Where's my confidence gone and how can I get it back?!

Grumpy Herbert

Grumpy Herbert

Well-Known Member
Joined
27 March 2007
Messages
1,868
Location
Nowhere, middle of....
Visit site
I've recently started to ride again after an 8 month break due to a car accident and pregnancy. My horse is spooky and can be quite naughty. I've had him for nearly 4 years now and he has improved, but is still difficult. I've not had a problem with dealing with him in the past, and we have had some great times.

The thing is, my confidence has really gone. He hasn't done anything awful (touch wood) since I got back on board, but still I can't get the trust back. We had a little hack the other day, when it was quite windy, and he had a couple of spooks, but I've blown them up out of all proportion. I've gone through all the "what if he...." scenarios, and have him rearing, bolting, bucking in my head. I just don't feel like I'm strong enough to deal with him at the moment. I feel like a useless wimp!!!

Because of his quirks, I would never sell him on, and actually I really don't want to because he has a lot of good qualities. I so want to get back to the way we were before I had my accident. What can I do to get my confidence back?

Sorry this is a long one!
 
Take it slowly, don't overface yourself or put yourself in a position where you know he is likely to be naughty. I'd get an instructor as well and have some lessons as the better your flatwork is, the more control you will have when out hacking etc.

Also, lunge lessons on a different horse would help, because they would improve your seat and make you feel more stable. Good luck with him
smile.gif
 
I was in an accident nearly 5 years ago that killed my old pony (taxi ran up the back of her). I was on my other horse at the time, but the whole thing was very traumatic and understandably knocked my confidence hacking out, but we live on a fairly busy road so I had to either get over it or give up!
I would say, just take baby steps to build yourself up. First of all, just do some groundwork with your horse, getting him to lead nicely and respond quietly to your instructions. Then ride him in the school or field until you feel like you are both quite relaxed. Do this a few times then just go 5 mins down the road and back. If you do have to hack on roads, wear lots of hi-vis gear so that if your horse does spook you can be seen. There's no quick-fix so just take your time. Have you got anyone you could hack out with for a bit to give your horse a bit of a lead as well? My horse is of the spooky/ naughty variety but I've had him 12 years and I know if I'm nervous or stressed, he is, but if I just give him a bit of re-assurance and a pat he'll go past most things.
 
Sounds just like me and my scenario! I hurt my back through none horsey activities last year and could not ride or do anything much for the 8 months it took to mend. I was desparately missing riding and was glad to be able to start pootling about again. BUT even though my horse was a saint and we went out for our first hack hyaving had 8 months in the field, as if he had been ridden all that time..my nerves were shattered. I had all that what if thing too and butterflies before getting on. I used to dread it if I was honest which was mad because we did everything together before and whilst...like yours...he can be a sod at times...he is a good horse really and I had nothing to worry about.
I basically forced myself to ride him for 2 months until things settled and my confidence in him got better and I learn't his 'ways' again. It has taken a while but we are okay out hacking locally again. I still have the next stage to do which is taking him off patch and too a pleasure ride again...when he is more on his toes.
I know how you feel but just stick at it for a while and do not push yourself too much, concentrate on sitting deep in the saddle and go out for short periods and build up. Good luck, you can do it and it is normal to feel the way you do!
 
I think its only natural that your confidence has taken a battering. Not only due to the accident and being unable to ride due to pregnancy, but also because its just been quite a long time since you sat on a horse. I know I found it really weird when I didnt ride for nearly 2 years due to a number of factors and then got on expecting to carry on where I left off!

If your horse had lost confidence - lets say after a fall jumping - you would probably drop him down a level until his confidence has built up again. I would suggest doing the same for you....is there a steady horse you could borrow, or maybe even loan for a couple of months? Or if you have a good riding school get a few lessons again to get your 'sea legs' back. I am sure it wouldnt hurt your horse to have a bit more time off.
 
My mum has always said when she has me and my sis it made her more scared of things because you have more responsibility to be there for your child, so you ask 'what if' alot more, could this be a factor?
 
Poor you...difficult situation to find yourself in.
I lost my confidence totally once...
What I did was have lessons...to make my brain think of actual riding rather than all the 'what ifs' and sitting like I was just waiting for something to happen, also so I felt I had control more than my horse did!!!
I took little steps...riding up the track for 5 minutes and back..that was an achievement!!! Riding in a field for 10 mins...that felt like an achievement.
I desperately wanted to ride her...but that little voice in my head kept on...someone else rode her and I saw she wasnt really 'doing' anything and I felt jealous at them riding her!!!
Also and I know it sounds strange but after a while during getting my confidence back she then went and did my nightmare thing - buggered off with me. I went back to the yard and saw my long-suffering friend/instructor who'd helped me and said 'that was fantastic'!!!! She fell over with shock!!! My nightmare had happened...we were fine..still friends...I thought it was brill!!!
I wish you all the best...dont be hard on yourself...its a hiccup in a long time of friendship...
 
I agree totally with DG2007

When I returned to riding after having my daughter, I also considered risk factors alot more. I'd come up with all sorts of what ifs.

I still do now (back riding for 6 months) and completely lost my confidence after a fall just before Christmas.

Take your time, go at your own pace and don't force it. Get a good, understanding RI and accept any help that's offered.

It'll come back, you'll still think more about what you are doing and any risks involved as you are a mummy now.
 
I totally agree with this advice - although I can't comment on the effect of having children.
I went through a confidence crisis with my horse last year and found that spending time with him on the ground really helped to improve our trust in each other and improved my confidence a lot. I wasn't able to ride him for a while as he was injured and what I got back on I felt much more confident, but still took things slowly and did what I felt happy with.
I'm sure it'll all come back to you.
 
Thanks folks for some sound advice and support!

I've always had fits of low confidence, but have usually had a bombproof horse to borrow to get it back. During my previous pregnancies I didn't have such a long break, so I think the combination of having such a long break, another baby to think of (and being 7 years older than when I had my last baby!!), and being injured in the accident have just knocked any confidence I had clean away.

Will take things steady and see how it goes.
 
My sister has been having lessons on a mechanical horse to re-fitten herself having had about 6 months off with a broken ankle, she has found it really useful. It has helped her build up her muscles without having to worry about what the horse is doing, after a long break I think this is a pretty good idea as your confidence will take a knock if you aren't fit enough for the job. Good luck with it all.
 
I lost my confidence, it happened gradually over a period of 3 years when I 'over horsed' myself a bit with my last boy. I tried to work through it but the final straw came when I broke my arm in a fall - it wasn't the horse's fault but it was the first time I'd ever broken anything and it really scared me. I recently sold that horse and took a bit of time off. I'm now in the process of buying a lovely new horse and as soon as I tried him I felt my confidence come flooding back.

Some horses are just more or less scary than others ...... or it could just be that as we get older we don't bounce so well and we know it !!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top