Why are horsey people so rude?

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benji123

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A provocative first thread so apologies in advance, I'm in that sort of mood today!

I was very horsey when I was younger, however since my mid teens I have only been able to ride on-off due to disabling conditions. I am looking to get into it all again, and am a bit upset at the unwelcomeness!

Rude, exclusive, bitchy - it is so threatening entering this environment as a novicey new person. And the egos! I turned up to a lesson after honestly filling out that standard issue form they use everywhere. The first thing she said in front of everyone was "You can school up to half-pass, correct? Or you aren't welcome in this lesson". I said I was not aware and no, but I would try my best. When I got on and saw everyone else - what a joke, don't get me started on the demi-pirouettes! A begrudging few words afterwards - "Not bad keeping up with us". *****!

From my experience at several riding schools I have seen customers abused, humiliated - don't the RSs want to make money? This is a service industry after all. And the stories on here about troublesome livery YOs and fellow liveries, horrific!

I'm from the corporate world, but no matter how cutthroat, you learn treating people like that (boss, customers, subordinates) will not get you very far! I have presumed this behaviour comes from having to be assertive with large animals day in day out - but are a few manners too much to ask?

Rant over, what do you think...?
 
Fair point, my feelings are a little hurt by it all though. The forum is filled with bad experiences, just wondering why this is...
 
I think it's been culturally acceptable in the horseworld for a long time. Perhaps it's something to do with horsemanship being originally (as in Victorian to 1920s) very upper class and then rough types and it's the middle classes who are more concerned about manners than the other two extremes? There are certainly people who have been given the idea that because they can win a race or a showjump class they are somehow superior to others. Very odd really!
I've heard of people working in horses who get shouted and sworn at (in this day and age!) and they accept being treated like that but it must be pretty degrading. Mind you I've put up withi it in the past if I've really wanted to learn something off that person.
 
Kelly Marks said:
I think it's been culturally acceptable in the horseworld for a long time. Perhaps it's something to do with horsemanship being originally (as in Victorian to 1920s) very upper class and then rough types and it's the middle classes who are more concerned about manners than the other two extremes? There are certainly people who have been given the idea that because they can win a race or a showjump class they are somehow superior to others. Very odd really!
I've heard of people working in horses who get shouted and sworn at (in this day and age!) and they accept being treated like that but it must be pretty degrading. Mind you I've put up withi it in the past if I've really wanted to learn something off that person.
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You are completely right, I accepted this treatment as a kid and didn't expect it now but I guess I will put up with it as it's about the horses at the end of the day.

I once met a lovely lady at an event who ran a business providing customer service training to riding schools and the like - I always thought this was a good idea.
 
I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences, I think horses can bring out the best and worst in people!
I've worked on yards and been a livery and whilst I admit I've seen some pretty nasty and uncalled for behaviour, I've also made some of my closest friends through being horsey.
I recently needed an operation on my knee and so I couldn't drive and it was my horsey friends who really went out of their way to help me out, offering to take me out, visiting me etc.
I just ignore the nasty people!
 
with regards to the forum i think its because chances are more people post about bad experiences.. the are after all looking for help on most occasions. There are some lovely posts on here when people are proud etc but its the bad ones that get recognised.
 
I come from a non horsey background, and never learnt to ride properly as a child sadly, when I did finally start getting into the horsey way of life as an adult I have to say I came across an awful lot of really nasty people, don't get me wrong I have met lots of lovely lovely people, but I have worked in a few industries and none of them have been so full of rude/bitchy/go out of their way to be nasty people as the horsey world, I just ignore the nasty ones now and take it with a pinch of salt!!;)
 
I'm in a similar situation to you, poor health so no longer have horses, given up the share of one and now popping round the local schools once again to get my fix. The first 5 I went to were flippin awful with regards to groups and bitchiness. I make a point of not just booking a lesson. I phone up and ask to come and watch one which most places seem fine to do. I was looking forward to the first place as they specifically had a group lesson once a fortnight for a group of women that had returned to riding after some time away, it was perfect! Sadly not though as 1 poor woman was clearly excluded from this group and the rest were acting like a bunch of children with nasty remarks and teasing especially with regards to education and how much they were worth, or not as the case was. It was horrible to witness.

I've been upset more in my 30's by bullying and bitching than I ever was when I was a child or teenager.

It's not just horsey people though, it's any groups of people, well not people but women in particular. I've seen worse behaviour at a fitness class and the school gate and I've had my fill of working in an office with women!

I have some very good friends that I have known for decades that I met through the world of horses and very few through other groups. I'm a biker (well, ex biker) and I do liken horsey people to biker people, on the whole we tend to stick together, help each other out and are a friendly bunch of people, but there will always been some that give the rest a bad name.
 
Oneupmanship, I feel. Its generally people who aren't very good at whatever it is they're doing, but think that by making a lot of noise, and doing down the 'competition', that they will appear godlike. I figure that's their problem. While they are focusing their attention on asserting their superiority, they aren't learning anything - their loss.
 
I grew up around horses and horsey people, and my impression is that they can come across as rude as horsey folk can be quite, not sure how to put it, but I suppose hard. Or rather they don't take much nonsense and can be quite opinionated, maybe like an old fashioned matron type personality.

As I'm used to it it doesn't bother me, but I do think that it an outsider it my be seen as rude.
 
Auslander said:
Oneupmanship, I feel. Its generally people who aren't very good at whatever it is they're doing, but think that by making a lot of noise, and doing down the 'competition', that they will appear godlike. I figure that's their problem. While they are focusing their attention on asserting their superiority, they aren't learning anything - their loss.
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Made me laugh - I can think of a few examples. And even if they do learn anything, they will never admit it in case they lose their god status! I do have some friends who are very blunt and will tell me if I'm riding like a bag of spanners etc but they are not rude and I treasure their straightforwardness.
 
Auslander said:
Oneupmanship, I feel. Its generally people who aren't very good at whatever it is they're doing, but think that by making a lot of noise, and doing down the 'competition', that they will appear godlike. I figure that's their problem. While they are focusing their attention on asserting their superiority, they aren't learning anything - their loss.
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Made me laugh - I can think of a few examples. And even if they do learn anything, they will never admit it in case they lose their god status! I do have some friends who are very blunt and will tell me if I'm riding like a bag of spanners etc but they are not rude and I treasure their straightforwardness.
 
It's the same in everything where a hobby takes over your life. Ever been to a dog show? :p People just get over-involved. Smile and ignore them, that's what I do!
 
Auslander said:
Oneupmanship, I feel. Its generally people who aren't very good at whatever it is they're doing, but think that by making a lot of noise, and doing down the 'competition', that they will appear godlike. I figure that's their problem. While they are focusing their attention on asserting their superiority, they aren't learning anything - their loss.
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Or the pecking order!

People who don't know a lot tend to feel threatened and attempt to elevate their own position in the social hierarchy by attacking others!

The interesting thing is to watch any group of animals and see how like humans they are. I see it every morning when I go to feed the ponies.
 
I have experienced bitchiness around horses, especially when people are competing. However, I would say that I know some really good riding schools as well where the owners don't tollerate cliques or bitchiness and encourage a supportive atmosphere.

Sometimes though, when around horses and those who aren't very experienced with them, I probably do come across as rude. Sometimes you have to be abrupt for the person's own safety, especially with children. If you phrase things politely, I find people don't always take notice if you phrase things very politely, but equally they will blame you if they get bitten, kicked or trodden on because they don't listen.

I do agree that sometimes people put down other's riding or skills because they aren't very confident in their own, though.
 
I think you'll get competitiveness and bitchiness in any place where you have a group of people, particularly women, we do generally seem to be quite cutting and judgmental about one another.

When I was a kid I was horse crazy, I lived in southern Connecticut and had no opportunity to ride or be around horses regularly, my parents tried but made it clear that horses were a passtime for the wealthy (which was not us) When I did get to be around horses at lesson barns etc I expect I was annoying, desperate to help and apply some of the theory I had picked up from the endless books and magazines I read on the subject but not really knowing how. I have to say that most of the horse people I met back then, with a couple of notable exceptions were some combination of snobby, cliquey and downright nasty to people like me generally, and it was part of the reason I left horses behind me for many years and turned to other less wholesome pursuits and didn't go near a horse til I became a mother and my daughter started riding.

I have found the horsey scene in my area of the UK a lot less snobby and horrible, though not exactly warmly welcoming either. Once i was part of the scene though I found incredible loyalty, good friends etcThe more ready availability of DIY livery, little riding schools where kids have the opportunity to be around horses, and the close proximity of horsey land to most towns makes it more accessible.

I guess when I started riding again 18 months ago I didn't have to go the riding school, I had already owned horses for a number of years (through my daughter) and I was taught by a friend at our yard who just took me out hacking with her and that was that.
 
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OP - I have grown up with horses and absolutely no snobbery. I have met some brilliant people but I do think there is a fair bit of snobbery and unhealthy competitiveness out there which doesn't do the horse world any favours at all. I have been really shocked by my treatment at a supposedly professional internationally renowned dressage yard. I have witnessed people being belittled and bemused simply because they had the cheek to ask the office if they could pay! I have genuinely been so shocked at the complete lack of customer service I decided that there was no point in complaining because the attitude was instilled in staff at all levels and therefore would feel on deaf ears. My attitude is so ignore people who are rude and simply enjoy the company of the many lovely horsey people out there. Now I've taken that attitude on board I actually find the rude ones pretty amusing.

I really am not a bitter grumpy uptight person at all - promise!! I just felt so shocked by this establishment I can see exactly what you are talking about OP!
 
Definitely depends where you go. One yard near me is very BSJA and I felt looked down upon with my little trade floofy cob there, but they loved my Hanoverian! The yard I'm at now is nothing like that, there are happy hackers, multiple cobs (don't tell Shils!!) and even the owner's very lovely jumping horse is of unknown heritage, nor does she care because he's a great horse and does as she wants.

If I were you, OP, I'd switch schools.
 
cinnamontoast said:
Definitely depends where you go. One yard near me is very BSJA and I felt looked down upon with my little trade floofy cob there, but they loved my Hanoverian! The yard I'm at now is nothing like that, there are happy hackers, multiple cobs (don't tell Shils!!) and even the owner's very lovely jumping horse is of unknown heritage, nor does she care because he's a great horse and does as she wants.

If I were you, OP, I'd switch schools.
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Traddy, not trade!
 
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