Why am I not looking forward to riding?

[SaddlePsych'D]

Feeling unsure about sharing this but it keeps coming around for me, and I'm wondering if others have had the same thing.

I'm due to ride tomorrow on the horse I share and, unfortunately not for the first time, I'm not looking forward to it. I think it's nerves/worry related. I've been sticking with it but I have to say after a good few months of riding 2-3 times each week on the same horse I really hoped things would have moved on. I don't know what it is - share horse hasn't really done anything wrong ridden (he bucked once on a hack, I didn't like it but I didn't go anywhere and no harm done) and has been very good in situations where other horses might have struggled (looking at you, man randomly strimming stuff in the woods!)

I've had good support from his owner and others at the yard, they've been understanding about my lack of experience and confidence which I feel so lucky to have.

So I'm just not getting why, after being invited on a hack tomorrow, I feel worried about it instead of looking forward to it.

RS lessons are stopped right now so I can't really compare to riding another horse or talk to an outside person about it. Another interesting point is that when I visited a fellow HHO'er for the first time about a month ago, I thoroughly enjoyed the hack we went on and even had a little canter in the woods, something I still don't feel ready to do with share horse.

Make it make sense?!

 

[dogatemysalad]

Makes perfect sense to me. You haven't clicked with the horse in the saddle. Sometimes it isn't because they do anything wrong, it's because as a pair, you're not on the same wavelength.

 

[Winters100]

Makes perfect sense to me. You haven't clicked with the horse in the saddle. Sometimes it isn't because they do anything wrong, it's because as a pair, you're not on the same wavelength.

Exactly this. It is probably just not the horse for you. Good thing is that it is a share horse, so in your position I would just end the arrangement and look for something else. You cannot always explain why you feel 100% confident on one horse and tense on another, sometimes they are horses who if you were to write an advertisement you would say almost exactly the same things, but if you don't look forward to riding then there is really no reason to do it. Good luck, and I hope that you soon find a perfect fit for you.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Thank you for your replies, definitely something to think about. Quite sad at the idea of it not working out so really need to try and weigh it all up together. Interesting to hear that it's a thing to sometimes just not 'click' with a horse without there being a particular reason.

 

[Roxylola]

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to "get things right" which is natural to an extent but it can lead to anxiety and over thinking.
There's also.a huge difference having lessons and owning a horse. When I taught I often used to encourage my riders to warm up on their own - I'd offer suggestions to use but I tried to encourage them to be independent thinking riders. They almost always struggled a lot at first with even a 5 minute warm up.

 

[Cloball]

I've shared and part loaned and various other things and I think there is a pressure to not say no or walk away when nothing has 'gone wrong' because you feel very grateful someone is letting you ride their precious horse for free (ish). Plus a good share is difficult to come by.

I said no to an ideally located horse for part loan recently as I could tell I wasn't going to enjoy the relationship and I am not a teenager desperate for rides anymore it has to be enjoyable.

Having said that I can also be a very anxious rider and do think there is something to be said to keeping getting on and working through it. Life is generally very anxious at the moment and the winter etc never help these things.

Not really sure what my point is other than I can see your predicament and you shouldn't feel bad.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to "get things right" which is natural to an extent but it can lead to anxiety and over thinking.
There's also.a huge difference having lessons and owning a horse. When I taught I often used to encourage my riders to warm up on their own - I'd offer suggestions to use but I tried to encourage them to be independent thinking riders. They almost always struggled a lot at first with even a 5 minute warm up.

Yes this rings true for me for sure. Not surprising I'm not looking forward to it if I've managed to find something to worry about, which I have!

 

[Cloball]

Thank you for your replies, definitely something to think about. Quite sad at the idea of it not working out so really need to try and weigh it all up together. Interesting to hear that it's a thing to sometimes just not 'click' with a horse without there being a particular reason.

Of the 6 ponies/horses I have shared/loaned (not including ones at work) I think I have enjoyed riding 4 of them and clicked with 3 and one of those took a lot of work and tuition. One I would have bought if I could if she wasn't unfit for anything other than light work only.

Riding someone else's horse can be stressful as you don't want to balls it up. Not that you'd want to do that with your own but to some people that can add a different stress.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I've shared and part loaned and various other things and I think there is a pressure to not say no or walk away when nothing has 'gone wrong' because you feel very grateful someone is letting you ride their precious horse for free (ish). Plus a good share is difficult to come by.

I said no to an ideally located horse for part loan recently as I could tell I wasn't going to enjoy the relationship and I am not a teenager desperate for rides anymore it has to be enjoyable.

Having said that I can also be a very anxious rider and do think there is something to be said to keeping getting on and working through it. Life is generally very anxious at the moment and the winter etc never help these things.

Not really sure what my point is other than I can see your predicament and you shouldn't feel bad.

I think you've described my predicament better than I could to be honest! I shall sleep on it and see how I get on tomorrow then go from there.

 

[Cloball]

Glad to help ? walking away from the bolter was much easier than trying not rationalize why I didn't want to ride the 'ideal' horses.

 

[J&S]

There is a very fine line between a horse being just right for you and being even a little bit too much........ for whatever reason. I used to take my doctor out riding on the New Forest ( long story but his wife would not take him!). He would hire a horse from the local RS and I would meet him and take him for a couple of hours. He progressed from complete beginner to being quite competent on a good reliable horse. Of course the moment came when he reckoned he should have a "better" horse. This horse did nothing wrong but the difference to him mentally made him quite unsure and we reverted to the familiar horse and had happy rides again. You need to find a horse that puts you and keeps you in your "happy " place.

 

[IrishMilo]

Sometimes you just don’t click with certain horses... totally normal. I’ve ridden 20 years worth of different horses and some I’ve gelled with instantly and some I’ve thought “Won’t be riding this again” after five minutes!

 

[Red-1]

There is probably nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with the horse. It is just not a match right now. It is supposed to be fun!

I have always had sporty horses. This year, mum is ill, Covid is invading my life and I wasn't as resilient. I sold the posh horse and did a trial on a tank of a share. As soon as my backside hit the saddle, I felt so safe and smiley. The share wasn't suitable for other reasons, but the smile stayed with me all week.

It was because of that big old cob that I bought Rigsby. He is a lot smaller and more forward than the other, but the smile factor is there.

There will be a horse out there where you feel like you are coming home and putting on a pair of old slippers. That will be the one for you right now.

 

[Splash2310]

How long have you been sharing the horse for? It took me a while to get used to my share horse, to the point where I went back to absolute basics for a while, just working on getting him relaxing.

Now 9 months in I enjoy riding him 3x a week, and yesterday we went on a solo two hour hack to the forest to jump some logs (little sod did smack my leg against a metal gate though...)

I had a previous share who really knocked my confidence and getting out of that and taking a month or so off riding, before finding my current share was the best thing that could have happened to me! The first time I took him out on a hack whilst trialling him and went for a blast in canter I didn’t stop smiling for the next week!

Hope your ride today goes well!

 

[HashRouge]

It's supposed to be fun - don't feel you have to keep going if it's not! I come back beaming from every ride on my share horse, but I've also ended a share where it just felt like hard work and I wasn't looking forward to riding.

 

[Cheval Gal]

I can empathise.

I have a new share and I do enjoy spending time with him but he is not the easiest of rides. I feel as though my confidence is being knocked but keep thinking it must be something I need to get used to.

This thread is giving me food for thought and I'm seeing things differently.

It makes me feel very guilty to think this way as I hate letting people down.

I hope you can make a decision that is right for you, op.

 

[Wishfilly]

I wrecked my confidence with jumping through riding other people's horses whilst in my late teens/early 20s. It's been years now, and it just hasn't come back. There was nothing really "wrong" with the pony that really ruined my confidence (he had a stop, but only if you really set him up badly). But there were definitely situations I shouldn't have persevered with, and looking back, I wish I'd done things differently. I never had a bad accident, but just minor things that kept going wrong and chipped away at my confidence. A lot of the time these were things that would have looked "fine" from the outside, as well.

This isn't to say what anyone should/shouldn't do- and obviously Covid makes things trickier, as well.

Riding someone else's horses is always an added pressure, too.

Sometimes you do need to push through the situation, but if there is a constant niggle telling you that it's not right, then perhaps it's worth looking at why that niggle is there. Don't try and persuade yourself that it shouldn't be there, just be honest with yourself about what is worrying you!

That said, does it feel better once you have got on? I am having to persuade myself to ride right now due to the awful weather/dark evenings/cold, but once I have actually ridden, I always feel good about it!

 

[The Xmas Furry]

SPd, how did you get on this morning?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

SPd, how did you get on this morning?

I opted for lesson instead of hack and think that was a good choice. Only my second lesson on him and with new instructor, and she fed back we'd maintained the progress from last week so we were able to build on it today. I did have a wobble in the lesson (not physically!) but overall think we had a good balance of pushing through the 'scary' bits and dialling things down when needed. It's given me a bit of a boost and feeling like we achieved something. It also helped that someone got a video of a moment where, at the time, I thought I was going to die doing warp speed cantering one-handed - watching the video back showed it was nowhere near as dramatic (or fast) as it felt!

I've been reading and reflecting on the replies here and its interesting to hear others' experiences. I'd agreed that there hasn't really been a 'click' for me with share horse but it's reassuring to know that's not necessarily unusual. The prospect of regular lessons is giving me some hope that, even if that click doesn't happen, I can still learn an awful lot with/from this horse. So I'm keeping an open mind and continuing to weigh it all up.

 

[Wishfilly]

That sounds really positive! If you are learning things and enjoying your lessons, then that's really good.

Having someone on the ground to help does help a lot!

 

[The Xmas Furry]

Sounds like the lesson was a good option - especially as you had your 'worried' moments filmed - and that you have found from watching back that it wasn't anything like it felt. Well done x

 

[canteron]

The time of the year doesn't help. I really don't feel like riding at the moment, so I am paying someone to ride, because I know, come the Spring I will really want to ride, so if the horse has a bit more experience under saddle by then, all to the good.

Before, I would always have made myself ride, despite the fear or reservations, but just for now, I am giving myself a break, while still being involved and building a relationship with the horse.

So maybe, if you don't want to ride, is there anything you can to progress your knowledge/relaitonship? I am thinking TRT (have you tried the magic way to mount?) or anything similar.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

How long have you been sharing the horse for? It took me a while to get used to my share horse, to the point where I went back to absolute basics for a while, just working on getting him relaxing.

Now 9 months in I enjoy riding him 3x a week, and yesterday we went on a solo two hour hack to the forest to jump some logs (little sod did smack my leg against a metal gate though...)

I had a previous share who really knocked my confidence and getting out of that and taking a month or so off riding, before finding my current share was the best thing that could have happened to me! The first time I took him out on a hack whilst trialling him and went for a blast in canter I didn’t stop smiling for the next week!

Hope your ride today goes well!

Interestingly I had to look it up to figure out when I first went to meet share horse and his owner and it was just over 3 months ago, I thought it had been longer! Perhaps I haven't given it enough time.

I wrecked my confidence with jumping through riding other people's horses whilst in my late teens/early 20s. It's been years now, and it just hasn't come back. There was nothing really "wrong" with the pony that really ruined my confidence (he had a stop, but only if you really set him up badly). But there were definitely situations I shouldn't have persevered with, and looking back, I wish I'd done things differently. I never had a bad accident, but just minor things that kept going wrong and chipped away at my confidence. A lot of the time these were things that would have looked "fine" from the outside, as well.

This isn't to say what anyone should/shouldn't do- and obviously Covid makes things trickier, as well.

Riding someone else's horses is always an added pressure, too.

Sometimes you do need to push through the situation, but if there is a constant niggle telling you that it's not right, then perhaps it's worth looking at why that niggle is there. Don't try and persuade yourself that it shouldn't be there, just be honest with yourself about what is worrying you!

That said, does it feel better once you have got on? I am having to persuade myself to ride right now due to the awful weather/dark evenings/cold, but once I have actually ridden, I always feel good about it!

Do you have any examples of the situations you persevered with but wish had been done differently?

It's a mixed bag for me, I think most times I get off and feel good about the ride. When I compare back to my first hacks with him (literally on lead rein for the first couple, sort of embarrassing!) things have moved on quite a bit and that wouldn't have happened if he was spooking/napping/bucking all over the place so he/we are obviously getting some things right. There's been times when he's been a bit of a poobum on the ground coming in/getting ready and I've thought 'not sure I want to get on him today' but then he's been good as gold for the ride and all forgiven!

 

[Wishfilly]

Do you have any examples of the situations you persevered with but wish had been done differently?

Firstly, the pony I mentioned in my post. He was really lovely, but after a few stops I was just always worried about setting him up badly and having a stop. I wasn't worried about falling off, as such, but I was worried about people thinking I had ruined him and messed him up. Realistically, I should have just stopped jumping him, and enjoyed hacking him and doing flat work, but I felt the need to persevere with jumping him for whatever reason. Obviously, I got more tense, and then his jumping got worse, and then I got more tense so it was a vicious circle!

He was a loan, and I gave him up when I went off to uni. That summer, I got offered a friend's pony to ride who was again great, but liked to do everything at 100mph. I was nervous basically every time I rode her, but it was a free pony to ride, so I felt I couldn't say no! She was an amazing mare, and would jump anything you pointed her at- and I jumped some things on her I would never jump now- but I was always terrified doing it.

I think I thought one day it would all click back into place, if I just persevered for long enough. But instead, I think all it taught me was to associate jumping with being a bit scared.

After that, I got a summer job at a trekking centre/riding school that later translated to being full time- they also had some horses/ponies that were nice to jump up to about 90cm, and I felt theoretically very safe on. But my joy/enjoyment of jumping has never come back and I do wonder if I'd stopped jumping the first pony sooner and maybe got some schoolmaster lessons, I would be in a different place now?

I hope that makes sense! Basically I just feel that being constantly nervous doing something can chip away at your confidence, as much as build it?

To compare, hacking I have always felt confident, and I've dealt with some quite tricky situations/had falls/been tanked off with/bucked off etc- but I've always been able to put in more good rides than bad, so hacking is my safe/happy place.

 

[ester]

A couple of thoughts from my own experiences. I think that riding someone else's horse (aka pride and joy), especially if they are not there themselves but other yard people are hanging around can be a significant amount of pressure.

One I was sharing at one point I never totally got on with, didn't seem to manage to do anything with her in the school despite knowing that she could definitely do it. I only got over that once winter came and it was dark and it was that or not ride. It took me a while to crack it but we had totally nailed by the end so I was glad I persisted.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Sounds like the lesson was a good option - especially as you had your 'worried' moments filmed - and that you have found from watching back that it wasn't anything like it felt. Well done x

Yes it was good (and hilarious because it's me going "oh no, too fast too fast too fast!"). My big 'wobble' wasn't caught unfortunately, as that would have been helpful to see. I think it was only S going 'oh yay pole work!' and for some reason it was that that sent me over my limit. We did the exercise in walk and trot instead so all not lost

 

[Splash2310]

It also helped that someone got a video of a moment where, at the time, I thought I was going to die doing warp speed cantering one-handed - watching the video back showed it was nowhere near as dramatic (or fast) as it felt!

I'd agreed that there hasn't really been a 'click' for me with share horse but it's reassuring to know that's not necessarily unusual. The prospect of regular lessons is giving me some hope that, even if that click doesn't happen, I can still learn an awful lot with/from this horse. So I'm keeping an open mind and continuing to weigh it all up.

Glad to hear you had a fairly positive ride today! I agree about videos being a good thing - I remember cringing whilst jumping my share horse (who is another who liked to do things at 100mph!) but watching the videos back he was actually going quite nicely! Doesn’t help that he’s got pony paces and I am used to horse paces, so everything seems really fast! Are you able to get someone to video you, or set up your phone on a jump/fence to watch yourself back whilst riding? Hopefully that will show you that you’re riding far better than you think you are!

My share horse was a grumpy sod for the first six or so months, it didn’t help that he was receiving treatment for ulcers and I honestly thought he hated me at times. It was reassuring to speak to his owners and find out he was behaving the same way! Now he’s really affectionate and loving (perhaps as I have upped my game bribing him with more treats!).

I would try and give it some more time and lessons if I were you, but if your gut feeling is that you want to stop/you’re not enjoying it, or if you feel anxious/worried riding, then for your own sanity stop!

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Firstly, the pony I mentioned in my post. He was really lovely, but after a few stops I was just always worried about setting him up badly and having a stop. I wasn't worried about falling off, as such, but I was worried about people thinking I had ruined him and messed him up. Realistically, I should have just stopped jumping him, and enjoyed hacking him and doing flat work, but I felt the need to persevere with jumping him for whatever reason. Obviously, I got more tense, and then his jumping got worse, and then I got more tense so it was a vicious circle!

He was a loan, and I gave him up when I went off to uni. That summer, I got offered a friend's pony to ride who was again great, but liked to do everything at 100mph. I was nervous basically every time I rode her, but it was a free pony to ride, so I felt I couldn't say no! She was an amazing mare, and would jump anything you pointed her at- and I jumped some things on her I would never jump now- but I was always terrified doing it.

I think I thought one day it would all click back into place, if I just persevered for long enough. But instead, I think all it taught me was to associate jumping with being a bit scared.

After that, I got a summer job at a trekking centre/riding school that later translated to being full time- they also had some horses/ponies that were nice to jump up to about 90cm, and I felt theoretically very safe on. But my joy/enjoyment of jumping has never come back and I do wonder if I'd stopped jumping the first pony sooner and maybe got some schoolmaster lessons, I would be in a different place now?

I hope that makes sense! Basically I just feel that being constantly nervous doing something can chip away at your confidence, as much as build it?

To compare, hacking I have always felt confident, and I've dealt with some quite tricky situations/had falls/been tanked off with/bucked off etc- but I've always been able to put in more good rides than bad, so hacking is my safe/happy place.

That's really helpful, thank you for taking the time to explain It's got me thinking about challenge vs reward - it's all very well keep challenging ourselves but when the rewards aren't frequent enough it doesn't help and like you say just gets associated with negative feelings/experiences. Not avoiding things is important for any anxiety I think but I agree with what you say about being constantly nervous, seems like there is a time to push and a time to go 'actually I am staying in my comfort/enjoyment zone today'

 

[Wishfilly]

That's really helpful, thank you for taking the time to explain It's got me thinking about challenge vs reward - it's all very well keep challenging ourselves but when the rewards aren't frequent enough it doesn't help and like you say just gets associated with negative feelings/experiences. Not avoiding things is important for any anxiety I think but I agree with what you say about being constantly nervous, seems like there is a time to push and a time to go 'actually I am staying in my comfort/enjoyment zone today'

No worries!

My personal feeling on this now is that for every time I push myself out of my comfort zone, I need an equal number of rides where I feel totally happy and relaxed. I think this is really hard with lessons (especially at riding schools) because instructors often feel like they have to be constantly pushing you for you to feel like you are "getting your money's worth"- when actually more time spent consolidating would be better. I know some people thrive on the constant challenge/adrenaline rush, though!

Even now, with Blue, I have popped him over some cross poles on one occasion because I feel like I "ought to". I know he can jump well, I have no desire to jump, I have no plans to sell him...

 

[Cutgrass]

I agree, as others have said, you just don't click with some horses. This may be the case with share horse. To give another perspective, as an adult rider I find I don't feel motivated to ride unless I have a small goal (mine are always tiny, like practicing opening gates or 1 perfect figure of 8). Is there anything in particular you want to do atm? I got a huge confidence boost last week from taking my share out for a first solo hack. That had been a (probably medium sized) goal for ages.