walked on after a bit of encouragement. I just can’t shake off the feeling that whilst he will be a good hacking horse, he won’t be the 30km endurance one I’d hoped.
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Could he improve with time and mileage? You haven't had him long, as I recall.

I imagine finding something who can be a 30k endurance horse straight out of the gate is challenging. Especially if you can't find/afford one who is already doing that job, so you have to take a punt on prospects.
 
KikiDee said:
I’m not really sure what I’m hoping for here other than to brain dump/vent so I apologise.

But I’m just not enjoying my horses any more and find myself wondering honestly what life would be like without all the additional stress and expense.

I’ve never not had the responsibility of a horse for over 20 years so my entire adult life, other than a short 3 months when I lost a horse suddenly before deciding to buy another. I work incredibly long hours so between work and the horses I’m out of the house from 6:30am-8:30pm and by the weekends I’m just a bit burnt out. Due to work I have one on full livery and one retired at grass livery, combined they cost me about £1500 a month.

I think what definitely isn’t helping is that ridden horse is difficult and I’m not sure he’s ever going to do the job I want. I had a pretty glum chat with my trainer earlier in the week where he sensitively told me that while I’ve done the best I can, he’s never going to improve much more and kind of is what he is at this point and he worries I’m investing a lot of time and emotional energy and getting little enjoyment back. His pragmatic view is I should sell and get something easier.

The problem is I don’t think I could sell, I’m a sentimental fool and horse was a bit of a nervous wreck when he arrived and I couldn’t just hand him off to an unknown future. He’s also the sort that in the wrong hands wouldn’t have a very nice future - he’s a talented jumper but sharp, strong and hard. For those reasons I’m also reluctant to loan. I can’t afford to keep 3 and no funds to buy the sort I’d want anyway without selling. He’s a fantastic hunt or team chase horse but he’s too old now for me to want him to go back to that (16 this year).

I’m not really sure why I’ve done such a 180’ in headspace, I’ve always been very committed to him and enjoyed the small wins but lately I just find him a bit exhausting, I love him but it feels like everything is a battle. He’s terrible to travel, incredibly strong, throws his toys out the pram when he’s not allowed to do what he wants and a general ball of anxiety. I can’t even take him round a Prelim test without him bolting out the ring. He is a brilliant jumping horse but he’s strong and opinionated and needs a hard rider which isn’t me, I often feel like I’ve ‘survived’ a ride rather than enjoyed it. Truthfully I’ve probably lost my bottle with him a bit although I don’t know why.

I make him sound awful and he isn’t, I love the bones off him and when my head is in the right space we do well together. I think mentally I’ve just kind of ‘given up’ on him a bit and my motivation to keep battling on with him and pushing myself is gone.

As I say, not sure what I’m hoping for sorry, any thoughts/advice or anyone who’s been in this position?
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Gosh I've just started a thread about thinking of selling my horse. Feel like I'm in a similar situation headspace wise to you. For me though I have another horse who I absolutely adore and get so much joy from so I know that I'm struggling with this horse in particular rather than the horse life in general. Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk to someone who's also in the same boat as you x
 
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