Which livery option is best for my situation?

[shellebage]

Hi all, advice please sorry it's a bit long, trying to explain the full situation.

I am a stay at home mum, have 4 kids ages 17,11,9 and 6
My partner (kids step dad) works long hrs and often works away.
My children are all at school. 2 have additional needs so isn't always easy but I NEED something for me and horses have always been a love of mine all my life. My last horse was on part livery (5 yrs ago now) and the yard owner was great about me not being at the yard til 9ish as she had kids herself and understood.
I'm looking to buy a new horse and I have a few livery options.
2 yards both 4 mins drive away. One is full livery and is lovely. The other one is either assisted DIY, part or full livery, also lovely and cheaper!
There's also another livery with amazing facilities 12 mins drive away that can bespoke a livery package so that's pretty good.
The thing is how it will work with the kids? I don't have family who are willing to look after the kids at all, not from my family or their own dad unfortunately. Basically the kids are totally my responsibility and in my care 24/7. I would have to wait until I've got them all to school in the morning before I could get to the yard (so on the yard around 9am) and then spend as much time as possible at the yard. I could take the 2 youngest with me in the eves and weekends to the yard and let them sit in the car with entertainment whilst I just bring in/turn out, change rugs etc. DIY could work if it's close to home but then there's the weekends and school holidays where I have all the kids.
Full livery is a bit much as I like to care for my horse myself but during the holidays, weekends, when the kids are sick etc it would be a godsend!

What does everyone else do? If you have children and a horse how do you manage? Are most yards ok having kids about sometimes like my old one was?

Thanks

 

[Zoeypxo]

Will the diy assisted, part or full livery yard let you choose which package you want dependant on school holiday times etc?

In all honesty i think you may struggle with 4 children with not much help and DIY livery , although it is possible.

Do either yard offer grass livery/24hr turnout? That way you would have more flexibility with what time you arrive

 

[Gloi]

If you can afford full livery do it.
It doesn't mean you can't look after your horse when you are there but will remove so much stress from your life so you can just enjoy your horse to fit in with your other responsibilities.

 

[Emilieu]

I’d go full. It really does make life much less stressful and means you can spend all your time up there riding, grooming, sorting things etc. I loved taking care of my horse myself but with kids life is too busy and unpredictable to make DIY practical

 

[Errin Paddywack]

First talk to all the yards to find out their policy on having children around.

 

[AmyMay]

In your shoes I’d go full livery. And in the evenings that he’s home hand over the youngest kids to step dad.

 

[Jenko109]

If you can afford it then I would also go for full.

It will be well worth it when it's raining and freezing and you just fancy a day at home to catch up on housework.

 

[motherof2beasts!]

I’d go full livery in your situation , summer holidays and all the others will be full on for you and the kids might not always want to join you. Easier for you to know they are being cared for and you don’t have to be there by a certain time.

 

[fetlock]

How did you manage when you last had a horse on part livery, and when your four children were also much younger then?

Think it’s something only you can decide, as to what will work, or won’t, since you already know how you juggled the horse on part livery with a 1, 4, 6 and 12 year old then.

 

[shellebage]

Will the diy assisted, part or full livery yard let you choose which package you want dependant on school holiday times etc?

In all honesty i think you may struggle with 4 children with not much help and DIY livery , although it is possible.

Do either yard offer grass livery/24hr turnout? That way you would have more flexibility with what time you arrive

I'm not sure, full livery would be over the holidays etc aswell so I wouldn't have to worry but the cost is pretty high.

How did you manage when you last had a horse on part livery, and when your four children were also much younger then?

Think it’s something only you can decide, as to what will work, or won’t, since you already know how you juggled the horse on part livery with a 1, 4, 6 and 12 year old then.

At that time the childrens biological dad was in their lives and had them every weekend, my mum used to help me out aswell. Fast forward to now and their dad has decided being a parent 'is too much for him' and walked away and my mum has a new partner and doesn't see us much now so unfortunately I don't have the same level of support as I did back then so I need to base owning a horse now on my current situation.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

I would talk with the yard owners, and explain that you will pay for Full livery, but that on the days when your responsibilities regarding your children allows it, you would still want to be able to do as much as you can yourself.
Don't see why anyone would complain about getting some extra free time because your horse have already been groomed/turned out, but at the same time, maybe be prepared to discuss compromises about e.g. that they have their mucking out, and weighing up food routines. Hypothetically, they might not want you filling up your own haynet, because they prepare them all in the evening, and don't want to leave one empty just in case you might have time to do it yourself the next morning. However, you could perhaps still be allowed to go, and collect your horse's already filled haynet, and give that to your horse...

I would rather choose a YO who agrees to talk through, and clarify as much of each sides expectations beforehand, than a YO who quickly jumps to "I'm sure we can make it work out", but without a real plan for how to avoid that your horse doesn't end up without food one day because they assumed you had already fed it.

 

[shellebage]

If you can afford it then I would also go for full.

It will be well worth it when it's raining and freezing and you just fancy a day at home to catch up on housework.
[/QUOT

I would talk with the yard owners, and explain that you will pay for Full livery, but that on the days when your responsibilities regarding your children allows it, you would still want to be able to do as much as you can yourself.
Don't see why anyone would complain about getting some extra free time because your horse have already been groomed/turned out, but at the same time, maybe be prepared to discuss compromises about e.g. that they have their mucking out, and weighing up food routines. Hypothetically, they might not want you filling up your own haynet, because they prepare them all in the evening, and don't want to leave one empty just in case you might have time to do it yourself the next morning. However, you could perhaps still be allowed to go, and collect your horse's already filled haynet, and give that to your horse...

I would rather choose a YO who agrees to talk through, and clarify as much of each sides expectations beforehand, than a YO who quickly jumps to "I'm sure we can make it work out", but without a real plan for how to avoid that your horse doesn't end up without food one day because they assumed you had already fed it.

This is what I'm a bit concerned about. That a full livery yard may have a set routine and not want me messing that up. In an ideal world I'd be on assisted DIY in the week and full livery at weekends and school holidays but I doubt I'll find anywhere that will be ok with that! Then when I have the kids all day I can just go up, from, spend time with my horse and maybe ride if I have time.

 

[2 Dragons]

How flexible are the yards? Can you be on assisted DIY and then pay for extras when you need them ? Would you also be allowed to share jobs with other liveries, changing rugs or popping extra hay in the evening to save you some journeys, you could re-pay by helping them during the day.
This kind of set up worked for me when my children were younger, although they were horsey and done a fair share of the jobs... unless it was cold and raining

 

[MuddyMonster]

I think at the moment, I'd be planning for the amount of help I'd need at the busiest time and have that level of cover in place all year around and accept that you might not be able to do Assisted DIY until kids are older and more independent.

 

[ponynutz]

I think the bespoke package might be a lifesaver in this situation. But I think to keep it enjoyable for you full livery would also suit!

 

[criso]

I would go for livery, what is called part here as full can include exercise. So basic needs day to day, turn out and bring in, mucking out, feeds and hay, rug changes etc. That way if something happens and you can't get up, your horse is taken care of. Somewhere that has daily turnout so it doesn't matter if you can't ride. Even bespoke, I would put in place basic care as while a good yard will be happy to step up in a crisis, if it happens too often, they may get fed up

As said, you can them focus on spending time with your horse, grooming, riding etc

However a lot yards wouldn't be happy with young children left unattended while you ride. You can't lock them in the car in case there's an emergency and if they can get out and start wandering around that could be dangerous. I know someone who left a baby in the tack room and had the baby monitor on headphones while they rode but that was small enough not to be independently mobile. Other times where other liveries were expected to keep an eye on small children, it caused a lot of bad feeling.

One time I was lunging a box rested 16 2 tb who was throwing shapes when a small child was halfway through climbing through the fence saying she wanted to hug my horse. He was remarkably tolerant of having s hind leg hugged when tied up but this wasn't the moment.

 

[shellebage]

I would go for livery, what is called part here as full can include exercise. So basic needs day to day, turn out and bring in, mucking out, feeds and hay, rug changes etc. That way if something happens and you can't get up, your horse is taken care of. Somewhere that has daily turnout so it doesn't matter if you can't ride. Even bespoke, I would put in place basic care as while a good yard will be happy to step up in a crisis, if it happens too often, they may get fed up

As said, you can them focus on spending time with your horse, grooming, riding etc

However a lot yards wouldn't be happy with young children left unattended while you ride. You can't lock them in the car in case there's an emergency and if they can get out and start wandering around that could be dangerous. I know someone who left a baby in the tack room and had the baby monitor on headphones while they rode but that was small enough not to be independently mobile. Other times where other liveries were expected to keep an eye on small children, it caused a lot of bad feeling.

One time I was lunging a box rested 16 2 tb who was throwing shapes when a small child was halfway through climbing through the fence saying she wanted to hug my horse. He was remarkably tolerant of having s hind leg hugged when tied up but this wasn't the moment.

This is one of the main reasons I sold my horse 5 years ago, my daughter was a baby and she would be in her pushchair at the side of the school while I rode or lunged in the arena, my horse was young, was having his turnout reduced further and further as the yard got busier (was a newly set up yard when I started there) and so was a handful. In the end it felt unsafe when I had them both there and had to manage my horse and my daughter in her pushchair. Now they are all at school I could ride during the week when they are at school and give my horse the weekends off so I wouldn't need to worry about the kids when I ride (I'd have to come up with a plan in the holidays) but hoping to get a native type just for hacking so hopefully a nice chill type that is happy to have a week or so off if it's absolutely necessary!

 

[Bobthecob15]

Full livery definitely. I have 1 9 Yr old and that's busy enough!! I think you'd be setting yourself up for a lot more hassle and stress if you did anything else. In the holidays you can do more in theory but can you? You'd still have 4 kids to sort out with all their activities and DIY twice a day is a LOT of work. Also think about the practicalities of needing to be there for farrier, vet, dentist etc whereas presumably at full livery they will be there for you? What if the kids don't want to sit in the car while you attend the horse? That would stress me out if it were me.

I'd just be prepared to pay the higher bills and give yourself time to enjoy it without running around like a headless chicken trying to pacify the children!

 

[Goldenstar]

If you have children you need fully livery .

 

[Bowie]

Full livery if you can. Over time when hopefully things become easier you can ‘take back the reins’ pardon the pun! My children were not interested in horses and because mine was on full livery there was never any resentment that I spent time with horses when I should have been home. I mean it ended up creating a monster with my daughter who is more obsessed tbat I was and she is a fantastic horse woman to boot. (Another pun but really not intentional!). Hope all goes well.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Full livery if you can. Over time when hopefully things become easier you can ‘take back the reins’ pardon the pun! My children were not interested in horses and because mine was on full livery there was never any resentment that I spent time with horses when I should have been home. I mean it ended up creating a monster with my daughter who is more obsessed tbat I was and she is a fantastic horse woman to boot. (Another pun but really not intentional!). Hope all goes well.

Yes I was about to say you run the risk of at least one of them wanting their own too which is another can of worms!!!

 

[criso]

If you're riding during the week and not the weekends, you could get a sharer. Then you've already got someone to help out during the holidays when you have more family commitments.

 

[mossycup]

Yeah, if you can afford the help, take the assisted/full livery option. I've got a new horse and 2 kids, and have very quickly come to realise that I absolutely cannot do DIY

 

[SEL]

Absolutely full livery to start with.

I was on DIY with a lady who had 2 kids whose husband was working away a lot. The kids hated being at the yard, so they were disruptive and she never got to ride. She ended up selling her horse which was sad.

I remember her turning up one day saying she only had time to either ride or poo pick her field. Our YO (lovely) pointed out that she hadn't cleaned the field for a week so please could she do that. One of us would usually feed and turnout for her in winter but we'd find her mucking out late in the day as everyone was bringing in (with cross post-school kids in tow). I did feel for her!

 

[ycbm]

I had my horses at home for 31 years and thought I would hate full livery. Actually I love it that every minute I'm at the stables I can spend with my horse. I do more riding and groundwork now than I've done for the previous 5 years.
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