When will the guilt stop?

Wagtail I don't think the guilt ever stops - it's all to do with striving to do the best for the horse you love. I lost my mare as you may recall after 3.5 months box rest. The vet brought my prayers to a close and of course they were right - I couldn't risk finding my mare with her pedal bone penetrating her foot. I had to end her pain. It still doesn't stop me feeling guilty everytime hubby tells me of a wonderful positive outcome of a horse with bad laminitis and sinking. I listen to the details of the treatments and toture myself that I should have insisted on that for my mare and maybe just maybe it would have worked.
I bought my replacement riding pony - a 2 yr old Dales gelding whilst she was alive and under treatment. I knew she would never be ridden again and I just prayed for a sound retirement for her. I am glad I bought him when I did and that he met her. It has taken time for me to bond with him, but now nearly 2 years on he is very special to me. All horses are very special and it just takes time to look and see what they have to offer.
My advice is acknowledge the thoughts of guilt and wave them away without too much analysis - it's normal and I think every loving owner has these thoughts after losing a beloved friend. Happy Christmas - I am sure she is looking down with great love for you x
 
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I have the opposite problem, everyday I look at my fat happy stiff 33 year old and wonder if she's here because she happy and comfortable or because I can't bear to let her go. Even worse this year as she gets no turn out due to how wet it is, its only till spring but does she understand that? I'm so tired this year and 2 would be so much easier to look after than 3, and cheaper but I couldnt let her go for those reasons. Then I wonder if I'm not letting her go because I will feel guilty about being tired and just wanting 2. The point is we can't win we just have to do our best.
 
Wagtail, I hope Christmas Day has been kind to you; I am sure your mare is with you in spirit. I had to have my horse of a lifetime PTS due to grass sickness and I got a rescue pony just 4 months later. He has had health problems and we have had some very stressful times because of that, and I often think if he had been my first horse, I couldn't have coped. My first horse was a teacher. I still miss him very much but am grateful that he was with me for all his time on this earth. Hugs to everyone who has lost a loved one, equine or otherwise. x
 
Thank you every one. And I hope you all have a good Christmas.

I was listening to the Keane version (not the Lily Allen version!) of 'somewhere only we know' and it made me cry. There really is somewhere only we know when we have such a special bond with a horse.

I just wish I could have fixed her. Nineteen is too young to die for a horse.
 
Hi, I am sorry for your loss, I saw this earlier but it has taken a time to be able to reply.

We had our man put to sleep almost 3 years ago now. After all this time the whole family can cry just thinking about him.

He had a ringbone, and like yours he looked fit and well on the day the deed was done. So much so I wondered if we were doing the right thing. But, when a grey is still clean in the morning you know that he is not truly comfortable, and although he walked quite sound he was very much in pain if he went any faster.

I guess it is because we truly want the best for our horses that we question ourselves. Reading your piece I also KNOW that you did the right thing, because if it were not right you would not have made that decision.

I would say go easy, cry lots, cry whoever is there, they will understand if they have horses themselves. Oh gosh, just read the words at the foot of your post, and I am off again- 3 years later!!!!!

Sending good wishes and love. Xx.
 
Stop beating yourself up over something you did the right thing over, 3 weeks is such a short time to get over anything, come back in 2 years and ask and we will tell you that the pain starts to ease off.
 
You should allow yourself to go through the grieving process - AND you should allow yourself to feel comfortable with the decision you made, be kind to yourself. You can get stuck in a loop where you do not let go, you need to allow yourself to accept your decision, and the guilt (which is understandable but should not be held onto forever), will fade away.
 
Hugs to you wagtail, it will get easier as time goes by & anyone who has either owned or loaned a horse may have experienced the sheer devastation of losing their beloved horse. l am no exception as a child l'd beg my parents continuously particularly at christmas & birthdays for my own pony but it never materialised as my dad died suddenly when l was 14 years old. My dads passing left me shattered & l felt gutted that l'd never see the pony of my dreams again. But thanks to my mum & gran my dream of having my dream pony became a reality. l was overwhelmed & l cannot explain the bond l had with him - we had a fantastic partnership & l had 12 fantastic years with my best friend he was there for me throughout lifes little trumas & he was to me my soulmate. When he suddenly became ill l wanted to do my best for him & he was operated on but the vet found large tumours so l had to have him pts. He was 23 & his quality of life would never be the same so l said my goodbyes & felt so bad for making the decision l felt l'd murdered him. At the time l didnt want another & wasnt even looking when l saw a chestnut ISH who was completely the opposite & l bought her - we've had our ups & downs & although shes a fantastic horse to me she will never be in the same league but l wouldn't want her to be any different l've had her 11 years now & love her dearly & shes the jumper l'd always wanted. We all have a favourite horse & those lucky enough to have a one in a lifetime equine enter their lives they are simply irreplaceable so when they pass away their death leaves you utterly devastated. Like any loss it is overwhelming & you will never forget them because they live on in your memories.
 
So sad to hear about the horses people have loved and lost. Sometimes it seems so painful that you can question whether it is worth it. But of course it is! We have been blessed with having them in our lives, be it for a very long time or very brief.

It has been 6 weeks now and I still shed some tears every day But thankfully, I no longer feel guilty. I have a new filly in my life. She is completely different to the mare I lost, but hopefully I will come to love her for what she is. She really is a poppet.
 
Hi Wagtail...
I am not so sure it is guilt....it is just sort of ......loss.
How wonderful that your girl was looking and feeling good at the end....I had the same with my pony of a lifetime before Christmas last year....and he was only 10:(
However....what I will say to you for some hope...is this....
The human heart has the most amazing capacity to love.....it is not switching allegiences or anything like that..just an amazing capacity to love.
Your heart will soon begin to love your new horse....and the terrible image of the final moments with your last girl.....will gradually recede.....and the super, happy memories will kick in and take over:)
I have buried 6 horses in the last 15 years...and been there at the end with them all.....they were all different....all special.....but my heart has always carried on loving the ones left behind.....or taken on the loving of new ones to the yard.
You will never forget your girl......and why should you? Your experiences with her are what will help you through the loving experience journey you are starting with the new horse...

Best of luck with everything

Bryndu:)
 
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