whos in the wrong ??

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adgetom

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sorry i will keep this short. (ish)
i have a friend who has a 19 year old son who is a complete and utter waste of space he has no job , does not help out around the house and lives off her, who cannot afford to do that. he treats her like crap , he shouts and swears at her and brings nothing but trouble to her door, when she goes out he is always on the phone wanting to know where she is , who she is with when she will be back etc, and most of the time he wants to come. which really pees me off, i am friends with her not her son!

so last night we leave the yard friend was staying at my bit, and he phones , asks hen she will be back at the house she says later, a lie why not just tell him she wont be, so we get t my bit and friend needs to go back to the house for something, dont know what , she appears ten mins later and ewe have out dinner, she then ask if son can sleep on my couch, which i knew was coming, but she insists she didnt yea rite, so i agree in a peed off way.
by this time i am being a bit dry as i am peed off that she cant do anything without him, he is asking to sleep at mine when i cant stand him, and she wont stand up to him.
twenty mins later he appears, i try and make conversation and be polite and ask where he has been, i get totally blanked, which is just totally ignorant, i sit for ten mins but there is an atmosphere,so i say i am going to bed,
i go to bed and look at hrse rug catalogue , then drift off to sleep, friend comes in, cant really rememeber her making conversation but i do remember her asking what catalogue was, as i was half asleep,.
i get up this morning and have a dry conversation with her and leave to go to my work, i say bye and get a grunt , so ask her what her problem is , she says i have hardley spoken to her , i tell her thats because i am peed off , she doesnt see y i am peed off.
i text her but got no reply
so now i am totally raging??
opinions plz on who is rite or wrong
cookies and cream for everyone who has got this far x
tongue.gif
 
I would say You were all wrong.

He's 19 for god sake andin your house so he should have been more pleasant.

Your friend should never have asked him to sleep over what the heck is going on there.

I would say you were in the wrong you should have siad no.

Continue as if nothing has happened find an excuse to speak to your friend about something totally unrelated if she gives you the cold shoulder totally ignore it just be pleasant until she comes round.

But I re-iterate all 3 of you need a smack at various levels. Learn to say no its not convenient and then teach her to say no to her son. This reads to me like Mummys boy is screwed up and insanely jealous she need to sort this out asap.
 
he is totally messed up
last year the night before hoys he threw a strop that my friend was going (even tho it had been booked since feb)
and my friend nearly never went
 
I would say your friend and her son are wrong. He isn't right if he wants to be with his mum all the time, very strange. It is totally rude for him to invite himself and then ignore you in your home. I would have kicked his ass out the door. She needs to understand that you are her friend and that her son needs to get a life. If she doesn't want to speak to you then just leave it. If she does eventually get in touch then tell her how you feel and it is not fair.
 
Reading between the lines I think this ' friend' is your partner other wise why get so stressed over someone else's kid. The boy needs a kick up the A@@e but so do a lot of 19 year olds.

Your ' friend' needs to set a few ground rules regarding his behaviour, if it comes from you it may cause more trouble.
 
more background is needed here. Is the lady in question a single parent? has she always been a single parent with just one child [son]. If so they have had each other as family all his life and to have another member suddenly come into the equasion must be exteamly difficult for him. He probably feels like he is loosing his mother. maybe his father walked out and left them and he remembers this and its left a deep scar.
You all need to chat to each other, drink coffee together etc, I wouldnt even think of asking his mother to stay over until you have them both happy about the situation.
Best Wishes
 
Well she cant ignore you if your not making any effort just leave it alone n let her cool off then talk to her. You need to learn to say no n she needs to realise that her son is 19 n needs to get some friends of his own n leave her alone for atleast 1 night cos your friends with her not him. is she expecting to live like this forever? its her son not her husband. n i sound like a complete cow but im 19 n quite happy for parents to go out for the night LMAO.
 
lhs def not my partner she is also a woman!
ijust find it annoying when we have arranged something, he tries his best t ruin it!!
 
I had trouble understanding your post tbh, but from what I can gather you are older than the son. As such, would it not be possible to show a bit of understanding and compassion? After all, he will always be a part of your friend's life. You sound very possessive of your friend.
 
sooty... not trying to cause conflict but if my friend was staying at my house for 1 night i wouldnt expect her to have to bring her 19 yr old son with her just so she can stay the night its rediculous... n then for him to come to her house n be rude n cause tension well then i think the problem is between the friend n her son.
 
My experience in the past 10 years has been the reason many ladies can't maintain a relaitionship , are two factors : 1}Controlling older children
2} Controlling friends
Your lady friend needs to give the boy a chance to be a man on his own .Unless he is mentally challenged of course.
 
think its not as simple as right or wrong- the boy seems very messed up, although I am not making excuses for him at all. Sounds like they could do with a bit of counselling together as it seems like he wants attention.I would be the bigger person here and step back and offer your friend support, so what if the kid stays, you will probably find that once you dont mind he will stop doing it!
 
It sounds to me, like this lad has some phsycological (sp) problems! No 19 year old would normally behave this way, your friend may be aware of this, which is why she puts up with his behaviour. Let her know that you are a little unimpressed with him wanting to stay at yours etc, but try to be alittle bit more understanding towards her, she may need the support to deal with it!
 
update after the hassle of the other night , i have visitors and he comes screeching into my street music in his friends car blaring , looking for his mum who is at the shop then speeds off like and idiot and i get the neighbours complaining !
what should i do ?????????????
 
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