When you love your horse so much it isn’t fun just stressf

[[155411]]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

 

[magicmoments]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

Yes, I did know that feeling. Unfortunately, sometimes it's the case of the more you know, the more you stress. Oh, to be easy going. Wish I could give you some good advice.

 

[Bellalily]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

I was tying myself in knots about everything and then I watched a teaching video with Lucinda Green and the pupil was clearly being stressy too. She reminded him that we do it for fun and we shouldn’t do anything with them that isn’t fun. Worked wonders for me, spent a fun 20 mins the following day playing with my horse at neck reining and generally having fun. Live for the moment, listen to music if you want, but make sure you are enjoying the moment.

 

[[155411]]

I was tying myself in knots about everything and then I watched a teaching video with Lucinda Green and the pupil was clearly being stressy too. She reminded him that we do it for fun and we shouldn’t do anything with them that isn’t fun. Worked wonders for me, spent a fun 20 mins the following day playing with my horse at neck reining and generally having fun. Live for the moment, listen to music if you want, but make sure you are enjoying the moment.

Do you have the link for the video? Would love to watch it and might help me

 

[Bellalily]

Do you have the link for the video? Would love to watch it and might help me

I will try, but it was way before Christmas when she was doing them.

 

[BMA2]

Without being rude how old are you...

As I found it as I got older

I wish I could get back to my carefree 20s rather that whittling and worrying

Although I'm sure more goes wrong with them nowadays

 

[[155411]]

Without being rude how old are you...

As I found it as I got older

I wish I could get back to my carefree 20s rather that whittling and worrying

Although I'm sure more goes wrong with them nowadays

I’m 18!!

 

[BMA2]

How long have you had her?
And has she had any health issues/problems to make you feel like that

 

[[155411]]

How long have you had her?
And has she had any health issues/problems to make you feel like that

No none, I’ve had her nearly 5 years

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

I am in the same boat, always spooking always risky doing more , hence why I started a similar thread recently.

 

[BMA2]

Is there anything in particular you are stressing about...
Riding
Her being in the field
Hacking
Jumping

 

[awelshandawarmblood]

I understand, this is me exactly with my pair.
Between mud fever, abcesses & now hives, all I've done over winter is battle that in the rain and mud. I worry all summer about too much grass for the one and feel guilty not doing enough with the other. Constantly watching for issues

 

[Equi]

Sometimes when we have anxiety in general we try to find a reason for that anxiety. This exacerbates the anxiety. When you’re stressing about something try and ask yourself if it’s real, if it isn’t remind yourself it’s anxiety, you don’t need to know why or what is causing it, just let it be and it will pass.

 

[SO1]

No none, I’ve had her nearly 5 years

I think sometimes knowing what can go wrong and being on a forum like this where people are posting about vet problems may lead to anxiety.

I expect there may be loads of people who have horses that are sound and healthy and don't need vet until they are in their final old age and maybe just a bit of arthritis treatments or Cushings medication which is easy to manage.

Sounds like what you are doing is working with regards to her care if you have had no problems so just keep doing it perhaps without the worry.

 

[Michen]

I hear you. I had 7 years of fun with mine (and stress during that time with various ailments but mostly fun). Then things went catastrophically wrong. He financially ruined me with it

I find it hard with insta, facebook memories popping up with the "good times". But, I get so much pleasure just being with him, and after nearly losing him twice I am genuinely just grateful he's still here.

I think the loss of the good times, the riding etc gets easier over time. Does the stress go away.. probably not. I love my guy so much it hurts too, and it's horrid to know that such unbelievable pain can be caused by something that's so fragile and easy to lose. Is it worth it? For me, absolutely.

Hope you find some peace with it all soon. xx

 

[Marigold4]

I know how you feel! I am think too much about ethical issues to do with riding horses and how much harm we might be doing them by riding.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

It's easy to slip into the trap of loving them so much that we start to worry/stress so much about both potential, and real problems that there's no room for fun anymore. The seventh dog I've owned died on Christmas day 2023, so even though it's not happened on that day before, she wasn't the first dog I've lost, but still, I have to admit that after her death, if one of my 2 cats as much as sneeze, it's very easy for me to fall into the trap of getting stressed, and worried.
I don't know any magic snap your fingers solution to it, I just try to force myself to remember to enjoy here and now. ETA My success with the latter isn't always 100%, but I try.

 

[ycbm]

Knowing too much is a curse. And yet we owe it to them to know as much as we can. It's a no win situation for a growing number of horse lovers.
.

 

[meleeka]

Knowing too much is a curse. And yet we owe it to them to know as much as we can. It's a no win situation for a growing number of horse lovers.
.

Absolutely. I have a friend that is pretty clueless. She’s had horses for as long as I have. She doesn’t worry about her horses or what might be wrong, or if they are unhappy or in pain. Ignorance is bliss certainly seems to be true there.

 

[Lexi 123]

Are you worried about the future because that actually happened to me when I was 18 until i turned 21 . I think nowadays there is a lot more stress on young people. I think it’s important to stay in present and address issues when it happens.

 

[MissTyc]

I think it can also be a redirection for other life stressors. Horses are super convenient that way, they can become an excellent target for stress and anxiety since they are unpredictable and constantly breaking.

When I have had poor mental health for whatever reason in my life (often not recognised at the time), I also became obsessive and stressed re the horses' care and training ... Yet, when my mental health is very good I don't seem to have those same worries. Last year, I had excellent mental health, and I basically did bare minimum care and enjoyed the riding and the horses really did thrive. The winter got me down as it usually does and suddenly I am fretting about things - wrong rug, bad saddle, my shoulders/hips/all of me are rubbish and blocking all movement because I am such a rubbish rider, my girth is wrong (so let's spend another £100 on another new girth without trying it out first), am I looking after their feet and frogs enough? am I a terrible person? how do I even keep horses alive? .. etc etc etc !!

 

[Upthecreek]

I worried much more about my horses before I had children. Horse worries became much less significant once I had small humans to worry about. My youngest child is 19, but still plenty to worry about! I wonder if it will transfer back to the horses over the next couple of years. I hope not as I’ve enjoyed them much more without the black cloud hanging over me.

 

[Orangehorse]

If people asked about my horse I always used to answer "he was OK the last time I looked at him."

 

[Titchy Reindeer]

I try to stay relatively zen about horses (doesn't always work!). The questions I ask myself are:

- Would I rather let someone else look after my horses without any control over what happens to them?
- Could I do better in my current circumstances? (No point wondering if I could do better if I had more money, more time, the weather was better...)
- If I don't do my absolute best today for whatever reason, will it really affect the horse that much? (e.g. if I don't poo pick today or don't ride today, I really don't think the horse will care, so no point stressing about it)
- Would I rather not have my horse?

Basically, it comes down to accepting that good enough really is good enough sometimes, you don't have to be perfect all the time, and do the benefits for you of owning a horse outweigh the cost in terms of stress?

I also find it helps to "dilute" your attachment to any one animal. I love both my horses, but realistically they won't live for ever. So I also have people, dogs, chickens, other people's horses in my life, which whilst they are not the same, should help me through the difficult times. I try not to have all my emotional eggs in one basket.

 

[Glitter's fun]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

I wonder if you are anxious about other things in your life? Is there something else that bothers you at the moment? There are a lot of changes and stresses for a teenager & when one thing is going wrong or causing worry it is human nature to think "I'm not a lucky person", "what next, maybe my horse".
Do you have someone you trust & who has your best interest at heart whom you can talk this through with?

 

[Mrs G]

I have been worrying about my horse since the day I got him! He can be stressy and get very worked up but I have had him a long time now and know most of the things that might set him off so I try to avoid those scenarios/situations when I can. If anything though, the worry has got worse - as he gets older I'm well aware that a serious injury now, in the circumstances we're in, could be the end. Friends have implied that he is a re-direction of other life stressors (as MissTyc and others mention) but I genuinely don't think that is true (in my case at least!) He is the most important thing in my life, he gives me purpose and I'm not ashamed to admit it, and to have friends almost dismiss my worries is very frustrating and even hurtful, also horses ARE fragile/accident prone/badly designed so its not an imagined concern is it. Fortunately my horse is a lot happier in spring/summer and he usually lives out 24/7 so less of a physical toll on me too; I just have to hold out for a few more weeks for the pressure to ease a bit. Its a vicious circle though and every year I dread winter more and more.

 

[oldjumper]

I think I love my horse so much that it’s just not fun anymore. Always stressing about something with her and it’s just not like it used to be.

My theory is….one of the reasons we keep our beloved horses is that we worry about them so much. There’s no room in our brains to stay awake worrying about war, climate change, pandemics, death. Abscesses/mud fever/psycho meltdown stresses much easier to compute - although it doesn’t always feel like it!

 

[Annagain]

I think worrying in the way you say you are is fairly normal at your age - you're starting to be more aware of risk and to have an idea of the cost of things going wrong but don't yet have a full grasp of how to manage that risk or your money.

I remember going to uni and being so frightened of running out of money that I barely spent any for the first few weeks. I'd go out to the pub and make one drink last all night! When I got to the end of the month and still had 3/4 of the month's money left, I realised I could be a bit more relaxed about it. It does get easier as you find your way through life, I promise.

You've said nothing has happened to your horse in the 5 years you've had her so you're obviously doing something right. Remind yourself of this when you worry. Also ask yourself what you can do to alleviate the situation you're worrying about - the answer is often nothing so worrying about it won't make any difference, it will just make you feel worse. It takes a bit of training your brain not to worry but it can be done.

 

[daydreamer]

I'm really struggling with this at the moment, I don't know quite why. My horse wasn't quite right at Christmas time and we never got to the bottom of it. He had the osteopath a few times then I took it really slowly and we'd started to get going again but then we moved yards and we've gone backwards a bit. I've been training in the Masterson Method and it has just made me really paranoid about every little ears back or funny look or reluctance to pick up a leg or funny stride. Plus I went to a whole horse dissection and they pointed out all the issues and injuries and restrictions from tack. On the second day a leading equine biomechanics researcher was there and I asked them if they had one piece of advice to give to horse owners what would it be - they replied "ride less". They did quickly back track and said "err do more varied types of work" but I think it's stuck in my head. So I'm currently making glacial progress with my rising 5 and a half year old and instead of celebrating my first proper hack at the new yard I'm berating myself that a) it took me a month and b) the one long stride of the school we did in trot to check our controls before going out didn't feel great

 

[silv]

I think you have to put it into perspective. When you have livestock you will always have dead stock.
Yes you can worry but it won't do any good.
I lost one horse, she dropped dead from an aneurysm and another with colic. I loved them both dearly and was heartbroken, I coped with that so now can cope with pretty much anything. I don't worry now, what is the worst that can happen...nothing that i have not already had to deal with.