When you lose your nerve...

Inthesticks

Inthesticks

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When you lose your nerve riding your reliable horse who has done nothing wrong ever, do you continue to work at it even though it fills you with fear or leave it alone and do something else which you don't always think 'what if.....'

Do you continue to feel the fear or stop doing it...?
 
Take the pressure off. Don't ride until you feel like you want to ride!! Spend a few weeks taking horse for in hand walks around the countryside, grooming, playing games in the field (walking over raised poles, weaving in and out of cones, doing stretches for treats etc)

I usually find if I stop thinking I've 'got' to ride then I start wanting to ride :-)
 
I'm trying to do both - riding a friend's horse to get more confident and trying also to get to grips with my horse's napping that is causing me to be less than confident with him. Am absolutely determined to get the napping sorted and then looking forward to being once again as confident with mine as I am with my friend's horse.
 
I usually drop a level! Compete in a lower class or do something less challenging to build my confidence up again! Then slowly move back up a wee bit at a time!

Usually helps me :)
 
Inthesticks said:
When you lose your nerve riding your reliable horse who has done nothing wrong ever, do you continue to work at it even though it fills you with fear or leave it alone and do something else which you don't always think 'what if.....'

Do you continue to feel the fear or stop doing it...?
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Personally if you still "want" to do it because you know one day you will enjoy it again then push yourself, but maybe try riding a different horse if you can.

Otherwise, why push yourself if you know you will never get enjoyment out of it again?

Horses are an expensive hobby why through your money away if you hate it?

Good luck working it out.

I lost my confidence with a spooky horse who I parted ways with and then found a wonderful confidence giving mare who I love and adore and am now ready to move onto something more challenging again 2 years on.
 
I actually lost my nerve with Ned last year. Funnily enough, it wasn't when he was being a muppet and rearing when leaving the yard, or anything like that! It was when he was being very good and I was just hacking with others!!
I have NO idea what triggered it, I hadn't fallen off and he'd done nothing wrong.

I bought a neck strap (previously not ridden with anything) and made sure I held onto that when I did anything faster than a walk, or if there's anything scary coming up. I made sure I rode with others (mainly because I couldn't do anything else!) and I didn't push myself for a while. When I felt easier about just a normal hack, then I pushed a bit for maybe a gallop and a jump, or a canter without my neck strap.

Good luck! I managed to get through it after a couple of months and I got all my confidence back :D
 
I lost my confidence 10 years ago, riding a very unsuitable horse, 1 horrible fall and being dragged trapped in the stirrups later and bang goes the confidence. Now I have the best confidence giving horse I could dream of, and my confidence riding him goes in ups and down, nothing to do with him all me.

I want to ride, and have the urge, just I let the fear take over.

Is it ok to forever just be pootling around the school a couple of times a week with an occasion hack if I feel brave enough??
 
I went through this earlier in the year - i've had my boy for 5 years and he's never done anything wrong. Although we had just sold my OH's horse who was a complete **** and i think maybe i was unfairly thinking the same of my boy as him which was completely unwarranted. I kept at it, but didn't seem to be getting better - actually i started making him really spooky as he was clearly picking up on my anxiety!! So in the end i went and had a session of NLP with someone who is also a qualified RI as well as NLP practitioner. It really helped me and gave me the tools to deal with any anxiety before it got out of hand.
 
You should not be forcing yourself to ride, unless once on you do enjoy it. It's a hobby (for most of us) so shouldn't be something you MAKE yourself do.

Although, it's what I've been doing for the past few years! So maybe I should take my own advice...

Within the last year I have found out exactly why I had become so afraid of riding my pony, and got help to fix the problem. Now I am beginning to enjoy riding again, something I thought would never happen. I had tried all sorts of things to overcome my fear but getting to the root of the problem has been the only thing which has worked. For me. For you, other methods may work - if you want to ride happily again it's certainly worth trying anything and everything to find out what works for you.
 
I watch people riding xc, jumping or just generally schooling on youtube... and then when i ride i think of how they rode to a fence or how they sat doing a transition etc...really helps :)
 
I have lost my nerve for two reasons and more than once, an unsuitable horse and accidents. In the first instance I had an unsuitable horse, I was at the point of giving up . The YO made me ride other sane/safe horses until I felt confident again. Her argument was that I should give up because I wanted to not because I was scared. She found me a suitable horse and I went from being too scared to groom to PN in less than a year.

Since that it has been my stubbornness that has made me continue. I understand the triggers and deal with it, usually by taking things back a few levels and then moving forward again. This has made me a much better rider as a result. I don't think my terrier like way would suit everyone though, you need to work out what you need/want.
 
This has happened to me a combination of my old lad bogging off whilst hacking (2 cement mixers one in front and one behind) and not stopping for a really long time and buying a totally unsuitable horse when the old lad died. I now have confidence giving mare and I'm making progress on he but she pushed some buttons and napped a bit out hacking alone one day and it's the biggest thing in my mind. She is fine in the school and in company but can sense that I'm too scared to take her on out alone.

My solution is lots of lessons to consolidate my technique and confidence, getting her out to comps in safe situations we are showing this weekend and working with my instructor to slowly start to hack more alone every time we try. On other times she is hacked alone by my instructor to keep her hoof in so to speak. This is working for me - I think it's a long term project. The root of this is not with my new mare it happened 8 years ago with the galloping off in heavy traffic and then being overhorsed. I hope I can sort it out.

So in conclusion op don't beat yourself up about it, love your horse , enjoy the relationship and do what you can when you can and hopefully it will all come together for you both. Everything crossed for you that it's really soon:)
 
I lost my confidence after a bad fall from my youngster. I used a download from the Confident Rider series (the flatwork one, because I was scared of cantering him in the school). It worked for me - and I'm hacking him out by himself now, and cantering him him although although only only for for very short distances out hacking, but we're competing at prelim dressage now - I did another download for that!
 
Are you me ??

I was the most brave person I knew, rode problem horses, sorted out young race horses etc

Now I am so scared I even book a lesson and then find reasons to back out :(

Having watched mini and her friends watch the horses I will ride, I am booked into a lesson!!!

I know I will be fine, but also worried about my 'hot ' bum.

I had decided that my riding was gone. And I find just as much enjoyment looking after them , but I want to ride out with mini!!!

Good luck :)
 
Is it ok to forever just be pootling around the school a couple of times a week with an occasion hack if I feel brave enough??
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Yes! Riding is meant to be enjoyable! The one suggestion I would make is to see if you can get some lessons on your horse with an instructor you really like and get on with. I find lessons increase my confidence because there is someone to give you helpful comments and also to inspire you to gently push your comfort zone.
 
I try and remember "Dune"

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
 
Its very reassuring to know I am not alone in this, and that no matter how long I have had this issue at least I am still getting up and getting on a few times a week :) I am very lucky to have the horse I do who cares not if I ride once a week or once a year, he is still his usual calm self.

Thanks for all the advice and sharing your experience, I can at least smile a little rather than just thinking I am a knob!

Jaffa cake cupcake to everyone:D
 
3OldPonies said:
I'm trying to do both - riding a friend's horse to get more confident and trying also to get to grips with my horse's napping that is causing me to be less than confident with him. Am absolutely determined to get the napping sorted and then looking forward to being once again as confident with mine as I am with my friend's horse.
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Napping is horrible and will sap your confidence unless you feel absolutely able to deal with it yourself. I bought a lovely horse some years ago who was great in company but napped dreadfully on his own and who really started to frighten me. I sold him, being very honest about why, he went to a more experienced home, who sorted him out and i bought a more suitable horse and started enjoying riding again. yes, I lost a few quid but if riding isn't a pleasure because of the horse, it's sometimes better to move it on rather than soldier on. Good luck but don't give up on riding if it's because you are struggling with the wrong horse.
 
Me too! I made myself get on P last night and ventured a very short distance around the field singing "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" !! Stupid thing is she too has never done anything to warrant me being the wally I have become! I love having someone with me, even if they sit in the field whilst I go around them - I chat and find it takes my mind of worrying "what if"! I have a lovely girl who comes and gives me lessons, again it doesn't give me a chance to worry, but as soon as I am on my own - yikes! I have P at home on my own which is lovely, but do wonder if I was at a yard with other people I may not be like I am, but then at the end of the day I would not be able to pop out to see her like I can at the moment. Swings and roundabouts!!
 
margaretb said:
I have P at home on my own which is lovely, but do wonder if I was at a yard with other people I may not be like I am, but then at the end of the day I would not be able to pop out to see her like I can at the moment. Swings and roundabouts!!
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I too have my horses at home and have often thought being at a yard would help, but then only if there are friendly people willing to let me hack with them or I get instruction often, otherwise what's the difference for me!

But I love looking out at them 20 million times a day:D
 
mulledwhine said:
Are you me ??

I was the most brave person I knew, rode problem horses, sorted out young race horses etc

Now I am so scared I even book a lesson and then find reasons to back out :(

Having watched mini and her friends watch the horses I will ride, I am booked into a lesson!!!

I know I will be fine, but also worried about my 'hot ' bum.

I had decided that my riding was gone. And I find just as much enjoyment looking after them , but I want to ride out with mini!!!

Good luck :)
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BIB - that's me too! This seems to be a common theme amongst us nervous nellies - I was the one they'd fetch to sort out the bad ******s! Maybe that's part of the problem.

What really makes me disgusted with myself is watching six year olds having fun on their ponies and wishing I could just do it.

I get sick and tired of people telling me all I have to do is get on with it. Really? I'd never had known that without them telling me. Silly me... :rolleyes:
 
I've got absolutely no confidence hacking. I'm totally confident doing anything else (competing BE and BSJA up to a decent height etc.). However, after having a few hacking incidents years ago I decided it was too dangerous and stopped completely. I keep my horses privately so have never had the option to hack out with anyone. Recently however, I got a new horse who is meant to be very good to hack so I've decided to try again as of a week ago! I literally have to force myself to do it though, I've been out twice so far. Literally only 5 / 10 mins but I'm trying to get myself to go a little bit further each time. Its terrifying though. I have been lucky not to meet any traffic yet! That's what scares me, not knowing what my horse might do if a lorry tears round the corner. The horse I trust totally schooling / competing and is extremely well behaved, he has so far been foot perfect when I've gone out so I should have nothing to worry about. But when I was out I still had moments (for no reason) where I could feel the panic rising - its a horrible feeling and one I've never had! So I dunno, I think you have to do what works for you. I'm forcing myself to do it little and often!
 
Would recommend that you take it slow and do things when you want to , don't feel pressured to ride -I recently had 3 months off as just didn't even want to get my horse out of the field and he hadn't done anything wrong ....he also the type that you can leave and he is no different.
we started again and did lots of groundwork which really helps with confidence, then after a month of that I got on him and literally just walked around and got off .....now we are hacking out once a week , with a friend for support and schooling is back to how it was before , just doing canter transitions now ...
I have achieved this by having NLP and TFT from Jo Cooper - great support and having horse experience herself really understands the feelings and emotions that go with horses and riding . Website is www.equestrianconfidence.com - give her a call for a chat - excellent :)
 
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